View Full Version : Marching on spot - so mad at myself
I had zero reason to question my balance, I've not been dizzy or off balance but I read about this one test and decided to try it out. I was wearing tights on tiled floor and firstly moved a tony bit to right then again but to the left and then twice after and just moved forward.
Of course I've found an article about brain tumours and my god I shaking
---------- Post added at 12:30 ---------- Previous post was at 11:41 ----------
Man I'm scared!
Reb,
Please answer the questions. Where do you stand currently on your referral for CBT? Have you followed up and straightened out that you claim they lost your referral and then, after you tried again, got a letter after the dates you needed to respond? What have you done since?
You obviously have the time to do this. If you're "so mad" at yourself, why not actually do something to help yourself?
Again, please actually address the questions and not respond with your symptoms.
Positive thoughts
Wasn't wven doing it right now I'm scared to re-do it incase it's worse. It's affecting my work life today (anxiety) i have phone under desk googling brain tumours.
Balance affects cerebellum (auto correct said cereal bum, ha) which also produces pressure which surely optician would have seen?
---------- Post added at 13:16 ---------- Previous post was at 13:03 ----------
Does this indicate anything terrible if I didn't even feel dizzy before?
If you had a tumour in your cerrabellum, you wouldn't even be able to walk without stumbling violently to one side. Either that or you would have constant spinning vertigo.
You seem to be going out of your way to convince yourself that you do have a tumour, rather than listening to the absolute multitude of reasons that say you don't.
Again, you don't have a brain tumour. Again, stop this nonsense.
MyNameIsTerry
28-07-16, 13:34
I read about this one test and decided to try it out. I was wearing tights on tiled floor
When I do that test in my tights it tells me I'm either very in touch with my feminine side or a Thespian. :winks:
On a more serious note, what are you doing to challenge your anxiety? You raised a thread recently about how you need to work on understanding it, so what have you been doing about that? We keep asking about the CBT because we think you need help and it would be a positive step in the right direction.
What's strange is that you said yourself that you had no reason to question your balance, but lo and behold you've found a reason to question it.
Seriously, what's that about?
Anxiety reckons I've stumbled on a problem before there is one.
My relationship is currently hanging by a thread.
You seem to be consistently avoiding the questions about your CBT.
Why?
There's online CBT resources as well. How can you work if you're posting on here all the time? What were you advised to do at your CBT session?
All the answers relating to your health questions are only triggering more questions, not reassuring at all.
I think sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
I've tried. I was better and wasn't worried So much.
I'm worried this discovery related to brain tumour or ms as I get random tingles throughout body. Sigh. When I did test last few times properly I don't move but appeared to be a little more forward but not much, have you ever done this?
Carrie8484
28-07-16, 18:45
is the original poster spamming?
No Carrie, unfortunately Helen/Reb is in a bad spiral of HA atm.
Carrie8484
28-07-16, 19:12
Ah ok, thank you. Hope she feels better soon
The only thing that's wrong with you is anxiety nothing else. Get help for it. Before its to late
I've tried. I was better and wasn't worried So much.
I'm worried this discovery related to brain tumour or ms as I get random tingles throughout body. Sigh. When I did test last few times properly I don't move but appeared to be a little more forward but not much, have you ever done this?
What have you tried? How long did you try it for? What was it that made you better?
isn't your relationship worth getting better for?
No Carrie, unfortunately Helen/Reb is in a bad spiral of HA atm.
"atm"? Try over a year! I can understand the speculation based on the sheer number of posts and subject matter posted here and elsewhere. Unfortunately, a general to total lack of acknowledgement also lends itself to speculation as well as I've noted.
Let's just hope that one way or the other Reb gets the help she so desperately needs.
Positive thoughts
It is imagine all your frustrations but experienced in real life.
'Do you get tingles'
'Have you had tinnitus'
'Is your poo sometimes loose'
Most days.
He's like 'nah, you're individual everything you've said had never happened to anyone Else ever' so believe me I am not a troll. I'm relaxing atm. I'm over the bowel cancer worry because my poop is now back to how it was but will probably test myself again later..
It is imagine all your frustrations but experienced in real life.
'Do you get tingles'
'Have you had tinnitus'
'Is your poo sometimes loose'
Most days.
He's like 'nah, you're individual everything you've said had never happened to anyone Else ever' so believe me I am not a troll. I'm relaxing atm. I'm over the bowel cancer worry because my poop is now back to how it was but will probably test myself again later..
If you were relaxing, you wouldn't be on here. If you are over the bc fear, why would you want to test your poop? To me, that doesn't sound like fear.
What attempts are you making to break the cycle?
I read a very similar post on the anxiety zone message board, was that you ?
I read a very similar post on the anxiety zone message board, was that you ?
Reb/helenhoo/Han099 = same on several anxiety sites and all the posts/responses are the same.
Positive thoughts
Anxiety is one of the main causes of dizziness , feeling off-balance. Anxiety causes so many symptoms and it can affect pretty much every part of your body .
MyNameIsTerry
29-07-16, 02:53
I read a very similar post on the anxiety zone message board, was that you ?
Ah but that means more than Reb were on there. Whether posting for reassurance or reading for it, how different is it?
I've spotted other members of this forum elsewhere because they used the same user name, but when searching for detailed info on anxiety (OCD usually). It's bound to happen with reassurance seeking compulsions just as they will asking people in the real world or seeing medical professionals.
I have enough trouble just keeping up with this place! :D
They are really rough over there...
I am still in the reading to relate stage, I'm learning there are truly varying degrees of health anxiety, still trying to determine where I fit in.
I wasn't feeling dizzy in the first place just saw this feast and did it
MyNameIsTerry
29-07-16, 04:49
If you were relaxing, you wouldn't be on here. If you are over the bc fear, why would you want to test your poop? To me, that doesn't sound like fear.
What attempts are you making to break the cycle?
Maybe not panic stricken fear but certainly obsessive worry.
I agree though, relaxation and posting like this don't go together for me either.
I think Reb is of the body scanning variety of sufferer so will look to scare herself with tests she doesn't need. Testing is an OCD compulsion too, so it's possible she is testing for an expected reaction and then on comes the posting & reassurance seeking.
---------- Post added at 04:49 ---------- Previous post was at 04:43 ----------
They are really rough over there...
I am still in the reading to relate stage, I'm learning there are truly varying degrees of health anxiety, still trying to determine where I fit in.
Yes, absolutely. HA isn't a medical term so it ends up more complex than such as GAD, SA, Panic Disorder, etc. I didn't understand all this until I started reading the medical criteria to know which disorders fall into HA. Even then, I find the OCD element very difficult to differentiate when it comes to illness as opposed to contamination, HIV/AIDS, more serious mental disorders, etc.
And just to make it that bit more difficult for us all (:doh:) there are 2 different medical manuals in use and they differ in not only criteria but disorder name. Why they can't standardise it to make it easier for sufferers is pretty typical of the world these days!
I've heard a few US members say some other forums are tough on people. I guess some prefer it that way but I like the more liberal NMP myself. :yesyes:
So we reckon it means something is up? Times I do the test I move other times I don't. More times I don't move but still worries me that I do.
I don't normally recommend going to the doctor for reassurance but I really think you should at this point. Print out this thread and take it with you. Let us know what they say :)
Positive thoughts
Carrie8484
29-07-16, 14:45
From reading your other threads it's as if you want someone to say :
'Hmmm yes, sounds like it could be bowel cancer' or
'It needs checking! Sounds like a brain tumour!'
Etc etc.
Unfortunately , it sounds as if there is absolutely nothing physically wrong , Based on range of very vague and contrasting 'symptoms' you have and the frequent posts on different matters.
I agree with the others - please get help for your mental health / OCD / HA
Still no answer to what's going on with the CBT, I notice.
No wonder people question your motives.
I had answered the CBT QUESTION Gary, I said I was getting better at the time so didn't go.
Regrettably.
I had answered the CBT QUESTION Gary, I said I was getting better at the time so didn't go.
Regrettably.
Can't see you saying this anywhere.
In any case, at what point did you feel better? Because as far as I can see, you've been in a constant downward spiral for months.
Also, just because you didn't go in the past, that doesn't mean you can't seek to go now.
Step away from the internet for ten minutes, stop posting on this and other anxiety forums and googling one fatal illness after another, and for the love of God, get yourself some much needed help.
I woke up with dead leg and dead arm on the same side. Now I am 99% it's because my boyfriends bed is shit because it doesn't happen when I'm at home.
Just same side is worrying me. I lift leg and all blood rushed back as normal and could walk on it immediately. Just slept funny right?
---------- Post added at 10:53 ---------- Previous post was at 10:53 ----------
And I am seeking help. Made appointment with Gp
Good on you for making an appointment.Have you made one to see a Psychiatrist,he/she may help you.
Tell your boyfriend too buy a new bed because his is shit...:D
Did you have a CBT appt a couple weeks ago, wasn't offered one for another month, or am I confusing you with someone else?
It may have been me, as in I did have an appointment
Helenhoo you should stick with the therapy even if you think it isn't working.
It can seem like a waste of your time then all of a sudden half way through something clicks.
My leg goes fully numb some nights and it's the way I have been sleeping. It's scary but very common. I even get numb fingers when I lean on my elbow.
I was very scared of this leg thing I think that's what started the neuro worries off. It's only happens when I'm at boyfriends house or when I'm sleeping on this on side. Some nights I know it'll happen but it's so darn comfy lol.
It may have been me, as in I did have an appointment
So did you cancel it?
MyNameIsTerry
30-07-16, 14:31
Did you have a CBT appt a couple weeks ago, wasn't offered one for another month, or am I confusing you with someone else?
I think that might be Lockey, Mercime. I saw you trying to help him recently and he has had delays with therapy after his first appointment. There is a government target in place for referral to being seen but it only considers the first appointment from what I recall. So I guess some services do this to avoid being picked up?
---------- Post added at 14:31 ---------- Previous post was at 14:25 ----------
It may have been me, as in I did have an appointment
I'm lost, Reb. I know you said your original referral was lost and the last I read you saw a nurse about your freckles and she referred you again. There's nothing mentioned in the last month of threads about referral.
