New Member hoping to get some support

[DreamSky]

Hello everyone.
I heard about this website some weeks ago and finally got the courage to write down and ask for support.
For 10 years that I feel I am an outsider. While everyone would go out, go to parties or even just for a simple friendly dinner, I would always find an excuse and stay home. This made me get distant from all my friends, my family and it is becoming harder and harder to go out of my confort zone.
I feel anxious all the time. I am anxious when going to work or even at work. I am anxious about where or with whom I will have lunch. I am anxious about going to exercise. etc etc.
I feel like my heart is constantly beating faster and I start crying easily.
For the last six months there has not been a day where I dont cry. Sure I have really happy moments, but my mood swings are affecting me and my family a lot. My parents dont know how to deal with me anymore.
During summer period there are so many festivities in town and I can't find enough stenght to go there for some fun. My family is constantly telling me I am a fun breaker and that i am old and dont know how to live life.
Truth is I can't tell them how I actually feel because they dont get it. I´ve tried to explain it several times and they get if for 2/3 days and afterwards we are back to the "old mentality home person".
I started seeing a psycologist some years ago, but it didnt help me until I gave up.
I believe the problem is all in my head. I am an healthy person. The problem is my mind never stops and i think too much. I try to keep busy but even soI can't find a way to move on and get better.
For example, tonight there is this big event in my home town. Millions of people are around. I would truly love to go there, but i feel so afraid. I wonder with whom could I go since I have no friends around, what I would do while there, what if I see people I know? I feel so scared of everything. So it is just easier to stay home and ignore everything around me.
But I want to fight this feeling.
I think it is time to start enjoying life, but all this fear is so "heavy" that is starts breaking me.

Are there any sugestions? For example, should I go out in town today? How can I deal with all these emotions and thoughts? I feel like there us a huge thunderstorm in my brain.

Thank you for reading about my worries.

[SmithsFan]

Hi DreamSky,

I'm sorry to hear things have been so bad for you but there are plenty of people here suffering similar problems and it's always good to know that others understand how you feel.

It does sound like social anxiety rather than health anxiety you are suffering from so people on that board might be better placed to help.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

[Kuatir]

Hi Dreamsky. Relatives and friends understanding is often an issue if they haven't experienced mental health issues themselves. I can understand why. If you say your depressed then why not do something to cheer yourself up. Anxious about something, just stop thinking about it. They need to be more supportive and i don't feel, from what you've written, that you are going to get that anytime soon.

The fight you have ahead of yourself won't be made any easier by this, but you can be strong and you can suceed. It will take a long time, be prepared for that.

With anxiety I was taught that facing your fear is a big part of it. Fight against your anxiety and make yourself go out to the event tonight. Do some muscle strectching and breathing exercises before you go out and try to keep your breathing in check throughout. It will be hard. You won't be cured just by doing this one thing. You will feel better for having done it though.

Going forward give some mindfullness exercises a go, if you don't already. Meditation is hard and is something you have to do consistently for a long time (the rest of your life), but it can help with clearing your mind.