Im Lost Without Structure

[sarah]

Hiya All

Ive got a bit of a fuzz going round in my head and am just wondering if any of you can understand how I feel.....

Brief history in a nutshell....
As some of you know I have had panic for just over 2 years, got made redundant 6 months later and panicked too much to go to work again. Was offered a temporary job in July/August by a friend I used to work with (after having 18 months off work), worked with her for a month or so and in September I started a temp job with my husband which finished last saturday. Am still doing the odd day with my friend to cover annual leave etc but it means I have spent all this week bar Wednesday not working.

Ok so my thoughts.....I have had real bad anxiety this week and im putting it down to not having much structure in my day. The not HAVING to go out to work is making the old agoraphobic feelings come back and ive been argueing with myself all this week about going out or not going out. I cant decide if im not going out because im afraid to of because I cant be bothered. I dont want to go out and the few times I have gone out ive had the old nearly passing out feelings at the till etc which are doubly scarey because I havent felt it for so long that it feels ten times worse if you know what I mean. On the flip side of this im SOOOO BORED I dont know what to do with myself..lol

I start a new BIG job in November and im going on holiday next Wednesday (on a plane....gulp) so theres 2 things that have got to be playing on my mind but I feel so lost and shakey without the structure in my day.

Does anyone else feel like this?

thanks for listening to the rambling
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[kate]

Hi Sarah,

I remember during the last Christmas holidays having 2 weeks off and feeling soooooooo depressed.

I spoke to Meg about it and she agreed that it was the lack of structure that was to blame, so you sussed that one out!![:P]

Basically, she suggested making a plan for each day, with a time slot of several things to do.

Even if it was just to go to the corner shop at 11 am, polish the lounge at 3 pm and walk the dog at 6 pm.

Anything, as long as it has tasks which need to be achieved to stop you floating along doing nothing!

I gave it a go, and it definately worked for me!

I don't know how long you will have between returning from your holiday and starting yout new job. But if it is a few weeks or so, have you thought of doing some voluntary work of any kind, just to give you the motivation to leave the house everyday?

Just a few thoughts anyway [8D]

Luv Kate xxx

[lainey]

Hi Sarah

Sorry to hear you are feeling so anxious again, I am like you and ned the structure to cope. My anxiety is always worse on my days off and at the weekends and I think it's because we have to much time on our hands think and then the thoughts become exaggerated. I also worry about the passing out at the till as that is where it always happens to me as well, it's not a nice feeling is it! I agree with Kate about making a plan for the day, must try it myself. Hope you have a nice holiday it will do you good. Good luck with you new job in Nov in Harley St!!

Take care

Elaine:D:D:D

[ladynumberone]

I find that i have similar feelings. I am too nervous to get a job at the moment but i struggle through two days at college a week to relieve the boredom and get into some sort of social activity. I take my son to school in the morning and the rest of the day is to myself and i have nothing to do I have found that i have a knot in my tummy and my feelings of being unable to interact with the world gets worse cos i have nothing to do. Everything goes round in your mind more i think cos u have nothing to do which makes things worse i find when a mate calls round at night time then i can turn round and look at the hole i have managed to get nmyself in through the day and i think how do i do it i think its best to keep busy even if its walking through the opark with the dog a couple of times a day or goinginto town for a window shop. It is so easy to just crawl back into bed and stay there some days i know how you feel.
emma
xxxxxx

[twister]

Hi Sarah

I can definitely relate to the not sure if you're not going out because of anxiety or because you can't be bothered - I battled with that for ages. I think when in doubt go out anyway.

I think structure is definitely a good thing to have, you just have too much time to think and worry at the moment. Also because you have been doing so well you are naturally anxious that it might all go wrong again. Which it wont if you take the right steps. Go back to basics. Eat well, exercise, occupy yourself, make a timetable for the day and go out and stick to it.

Regarding the holiday I find I am always anxious for the first day or two - new place etc, but then I settle in. So prepare yourself for feeling a bit like this and simply say to yourself that it will pass.


You'll get through this Sarah, don't worry!



Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

[sal]

Hi Sarah

I can totally appreciate how you feel, i am like that when i have too much time of work.

It helps to be in a routine and keep ourselves occupied.

You have done really well and maybe need this break before your new job starts in November.

Take time out for youself, little shopping treats, retail therapy is always a help.

I hope you have a brilliant holiday and just look at that progress as i am sure you would never have entertained this when you felt so bad.