I know delays happen, mine took 90 days and 3 referrals according to my GP. When I finally got there the service told me they get to people within 30 days and only received the last referral. They were spot on with every communication over 18 months after that and my GP surgery have made plenty of errors so I knew later it wasn't the service that messed up.
When did the nurse refer you? And have you had a letter back from the therapy service yet? Was this what this appointment was for?
Did you have a CBT appt a couple weeks ago, wasn't offered one for another month, or am I confusing you with someone else?
It may have been me, as in I did have an appointment
That was someone else Mercime.... Lockey and the poo threads. He had his first appointment recently.
In this case I'm a little confused too. Originally, Reb said a nurse made a referral for her. She followed up at our urging and said that the referral was lost and she wasn't even listed in the system for one. Then again at our urging, she called back and got another referral. This time a short time later, she said she received a letter that arrived past the deadline to respond. I don't claim to know how the system works there but that seems a little odd.
There's been no mention of any appointments since then and no response when asked about therapy.
Reb... think about this. When dozens of anxiety sufferers (some rather severe sufferers) on multiple sites are telling you to get help, that should be a wake up call to do so.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
30-07-16, 15:26
If you don't show for therapy there is a policy of referring you back to your GP but I think it's missing more than one session as a letter is sent out warning of it. I think, I can't recall properly.
Missing the first referral will mean you never even get accepted since that's your assessment appointment. They will assume you don't need it.
Letters very delayed plenty here - Royal Mail are forever losing things. It's not the first time someoneon here has had this. But all you need to do is refer again or contact them to explain it. They can't confirm whether you had a letter at all since they are sent out normal post so they must be used to such problems.
I've mostly worked in businesses that send our huge volume of letters and it was always a possibility we made allowances for unless there was evidence the customer was trying it on. Royal Mail are notorious for it, especially in busy periods. I had a strange month not long ago where my parcels from China were turning up at the same time as those from the UK!
I'm worrying because I feel I may be drooling at times (don't think I am) I have no excessive salivia that I know of and am now swallowing more. I feel corners of mouth become more moist at times.
Of course I google 'too much saliva and brain tumour' and found an article.
This is literally self harm
Then stop? Honestly! Why are you doing it?
I don't think we are helping, as can be seen by the way the thread is now heading down another symptom path. I'm confused (and thanks for the clarification re Lockey) because earlier in this thread, the OP said she'd tried CBT but was better - but it looks now like she didn't attend the appt. Was that due to not having one, or choosing not to turn up? If the latter, well...
I don't think we are helping
Unfortunately not at all. Ultimately, it comes down to the individual helping themselves. Sadly, nothing we can say will help or change this situation and the OP clearly cannot or will not act on her own behalf. As with other similar situations, anything said, positive, negative or otherwise just feeds the dragon. In addition to the reassurance seeking, it feels like an attention seeking addiction as well based on the frequency and subject matter of the posts.
Sadly, there will always be someone to continue to feed Reb's dragon until she learns how to starve it herself.
Positive thoughts
Is this ocd? This swallowing thing? Suddenly worrying about amount of saliva I have. How can I quit while I'm ahead?!
Carrie8484
30-07-16, 17:01
Another reason why the OP may be trolling ? The latest comment about saliva but not actually having any symptoms ... Makes no sense . Apologies if I am wrong.
No I think having read about this has created asymptotic symptoms
Another reason why the OP may be trolling ? The latest comment about saliva but not actually having any symptoms ... Makes no sense . Apologies if I am wrong.
Either way, there are some very serious issues here that need to be addressed.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
31-07-16, 05:37
Another reason why the OP may be trolling ? The latest comment about saliva but not actually having any symptoms ... Makes no sense . Apologies if I am wrong.
Admin have already answered you on the trolling:
is the original poster spamming?
No Carrie, unfortunately Helen/Reb is in a bad spiral of HA atm.
Ah ok, thank you. Hope she feels better soon
As for the swallowing, there are threads by other members on here about too little or too much saliva and they inevitably lead towards Googling about things like tumours. Swallowing is one element an OCD theme (Sensorimotor OCD), but not in this case, but you can't say because there is no symptom that makes it a reason why someone is a troll.
The OP has a history of finding a potential issue and making it into an obsession, a well known trait in anxiety (often OCD).
I think Reb has difficulty being honest with herself. When she started posting a while back she would be a repetitive poster, and we all know they tend to be more severe, but said she was ok 90% of the time. I don't believe that because I don't believe you would bother with a forum like this, you would be busy living the other 90%.
So, when I see Reb close up like this and just keep skipping over comments, I question whether it is part of that denial. There are some who accused her of being a troll before, which led to some arguments and Admin repeatedly telling some they didn't need to read the threads, and I hope that won't happen further because we have others on here who have been labelled trolls simply because their anxiety manifests different to the stereotyped HA NMPer.
In reality, there are many of us suffering just like Reb, or even worse, but when you have a compulsion to seek reassurance, you will pursue it from others rather than suffer in silence. When I was in a terrible state, I never joined places like this but I don't have any reassurance in my anxiety. My compulsions were ridiculous and endless all day things.
Shazamataz
31-07-16, 06:36
Well said Terry, it's difficult when it seems someone simply can't listen but it's a part of the illness isn't it?
It's also difficult on a forum as we only see what is written and don't have the person with us to communicate with.
I just hope Reb can get herself out of this cycle as it will push people away.
MyNameIsTerry
31-07-16, 06:51
Yeah Shaz it's hard to know what to do or say. I think it's much harder online too because the format allows reassurance seeking whereas in a guided group or therapy they would know to stop this but also have to ability to stop it. We can't stop the posts, in groups a coordinator would shut it down or divert it away.
Sometimes she seems to step outside of this and realise but obviously that doesn't mean controlling it or stopping triggers develop, she won't be at that stage until she's done a load of work on recovery.
I just hope that if she isn't at the stage right now where she can accept this on here, she can at least do so privately and take the necessary step of getting into therapy and having a regular appointment with a GP.
I remember how bad my OCD was. It didn't matter how many times someone could say it was pointless of ludicrous. At first I was too consumed by it to step outside of it but once I could, I could listen more to others. It didn't matter if someone was frustrated by me, I would quickly lose sight of that by being consumed again.
The point about ignoring threads is valid, and an option open to us all. But whether it is acknowledged or not, trolls exist and they do like to use anxiety sites and health sites.
Admin know no more than anybody else about the person behind the keyboard. People can come and go, trolls can come and go. They often move into pastures new, or just lay low for a while.
Facts are, nobody knows for sure, no matter how much behaviours are analysed.
I'm now worried I have the classic personality change symptom of a brain tumour because I got very very very drunk last night and apparently slapped my boyfriend on the face. I've never done this before, ever. Is this what they mean?
No, I think you were just drunk.
I was so so very drunk but I can't imagine id ever hit my boyfriend!
I have a lot going on at home right now which is no excuse but is this not a 'personality change' i was worried about cerebellum tumour but this symptom is a frontal lobe, surely would've been picked up in eye test
I was so so very drunk but I can't imagine id ever hit my boyfriend!
I have a lot going on at home right now which is no excuse but is this not a 'personality change' i was worried about cerebellum tumour but this symptom is a frontal lobe, surely would've been picked up in eye test
Anybody with a mental health illness is capable of acting in a way they wouldn't normally. That's been the story of my life for the past 3 years now.
Is that a sign though? Isn't it a personality change?
---------- Post added at 12:06 ---------- Previous post was at 12:05 ----------
Like I was VERY drunk and I thought he had kissed someone else.
No it isn't a personality change, it's drunkenness.
I did many things when I used to drink that I wouldn't dream of doing or saying whilst sobre. I acted in ways I am now deeply ashamed of. Said things I didn't mean etc.
If you are that bad when drink perhaps you should stop drinking until you have some of your issues under control
MyNameIsTerry
31-07-16, 14:15
The point about ignoring threads is valid, and an option open to us all. But whether it is acknowledged or not, trolls exist and they do like to use anxiety sites and health sites.
Admin know no more than anybody else about the person behind the keyboard. People can come and go, trolls can come and go. They often move into pastures new, or just lay low for a while.
Facts are, nobody knows for sure, no matter how much behaviours are analysed.
Yes, and trolls come in many shapes & sizes. Some just look for fights but on here I think that is more complex since some anxiety sufferers are struggling and they are naturally more aggressive in how talk to others.
Anyway, the point is - Admin are in charge. If someone doesn't like it, tough. I have disagreements with them at times but like it says in the forum rules I'm just a guest here.
And the point you mention about knowing for sure covers all members. None of us know each other for sure. I can think of two people on here who have been openly called fake, other than Reb, and now they are accepted as members. I wonder how they felt facing that BS?
---------- Post added at 14:15 ---------- Previous post was at 14:09 ----------
No it isn't a personality change, it's drunkenness.
I did many things when I used to drink that I wouldn't dream of doing or saying whilst sobre. I acted in ways I am now deeply ashamed of. Said things I didn't mean etc.
If you are that bad when drink perhaps you should stop drinking until you have some of your issues under control
Yep. Drink can do this to anyone. Some people seem more susceptible than others.
Then you have anxiety which means heightened emotions. I've snapped at people in a way I consider out of character when I was at my worst. Anxiety can include anger issues.
Personality change would have to be surely when not under the influence of substances? The way you are viewing it is like worrying over a hallucination meaning schizophrenia when on a substance know to create them.
Yeah I guess so. I've not had personality change while sober and most personality changes with BT are massively significant.
Why does this fear have such grip over me?
---------- Post added at 16:18 ---------- Previous post was at 15:04 ----------
Is it not a sign or is it jut becaus I was drunk? My boyfriend said he's had fights when he's been drunk. I didn't fight last night just slapped.
Yes, and trolls come in many shapes & sizes. Some just look for fights but on here I think that is more complex since some anxiety sufferers are struggling and they are naturally more aggressive in how talk to others.
Anyway, the point is - Admin are in charge. If someone doesn't like it, tough. I have disagreements with them at times but like it says in the forum rules I'm just a guest here.
