HIV anxiety :(

[adamfett007]

I had unprotected sex with a male and female 4 months ago. I took a test at 91 days and at 125. It's been a little longer than 4 months, but the female may have been a week later. I've talked many times to ppl on HIV hotlines. They say I don't have to worry. That after 3 month ALL HIV tests will test conclusively negative if you are indeed negative. Both my tests came back negative. Am I I'm the clear? I can't eat or sleep.....i can go another day with this anxiety. I'm constantly look up things on the web. HELP!!!!

---------- Post added at 17:04 ---------- Previous post was at 16:49 ----------

Anyone? :(

[Fishmanpa]

I would go with what the experts have said as opposed to people on an internet anxiety forum. From what they said, you're good.

Positive thoughts

[ServerError]

I'm curious - what do you think a bunch of fellow anxiety sufferers know that experts on HIV hotlines don't?

I think you've already had the answers you need on this.

You know what to do in the future, don't you?

[adamfett007]

I need assurance....

[Fishmanpa]

I need assurance....

You already have that... But if it helps, you're good.

Positive thoughts

[ServerError]

I need assurance....

You've already had it from the HIV hotlines and the tests you've taken.

The two answers you've received on here should also provide some.

What more assurance can you get?

---------- Post added at 01:12 ---------- Previous post was at 01:11 ----------


You already have that... But if it helps, you're good.

Positive thoughts

You're on fire tonight. I can't keep up.

[adamfett007]

I know what to do. It's hard to accept. I don't know why..what it relieving is that I can finally talk to ppl about it. It's really hard to let go of...i can't accept that I'm ok. I need absolute assurance.

---------- Post added at 17:17 ---------- Previous post was at 17:13 ----------

I come from a very poor place, and I am worried that the tests they do for HIV at the free walk in clinic are sub par compared to ppl who can easily access the most recent Gen tests.

[Fishmanpa]

You're on fire tonight. I can't keep up.

HA! We're on the same page Server...

Nothing more can be said Adam. Perhaps consulting with a mental health professional would be prudent at this point.

A little story before I go...

There was a member here that thought he had lymphoma.... FOR EIGHT YEARS! He went from doctor to doctor, had countless tests. All were negative. Despite being told he had anxiety, he persisted in his obsession and fantasy to the point that he finally found a doctor that performed an invasive surgical procedure to remove the nodes in his groin. Guess what? NOTHING! He still didn't believe that and constantly posted here. Despite being advised by everyone here and in real life, he refused to get professional help for his real illness. It got to the point where no one responded anymore and he moved on. Don't be that person!

Life is accepting that there is never 100% assurance of anything.

Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[adamfett007]

I just want to know....can I move on and go forward with my plans for marriage, bodybuilding, and being a father??? I don't need to be worried about HIV, right?????

[ServerError]

I know what to do. It's hard to accept. I don't know why..what it relieving is that I can finally talk to ppl about it. It's really hard to let go of...i can't accept that I'm ok. I need absolute assurance.

---------- Post added at 17:17 ---------- Previous post was at 17:13 ----------

I come from a very poor place, and I am worried that the tests they do for HIV at the free walk in clinic are sub par compared to ppl who can easily access the most recent Gen tests.

Absolute reassurance is something health anxiety sufferers often cry out for. I know I did. It's a rare thing in life, sadly. The whole thing about death and taxes is unfortunately accurate. However, in your case, you have had complete reassurance. You've been tested. You've spoken to experts. You're good.

As for your point about poverty, this is classic twisted thinking where you're performing mental gymnastics in order to convince yourself you do have an HIV infection. However, testing for HIV is very straightforward these days and happens all around the world, including some of the poorest parts of Africa. If you've had more than one result come back all clear, you shouldn't give it any more thought.

What you should do is treat this experience as a lesson. There are things you can do to avoid this happening again. Protected sex is a good starting point. If anxiety is affecting your life, you should seek treatment for this condition.

All we are here is a collection of people with various anxiety disorders. There may be the odd sexual health professional who comes here, I don't know, but I doubt it. All we can do is apply logic to what you tell us. In doing so, I can only conclude you do not have HIV. I would suggest tackling your anxiety issues.

Hope this is in some way helpful to you.

