New member looking for support

[Mattytheshark]

Hello everyone, I'm Matt

I hope you don't mind me giving a potted history of my story.

18 months ago I started to worry that I'd contracted an STD (namely HIV or hepatitis) as, I'm ashamed to say, I had unprotected oral sex with someone. I immediately began to worry about this even though the chances of me contracting either of these diseases through this was spectacularly low. It still didn't stop me spending £100s on various tests etc to put my mind at ease.

Since this time (and starting about a year ago) I've obsessed about every little thing that is wrong with me. Last year I found a neck lump which turned out to be nothing but that didn't stop me worrying about it, not taking my doctor's judgement that it wasn't cancer, and revising the surgery twice a week. Eventually a consultant appointment put my fears to rest......for a while.

About 5 weeks ago I had a sore throat from hell. It was awful. I decided I must have cancer of the throat. The doctor said it wasn't and it went.....then came back��. It went away again but in its place was left a very very mild discomfort in my throat when I sometimes swallowed. I was worried also because I could feel a lump inside my throat. So I went back to docs didn't I. I decided to talk to him about my anxiety as well. He felt my neck and said that apart from clearly recovering from a viral infection, he could not feel any that felt like cancer. He also did a GAD7 test in which I scored 21/21 and he said that I was clearly severely anxious.

So what about the lump? Apparently this is common in anxious people (globus pharyngeus?) and since learning about this I have become more aware of it. This morning I don't think it was there at all but now I can sense it. It also seems like it's in a different spot to yeaterday. It doesn't stop me eating but I wish it wasn't there as it continues to worry me (ie what if it IS cancer ��)

I'm going on holiday next week and worry my throat will block up...I know...I'm mad.

While I am at work I am fine. In fact I am doing really well with my career (I'm a teacher) having been recently promoted. The holidays are hard for me though. I have 6 weeks off with my family now and am constantly worried about things (especially my health).

I'm on a waiting list for CBT but that's in 8 weeks or so.

Any help you can give me would be appreciated. Sorry for rambling!
Matt

[debs71]

Hi Matt....Welcome :welcome:

Firstly, you are NOT mad, Just anxious, and there are a ton of people - myself included - who can relate to your experiences.

You have a break right now, and that is a nightmare for most anxiety sufferers. Anxiety just loves us being static with nothing much to do, except sit and ponder, then worry, then get more worried until we work ourselves into a tizz and fixate about particular things. Being busy and productive is the absolute best way of tackling anxiety as our minds are distracted by other stuff/whatever we are doing.

The proof here is in the pudding, as you say that you are fine at work. Both mental and physical symptoms of anxiety will vastly improve - if not disappear altogether - when we are occupied.

What you describe sounds like the nightmare that is Globus Hystericus, the sensation that there is a lump in the throat, brought on my anxiety. It is one of the most frustrating and upsetting effects of anxiety, as anything throat wise/feeling that the throat is closing up is VERY intimidating and scary. Trust that your throat will NOT close up. It is purely tight/unrelaxed muscles that are causing that sensation. Once anxiety calms - like when you are busy/working/anxiety is squashed a bit - it usually calms down/goes away.

I have had this many times myself. It is one of those things that is self-perpetuated so diverting the mind from it is key, but it is tricky I know.

In terms of your holiday, I am sure that you will find that things will relax a bit for you. In my experience, travelling is so distracting that you don't have time to focus on your anxiety and that globus thing, and you will be busy on your trip, which is the best medicine.

There are many here who can relate, can offer any help and advice that you need and tons of info on the site in general.

I hope you have a great hol. :shades:

[Mattytheshark]

Thank you very much for your comments debs. I appreciate it.

Felt a bit better reading that you have had the same problems (if that makes sense).

Thank you!

[debs71]

No worries Matt.

I still get it every now and again these days, especially if I am stressed or anxious about something. It is incredible how anxiety creates such invasive physical symptoms. :shrug:

[Mattytheshark]

No worries Matt.

I still get it every now and again these days, especially if I am stressed or anxious about something. It is incredible how anxiety creates such invasive physical symptoms. :shrug:

It's (the globus sensation) starting to affect me more after I eat. Food isn't getting stuck because I can drink water etc and it didn't wash away. In fact it's putting me off eating a bit; I don't look forward to eating my meals much at the moment.

Is this because I'm thinking about it getting stuck?

[tp821634]

Hi Matt,

First thing to understand is help is out there so don't give up, second thing is your not alone.

I'm a few months ahead of you with my anxiety issues, while different symptoms i can completely understand how your feeling. I've only been on here since yesterday and reading through some of the story's its helping me realise i'm not alone with my issues and neither are you.

Lots of helpfull people on here and as good old BT says, it's good to talk :)

[debs71]

It's (the globus sensation) starting to affect me more after I eat. Food isn't getting stuck because I can drink water etc and it didn't wash away. In fact it's putting me off eating a bit; I don't look forward to eating my meals much at the moment.

Is this because I'm thinking about it getting stuck?

I would say yes, Matt. Purely based on what I know after years of anxiety and my own experiences with globus, it definitely is prolonged and even brought on my the expectation that it is going to happen. The expectation becomes an anxiety, the anxiety creates the globus, and so the cycle goes on. Breaking the cycle is the key.....and that can be tough going, but CERTAINLY not impossible.

It is so weird actually because I have been having globus again since yesterday evening. I have been really stressed lately and am also struggling with hyperventilation, and now this has brought on globus and like my food is getting stuck. I know this is all anxiety related, but it is so difficult to shift.

I find it worse when I am not busy, just as you described in your first post. When I went out this morning to run some errands and do some shopping, my symptoms disappeared!!

A lot of the physical stuff with anxiety is psychosomatic unfortunately, but at least this means that it CAN be overcome, and THAT I can personally assure you! :)

[Mattytheshark]

I would say yes, Matt. Purely based on what I know after years of anxiety and my own experiences with globus, it definitely is prolonged and even brought on my the expectation that it is going to happen. The expectation becomes an anxiety, the anxiety creates the globus, and so the cycle goes on. Breaking the cycle is the key.....and that can be tough going, but CERTAINLY not impossible.

It is so weird actually because I have been having globus again since yesterday evening. I have been really stressed lately and am also struggling with hyperventilation, and now this has brought on globus and like my food is getting stuck. I know this is all anxiety related, but it is so difficult to shift.

I find it worse when I am not busy, just as you described in your first post. When I went out this morning to run some errands and do some shopping, my symptoms disappeared!!

A lot of the physical stuff with anxiety is psychosomatic unfortunately, but at least this means that it CAN be overcome, and THAT I can personally assure you! :)

Thanks for that debs. It has "moved" to lower in my throat now like I'm being strangled. This is after my mother in law deciding to tell me about someone she knew going on holiday and returning to be diagnosed with cancer. She died within a month of her return. And I go on holiday on Monday 😫