Pregnant and terrified [Archive]

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sienna2

30-07-16, 18:31

Hi everyone,

So I found out I am pregnant (unplanned) and I am so terrified.
I suffered anxiety really badly previously for a few years, and did CBT which really helped.
But since I found out I'm pregnant, all my anxiety has come back tenfold.

As it wasn't a planned pregnancy, I wasn't being particularly careful about my diet or health, so during the first couple of weeks I wasn't perfect and took some medications that I have now found out can cause real problems with the baby. Since I found this out I've felt constantly guilty and terrified I might have done some damage.

As my anxiety has come back so strongly I am also really scared that me being anxious will be effecting the baby. Every waking moment I feel genuine, complete terror about the baby and it's health and the future.

I am a student, live in shared accommodation, could never afford my own place, overall my finances are terrible (around -£2000, not including student loan etc). I can barely afford food and clothing let alone healthy foods and paying for a baby.

The baby's dad is in the picture but we aren't even together and he's become distant with me which has made my anxiety even worse.

Every minute that I'm awake I cry, unless I'm out when I genuinely have to hold back tears til I get back indoors. I'm so scared my baby might be born with a medical problem, mental or physical, because of the medications I took and because of my anxiety I really can't control. I am also really scared that me being upset and crying is also causing damage so I really try not to cry but I can't help it, I just feel so overwhelmed and scared.

I don't know what to do.

Any words of advice or opinion would be really appreciated.

Noivous

30-07-16, 18:50

Have you talked about it with someone close to you...sibling, mom, dad, close friend...that may help in more ways than one.

N.

Carrie8484

30-07-16, 18:52

Sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time !
Firstly, do you mind me asking how old are you/ what stage of your course are you at?
I don't have any children but when I was at Uni I'm sure there were services You could use if you needed support, counselling, if you were a parent, etc. I'm sure there would also be additional financial support if you needed it. I remember taking out hardship loans at uni. Therefore, I'm sure if you contact student services, you will be able to get some advice?. I imagine there will be support for you as an expectant mother too, you won't be the only one out of a college/uni with thousands of students.
If you are worried about your baby and the medication you took, have you spoken to a GP about it? I'm sure they would be able to answer your questions.
Also, there's a good website called mumsnet with loads of information and a big forum on there and I'm sure some of the members could help you out with mum-to-be advice.
Have you told many people yet?

sienna2

30-07-16, 19:13

Sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time !
Firstly, do you mind me asking how old are you/ what stage of your course are you at?

I am 20, and I've just finished my first year so I will be starting my second year in September.

I don't have any children but when I was at Uni I'm sure there were services You could use if you needed support, counselling, if you were a parent, etc. I'm sure there would also be additional financial support if you needed it. I remember taking out hardship loans at uni. Therefore, I'm sure if you contact student services, you will be able to get some advice?. I imagine there will be support for you as an expectant mother too, you won't be the only one out of a college/uni with thousands of students.

Thanks for this, I will definitely ask around once I go back in September. To be honest the money isn't my main worry its just an additional problem.

If you are worried about your baby and the medication you took, have you spoken to a GP about it?

I did speak to several GP's, as well as a few pharmacists, the only one who stuck by the medicine being 'safe' was the doctor who already prescribed it. All of the pharmacists said stay well away during the first trimester. My GP said he isn't worried so I shouldn't be, but I still shouldn't take the medicine, so it's made me really suspicious of listening to doctors as I trusted the first one who knew I was pregnant and still prescribed it.

I'm sure they would be able to answer your questions.
Also, there's a good website called mumsnet with loads of information and a big forum on there and I'm sure some of the members could help you out with mum-to-be advice.

I have signed up to mumset :).. I'm just waiting for their activation email which seems to be taking ages! thanks though, it does look really supportive on there.

Have you told many people yet?

I told the baby's dad, my closest friend, one of my employers as the symptoms really interfered with my work. Apart from that, only medical related people.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. :hugs:

---------- Post added at 18:13 ---------- Previous post was at 18:09 ----------

Have you talked about it with someone close to you...sibling, mom, dad, close friend...that may help in more ways than one.
N.

No family as I'm not ready to tell them.. I have spoken to close friends who are very very supportive but I feel like its impossible for them to feel how bad I am right now. To be honest, I had thought in the past about how I'd feel if I did have an unplanned pregnancy and I always thought I'd be able to deal with it pretty well.. I didn't anticipate all of the things which could go wrong, all the stuff I had to remember, all the medical appointments, and the hormones making me feel so different.

spacebunnyx

30-07-16, 19:22

sienna2

30-07-16, 19:44

Hi Sienna,

I'm in a somewhat similar boat to you... although this was a very much planned pregnancy (IVF). Since finding out I am pregnant (I am 9 weeks along) I have been anxious non-stop....mainly health anxiety but then translates into worrying that my anxiety will affect the babies (yep I'm having twins :doh: )
Just a couple of things I want to say to reassure you:

1) how you are feeling is very normal... even without the hormones. It is life-changing... but you will cope. You are looking for help on here which is a start and shows you care. Think about mothers in war zones... as long as your baby is safe, warm, loved and fed... it will be OK.