Enjoy it mate, you deserve it.



Love Sal xxxxx

[sarah]

Hi guys

Thanks for you replies. Im not unduly worried about how I feel but its not a nice feeling when you think youve got it licked...lol
Thanks for the reassurance, I now know im not on my own with this.
I can feel myself slipping back into my old habbits, I went to bed at about 4am and ive crawled out of bed at 1pm. Discusting I know but I just didnt wake up this morning and now im up I just want to crawl back in my pit...lol
Ive got loads of things to do but its true what they say..the less you do the less you want to do..its making me LAZY again!!!
Great idea Kate, im going to try and write myself lists of things to do and stick to it.

thanks guys
love Sarah
xx

[twister]

Sarah I am sooooooo lazy. I went to bed at 12 last night woke up at 11am and then fell asleep between 1 and 3 pm again. And to be honest I feel a bit like a nap again!!!

It does make me feel much worse though especially as I have really bad dreams during the day......



Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

[nomorepanic]

Hi Sarah

I bet you are worried a bit about the holiday and the flight and being away aren't you?

When I was off work on holiday about a month ago, I felt worse and I think it was cos I started relaxing and didn't really have much to do.

When I felt bad last week cos I was on anti-biotics I started cleaning cupboards out etc to take my mind of it.

I hope you feel better soon mate and enjoy that holiday ok?

xx

Nicola

[sarah]

Hiya

yep you are right Nic, im worried about the holiday..comes with the territory doenst it...lol

Thanks for making me feel not so bad Em, at least I didnt go back to bed...lol. I decided to get out of it for a while and went for a sunbed then when I got home I did some washing and had a bath and thats wasted time so now im watching X factor and waiting to go out tonight :)

take care all
love Sarah
xx

[nomorepanic]

Hey Sarah - you sound much brighter now!

I had a terrible hangover today - had some alcohol last night for the first time in 11 days lol. I have done nothing all day so you did well to go out.

Hope you have a lovely time tonight too.

Nicola

[Meg]

Sarah,

You will be fine. This isn't even a blip - its just like having a blank canvas at school and the teacher saying draw the last 2 years with no theme or title - where would you start ?? When you have a structure it immediately focusses your thoughts onto something . Other things creep in all day long but you automatically revert back to what you are doing , when you're bored and have no focus you just lurch from one thing to another and any what if's get given energy and time and thats where the anxiety gets a foot hold .

Hope all is doing ok - good luck next week . Is it just Steve and you ?

When is the BIg start day?


Love

Meg

[sarah]

Hiya

Thanks Nic, night wasnt too bad but still wasnt relaxed as I have been feeling so that spoilt it a bit but it was still good never the less.

Yep you are right Meg, not a blip, just no focus and lots to think about and too much time on my hands!
Yep, just me and Steve on holiday, just a relaxing holiday, no sightseeing, loads of sunbathing and reading!!!
Big day is either 15th or 22nd November, wont know yet as new boss is in New Zealand for a month!!!!

thanks all

love Sarah
xx

[Clover]

Hi Sarah, I rely a lot on structure. When I have time off work I start thinking and worrying too much. My only relief is to keep myself busy by going out as much as possible or just keeping my mind occupied -reading, music, films etc.

[Pam]

I haven't been on the site for a while but this topic caught my eye as I know exactly how you feel Sarah. In fact I have just been discussing with my mum that I need to get some structure in my life.
I came back to the forum because on paper I should be feeling wonderful but I'm not. I posted quite a bit in June/July because I was hating my job and couldn't wait to leave to do study - but this made me feel trapped and brought on panic attacks and strange shakey feelings inside. Doc said stress/anxiety so tried to ignore. As soon as I left my job the feelings went and over the summer I felt OK.
But now I am at uni my shakey feelings have come back and I am annoyed because I should be well. I know it's probably because even though I don't feel it consciously I must be anxious about such a change in my life. I have also just had two big exams from my Open University course.
But back to the topic, I only go into uni for a few hours and the rest of the week is at home which is where the structure bit comes in. I do find myself unable to sleep so stay up late then get up late. I have too much time on my hands and days I'm not at uni I don't know what to do all day - obviously I have study to do but I can do that when I want - there is no structure. I try not to concentrate too much on myself as I know I will start imagining things wrong with me. I really need to get organised and I am hoping to get a part time job and I also go out jogging when the weather is OK.
I suppose I have to realise that a big change in life will take adjusting to and I can't expect everything suddenly to be perfect.