And the point you mention about knowing for sure covers all members. None of us know each other for sure. I can think of two people on here who have been openly called fake, other than Reb, and now they are accepted as members. I wonder how they felt facing that BS?
---------- Post added at 14:15 ---------- Previous post was at 14:09 ----------
Yep. Drink can do this to anyone. Some people seem more susceptible than others.
Then you have anxiety which means heightened emotions. I've snapped at people in a way I consider out of character when I was at my worst. Anxiety can include anger issues.
Personality change would have to be surely when not under the influence of substances? The way you are viewing it is like worrying over a hallucination meaning schizophrenia when on a substance know to create them.
But of course admin are in charge, and if they consider a post to be inappropriate, they would remove it I assume. They would also warn anyone who is being a PIA to back off. But as most posts are respectful - opinions which are allowed provided they're not offensive and breaking rules of the forum, there doesn't seem to be a problem on that score.
As for the other two members - again, nobody knows for sure. People come and go, trolls come and go, and both can change their tune. As to how people feel, the same applies really, tough as it may seem. I know how I've felt when taken in by trolls bombarding other forums. But one puts it down to experience, it's the nature of public forums.
When there has been tons of advice given and no acknowledgement given to that whatsoever, and making it very clear it is my personal opinion - I think it's rather rude. One could make an argument for that being a degree of bs, but there we go. It's opinion, nothing more.
I'm not convinced with the argument that the more severe the HA, the more insistent and repetitive the poster is. Is HA just another addiction, do people crave the attention they will get online if they post obsessively? Is the kindest/most helpful thing just to ignore and not feed the obsession with too much cyber language?
I'm not convinced with the argument that the more severe the HA, the more insistent and repetitive the poster is. Is HA just another addiction, do people crave the attention they will get online if they post obsessively? Is the kindest/most helpful thing just to ignore and not feed the obsession with too much cyber language?
:yesyes:
Positive thoughts
Carrie8484
31-07-16, 18:50
I'm not convinced with the argument that the more severe the HA, the more insistent and repetitive the poster is. Is HA just another addiction, do people crave the attention they will get online if they post obsessively? Is the kindest/most helpful thing just to ignore and not feed the obsession with too much cyber language?
100%. No other comments as I got told off by Terry last time :)
I'm now worried I have the classic personality change symptom of a brain tumour (http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php?topic=123686.0) because I got very very very drunk last night and apparently slapped my boyfriend on the face. I've never done this before, ever. Is this what they mean?
Positive thoughts
These types of threads always make me wonder just how some people who are or who have suffered with anxiety can be so unsympathetic. I can't say for certain whether I believe helenhoo to be genuine or not, but one thing is for certain, I'd rather look a fool entertaining a 'troll' than ignoring somebody who is possibly at breaking point.
I've been at the bottom of that pit, in fact I'm still there right now. Just not with anxiety.
Carrie8484
31-07-16, 20:47
These types of threads always make me wonder just how some people who are or who have suffered with anxiety can be so unsympathetic. I can't say for certain whether I believe helenhoo to be genuine or not, but one thing is for certain, I'd rather look a fool entertaining a 'troll' than ignoring somebody who is possibly at breaking point.
I've been at the bottom of that pit, in fact I'm still there right now. Just not with anxiety.
I think it may be down the the lack of acknowledgment from the poster when many people try to assist/reassure l? and when others ask the OP questions about getting help these seem to be avoided.
I think it may be down the the lack of acknowledgment from the poster when many people try to assist/reassure l? and when others ask the OP questions about getting help these seem to be avoided.
I understand that but we're potentially talking about severe mental distress here not etiquette. I'm guilty of posting threads and not answering sometimes and i don't mean to be rude or anything, some days I'm just completely forgetful or my mind is all over the place.
Perhaps helenhoo doesn't like cbt and doesn't want to say for fear of being told she isn't trying to get help.
Nobody knows for sure but online responses can potentially be a big impact on ones mental health and I'd hate to think I contributed to a downfall.
I do read the comments, I do. And I'm grateful for responses but my anxiety is at the level where the 'symptoms' take more importance. It does feed me.
I do read the comments, I do. And I'm grateful for responses but my anxiety is at the level where the 'symptoms' take more importance. It does feed me.
Yes, the responses feed your anxiety. Would you find it more helpful to get no responses at all so that you could address your HA with a trained therapist in the real world?
Why do people still bother giving Reb advice?
---------- Post added at 22:23 ---------- Previous post was at 22:22 ----------
Over on the Anxiety Zone forum, they are ready to ban her.
I do read the comments, I do. And I'm grateful for responses but my anxiety is at the level where the 'symptoms' take more importance. It does feed me.
So you know that by posting these queries, you're feeding yourself. You are fully aware that your actions are contributing to the continuation of your anxiety, but you keep on doing it regardless.
This is nothing more than self destructing behaviour, and I fail to see why anyone who claims to have sympathy and understanding, would participate in it. These people are not helping, they are enabling.
The ultimate goal of this forum, surely, is to guide people away from their anxiety. Sometimes that's achieved by a friendly but of advice and a shoulder to cry on. Other times, it's achieved by a stern lecture and a kick in the ass. Sometimes you have to change your tactics depending on who and what you're dealing with. If you can't, that's fine, but don't chastise others who can. At least they're trying.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 04:50
Why do people still bother giving Reb advice?
---------- Post added at 22:23 ---------- Previous post was at 22:22 ----------
Over on the Anxiety Zone forum, they are ready to ban her.
Perhaps because we care?
AZ want to ban her? All that tells me is that AZ is a place of intolerance & ignorance. Let's demonstrate why, shall we.
Over quite some months we had another member on here who posted a lot like this, was triggered by lots of things and was repetitive posting for reassurance and causing frustration amongst some forum members, not all. Some vented their frustration at her, she gave some back, she deleted threads and riled some up through that action. There were even subtle as a brick hints for a ban on the forum.
Where is she now? She's still here.
Why isn't she posting everyday many times and causing arguments like this? Because she eventually found the courage to take action in the meds her GP has given her. Other than I think one wobble on a thread, all I have seen of her is normal posting and mostly about her meds on the appropriate board. All those med threads have been very reasonable and match what anyone else would be raising.
She was called a troll. She was argued with (and she argued back). People called her fake and wanted her gone.
Thankfully NMP Admin had the patience & understanding to stick with her and now she is doing really well. Members are continuing to support her and tell her she is doing well. I have noted those who called her a troll and continually got frustrated are largely nowhere to be seen in congratulating her on her improvement.
You would have called her a troll and wanted her off here, Josh. I have no doubt about that. But then haven't you already been picked up by Admin on more than one occasion about your own attitude on here about Reb? And didn't you also belittle the concerns of a long standing member who has only ever been respectful to everyone on here? But Admin didn't ban you though, did they? On some forums, as a new member, you may have been gone for that.
---------- Post added at 04:37 ---------- Previous post was at 04:32 ----------
So you know that by posting these queries, you're feeding yourself. You are fully aware that your actions are contributing to the continuation of your anxiety, but you keep on doing it regardless.
This is nothing more than self destructing behaviour, and I fail to see why anyone who claims to have sympathy and understanding, would participate in it. These people are not helping, they are enabling.
The ultimate goal of this forum, surely, is to guide people away from their anxiety. Sometimes that's achieved by a friendly but of advice and a shoulder to cry on. Other times, it's achieved by a stern lecture and a kick in the ass. Sometimes you have to change your tactics depending on who and what you're dealing with. If you can't, that's fine, but don't chastise others who can. At least they're trying.
Gary,
No, just because we are willing to try to talk to Reb to accept she needs help doesn't mean we are "enablers" and I get sick of people throwing such labels around. If we are, so are you.
I don't do stern lectures and kicking people up the arse. Some do. Some are happy to have it. But this is the old, and pointless, debate over that old chestnut. A kick up the arse doesn't mean being disrespectful, being disrespectful only tells me about the character of the person doing it and their frustration, possible anger even. Not everyone likes the virtual slap, I'm certainly not someone who appreciates it from strangers, and since I don't know how the other person will react based on their personality, I don't do such things. Some people appreciate it, some people see it as an attack and attack back...and you never know the intentions of people, I don't believe everything is for the person from my experiences on here.
---------- Post added at 04:39 ---------- Previous post was at 04:37 ----------
100%. No other comments as I got told off by Terry last time :)
Just trying to cut it dead before the inevitable arguments began, as they always do on here. It seems Admin need to now be sitting on this thread daily as they've had to before.
They answered your question, it shouldn't need to be asked again? :shrug:
---------- Post added at 04:45 ---------- Previous post was at 04:39 ----------
But of course admin are in charge, and if they consider a post to be inappropriate, they would remove it I assume. They would also warn anyone who is being a PIA to back off. But as most posts are respectful - opinions which are allowed provided they're not offensive and breaking rules of the forum, there doesn't seem to be a problem on that score.
As for the other two members - again, nobody knows for sure. People come and go, trolls come and go, and both can change their tune. As to how people feel, the same applies really, tough as it may seem. I know how I've felt when taken in by trolls bombarding other forums. But one puts it down to experience, it's the nature of public forums.
When there has been tons of advice given and no acknowledgement given to that whatsoever, and making it very clear it is my personal opinion - I think it's rather rude. One could make an argument for that being a degree of bs, but there we go. It's opinion, nothing more.
Actually, no they don't. Admin are barely around and so not everything is moderated. We have been told this before.
As for the other 2 members, actually we do know. One of them is now doing much better thanks to meds. The other was declared a fake because CAMHS weren't getting to him within about a week by a member from Oz who had no idea how things worked in the UK and decided he was a troll. I even posted a House Of Commons report showing CAMHS wasn't even expected to work that fast but it fell on deaf ears.
So, I disagree on those 2 members. They post no different to anyone else now, so if they are trolls, we all are.
I don't think lacking a thank you is BS. It could be considered rude but then can so many other things in this thread. A said BS because some of the reasons I've seen for called people trolls on here are BS. They are not sufficient and the same reasons could be used against many other members posting. For instance, there was one a while back where it was over the issue being trivial. In anxiety, much of it is trivial.