[adamfett007]

I just want to know....can I move on and go forward with my plans for marriage, bodybuilding, and being a father??? I don't need to be worried about HIV, right?????

---------- Post added at 17:48 ---------- Previous post was at 17:32 ----------

???

---------- Post added at 19:26 ---------- Previous post was at 18:48 ----------

No one?? :(

[ServerError]

Adam - Go back and read through the thread. This question has already been answered.

[adamfett007]

Well, I woke up this morning still feeling anxious. I cannot stop thinking about HIV! I get short of breath. I'm trying my best to be rational. I am currently awaiting the results of a 3rd test. Maybe that's what's fueling my anxiety. I want to put this behind me so bad! I'm sorry if I come across a little too worried. I just need support right now. :(

[ServerError]

No apology required, my friend.

I hope the results of the third test put your mind at ease. However, if they don't, you must begin to tackle the anxiety spiral you're in. Because you don't want to get trapped in it.

[adamfett007]

How do I start the process of moving on?

[Fishmanpa]

How do I start the process of moving on?

Every state in the US has a mental health hotline. Instead of Googling HIV, Google mental health in your state. They'll help you find someone in your area to help and offer a caring ear to listen. Or, visit your GP and ask for a referral.

Positive thoughts

[adamfett007]

One last question and I'll stop....I don't have to give HIV another thought because two tests (3rd pending) past the 3 month window period, several HIV counselors telling me that the tests are conclusive, and ,most importantly, I don't have HIV?

[Worrywonka]

One last question and I'll stop....I don't have to give HIV another thought because two tests (3rd pending) past the 3 month window period, several HIV counselors telling me that the tests are conclusive, and ,most importantly, I don't have HIV?

For ****s sake man ..

[adamfett007]

I took another test today....negative. I'm trying to leave this behind me....

[adamfett007]

Well, I've taken my 6 month test yesterday. 3 days past the mark actually. It was negative. I mean, its the 6 months since March 10th. The "true" 6 month test would technically land on September 21st. Since I had I encounter with a woman on March 25th. I feel comforted. In some ways, im still a little worried. I know its probably safe to move on. I cant move on from "probably". I haven't had anyone to talk to about this whole thing. The most extreme modern guidelines for almost all countries say 3 months is conclusive. I MUST move on. When I think of "late seroconversion", I know that its more or less a myth. I know that "Late serconversion" is something that happened with the earliest antibody tests in the 80s, and its not a legitimate worry nowadays. Modern testing requires you to take a base line test at 4 weeks, and claim your conclusive result with a 12/13 week follow up test. I'm also aware that the 6 month guideline hasn't been in effect since 2004. I know that unless you:

1. Have a immune deficiency that would almost always be diagnosed at birth because of a increased susceptibility to infections at a young age.
2. Are a chronic IV drug user.
3. Taking Chemo medication.
4. Taking anti rejection drugs following a organ transplant.
5. Are in the end stages of cancer.

And even then, it MAY (meaning its theoretical) take 6 months to seroconversion.

[LittleMissAlone]

It might help Adam if you told us why you had unprotected sex in the first place? Obviously make sure you use condoms in future so you won't go through this again.

[adamfett007]

The honest to God truth...It NEVER crossed my mind. Idk why....I never really was told about HIV or AIDS. I'm glad to be negative this far out...im taking one final "true" 6 month test on the 21st.

[LittleMissAlone]

You're fine Adam! You've had a wake up call, so don't forget again!

Slightly worrying that the sex education you've had didn't cover the AIDS and HIV viruses. It was drilled into us.

[adamfett007]

Deep down, I can "feel that i'm ok". Its just hard!!!! There is a rational answer to all the irrational questions HIV anxiety conjures up. A part of me wonders: "After all that dirtiness you did, you somehow didnt get ANY STIs. How?". I guess I'm just lucky. I really have no idea how to move forward. As of right now my HIV anxiety is making me worry that I may be one of the seronegative ppl who dont produce antibodies for HIV ELISA tests.

[paranoid-viking]

I had unprotected sex with a male and female 4 months ago. I took a test at 91 days and at 125. It's been a little longer than 4 months, but the female may have been a week later. I've talked many times to ppl on HIV hotlines. They say I don't have to worry. That after 3 month ALL HIV tests will test conclusively negative if you are indeed negative. Both my tests came back negative. Am I I'm the clear? I can't eat or sleep.....i can go another day with this anxiety. I'm constantly look up things on the web. HELP!!!!

