Afraid of being an annoyance

[Anathema]

I have a good friend I message daily, and sometimes call for long periods of time.

Everytime we talk (usually about writing or just our days in general, or similar feelings of depression or anxiety, sometimes serious moral conversations, really anything), I am self-conscious that my messaging is annoying him, even when he messages first or is responding with multi-paragraph additions to the conversatio,.

Sometimes I lose track of time, and we message back and forth all day, and I apologize for doing so, and sometimes if we've been talking for a while and I notice, I ask if he would rather be left alone, whatever...

He always responds with something alone the lines of, "Sorry? No, don't be," and assures me he loves speaking to me, has said I could never be an annoyance to him, and that I'm genuinely his favorite person to speak with, that he greatly appreciates and looks forward to hearing from me, and promised that he meant it and wasn't just saying that to be nice. If I don't message for a couple days out of being self-conscious, he usually asks me if I'm okay and seems upset.

But like...it isn't sinking in. I don't know. We get along so well, but I'm convinced I'm just being humored and that I'm a nuisance to him. And he has done more than enough to assure me otherwise. I can't ask for reassurance because that actually WOULD be annoying, and it's unrealistic to expect that. How can I make this click?

[HalfJack]

I know how you feel, I feel like that often too.
Sounds like you have a really nice thing going with your friend, lovely.

I think you've made the right choice in not asking for more assurance. The fact you recognise it's an issue not related to his treatment of you is great.
I guess it's a self esteem issue? So maybe look for a way to build your general self esteem?

Sorry I don't have any advice to offer, but keep reminding yourself that he likes talking to you and wants you to be part of his day. That's all good stuff :)

[Noivous]

I definitely don't think he is saying things to be polite. One doesn't say...you are my favorite person to talk to...to be polite. It sounds like he likes you very much. Enjoy your time with him.

N.

[dale12345]

I am exactly the same way I'm constantly apologizing , always thinking that people are just putting up with me . It doesn't sound like that , your mind is just making you think this. I agree with Noivous, enjoy it.

[Joonyer]

Yep agreed - and I often sit and think about how I must have definitely been annoying to X person on X date months ago. Drives me up the wall.

The only answer I've found is distraction. I keep busy. Also the headspace app is a godsend.

I'm sure you're not an annoyance at all mate, you're just cursed with a faulty brain! Try not to let it rule you - life is short so make the best of it and remember, you're absolutely not alone in this!

Matt

[dale12345]

I get the same way , I'm so scared of someone actually not liking me I freak out. Always think I am a problem. But you sound like a nice person, don't be so hard on your self. Depression and anxiety hurt your self-esteem and when you have bad self-esteem you think no one likes you .

[JediWitt]

I feel similar, except I worry that people are just being nice to me because they feel they have to. It makes it difficult to have trust in people... But my Mum keeps saying to me (and she speaks words of wisdom lol) that if you are worrying about something you might be worrying to much. Though it's easier said then done, enjoy their company - they wouldn't say "don't worry about it" if they didn't care about you. It seems you have a good understanding of one another.
If you ever want to talk to anyone else pm me.

May the Force Be With You.

[brucealmighty]

its tricky at times but as friends you need to be able to be honest too, so if you really need to talk thats fine, but by the same token there may come a day when you`ll be asked to call back the next day, or maybe ease off a little?

if that happens try not to be offended and realise real honesty can sometimes niggle but its a sign of true friendship when you can share on that level