---------- Post added at 04:50 ---------- Previous post was at 04:45 ----------
I'm not convinced with the argument that the more severe the HA, the more insistent and repetitive the poster is. Is HA just another addiction, do people crave the attention they will get online if they post obsessively? Is the kindest/most helpful thing just to ignore and not feed the obsession with too much cyber language?
No, I don't believe it's an addiction at all. HA covers GAD & OCD too and I have both and don't believe I am addicted to my compulsions. I hated them. I felt I couldn't stop them or have any control over them. My concerns weren't about health but the cycles are the same. Many OCDers on here talk about their ROCD and that has reassurance at it's core.
I think there is a case for severity being involved. But there must be limits to this? I say this because I believe someone suffering really badly will seek more reassurance than someone who is mild.
On top of this I have always believed that reassurance is also a matter of personality. Some people crave attention in the absence of any mental health disorder. It makes sense that if they also suffered anxiety, they will involve their personality in it. I wonder if these are the people who seem more severe on the HA board because they were already a lot like that before?
Thank-you Terry,f or being a voice of reason on here,I know some people will not agree with me...but You are.
Karina.:D.
Terry, I like that you fancy yourself some kind of civilian cop on these boards. It's cute. I don't care what you say to me, so stop wasting your time. I believe Reb is a troll, and so do most on AZ. You can choose to keep giving the same advice over and over again, though. It's your right, after all.
Shazamataz
01-08-16, 05:59
Well said, Terry. I do find myself getting frustrated at times but this is a good reminder. We are all unwell or we wouldn't be here. people express things differently ans I guess if you don't like someone's thread or find it annoying then don't read it?
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 06:06
Terry, I like that you fancy yourself some kind of civilian cop on these boards. It's cute. I don't care what you say to me, so stop wasting your time. I believe Reb is a troll, and so do most on AZ. You can choose to keep giving the same advice over and over again, though. It's your right, after all.
Don't be silly, Josh. We are all members and if some of us choose to stand up to people because we wish to, that doesn't make us cops, Admin's or anything else. Haven't you ever stood up for something or someone you believe in?
Perhaps I dislike it when certain people bait in threads or pass judgement? Haven't you already been asked by Admin to stop this? Why have you started again?
AZ and you can think what you wish, I couldn't care less what another forum believe. The internet is full of sites that are less than tolerant or informed. I have no idea what AZ is like but it sets a bad impression to me and as you can see, but have avoided, NMP has been more tolerant AND it has resulted in success.
Give the same advice over & over again? Yes, we all do that daily on here on these boards. It can be frustrating but it's what you do when you care about other people.
What do you expect? It baffles me that some people just think this is an A-B process. You don't post some advice and expect it to be followed, in fact I expect the opposite because I know how much I have avoided the advice of others because of my anxiety.
Guys I have limited Internet access so apologies for not keeping up to date.
It would be greatly appreciated if members refrained from accusing the OP of being a troll or advising that she should be banned.
If you are frustrated by the posts the best thing to do is to pass on by.
Thanking you in advance for your cooperation.
Elen
Shazamataz
01-08-16, 06:57
Maybe Josh should be banned?
I'd hate to call someone a troll when they are not. Imagine the damage it could do!
So, as Elen said, just ignore posts you don't like!
Today I feel anxious and nervous that I'll experience another symotom. I feel like my legs are shaky but don't think they actually are. I worry I have tinnitus when I think it's actually just white noise (the faintest of faintest barely there noise)
Sigh.
ServerError
01-08-16, 08:59
I've been following this thread with interest over the past few days, although I didn't plan to get involved. Nevertheless, here I am...
The question of whether Reb/Helen is a troll is one we should just put to bed. If you suspect she is, there's nothing stopping you ignoring it and carrying on with your life. In the past, I expressed my doubts about her sincerity, but I lean towards the idea that this is genuine, and that even if she is stringing us along to a degree, there is some deep-seated need for attention that is worth addressing. But in any case, I'm going to continue with this post on the assumption that this a genuine mental health issue (possibly even crisis).
The big problem I see is that, because there are a sizable number of infrequent visitors and a fairly steady stream of new members, when Reb asks a question about a symptom or expresses fears that she has a particular illness, there'll always be somebody who - in perfectly good faith - answers her concern and thus feeds her anxiety. Since I signed up less than six months ago, I think I've seen her worry about almost every part of her body in one form or another. The trouble is, she no longer needs answers of this nature. They achieve nothing. They only make the situation worse.
These forums work best as a place to articulate your fears, to get support and to understand that you're not alone and that plenty of people can relate to you. Reb no longer needs people telling her why she doesn't have melanoma or a brain tumour or any of the other things she worries about. She needs people to relate to her, to make it clear they understand, that they have been or are going through something similar, and that there are ways out of it. All of this has, of course, been offered already. But in terms of repetition, it's the only thing she needs to hear. The trouble is, even if there was a concerted effort here not to directly feed her anxiety and to remind of her of what she needs to do to begin owning her situation, the internet is a big place and she could find others elsewhere who would do what often happens here. The cycle would just rage on.
At my worst, I was probably as bad as Reb. It might seem hard to believe, but that's only because my condition didn't manifest in me posting to the same extent that Reb does. But it's not so long ago I was riven with fear. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, but as I told my doctor, I would call what I felt Generalised Fear Disorder. I was convinced I was dying. I thought I had all manner of illnesses, from various cancers (particular a brain tumour), to sight-threatening eye conditions to psychological disorders such as schizophrenia. I did seek a lot of reassurance on this board, but not to quite the same extent, but I nevertheless was in a terrible mess. I just used to lie in/on my bed waiting for the heart attack I thought was coming or for the cancer in my brain to knock me out. I was a quivering, broken wreck.
I'm by no means cured now, but I'm back out there living my life, on the verge of moving to a new country and feeling much better. I didn't mean to make this all about me, but I just wanted to explain that I have some insight into what Reb is feeling and into how one gets better. None of us are the same, and different things work for different people, but I really do feel that handling Reb with kid gloves will not help her anymore. I am categorically not saying that people should be rude to her. But a little firmness is required, I feel. I received some from my doctor and from therapists when I insisted I needed to be sectioned even though I didn't. Nobody was willing to indulge my illness (the NHS can't afford to).
In Reb's case, she needs to take decisive action to help herself. Part of helping yourself is reaching out to others in the real world. It sounds like her relationship is hanging by a thread. She's essentially throwing her life away by failing to live it, and every response that attempts to reassure she doesn't have a brain tumour or skin cancer is contributing to that by this point. This is a beast that can be tamed. It is possible. But, if you're going to ask about symptoms on a message board, you must attempt to accept the responses you get, or it's pointless. And you must be prepared to seek the kind of help you really need.
I initially sought help because I couldn't handle being scared anymore. At first, I was just running around doctors trying to get them to tell me why I had such a funny turn at work. I thought I had a brain tumour or an aneurysm. I'd had a panic attack, but I couldn't get the answers I wanted. Once I found out a bit about anxiety and panic and started to work with those trying to help me, I began to see the truth of my situation. It has taken months to achieve the progress I have, but I've gotten here by opening up and doing everything I can to get better.
There is so much out there now for anxiety that you can almost, if you are persistent, tailor your treatment to best suit yourself. That's what I've done. I used CBT on the NHS to get on top of the thoughts that were contributing to or creating my illness. I used Propranolol to take the edge off the panic attacks, and I used Sertraline to tackle the underlying Depression. I'm now through with CBT, off the Propranolol and using the anti-depressants and talking therapy to try and get back on an even keel.
Again, I don't mean to make it all about me. I just felt I had describe the path back to health and back to life that I have taken. Reb is not a lost cause. Nobody with anxiety is a lost cause. But, first and foremost, you have to help yourself.
Reb/Helen - please think about what I and others have said. If you want your life back, you can have it.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 09:11
I've been following this thread with interest over the past few days, although I didn't plan to get involved. Nevertheless, here I am...
The question of whether Reb/Helen is a troll is one we should just put to bed. If you suspect she is, there's nothing stopping you ignoring it and carrying on with your life. In the past, I expressed my doubts about her sincerity, but I lean towards the idea that this is genuine, and that even if she is stringing us along to a degree, there is some deep-seated need for attention that is worth addressing. But in any case, I'm going to continue with this post on the assumption that this a genuine mental health issue (possibly even crisis).
The big problem I see is that, because there are a sizable number of infrequent visitors and a fairly steady stream of new members, when Reb asks a question about a symptom or expresses fears that she has a particular illness, there'll always be somebody who - in perfectly good faith - answers her concern and thus feeds her anxiety. Since I signed up less than six months ago, I think I've seen her worry about almost every part of her body in one form or another. The trouble is, she no longer needs answers of this nature. They achieve nothing. They only make the situation worse.
These forums work best as a place to articulate your fears, to get support and to understand that you're not alone and that plenty of people can relate to you. Reb no longer needs people telling her why she doesn't have melanoma or a brain tumour or any of the other things she worries about. She needs people to relate to her, to make it clear they understand, that they have been or are going through something similar, and that there are ways out of it. All of this has, of course, been offered already. But in terms of repetition, it's the only thing she needs to hear. The trouble is, even if there was a concerted effort here not to directly feed her anxiety and to remind of her of what she needs to do to begin owning her situation, the internet is a big place and she could find others elsewhere who would do what often happens here. The cycle would just rage on.
At my worst, I was probably as bad as Reb. It might seem hard to believe, but that's only because my condition didn't manifest in me posting to the same extent that Reb does. But it's not so long ago I was riven with fear. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, but as I told my doctor, I would call what I felt Generalised Fear Disorder. I was convinced I was dying. I thought I had all manner of illnesses, from various cancers (particular a brain tumour), to sight-threatening eye conditions to psychological disorders such as schizophrenia. I did seek a lot of reassurance on this board, but not to quite the same extent, but I nevertheless was in a terrible mess. I just used to lie in/on my bed waiting for the heart attack I thought was coming or for the cancer in my brain to knock me out. I was a quivering, broken wreck.