---------- Post added at 17:04 ---------- Previous post was at 16:49 ----------

Anyone? :(


I am not an excpert on HIV; I am sorry. But if all the excpert says you are clear you should trust them on that. I would.

---------- Post added at 23:31 ---------- Previous post was at 23:25 ----------


I just want to know....can I move on and go forward with my plans for marriage, bodybuilding, and being a father??? I don't need to be worried about HIV, right?????

---------- Post added at 17:48 ---------- Previous post was at 17:32 ----------

???

---------- Post added at 19:26 ---------- Previous post was at 18:48 ----------

No one?? :(

Yes you can. You dont have HIV. And even if you had HIV, which you dont; it is no longer the death threat it used to be in the 1980s and 1990s as there are very effective medicines nowadays that keeps the virus under control and makes it possible to live a long and healthy life with HIV. But you dont have HIV som those medicines are not an issue for you.

[adamfett007]

I've had the WORST anxiety attack tonight......I have a young son & a great fiancee....So much to lose.....

[Phuzella]

Yes you have a lot to lose so what you're feeling is guilt. You need to work on that. And make sure you don't go having dodgy sex again.

[GadGirl]

The feelings of guilt, sound like they are causing the anxiety and our anxiety can focus on specific thing yours happens to be HIV, your tests have come back that you are ok, but I would advice that you don't betray your partner again.

[smiles]

Have you been using safe methods with your fiancée? Since your unexpected sex??

[adamfett007]

Me and my girlfriend have not had sex in our relationship. I'm glad for that. Everything I read tells me I can move on. Everything ppl tell me, tells me im fine. I have to accpett hat I'm ok, and that HIV isnt easy to catch. Man...Life is a TRIP! I smoke alot of weed and drink a ton of coffee. Do those cause anxiety?

[smiles]

I Used to smoke a lot of resin no problem, as soon as i started on weed my anxiety went through the roof!! coffee really makes anxiety worse as well, i kicked the weed, but didnt manage to stop the coffee!
Basicaly any sort of stimulants will not help with anxiety, they may seem fine at the time but there is almost always some sort of come down, from pills to chocolate, some are worth the come down, but not all!
Good luck, and for Christs sake use protection!

[Phuzella]

I'd say weed can make anxiety worse definitely. Too much caffeine is bad too.

[adamfett007]

I just wish I knew %100 that I'm ok...

---------- Post added at 10:17 ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 ----------

Today is one of my better days. I feel great actually. The 21st is fast approaching for my final test. I dont need to retest again for these reasons:

1.all science now shows that HIV can be detected as ear;y as 8 weeks and as late has 3 months.

2.Im not a iv drug used, on chemo, or have hep abc,or have a suppressed immune system.

Chances the ppl i was with had hiv is very unlikely, the chance of hetro infection makes it even more unlikely.....i know im ok..i cant seem to accpet it. im not over worried anymore..just guilty i guess.

[adamfett007]

I'm so afraid that I'm a "Late Seroconverter". I read reassuring things about the accuracy of modern tests, yet I also read legitimate things. I know alot of factors may HAVE contributed to delayed seroconversion. I emphasize "have" because modern tests are SUPER sensitive! Older tests couldn't pick up smaller amounts of HIV anti-bodies, but modern tests can.

[Phuzella]

Guilt. Could you talk to someone about how you're feeling? A counsellor or similar. Getting it off your chest would be helpful.

[ServerError]

I get the feeling you'd really benefit from some therapy, Adam. It seems like you know logically you don't have HIV, but you are struggling with an anxious mind that won't allow you to accept it fully. You're also dealing with feelings of guilt. You could do with talking this out with someone.

You need to stop seeking out information online, though. You'll never get the 100% reassurance you want from Google. It doesn't work like that.

[adamfett007]

You're right...I think im getting over it day by day. Today i feel 99% confident. I'm looking into maybe becoming a HIV counselor. Idk what the 1st step in that is. hahah!!! I hate HIV, and I have a heart for ppl who have it, or are scared they might have been exposed....

[ServerError]

HIV isn't the death sentence it once was. People with HIV are able to live rich and full lives. Though, of course, it remains important to practice safe sex.

