View Full Version : Anxiety when someone doesn't message me back?
I know this probably sounds immature and childlike, but if someone doesn't message me back, I panic and assume they hate me.
I have one friend who I message habitually, and everytime I do, he responds quickly, and before we began speaking frequently, I would ask in an offhand way if I was irritating or if he would rather be left alone, and he always assured me he liked receiving messages from me and that it was never annoying and he enjoyed hearing from me, told me he considered me his favorite person to speak with, and insisted he meant it and wasn't just saying so to be nice.
I...honestly couldn't ask for any more reassurance than that.
But he didn't respond to one text, it spirals into self-loathing and my mind telling me he's been lying and just humoring me all this time.
It's not just with him, I get like this with everyone if someone stops replying. I feel like such a creep for even getting like this.
How can I convince myself that these thoughts are irrational, and make myself stop panicking...?
A good thing to remember is messages can get lost, be it your text or their reply.
And if your friends are anything like me they often just forget to reply. I do that all the time, unintentionally but yeah, often. Ha no relation at all to how much I like them.
Yeah...
Logically I tell myself this, but...eh.
My friend I was referencing actually sent me an apology for the late reply. I never said anything to him about this or my anxiety, he just...ah. I don't know what I did to deserve such a good friend.
Makes me feel crazy, I know my self-esteem shouldn't be hinged upon the speed of message replies. I guess this is just a new manifestation of my anxiety.
To be honest every time my friends replies to me a little part of me thinks *thank goodness*.
Even if you still feel bad, reasoning with yourself isn't a wasted effort. That's a good start.
I guess building on our self esteem is a good way to deal with stuff like that rather than there being a way to explicitly stop that one thing. I'm struggling with that too at the moment.
Glad you have such a good friend, I'm sure you've done a lot to deserve it. They obviously value you, care about your feelings. That's cool :)
Hi , I'm guilty on both sides of this , I forget to message people back and somtimes don't even go to my phone when it gets a message , but when I send a message and it's important I get frustrated that I don't get a reply , I also know messages somtimes don't get there I've sent them then my daughter has shown me her phone without it arriving , life used to be so much simpler without mobiles , Internet , social media , you just went out and spoke to people , don't take it to personal somtimes we just don't want to talk to anyone for a bit , take care no need to rely lol
Hi there flip , I enjoyed our chat it's been mental week for me and sometimes anxiety can make us very selfish we just forget others need help and reassurance , chat with you again soon , take care .
Shazamataz
31-07-16, 08:34
I am feeling like I should not be here,started off OK but now feel like no one wants to know me.I know I am not as intelligent as a few on here and I'm not sorry for that,but to ignore me is childish.
Hey Flipp,
I think people just have good days and bad days. I sometimes come on here and just don't feel up to responding to people's threads but other times I like to offer help. I've had threads that nobody has responded to but try not to take it personally. Remember we are all 'unwell' or we wouldn't be here!
You should be here just as much as anyone else :)
I get like that. Totally agree with Buster, things were much simpler without so much technology :D
take a look at my smart recovery post today... mine is to do with alcohol to cure anxiety but its exactly the same thought process and recovery plus ive had to pay for this help and ive uploaded the info on here to help others worldwide....
action.. you text he doesn't reply
belief ..he hates me then your mind instantly logs onto all the times you may have had words or searches for something you may have done wrong negative negative negative, you go searhing for reassurance an absolute classic!!!!!
consequence..anger upset guilt ANXIETY PARANOIA
decision....you dwell on it and the circle starts again
what makes it even worse is if he contacts you nicely in the mean time you are then overwhelmed with guilt over all the shit that went through your head as to why he didn't contact you so the circle starts again
now if you change your belief the other two die a slow death
so the belief is perhaps his phones broke? perhaps hes got his own problems? its no biggie if he hasn't replied he will do in due time I can always call in a couple of days then if he doesn't reply move on were all human
for instance my missus loves texting I do not!! she will write paragraphs I still love her but even I think sometimes will you PISS OFF :roflmao:
rgds ohwell x
NE21 worrier
31-08-16, 22:41
take a look at my smart recovery post today... mine is to do with alcohol to cure anxiety but its exactly the same thought process and recovery plus ive had to pay for this help and ive uploaded the info on here to help others worldwide....
action.. you text he doesn't reply
belief ..he hates me then your mind instantly logs onto all the times you may have had words or searches for something you may have done wrong negative negative negative, you go searhing for reassurance an absolute classic!!!!!
consequence..anger upset guilt ANXIETY PARANOIA
decision....you dwell on it and the circle starts again
what makes it even worse is if he contacts you nicely in the mean time you are then overwhelmed with guilt over all the shit that went through your head as to why he didn't contact you so the circle starts again
now if you change your belief the other two die a slow death
so the belief is perhaps his phones broke? perhaps hes got his own problems? its no biggie if he hasn't replied he will do in due time I can always call in a couple of days then if he doesn't reply move on were all human
for instance my missus loves texting I do not!! she will write paragraphs I still love her but even I think sometimes will you PISS OFF :roflmao:
rgds ohwell x
Thanks for this. Also really helped my perspective - a nifty hit of reality via some genuine CBT.
However, I think perhaps I need to take a break from social media over which I am obsessing too much. It's affecting my anxiety levels which is having a knock-on effect over how much I am eating and sleeping :weep:
Social media and technology has a lot to answer for, and in so many ways.
People's self image (bloody selfies everywhere) and appearance paranoia, not getting replies or 'likes' on Facebook and feeling rejected, not getting responses via Whatsapp and messaging, etc, etc.
I personally sometimes yearn for the days when I was a teen and the internet and mobile phones did not exist.
As far as replies go, there can be many reasons someone doesn't reply. It is just that as anxious people we work ourselves into a flap thinking all kinds of negative things like 'they must hate me', but it just isn't the case. I have been like this myself many a time.
I am also guilty of being the non-responder too though. Sometimes I just havent the will or mental strength to answer messages, am not in the right mood, am tired from my anxiety and depression, etc. Sometimes for people it is just not the right time....nothing personal towards the person messaging.
georgewing
03-09-16, 06:04
Well you cannot upset so fast when a person dont answer you only once maybe its busy in that moment or it has a bad day or it canoot answer and reason can continue .And sometimes we are not in dispozition to speak with everyone and i also want to give you an advice ,maybe a person like you when you speak with him online but if you try to contact too frecvently this person will get iritated its like disperation nobody like this
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.