I'm by no means cured now, but I'm back out there living my life, on the verge of moving to a new country and feeling much better. I didn't mean to make this all about me, but I just wanted to explain that I have some insight into what Reb is feeling and into how one gets better. None of us are the same, and different things work for different people, but I really do feel that handling Reb with kid gloves will not help her anymore. I am categorically not saying that people should be rude to her. But a little firmness is required, I feel. I received some from my doctor and from therapists when I insisted I needed to be sectioned even though I didn't. Nobody was willing to indulge my illness (the NHS can't afford to).
In Reb's case, she needs to take decisive action to help herself. Part of helping yourself is reaching out to others in the real world. It sounds like her relationship is hanging by a thread. She's essentially throwing her life away by failing to live it, and every response that attempts to reassure she doesn't have a brain tumour or skin cancer is contributing to that by this point. This is a beast that can be tamed. It is possible. But, if you're going to ask about symptoms on a message board, you must attempt to accept the responses you get, or it's pointless. And you must be prepared to seek the kind of help you really need.
I initially sought help because I couldn't handle being scared anymore. At first, I was just running around doctors trying to get them to tell me why I had such a funny turn at work. I thought I had a brain tumour or an aneurysm. I'd had a panic attack, but I couldn't get the answers I wanted. Once I found out a bit about anxiety and panic and started to work with those trying to help me, I began to see the truth of my situation. It has taken months to achieve the progress I have, but I've gotten here by opening up and doing everything I can to get better.
There is so much out there now for anxiety that you can almost, if you are persistent, tailor your treatment to best suit yourself. That's what I've done. I used CBT on the NHS to get on top of the thoughts that were contributing to or creating my illness. I used Propranolol to take the edge off the panic attacks, and I used Sertraline to tackle the underlying Depression. I'm now through with CBT, off the Propranolol and using the anti-depressants and talking therapy to try and get back on an even keel.
Again, I don't mean to make it all about me. I just felt I had describe the path back to health and back to life that I have taken. Reb is not a lost cause. Nobody with anxiety is a lost cause. But, first and foremost, you have to help yourself.
Reb/Helen - please think about what I and others have said. If you want your life back, you can have it.
I think it's a damn good post, SE. Nothing wrong with giving your own story, it only adds to show Reb she is not alone as you have made comparison and shown her how you are getting their yourself.
I agree, even if we all got together and said we would only reply a certain way someone will always come along who doesn't know. That's why I think support groups are excellent as you have coordinators and Reb would benefit from something more guided to get her moving.
One of the ways in which reassurance seeking compulsions in OCD can be tackled is for the target person to not engage. Change the subject, steer it towards something else. Like when a therapist turns it back around on you by asking 'what do you think is needed?'. It's perhaps hard on here for many reasons but it's better than talking about symptoms. The same with trying to convince her to seek help in the real world.
I completely agree with all you have written, SE and all credit to you for all you have achieved in managing and not indulging your issues. I've tried to follow the same path with my difficulties and I believe that it's a good path to follow.
I've been following this thread with interest over the past few days, although I didn't plan to get involved. Nevertheless, here I am...
The question of whether Reb/Helen is a troll is one we should just put to bed. If you suspect she is, there's nothing stopping you ignoring it and carrying on with your life. In the past, I expressed my doubts about her sincerity, but I lean towards the idea that this is genuine, and that even if she is stringing us along to a degree, there is some deep-seated need for attention that is worth addressing. But in any case, I'm going to continue with this post on the assumption that this a genuine mental health issue (possibly even crisis).
The big problem I see is that, because there are a sizable number of infrequent visitors and a fairly steady stream of new members, when Reb asks a question about a symptom or expresses fears that she has a particular illness, there'll always be somebody who - in perfectly good faith - answers her concern and thus feeds her anxiety. Since I signed up less than six months ago, I think I've seen her worry about almost every part of her body in one form or another. The trouble is, she no longer needs answers of this nature. They achieve nothing. They only make the situation worse.
These forums work best as a place to articulate your fears, to get support and to understand that you're not alone and that plenty of people can relate to you. Reb no longer needs people telling her why she doesn't have melanoma or a brain tumour or any of the other things she worries about. She needs people to relate to her, to make it clear they understand, that they have been or are going through something similar, and that there are ways out of it. All of this has, of course, been offered already. But in terms of repetition, it's the only thing she needs to hear. The trouble is, even if there was a concerted effort here not to directly feed her anxiety and to remind of her of what she needs to do to begin owning her situation, the internet is a big place and she could find others elsewhere who would do what often happens here. The cycle would just rage on.
At my worst, I was probably as bad as Reb. It might seem hard to believe, but that's only because my condition didn't manifest in me posting to the same extent that Reb does. But it's not so long ago I was riven with fear. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, but as I told my doctor, I would call what I felt Generalised Fear Disorder. I was convinced I was dying. I thought I had all manner of illnesses, from various cancers (particular a brain tumour), to sight-threatening eye conditions to psychological disorders such as schizophrenia. I did seek a lot of reassurance on this board, but not to quite the same extent, but I nevertheless was in a terrible mess. I just used to lie in/on my bed waiting for the heart attack I thought was coming or for the cancer in my brain to knock me out. I was a quivering, broken wreck.
I'm by no means cured now, but I'm back out there living my life, on the verge of moving to a new country and feeling much better. I didn't mean to make this all about me, but I just wanted to explain that I have some insight into what Reb is feeling and into how one gets better. None of us are the same, and different things work for different people, but I really do feel that handling Reb with kid gloves will not help her anymore. I am categorically not saying that people should be rude to her. But a little firmness is required, I feel. I received some from my doctor and from therapists when I insisted I needed to be sectioned even though I didn't. Nobody was willing to indulge my illness (the NHS can't afford to).
In Reb's case, she needs to take decisive action to help herself. Part of helping yourself is reaching out to others in the real world. It sounds like her relationship is hanging by a thread. She's essentially throwing her life away by failing to live it, and every response that attempts to reassure she doesn't have a brain tumour or skin cancer is contributing to that by this point. This is a beast that can be tamed. It is possible. But, if you're going to ask about symptoms on a message board, you must attempt to accept the responses you get, or it's pointless. And you must be prepared to seek the kind of help you really need.
I initially sought help because I couldn't handle being scared anymore. At first, I was just running around doctors trying to get them to tell me why I had such a funny turn at work. I thought I had a brain tumour or an aneurysm. I'd had a panic attack, but I couldn't get the answers I wanted. Once I found out a bit about anxiety and panic and started to work with those trying to help me, I began to see the truth of my situation. It has taken months to achieve the progress I have, but I've gotten here by opening up and doing everything I can to get better.
There is so much out there now for anxiety that you can almost, if you are persistent, tailor your treatment to best suit yourself. That's what I've done. I used CBT on the NHS to get on top of the thoughts that were contributing to or creating my illness. I used Propranolol to take the edge off the panic attacks, and I used Sertraline to tackle the underlying Depression. I'm now through with CBT, off the Propranolol and using the anti-depressants and talking therapy to try and get back on an even keel.
Again, I don't mean to make it all about me. I just felt I had describe the path back to health and back to life that I have taken. Reb is not a lost cause. Nobody with anxiety is a lost cause. But, first and foremost, you have to help yourself.
Reb/Helen - please think about what I and others have said. If you want your life back, you can have it.
A truly excellent post SE.
Sometimes it is better to be kind than right.W e do not need an intelligent mind that speaks.but a patient heart that listens.
ServerError
01-08-16, 11:08
Sometimes it is better to be kind than right.W e do not need an intelligent mind that speaks.but a patient heart that listens.
When it comes to anxiety, I think we need intelligent minds and patient hearts that speak and listen.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 11:18
Sometimes it is better to be kind than right.W e do not need an intelligent mind that speaks.but a patient heart that listens.
I am going to start calling you Grasshopper! :D
It's a good & important point to mention.
What happens when speaking and listening are simply not working? What happens when the OP themselves have written in black and white that reassurance is simply feeding them?
Sorry, but at that point, you're no longer the solution, you are simply part of the problem.
I agree with the calls for people to quit accusing this person of trolling. I've been on many an Internet forum, and I like to think I have a decent nose that can sniff out trolls, I do not think for one second the OP is a troll. I think we are genuinely dealing with someone who is in the throes of severe and long lasting anxiety.
However, I find it alarming how much of a grasp this person has on what is the root cause of at least some of their anxiety. They know they shouldn't be looking at symptoms on the Internet, they know they shouldn't be performing constant self examinations, hell, they even know that posting on this forum is doing nothing more than fanning the flames.
Given all that, you have to wonder what other advice anyone can give them. At that point, it's only going to go one way. A never ending circle of repeatative questioning, frustrated and often angry responses, and ultimately, a bad feeling across the entire board.
My response earlier about a "kick in the arse", I feel, has probably been taken the wrong way, probably down to my wording of the post. I do not condone abuse, bullying or baseless accusations in any way, shape or form. What I do condone is short, sharp curt replies based on facts and reality.
The reality here, is that the OP is doing this to themselves. A lot of people who are responding with the best intentions, are unknowingly adding fuel to the fire. Those are simply the facts of the matter, and I really do not see a problem in pointing this out. At the end of the day, we want the OP to get better, we want to aid them in that.
It is ,ultimately, a grey area. There's a very very fine line between constructive criticism and criticism. People are entitled to place their own lines, I guess, but I would discourage arguments and anger.
The OP knows what they have to do, they know where they're going wrong. Encourage them to put into action what they already know. If they can't or won't, then move on. Don't feel bad that they didn't take what you said on board, the fact is, sometimes, you just can't help everyone, it's asking far too much of yourself.
I had a quick look at that other forum. I didn't like it, a lot of members on there seem very rude, aggressive even, and seem to like to belittle others and put them down.
I will stay here where everyone is lovely and I get lots of support and reassurance. I've met so many genuinely kind people on here, some have even messaged me privately off their own bats to offer advice and support.
Saw a nurse who echoed all you say. Why are you doing this to yourself?! She checked my blood pressure and it was fine she said she can confindeltly say this is all anxiety.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 12:31
I had a quick look at that other forum. I didn't like it, a lot of members on there seem very rude, aggressive even, and seem to like to belittle others and put them down.
I will stay here where everyone is lovely and I get lots of support and reassurance. I've met so many genuinely kind people on here, some have even messaged me privately off their own bats to offer advice and support.
That really is a terrible shame. I remember one of the US members on here saying that the US forums she came from were like that. She said she found the UK ones more friendly. I find it weird to think all forums aren't like this one really as we have lovely friendly supportive people from all over the world on here. I like the diversity.
The only other ones I ever look at are the OCD dedicated ones and they seem fine from what I've seen. Those were both UK ones. I don't check out other forums, it's enough work being on here to me.
It was quite embarrassing tbh. She urged me to seek help. Just like you all do.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 12:33
Saw a nurse who echoed all you say. Why are you doing this to yourself?! She checked my blood pressure and it was fine she said she can confindeltly say this is all anxiety.
So, what is your next step, Reb?
Are you going to commit to trying something aimed at your anxiety? You know you have anxiety, you've said it yourself before. So, why not look at it this way - even IF for some strange reason you had anything you feared (which none of us believe you have), then why would getting treatment for the anxiety you know you have already be not worth it?
You said it was embarrassing. So, why not see how that made you feel and make a decision that you don't want to keep feeling like that and something else must be better? If you try and nothing happens, what have you lost? But what if you try and feel better, what have you gained?
It was quite embarrassing tbh. She urged me to seek help. Just like you all do.
Exactly Reb! Exactly! For the love of Pete, listen to what "everyone" including your boyfriend, family and several forums are telling you! If you have the inner fortitude to log off for a few days and seek help, you'll be taking the steps to healing from this madness.
There was (she's not on much anymore) a member similar to you. Nearly daily posts, begging for reassurance etc. She got the same reaction and response from posters. She finally went for help or should I say "accepted" help because she had been given meds and refused to take them. She also went to therapy. Other than an occasional blip, she's recovering.
ServerError was in a bad place. I remember. He sought help. The difference in him in just a few short months is absolutely astounding. The same with cpe1978. This is a man who thought that bubbles in the toilet when he peed meant a deadly ailment! Check out his sticky thread. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=159331) He now helps moderate a FBook HA recovery group.
Good luck to you and as always
Positive thoughts
An HA recovery online group would be far more helpful to you, Reb, than the HA section on NMP. Combined with professional therapy this would be your best bet. Kindness and compassion has its place with HA but not when it just fuels the condition. You need to take the control back and get your life back on track and not based around the next worrying symptom of impending doom.
ServerError
01-08-16, 13:31
Reb - Do you ever go on the success stories section of this forum? It's fairly quiet because most people who have gotten better see no reason to be on anxiety forums anymore, but it's still full of inspiring stuff. It's hard evidence that recovery is possible.
Back when I would feel compelled to Google, I gradually replaced my symptom searches with searches for anxiety success stories. They really helped me achieve that belief.
Of course, ideally, I wouldn't recommend Googling of any kind, but this is what I did when I couldn't help it.
Another thing I did was that if I felt a certain symptom, and I was compelled to search, I'd try to connect my search to anxiety in some way. So instead of searching 'dizzy spells' and getting a list of horrible conditions that come with dizzy spells, I'd search 'anxiety and dizzy spells' and then read how dizziness is a common anxiety symptom that passes with time.
I'm not suggesting there's any form of Googling which should be recommended. It's just a way I myself was able to get a hold on my symptom checking and reassurance seeking.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 13:42
Reb - Do you ever go on the success stories section of this forum? It's fairly quiet because most people who have gotten better see no reason to be on anxiety forums anymore, but it's still full of inspiring stuff. It's hard evidence that recovery is possible.
Back when I would feel compelled to Google, I gradually replaced my symptom searches with searches for anxiety success stories. They really helped me achieve that belief.
Of course, ideally, I wouldn't recommend Googling of any kind, but this is what I did when I couldn't help it.
Another thing I did was that if I felt a certain symptom, and I was compelled to search, I'd try to connect my search to anxiety in some way. So instead of searching 'dizzy spells' and getting a list of horrible conditions that come with dizzy spells, I'd search 'anxiety and dizzy spells' and then read how dizziness is a common anxiety symptom that passes with time.
I'm not suggesting there's any form of Googling which should be recommended. It's just a way I myself was able to get a hold on my symptom checking and reassurance seeking.
There's nothing wrong with Google so using it for the right reasons is constructive. It can become a problem though whereby you try to reassure yourself through not feeling alone with your symptoms, but that's not what you are advocating here. People who do that could be seen as searching through threads in places like this to make sure others have had things and/or they turned out to be nothing.
Really, is it any different than seeing your therapist or doctor for the right reasons, to get help with anxiety, as opposed to seeking them out to get reassurance against a symptom or fear?
ServerError
01-08-16, 13:45
There's nothing wrong with Google so using it for the right reasons is constructive. It can become a problem though whereby you try to reassure yourself through not feeling alone with your symptoms, but that's not what you are advocating here. People who do that could be seen as searching through threads in places like this to make sure others have had things and/or they turned out to be nothing.
Really, is it any different than seeing your therapist or doctor for the right reasons, to get help with anxiety, as opposed to seeking them out to get reassurance against a symptom or fear?
No, you're right.
I just didn't want to be seen to be complicating matters when Googling is a big part of Reb's problem. Or rather, the way she uses it is a big problem.
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 14:11
I think you are right, it may be a problem right now as it will be too tempting. Reading the success stories on here would be a better idea right now. The same with a symptom search + anxiety, although that latter might be open to abuse too I guess without some self control.
It's still good advice and much healthier than what she is doing right now. I hope she tries it. So many people on the HA board seem not to post elsewhere, other than Symptoms, so they should look at positive boards.
---------- Post added at 14:11 ---------- Previous post was at 13:56 ----------
My response earlier about a "kick in the arse", I feel, has probably been taken the wrong way, probably down to my wording of the post. I do not condone abuse, bullying or baseless accusations in any way, shape or form. What I do condone is short, sharp curt replies based on facts and reality.
The reality here, is that the OP is doing this to themselves. A lot of people who are responding with the best intentions, are unknowingly adding fuel to the fire. Those are simply the facts of the matter, and I really do not see a problem in pointing this out. At the end of the day, we want the OP to get better, we want to aid them in that.
Gary,
I respect your opinion, but that's all it is - not fact. No one here is qualified to state otherwise and so we have a stalemate in all these debates. None of us are trained & experienced to determine the correct strategy for Reb.
I would like to know how we are supposed to respond because it appears that encouraging Reb to seek medical help, to seek help in more constructive groups, to seek possible medication all seems to be enabling behaviour. This means we can't talk to Reb. So, what do we do?
Your point about a "kick in the arse" wasn't taken out of context at all. We've had this debate many times on here and I disagree with that approach. I don't do it for the reasons I outlined. It's one possible way and it has been seen to fail as well as be successful. For me, it doesn't fit with what I believe to be appropriate so I don't entertain using it, but I accept that others do and that there are people on here that say they prefer it. This also means accepting there are those of us that do not appreciate being spoken to that way, I'm one of them so I know I wouldn't respond to that type of behaviour. This is why I believe it is a matter of understanding the person you are speaking to. Many of us are stranger here and so that appropriate can cause confrontation if you don't know the person enough.
Wording is very important to me and sometimes language can be appropriate yet the tone seems harsh and some people will see that and dislike it.
A good example is the word ignorant. It's a perfectly acceptable word to use but it has become distorted in how we use it these days. It can be an aggressive word aimed at belittling out of arrogance too. So, that might be hard to get across on here as intention is not always clear.
Which part do you see as being not factual, Terry? That the OP isn't doing this to themselves? Or that some people with good intentions are unknowingly feeding their anxiety? Because it was the OP that admitted to both. I would be interested to know which part you disagree with and why.
For the record, showing constant sympathy and constantly offering reassurance is enabling. Regardless of whether or not you like the label, that's what it is. Someone is self destructing and if you keep encouraging that by feeding into it, it's enabling.
At no point did I say that every approach is enabling, but you seem to have developed a habit of telling people off simply because their approach doesn't exactly mirror yours. The point is, people have tried the softly softly approach and it clearly is not working. So, what exactly is wrong with someone trying to take a different approach?
The nurse was really confused as to why I was worrying. I didn't mention the occasional tingles I get.
I think that there are different "categories" of HA-some people desperately want to move on from it and ask for help and take the advice on board and others appear comfortable to continue to post obsessively and get annoyed when response is slow or responses are not to their liking. The latter could be construed as manipulative behaviour or suggestive of extreme, uncontrolled anxiety. It just depends which "camp" you are in but it does emphasise how people should have "real life" therapy rather than depend on online anxiety forums for help and support in these situations.
I think that there are different "categories" of HA-some people desperately want to move on from it and ask for help and take the advice on board and others appear comfortable to continue to post obsessively and get annoyed when response is slow or responses are not to their liking. The latter could be construed as manipulative behaviour or suggestive of extreme, uncontrolled anxiety. It just depends which "camp" you are in but it does emphasise how people should have "real life" therapy rather than depend on online anxiety forums for help and support in these situations.
Can I hear an "AMEN!"? :yesyes:
Positive thoughts
I worry now that I should have mentioned the tingles. I sometimes think I can smell things nobody else else but they actually can *i could smell some weird chemical thing but so could my boyfriend as we near a chemical plant, today I smelt toast and turned out someone had made toast.
I also worry I have flashes in my eyes but nurse said the lights flicker sometimes. I'm on the bus now and sure I have them now on the bus but am looking near some lights that may also be flickering.
I had eyes tested recently and was told my eyes are healthy. Surely anything would've been picked up?!
You already know the answer. Just stop.
Is it possible I am smelling things or thy I think I am? As I said 99% there is a source once I look about/ask someone.
Carrie8484
01-08-16, 20:48
Helen you've just answered your own question ...
Hi Helen, I took some time to read your posts on this thread. You really need to gain some sort of counselling or help for your what it is severe health anxiety. You have now got to the stage were you are picking up every little symptom every little niggle in your body and got to the stage where you are trying to convince yourself you have some physical illness. You dont. You have anxiety and everything you have mentioned are included on a huge list of anxiety symptoms. Smelling things, when your in a state of anxiety our senses can become heightened and that includes smell.