That said, you don't have HIV. It's great that you want to help others. I'm sure Google could be useful in helping you work out how to do that, as long as that's all you Google!

[adamfett007]

Thats for sure! My biggest fear is that I will let this go, get married, pursue bodybuilding, test someday in the future and find out im positive from this experience.

[adamfett007]

There are cases of ppl who don't even produce antibodies to HIV. Some ppl have negative tests even when they're positive. I'm freaking out! Today isn't good day at all! :(

[Fishmanpa]

There are cases of ppl who don't even produce antibodies to HIV. Some ppl have negative tests even when they're positive. I'm freaking out! Today isn't good day at all! :(

Knowing by scientific medical tests you're fine vs. what I'm dealing with?

Trade ya!

Positive thoughts

[Pipkin]

Adam,

The long and short of what people are telling you is:


You've done the right thing getting tested.
The tests are negative and you've listened to the medical professionals - you don't have HIV.
Take better care next time or don't do it again. That's your call, we're not here to judge.
Get help with your anxiety. If you don't, the HIV worry will just be replaced by something else and the whole cycle will start again, or you'll start believing you've caught HIV from impossible sources.

If people sound blunt, it's because they've seen this escalate so many times and they're trying to stop this happening to you. The earlier you catch anxiety and deal with it. The better chance of recovery you have.

Take care

Pip

[adamfett007]

Ok...I think I'm ready to move on. I don't know why I get this really scared feeling even thinking about not looking up HIV stuff. Tell me how to move on, and things I can do to move on. Thanks!

[Pipkin]

Adam,

Start by keeping busy and also learning to relax. There are lots of relaxation tools out there which can look a bit hippy at first but you'll be surprised how well they work when you've practised. The people who manage anxiety the best are the ones who can balance a structured work routine with rewarding down time where they really switch off. Focus on the things that are important in your life like your son and fiancée, doing some things together that you enjoy.

If you feel yourself getting anxious about irrational things, talk to friends/family about it and see if you can keep it under control. If not, consider talking about some basic therapy with your doctor.

It sounds like you'll be fine as long as you catch yourself before you get caught in the vicious circle.

Good luck

Pip

[adamfett007]

Good morning. Today is a special day. If I did the math right, that would make today the last official day of the longest window period of 6 months. I want to get tested again. Maybe it will help me, maybe I need to just leave it be now...i don't know. I WILL conquer this. I wanted to thank all of you for being so nice to me. You guys have been patient, and I appreciate it! I don't know where to go from here....I wish I could talk to a HIV specialist.

[ServerError]

The reason you wish you could talk to an HIV specialist is because you have anxiety (and probably OCD). You don't need another test, and all seeing a specialist would do is take up time that he/she could be dedicating to somebody who genuinely needs their attention.

I think you do recognise that you're trapped in a thought process that is well outside of rationality. You do have it in you to get past this, but you won't just suddenly beat it out of the blue. It's a process. Some benefit from medication, but others don't, and still others choose to move forward without it. But one thing that I'm sure would be of help to you is therapy. That should be the direction you go in. You need to deal with whatever it is that is making you feel like you might have contracted HIV even though you haven't, just like I had to tackle my worries that I had schizophrenia and other things.

[adamfett007]

I know! I'm coming to terms with it. Here is the last hurdle I need to get over to be free. I HAVE to know if delayed seroconversion is really a urban myth, and not grounded in reality.

[ServerError]

You really do not have to know that. You're simply trapped in a very challenging, very upsetting thought process that makes you believe you have to know that.

Let me ask you this: if you'd had a test come back positive, would you have doubted it? Would you be worried that your doctor's treatments for HIV were unnecessary and doing more harm than good because the test might have been wrong? I bet you would have believed it there and then.

You really are fine, Adam. I appreciate that getting you to accept that is going to be difficult because, as I say, you are trapped in this spiral right now. But instead of stressing about things like "seroconversion", which nobody outside the medical field even needs to know about, you need to challenge this thought process.

[adamfett007]

....

[Fishmanpa]

Why you feel the need to elaborate on your initial post with way too much TMI I don't know but at this point, IMO, nothing anyone can or will say will help. 5 pages of reassurance along with several scientific medical tests have shown you to be Ok.

What's not Ok is your anxiety over this and that's the real illness that needs to be addressed.