2) Have you spoken to your gp yet? They will be able to provide you with support and point you in the right direction.

3) Babies are so resilient... do not worry about behaviours in early pregnancy. when they are tiny (like up to 8 weeks or so)... they get their food from a little sac they make.. not so much from you. I was in hospital with complications from IVF between 4-5 weeks... I was really ill... but the little fighters are doing just fine.. they can go through a lot and thrive, so don't feel guilty.

xxx

Hi spacebunnyx,

Thank you so much for your response! It's so good to hear from someone else who's pregnant on here. It would be lovely to stay in touch if you wanted to speak through our pregnancies? I'm 3 weeks behind you, around 6 weeks.

Yes I have been to my GP, they mentioned a midwife appointment and a 12 week scan but I'm not sure if I have to book them in myself or the GP has referred me. I'll go back or phone them at one point next week to confirm.

I'm really sorry to hear about your complications :( but glad to hear everything is better now; did that rough patch make your anxiety worse, or has it been mainly constant?

Congratulations on your pregnancy though! And twins.. exciting stuff. Good luck with the anxiety xxx

sunset_5

30-07-16, 19:53

Hello!

Many women don't pay attention when they don't know they're pregnant yet, so they smoke, drink alcohol etc. If you stop as soon as you find out about the pregnancy, it should be fine. I don't know what medication you took but you shouldn't feel guilty, you couldn't have known you'd get pregnant. And yes some of the doctors said to stay away from those meds when you're pregnant but could the short time you took them when you didn't know you were pregnant have that much of an effect?

And I completely agree with spacebunny: as long as your baby has safety, warmth, food, and especially love, it will be fine. It might not be the "ideal" situation to raise a child in student accommodation but like others have said, there are certainly ways to get help on campus as well. Sorry to hear that the father of the baby has become distant... that's very irresponsible... But either way I am sure you can do it by yourself too! I'm sure you are stronger than you think and you will be a great mum! Good luck! :)

siwenlot

30-07-16, 20:12

hi,i suffered from agoraphobia ,panic attacks,depression and anxiety while pregnant.i took medications while pregnant I had a healthy baby who is now a happy healthy child. I refered my self to the motherhood and mental health team from my gp visit.i also discussed my problems with my midwife who was lovely and took extra interest in my illness. I hope these services are available to you

KeeKee

30-07-16, 20:58

I know how daunting an unplanned pregnancy can be, this happened to me when I was 17 and I had my daughter when I was 18. Given you are a student it must be quite stressful as you don't even have permanent housing but I know when I had my daughter (2007) you can apply for housing and with you being pregnant you are a priority (or at least you were back in 2007).

Also when you have a child you get child benefit and child tax credits automatically. Plus until that child is a certain age you can also apply for Income Support (might be Universal Credit now though). You will also get housing support etc. Obviously this is all based on you being single, if you will be living with a partner it will be a lot different (and you'll be worse off financially). But assuming you'll be living alone with the baby I don't think you'll have any money worries (i live in the North East though I know some places are more costly). Your student loans won't need to be paid back until you earn over a certain threshold (I got a student loan in 2012 and the threshold then was £21,000).

As for everything else I bet you'll get through some how. Just because a medication can be harmful, doesn't mean it will. My relative was raised without a Father and couldn't care less so try not to worry about being a single parent etc. It'll all be so new to you, but eventually everything will come into place.

---------- Post added at 20:58 ---------- Previous post was at 20:55 ----------

Also my daughter is 9 and I've had depression since she was 8 months old and anxiety for the last 3 years. I've also had BDD for nearly 13 years and my daughter is normal, no mental health issues, no anxieties etc. No low self esteem or anything.

spacebunnyx

31-07-16, 09:21

Hi Sienna,

Yeah def happy to stay in touch. How you feeling today? If at any point from now you are worried about baby you can always request a scan at the early pregnancy unit. They should be able to see something at 6 weeks.

I think normally you book the midwife through the surgery receptionist... that's what they do at mine anyway. I have my midwife appointment at 9w9d.. I booked it at 7 weeks or so. At my GP they do midwife booking in from 10 weeks or so. Personally I would get in touch sooner and get seen earlier than 12 weeks if you can... that way you can access advice and any support that they offer. Scans can be done from 10 weeks ish as well.

I developed a condition called ohss after the fertility treatment... it was really unexpected and I was pretty ill without even realising it.... my blood work went nuts and I swelled up like a water balloon. I think that plus my hormones plus my history of infertility plus the medication I'm on (I'm on a load of the stuff to keep this pregnancy) is affecting me psychologically. Buy trying hard to stay ok for them.

Xxx