My husband died from a brain tumour, and he didn't have one of the "symptoms" you claim to have Helen. I really think you are safe hun x
My husband died from a brain tumour, and he didn't have one of the "symptoms" you claim to have Helen. I really think you are safe hun x
I will second that I watched my ex partners mum die from a last stage brain tumour and the stuff you have mentioned she never suffered from. Sorry to hear about your husband Mojo ( Hugs)
Thanks GadGirl. I'm sorry to hear about your ex partner's mum too. It's a horrible thing to witness, but thankfully (well in my hubby's case anyway) he wasn't aware at the end.
Yeah thankfully, No she wasn't aware, she was aware that she was going to pass on ( 5 months from diagnosed) But she was asleep when she passed x
That particular disease takes no prisoners unfortunately. My hubby lasted 4 months after diagnosis, so similar time scale to your relative :weep:
That particular disease takes no prisoners unfortunately. My hubby lasted 4 months after diagnosis, so similar time scale to your relative :weep:
It must have been awful for you, Mojo. No wonder you are having difficulties yourself with HA
My husband died from a brain tumour, and he didn't have one of the "symptoms" you claim to have Helen. I really think you are safe hun x
That particular disease takes no prisoners unfortunately. My hubby lasted 4 months after diagnosis, so similar time scale to your relative :weep:
:weep::weep: It doesnt indeed.. Sending you some massive hugs xx
Thanks Pulisa. It didn't help that my mum died from cancer when I was 6 months pregnant either. I think that's why I have such a problem with this particular disease.
Anyway, sorry to hijack this post, and I hope you find some peace Helen. It must be so difficult for you and a horrible thing to happen to you on a daily basis. Sending hugs xxx
Mojo, you have had more than your fair share of dealing with the effects of cancer on loved ones and on yourself, indirectly. It takes its toll and leaves a legacy which is why you are suffering so much now. I do hope the results of your scan give you some respite xx
MyNameIsTerry
01-08-16, 22:50
So, what is your next step, Reb?
Are you going to commit to trying something aimed at your anxiety? You know you have anxiety, you've said it yourself before. So, why not look at it this way - even IF for some strange reason you had anything you feared (which none of us believe you have), then why would getting treatment for the anxiety you know you have already be not worth it?
You said it was embarrassing. So, why not see how that made you feel and make a decision that you don't want to keep feeling like that and something else must be better? If you try and nothing happens, what have you lost? But what if you try and feel better, what have you gained?
What do you think, Reb?
I am going to start calling you Grasshopper! :D
It's a good & important point to mention.
Thank-you Terry:yesyes:
I like Grasshopper.
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 00:21
I think that there are different "categories" of HA-some people desperately want to move on from it and ask for help and take the advice on board and others appear comfortable to continue to post obsessively and get annoyed when response is slow or responses are not to their liking. The latter could be construed as manipulative behaviour or suggestive of extreme, uncontrolled anxiety. It just depends which "camp" you are in but it does emphasise how people should have "real life" therapy rather than depend on online anxiety forums for help and support in these situations.
I agree, there will be some who do it out of manipulation for attention and I believe that will be more personality based, but that's pure assumption of course. Some will be just currently lost to the cycle and need something, someone or some event in their lives to help them out.
Real world therapy is a given. I also advocate coordinated groups because they are nothing like this. I've seen some people in these groups continue to blame or be lost to the subject and the coordinator (a sufferer or ex sufferer with additional training) would seek to change them to talk about what they could do, as we are trying, but we can't stop someone posting like they can interrupt.
I hope Reb listens to what we are saying and gets up one day deciding things have to change and takes a chance.
See I have that mentality and then I will have a twitch, or I'll have some random tinnitus or I'll think I smell something and then it's back to square one. That's the stage I need help getting over.
See I have that mentality and then I will have a twitch, or I'll have some random tinnitus or I'll think I smell something and then it's back to square one. That's the stage I need help getting over.
You need a professional to help you get over that stage and start on the healing road Reb. It's really not going to happen on a forum I assure you. On the contrary, this is making you worse and you've admitted to as much.
So what are you going to do? The decision and choice is totally up to you.
Good luck and as always
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 10:07
Which part do you see as being not factual, Terry? That the OP isn't doing this to themselves? Or that some people with good intentions are unknowingly feeding their anxiety? Because it was the OP that admitted to both. I would be interested to know which part you disagree with and why.
For the record, showing constant sympathy and constantly offering reassurance is enabling. Regardless of whether or not you like the label, that's what it is. Someone is self destructing and if you keep encouraging that by feeding into it, it's enabling.
At no point did I say that every approach is enabling, but you seem to have developed a habit of telling people off simply because their approach doesn't exactly mirror yours. The point is, people have tried the softly softly approach and it clearly is not working. So, what exactly is wrong with someone trying to take a different approach?
You said...
This is nothing more than self destructing behaviour, and I fail to see why anyone who claims to have sympathy and understanding, would participate in it. These people are not helping, they are enabling.
Therefore anyone who engages with the OP has no sympathy or understanding?
AND...
Sometimes that's achieved by a friendly but of advice and a shoulder to cry on. Other times, it's achieved by a stern lecture and a kick in the ass. Sometimes you have to change your tactics depending on who and what you're dealing with. If you can't, that's fine, but don't chastise others who can. At least they're trying.
I'm fully aware of what enabling is and I agree we should not continue to feed that cycle in someone we find like this but I don't believe many of the posts are about this. How many times have we been saying to Reb to seek professional help across multiple threads? When we try to talk through thoughts, that's not enabling and if it is, so is CBT.
And for the record, I don't see any of the stern responses throughout any of these threads achieving any more than those of us who prefer a different way. There is simply no evidence it has helped any more than any other response (discounting those we agree on that feed the OP).
There is nothing wrong with trying a different approach, but no one is trying a different approach, the stern approach was already there.
I don't understand why you are claiming I tell people off if their approach doesn't mirror mine since you are responding to where I said...
Your point about a "kick in the arse" wasn't taken out of context at all. We've had this debate many times on here and I disagree with that approach. I don't do it for the reasons I outlined. It's one possible way and it has been seen to fail as well as be successful. For me, it doesn't fit with what I believe to be appropriate so I don't entertain using it, but I accept that others do and that there are people on here that say they prefer it. This also means accepting there are those of us that do not appreciate being spoken to that way, I'm one of them so I know I wouldn't respond to that type of behaviour. This is why I believe it is a matter of understanding the person you are speaking to. Many of us are stranger here and so that appropriate can cause confrontation if you don't know the person enough.
I thought I was quite clear there that both approaches can work and both can fail. I only stated why I won't use a certain approach and my reasons for it. The key points can be seen in bold red above. So, I fail to see why you are making this an issue because it clearly can't be based on my previous response to you.
If you have a problem with other areas of this thread, such as the troll calls, I've explained that already and you can refer to those responses. Otherwise I have no idea what you are talking about.
Which facts do I disagree or agree with? It wouldn't matter since my opinion of what I am observing are my opinions. I'm not going to claim they are facts since not everything I observe will be agreed by all. That's what I meant.
You said...
This is nothing more than self destructing behaviour, and I fail to see why anyone who claims to have sympathy and understanding, would participate in it. These people are not helping, they are enabling.
Therefore anyone who engages with the OP has no sympathy or understanding?
AND...
Sometimes that's achieved by a friendly but of advice and a shoulder to cry on. Other times, it's achieved by a stern lecture and a kick in the ass. Sometimes you have to change your tactics depending on who and what you're dealing with. If you can't, that's fine, but don't chastise others who can. At least they're trying.
I'm fully aware of what enabling is and I agree we should not continue to feed that cycle in someone we find like this but I don't believe many of the posts are about this. How many times have we been saying to Reb to seek professional help across multiple threads? When we try to talk through thoughts, that's not enabling and if it is, so is CBT.
And for the record, I don't see any of the stern responses throughout any of these threads achieving any more than those of us who prefer a different way. There is simply no evidence it has helped any more than any other response (discounting those we agree on that feed the OP).
There is nothing wrong with trying a different approach, but no one is trying a different approach, the stern approach was already there.
I don't understand why you are claiming I tell people off if their approach doesn't mirror mine since you are responding to where I said...
Your point about a "kick in the arse" wasn't taken out of context at all. We've had this debate many times on here and I disagree with that approach. I don't do it for the reasons I outlined. It's one possible way and it has been seen to fail as well as be successful. For me, it doesn't fit with what I believe to be appropriate so I don't entertain using it, but I accept that others do and that there are people on here that say they prefer it. This also means accepting there are those of us that do not appreciate being spoken to that way, I'm one of them so I know I wouldn't respond to that type of behaviour. This is why I believe it is a matter of understanding the person you are speaking to. Many of us are stranger here and so that appropriate can cause confrontation if you don't know the person enough.
I thought I was quite clear there that both approaches can work and both can fail. I only stated why I won't use a certain approach and my reasons for it. The key points can be seen in bold red above. So, I fail to see why you are making this an issue because it clearly can't be based on my previous response to you.
If you have a problem with other areas of this thread, such as the troll calls, I've explained that already and you can refer to those responses. Otherwise I have no idea what you are talking about.
Which facts do I disagree or agree with? It wouldn't matter since my opinion of what I am observing are my opinions. I'm not going to claim they are facts since not everything I observe will be agreed by all. That's what I meant.
Taking this from the top, no, not everyone who engages with the OP has no sympathy, and I think this is a perfect example of you taking my original point the wrong way. As I said, this was probably due to how I worded it. What I was meaning was that anyone who claims to sympathise and understand anxiety surely cannot continue to engage in discussing the OP's physical symptoms when the OP themselves have admitted that it feeds their anxiety. Now, as I said, I accept that I could have worded my response to include that, and I held my hands up to poor wording.
