Mojo61
02-08-16, 13:45
Here we go again lol...
4 weeks in today on my 20mg Citalopram increase. Been on Cit for 4 months now all told: 12 weeks @ 10mg and 4 weeks @ 20mg. Been through hell in that time but I have stuck with it, mainly due to the encouragement and support from all the lovely people on the forum who have been through similar and have reassured me that in time these tablets WILL work and I WILL get better.
Yesterday I felt slightly different. I can't put my finger on it except to say things seemed slightly brighter if that makes sense? And I don't mean in my mind because that was still as buggered as its been since all this crap started last November, but things seemed brighter, like the sky for instance which seemed lighter and more "alive" than it has been for months. It is so difficult to put into words because there are no words to describe the sensation, but that awful, gloomy, foggy sensation was slightly better although I didn't feel happier per se.
And today it has happened again, and here's the rub; I'm absolutely petrified - yes, you read that correctly, I am metaphorically crapping myself because for 8 months now I've lived with this monster day in day out and I'm so scared that it is lulling me into a trap again and it is suddenly going to hit me just as I think I'm finally on the up. I don't think I could bear that, I'd rather know if that's going to happen but of course how could I know?
I guess what I'm asking is how does one come to terms with this recovery business (if indeed that's what it is) and how do I handle the fact that I might just be imagining all this and then it is going to come back and get me again?
What a dope I am, but I've never suffered from anxiety or anything like that prior to this happening so I don't know what to expect. All I know is that I'm scared, really scared, and I kind of rely on you guys to point me in the right direction now. Sorry! :blush:
4 weeks in today on my 20mg Citalopram increase. Been on Cit for 4 months now all told: 12 weeks @ 10mg and 4 weeks @ 20mg. Been through hell in that time but I have stuck with it, mainly due to the encouragement and support from all the lovely people on the forum who have been through similar and have reassured me that in time these tablets WILL work and I WILL get better.
Yesterday I felt slightly different. I can't put my finger on it except to say things seemed slightly brighter if that makes sense? And I don't mean in my mind because that was still as buggered as its been since all this crap started last November, but things seemed brighter, like the sky for instance which seemed lighter and more "alive" than it has been for months. It is so difficult to put into words because there are no words to describe the sensation, but that awful, gloomy, foggy sensation was slightly better although I didn't feel happier per se.
And today it has happened again, and here's the rub; I'm absolutely petrified - yes, you read that correctly, I am metaphorically crapping myself because for 8 months now I've lived with this monster day in day out and I'm so scared that it is lulling me into a trap again and it is suddenly going to hit me just as I think I'm finally on the up. I don't think I could bear that, I'd rather know if that's going to happen but of course how could I know?
I guess what I'm asking is how does one come to terms with this recovery business (if indeed that's what it is) and how do I handle the fact that I might just be imagining all this and then it is going to come back and get me again?
What a dope I am, but I've never suffered from anxiety or anything like that prior to this happening so I don't know what to expect. All I know is that I'm scared, really scared, and I kind of rely on you guys to point me in the right direction now. Sorry! :blush: