Where am I in recovery? I don't know!

[Debs21uk]

So here we are into 4 weeks stabilising on one dose after all my ups and downs and I can say I feel less depressed which is good as I have this along with my anxiety. However the side effects of ups and downs has set off worrying about my anxiety! It's like the worry about feeling low has been replaced with worry about being anxious. I know everything about anxiety so I know I shouldn't fear it but I do. It's stopped me going out and about so I'm sure that doesn't help sitting thinking about how I feel!

I've been given benzos but I don't want to get used to taking them as I don't want to become dependent on them.

I am a bit less in my head but I just think if the tablets were working the way they should then I shouldn't be swapping one worry for another. I tried to go up to 40mg of cit twice but my anxiety skyrocketed and I got tremors, now I'm thinking was that just side effects and should I have stuck it out?

Seeing a psych on Friday for the first time in 12yrs so I keep telling myself just a few days til I get proper advice. I have no idea whether the cit is working anymore as it usually deals with both the anxiety and depression. I've wrote down everything that has happened though in case I forget on the day.

I don't have a clue where I stand. Any advice?