sunset_5
28-07-16, 20:52
Hello :)
I am new to this site - I stumbled upon it when I was reading about anxiety on the internet.
Yup, it's what I google search most these days.
So…I've never really been diagnosed with anxiety, but…
For most of my childhood and early teenage years, I was bullied at school, and even though it is a very long time ago, I think that was the most difficult time of my life and probably what triggered my anxiety. I was laughed at, beaten, spit at, harassed by the students… and the teachers said stuff like I was difficult because I was too shy and that I wouldn't get far in life.
When I was 14, I started having depression. Every morning, I was sick because I was so scared to go to school. I started having suicidal thoughts and felt completely worthless.
I eventually got out of the depression when I joined the school's music group. I started playing the guitar and writing my own lyrics. And then I changed my life and changed schools. Little by little, things got better. People were nicer to me generally but I still had a hard time settling in. I think what I always struggled most with was that people always said I was too quiet. I never felt accepted for who I was.
Now, I am 27 years old and I would say I have gotten pretty far. I am still an introvert, but 6 years ago, I made my dream come true and went to university abroad for 4 years. No one would ever have thought that… especially not me! I learned so much about myself during that experience...
It was also when I started actively thinking about anxiety. I didn’t even really feel scared, but then my heart would start pounding. I also noticed having difficulty with bigger groups of people. And I noticed being preoccupied to a very irrational extent what other people thought of me.
I started meditating regularly 3 years ago, which has been helping me a lot. Nowadays I would say I have good and bad days.
On very good days, I can speak normally to people, I even manage to join in conversations in bigger groups, I smile, I make jokes, I feel confident and relaxed, and I am proud of myself for how far I have come.
But on the bad days, I feel extremely self-conscious. I hate everything from the way I look to the sound of my voice. In social situations, I can’t think of anything to say, and I endlessly beat myself up about it. I feel like everyone is judging me, and I also judge myself. I feel nauseous on those days, my heart pounds, and I feel a tightness in my chest. I have irrational fears. I even feel the urge to cry. And when I feel that way, I know it is completely irrational, I try to meditate and to breathe, but sometimes not even that will work.
So that’s a brief summary about me.
I think it would be nice to get to know some people that are experiencing similar things. Because don’t you also feel so misunderstood all the time? Don’t you also sometimes feel like your anxiety isn’t taken seriously?
I am new to this site - I stumbled upon it when I was reading about anxiety on the internet.
Yup, it's what I google search most these days.
So…I've never really been diagnosed with anxiety, but…
For most of my childhood and early teenage years, I was bullied at school, and even though it is a very long time ago, I think that was the most difficult time of my life and probably what triggered my anxiety. I was laughed at, beaten, spit at, harassed by the students… and the teachers said stuff like I was difficult because I was too shy and that I wouldn't get far in life.
When I was 14, I started having depression. Every morning, I was sick because I was so scared to go to school. I started having suicidal thoughts and felt completely worthless.
I eventually got out of the depression when I joined the school's music group. I started playing the guitar and writing my own lyrics. And then I changed my life and changed schools. Little by little, things got better. People were nicer to me generally but I still had a hard time settling in. I think what I always struggled most with was that people always said I was too quiet. I never felt accepted for who I was.
Now, I am 27 years old and I would say I have gotten pretty far. I am still an introvert, but 6 years ago, I made my dream come true and went to university abroad for 4 years. No one would ever have thought that… especially not me! I learned so much about myself during that experience...
It was also when I started actively thinking about anxiety. I didn’t even really feel scared, but then my heart would start pounding. I also noticed having difficulty with bigger groups of people. And I noticed being preoccupied to a very irrational extent what other people thought of me.
I started meditating regularly 3 years ago, which has been helping me a lot. Nowadays I would say I have good and bad days.
On very good days, I can speak normally to people, I even manage to join in conversations in bigger groups, I smile, I make jokes, I feel confident and relaxed, and I am proud of myself for how far I have come.
But on the bad days, I feel extremely self-conscious. I hate everything from the way I look to the sound of my voice. In social situations, I can’t think of anything to say, and I endlessly beat myself up about it. I feel like everyone is judging me, and I also judge myself. I feel nauseous on those days, my heart pounds, and I feel a tightness in my chest. I have irrational fears. I even feel the urge to cry. And when I feel that way, I know it is completely irrational, I try to meditate and to breathe, but sometimes not even that will work.
So that’s a brief summary about me.
I think it would be nice to get to know some people that are experiencing similar things. Because don’t you also feel so misunderstood all the time? Don’t you also sometimes feel like your anxiety isn’t taken seriously?