Fear of friends drifting apart?

[Anathema]

I have a rather close group of friends, but we're only able to communicate over the Internet in one of our chat groups.

I have a general sense of fear or dread at the potential possibility of us drifting apart because I don't get close to people very easily, and then I would be...very lonely. And I can't imagine replacing them or the memories we've made after the past two years or so. We have a plan to all meet up together again for a couple weeks in a few years, once we've saved the money, and everyone seems pretty serious about that still. The plan has been on for a while, we've set a location and have begun preparations and everything.

The chat hasn't been slowing down really since its creation (and has actually picked up a bit lately), and we all seem to be in regular contact, but I'm just paranoid of being abandoned.

How can I calm myself down? And realize that this fear of absolute abandonment is irrational?

[Joonyer]

Hi :)

Firstly, I'd say yes, it's irrational - but then most of our thoughts seem to be, hence why we're all on here :p

Secondly, I can relate to you. I'm a bit of an odd one; I love my own time and space, and I often fear socialising, but equally I fear being alone. It's a complicated situation.

Regarding your chat window, this might help you: in my teens, I was an online gamer. When I was 16 or so, I had many and various gamer friends online - some of whom I became very close to. It's now 14 years later, and one of them is the best man at my wedding next year, and three of the others are also coming to the wedding. We virtually never game any more - life got too busy - but we speak in a group chat every day. In fact I don't think I can recall a time during the last 10 years when we haven't at least thrown a pointless comment at each other using some sort of chat.

My best friend (my best man) moved to Australia to sort his life out. He's been there for 5 years now, coming back once per year, so that's how often I see him. Once a year tops. But still we speak every day. We snapchat. We discuss our lives, our futures, our partners, our dogs etc.

To get to the point of my rambling: if these guys are true friends, you'll stay in touch. But that doesn't necessitate daily contact. Some of the best friends in my life are the ones I don't see or speak to for weeks on end, but when we speak we just pick up where we left off. Sure, over the years I've drifted apart from some - friends will often come and go. But the lifelong friends will always be your friends regardless of how busy life gets.

So give yourself a break - accept that there may be gaps in contact from time to time as life gets in the way. Just focus on feeling positive about the fact that you have friends so important to you, that you actually made this post. That's pretty awesome.

Relax and enjoy yourself :)

Matt

[Anathema]

Thank you so much. This is all the reassurance I could have possibly needed. You're the first person who hasn't told me "online friendships aren't real and probably won't last" and to "go try to meet people in real life"...neither of which are very encouraging statements. Or been harsher and called me pathetic for caring this much.

I mean, these bonds we've forged are real even if we haven't been able to communicate in person, and are still special in their own way. And making new friends is always easier said than done.

Thank you.

[Joonyer]

The idea that you need to meet in person to be friends is completely ridiculous and I believe it's an archaic opinion which will die out very soon. My belief is that it comes from people who maybe didn't grow up with the Internet and still don't really get it. I used to get called weird all the time for gaming online as a teenager, whereas now everyone does it.

Look at how many people meet and get married via online dating now too.

I think this opinion just comes from a lack of understanding. My best friend and I have spoken more and for longer than any of my "real life" friends. I also met my fiance online 12 years ago back when it was still not the norm!

So in short, ignore those kinds of comments as they obviously come from a position of ignorance :) have a good day!

Matt