NoNameNoFace
01-08-16, 21:01
For the longest time I can think of I've had depression and anxiety of some sort, though it's never been diagnosed. Lately, and by lately I mean since around April, I've had a plauging thought that seems to come and go about sexual acts with a family member. They're things that disgust me, don't turn me on, and all around I find sickening to think about. However they sometimes plague my mind and I can't stop thinking about them like a constant, weighing hell that never wants to let up. I'm terrified of becoming aroused and it's worse when I am aroused and with a partner and the thoughts come to my mind, and I start worrying I'm only aroused because of them. I've been trying so hard to just move past this and get over the thoughts but they're around and now somehow linked to my anxiety. When I get anxious I think of it no matter the circumstances, and it's to the point where I feel weak and just don't want to fight anymore. I've had to call a suicide hotline due to this in the past (though I didn't want to kill myself) because it was so overwhelming and I desperately needed somebody to talk too.
I know I am not aroused by these thoughts because for one I'm gay, and the person in question is the opposite gender. It's linked to a particular kink that I find myself slightly ashamed of so I wonder if it's related to that. I feel really alone a lot of the time and even when I talk to my boyfriend or friends I trust about it I still feel alone and helpless and like nothing can help me. It's been so long that I worry it'll never go away.
I know I am not aroused by these thoughts because for one I'm gay, and the person in question is the opposite gender. It's linked to a particular kink that I find myself slightly ashamed of so I wonder if it's related to that. I feel really alone a lot of the time and even when I talk to my boyfriend or friends I trust about it I still feel alone and helpless and like nothing can help me. It's been so long that I worry it'll never go away.