Do also try to remember that just because you say you personally didn't take it out of context, that doesn't mean multiple other posters who are participating in this thread didn't also. There seemed to be a feel of people encouraging abuse etc, after I wrote that, and all I wanted to do was make clear that I do not in any way condone that type of thing, and make even clearer exactly what I did mean. I meant that people, when faced with an OP who, remember, has admitted in black and white that responses addressing her physical concerns are feeding her anxiety, should respond with short, sharp curt replies based on facts.
It is not my opinion that the OP is doing this to herself or that people are feeding her with certain responses, it's a fact because the OP HERSELF said it. At no point did I discourage people from advising her to seek help, at no point did I say "do not engage with the OP", either, but it's a set of goalposts you're kicking at for some reason. I merely pointed out that replies should be short and to the point. Otherwise, we are feeding the cycle.
Yes, both approaches can work, but for some reason you feel the need to constantly remind anyone who dares to use a stern approach of how much you don't like it. Why does that matter? Why does how you personally feel about a particular approach seem to take up paragraphs and paragraphs of this, and plenty other threads? I think we get that you don't like it, Terry, and while I agree that abuse and constant negativity are probably more counter productive, it's no more so than people constantly engaging in discussions about a malady of physical symptoms. Thing is, though, you don't seem to be quite a contrarian toward people who do that. Why not? Is it because that tactic agrees with how you do things around here? It certainly would appear so. Hence, you appear to be telling people off for this approach.
I do have a problem with people calling "troll", but at the same time, I can fully understand where it comes from. In my experience, trolls generally aren't as self explanatory and self aware as the OP. They just directly annoy. That's my take on it anyway, could I be wrong? Obviously. So could you. So could admin, believe it or not.
I have absolutely no desire to make this all about me or you, Terry. I posted a pretty poorly worded response to the OP, realised how it looked, and tried to explain exactly what I meant. Enabling is something I have strong feelings about, and that mostly arises from personal experience that I won't discuss here. It is very damaging and when I believe I'm witnessing it, I'll say so. It is mostly carried out by kind hearted people with nothing more than good intentions, but some of the worst things imaginable are carried out with the best of intentions.
We clearly won't agree on this point, but that's just something we will need to live with.
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 11:36
Gary,
You can continue to try to point out my failings all you wish, I'm not biting to the bait on that. I've seen it many times on here and I can't be bothered to argue over it as I've got better things to do. All the usual points get raised about why can't I write something shorter, why do I have stick my nose in, picking people up, blah blah. It's nothing new and I truly don't care because I don't intend to change my behaviour to suit those who disagree with it.
I tried to explain that your above point was incorrect since it ignored what I said.
I have no interest in your current problem with me or to continue this debate with you. It's nonsense. I suggest you leave it there and as you say, live with it because it won't be changing. I've replied to your other post, I'm not getting sucked into this further.
Gary,
You can continue to try to point out my failings all you wish, I'm not biting to the bait on that. I've seen it many times on here and I can't be bothered to argue over it as I've got better things to do. All the usual points get raised about why can't I write something shorter, why do I have stick my nose in, picking people up, blah blah. It's nothing new and I truly don't care because I don't intend to change my behaviour to suit those who disagree with it.
I tried to explain that your above point was incorrect since it ignored what I said.
I have no interest in your current problem with me or to continue this debate with you. It's nonsense. I suggest you leave it there and as you say, live with it because it won't be changing. I've replied to your other post, I'm not getting sucked into this further.
So in short, you can point out everyone else's failings, but nobody can point out yours? :yesyes:
I never asked you to change any behaviour, Terry. I enjoy the vast majority of your responses and actually find you to be a very helpful guy.
If you engage someone on what you believe to be failings, though, just don't be surprised when they do it back.
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 12:01
No, Gary. I could talk more about this but I know when you are baiting for an argument and I'm deciding not to engage with you. If you wish to take that as some "win" then that's up to you.
You will note I have not pointed out any of your personal failings (and I don't now why you have decided to focus on mine...I'm not the only one who disagreed with you on this thread), I only questioned the blunt vs. enabling issue that rears it's ugly head on here and ends up with two sides in disagreement every time someone raises a thread about it. I don't regard those as failings, they are different approaches. I'm not sure what failings in you I have pointed out and I have sensed this is not about the issue I am discussing hence rather than this turn into an argument, which will end up with Admin having their time wasted for no good reason, I'm simply telling you I'm walking away.
Thank you for your other kind words, I reads & appreciate plenty of yours.
No, Gary. I could talk more about this but I know when you are baiting for an argument and I'm deciding not to engage with you. If you wish to take that as some "win" then that's up to you.
You will note I have not pointed out any of your personal failings (and I don't now why you have decided to focus on mine...I'm not the only one who disagreed with you on this thread), I only questioned the blunt vs. enabling issue that rears it's ugly head on here and ends up with two sides in disagreement every time someone raises a thread about it. I don't regard those as failings, they are different approaches. I'm not sure what failings in you I have pointed out and I have sensed this is not about the issue I am discussing hence rather than this turn into an argument, which will end up with Admin having their time wasted for no good reason, I'm simply telling you I'm walking away.
Thank you for your other kind words, I reads & appreciate plenty of yours.
I swear I'm not baiting, I'm just responding. I have no wish to offend or have some childish "win" here. My personal belief is that you took me the wrong way to begin with and you went off on a tangent about quite a lot of stuff I didn't even remotely say. I responded to you more so because you are a very active member and I respect your arguments enough to respond.
I don't know you personally so please do not take it personally. I'm simply pointing out how some of these responses come across. Im not the only one who said so on this thread, and judging by you saying you've had this debate before, clearly plenty of others are taking it that way also.
You voice your opinions and I voice mines. Probably inevitable we would have a disagreement at some point.
We'll call it a score draw. :whistles:
You will never reach your destination if you stop to throw stones at barking dogs.
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 13:12
Gary,
I suggest you leave it there. Your embellishments are not necessary and not in anyway facts. You are not aware of the facts when it comes to disputes with other forum members and I would thank you not to use that in the discussion here as it's irrelevant since the issues were much more personal and unpleasant.
Gary,
I suggest you leave it there. Your embellishments are not necessary and not in anyway facts. You are not aware of the facts when it comes to disputes with other forum members and I would thank you not to use that in the discussion here as it's irrelevant since the issues were much more personal and unpleasant.
Terry, it was you that brought those disputes up. If they're irrelevent in this discussion then don't bring them up in this discussion.
I didn't say I knew the facts, I said I was going off of what you wrote about them.
It's a shame they got personal and unpleasant, but seriously man, it was you that mentioned said disputes in the first place. :unsure:
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 14:14
Terry, it was you that brought those disputes up. If they're irrelevent in this discussion then don't bring them up in this discussion.
I didn't say I knew the facts, I said I was going off of what you wrote about them.
It's a shame they got personal and unpleasant, but seriously man, it was you that mentioned said disputes in the first place. :unsure:
Nope. Try re-reading what I actually said. I said I've seen baiting many times on here. A separate point to my next one about anything said to me. They were bought up because I regard them relevant to the baiting I regard you to be doing at the moment.
Like I said, I suggest you leave the issue alone rather than continuing. It's pointless.
Nope. Try re-reading what I actually said. I said I've seen baiting many times on here. A separate point to my next one about anything said to me. They were bought up because I regard them relevant to the baiting I regard you to be doing at the moment.
Like I said, I suggest you leave the issue alone rather than continuing. It's pointless.
Are you just making this up as you go along? You mentioned that people had made comments toward you in the past about how you pick people up etc, I said that shows it's more than me who is taking your posts certain ways. You then told me not to bring those instances into the discussion because they're not relevent, even though it was you who brought it up. Now, because I've pointed out to you that it was you who brought it up, apparently it is relevent, but only when you say it is. :shrug:
Dude, hang it up for goodness sake. You told me about five posts ago that you weren't engaging me further, but you keep responding suggesting that I leave it alone. Would it be safe to assume that you won't be happy until you get the last word?
Would it be safe to assume that you won't be happy until you get the last word?
This could be said for you both. I don't see why these types of threads always turn into arguments.
If you feel replying to the original poster is wrong then by all means avoid the thread. If you don't, then continue responding.
There is no definite way to treat ones anxiety. I can honestly say my health anxiety has improved massively with reassurance and understanding. Some people spiral out of control and I honestly don't know how they can overcome it but if I wish to reply to somebody I will do so whether others like/agree with it or not.
This could be said for you both. I don't see why these types of threads always turn into arguments.
If you feel replying to the original poster is wrong then by all means avoid the thread. If you don't, then continue responding.
There is no definite way to treat ones anxiety. I can honestly say my health anxiety has improved massively with reassurance and understanding. Some people spiral out of control and I honestly don't know how they can overcome it but if I wish to reply to somebody I will do so whether others like/agree with it or not.
I'm not the one who keeps telling the other to quit. I also never said I wasn't engaging him further.
For the record, I have never said to not respond to anyone, I suggested a way in which to respond to this particular poster. If people think I'm wrong or don't want to take my opinion on board, that's absolutely fine. We all have our opinions and our ways of dealing with things.
Apologies Gary my last 2 paragraphs were not directed at anybody in particular just based on the whole thread.
Apologies Gary my last 2 paragraphs were not directed at anybody in particular just based on the whole thread.
No problem, I probably shouldn't have assumed it was directed at me. I appear to be in one of those moods today. :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 15:00
This could be said for you both. I don't see why these types of threads always turn into arguments.
If you feel replying to the original poster is wrong then by all means avoid the thread. If you don't, then continue responding.
There is no definite way to treat ones anxiety. I can honestly say my health anxiety has improved massively with reassurance and understanding. Some people spiral out of control and I honestly don't know how they can overcome it but if I wish to reply to somebody I will do so whether others like/agree with it or not.
Sorry KeeKee, you're quite right.
Sorry KeeKee, you're quite right.
No she's isn't. :roflmao:
MyNameIsTerry
02-08-16, 15:03
No she's isn't. :roflmao:
Boll@cks to that I say to the right honourable gentleman! :roflmao:
Back to Reb...
So Reb... you said you made an appointment with your GP this week...
I've made an appointment to speak to my GP this week.
Date and time? Yes, there will be a quiz and a full report is expected.
Positive thoughts
No apologies needed to me and nice to see you both can joke about this ;-)
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