Positive thoughts

[adamfett007]

I just thought it would help......

[ServerError]

I've only been on the forum six months, but I've seen this kind of thing numerous times. It's reaching the point where I feel I can't add anything more. You already have your answers via the doctors and the tests. But you can't accept them. This points to a psychological difficulty. It is this that needs to be tackled.

Posting a wall or text about wha happened on a forum of anxiety sufferers is far less productive than seeking expert help with your issue. You don't have HIV. You do have an anxiety disorder (I guess OCD, but I'm no expert).

[MyNameIsTerry]

Remember we have kids and young adults on here too, this isn't an adult forum. You don't need to give that level of detail and it's worth toning it down for others.

Ask yourself this question; If I can stop this level of anxiety by knowing a test or getting a response, why is it affecting me so much in the first place? My experience is that very few can move on and just start picking holes in the tests or doctors decisions or their anxiety just shifts to something else.

So, do you think you can just put it behind you after these tests? In my opinion, people who can are very unlikely to be a forum like this. They are getting on with things or join relevant forums for the health issue (don't do this if you have HA).

[adamfett007]

I apoligize for the TMI. I just thought it would help. Anyways, yes, i do believe if i can somehow get some closure to my final question.

[ServerError]

Why would an answer to this question solve your problem when all the tests and reassurance have failed to do so up to this point?

You don't need an answer to this question. You need to tackle your thought process as this is what is causing your suffering.

[Mercime]

I apoligize for the TMI. I just thought it would help. Anyways, yes, i do believe if i can somehow get some closure to my final question.

No, its way too much info about how you had sex and it isn't necessary, not to mention crossing the line of decency when the forum is open to minors - and I would feel no different if this had been details of a male/female experience. Can you please edit your post and remove the in depth details that aren't pertinent? It seems like you are getting some kind of enjoyment from relaying it all so graphically.

As for your question, you've had great answers. Please take them on board.

[smiles]

I completely agree, it sounds like you are getting off on posting the details of your sexual encounter. Please edit your post, there is no need to post it on here, when minors would be subjected to it, that is bordering on cyber abuse, regardless of your sexuality. I'm sure you can find numerous adult sites to post that much info on, if that's what floats your boat.
Maybe you will learn your lesson and use condoms next time? No risk... No worry and anxiety. Not really rocket science!!

[adamfett007]

Don't post on my thread if you don't have anything to add. I didn't come here to be judged. Get off? You serious? I won't be posting here anymore. That is too ****ing far.

[Mercime]

You weren't being judged, the graphic sexual content of your post was what was being judged. There are kids that use this forum and for that reason, people should use a bit of discretion when they write - you didn't, and forum users do have the right to point this out..luckily a moderator has edited out the parts that were too graphic.

If you don't want to post here, that's your call. There has been loads of advice given so hopefully it has been of some use to you.

[Fishmanpa]

I won't be posting here anymore. That is too ****ing far.

Probably for the best as you don't have HIV. Being that I'm personally dealing with something "real", I have no issue with you taking your leave.

Good luck and as always

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I completely agree, it sounds like you are getting off on posting the details of your sexual encounter. Please edit your post, there is no need to post it on here, when minors would be subjected to it, that is bordering on cyber abuse, regardless of your sexuality. I'm sure you can find numerous adult sites to post that much info on, if that's what floats your boat.
Maybe you will learn your lesson and use condoms next time? No risk... No worry and anxiety. Not really rocket science!!

Complete & total nonsense. :doh: Cyber abuse is a real problem, it's not someone going a bit OTT with detail on a forum predominantly frequented by adults.

---------- Post added at 05:39 ---------- Previous post was at 05:25 ----------


Don't post on my thread if you don't have anything to add. I didn't come here to be judged. Get off? You serious? I won't be posting here anymore. That is too ****ing far.

Adam,

I'm certainly not judging you. I couldn't care less about your sexuality and what you have done as long as it's all consensual. I just wanted to give you a nudge over the graphic nature of one of your posts. There is plenty of TMI mostly found on the HA and Symptoms boards whether it is poo or women's discharge issues. I don't want to read some of those but it's just a bodily function at the end of the day and I click off the threads.

Graphic sexual posting is just a bit too far on a mixed forum like this BUT you have stated you were not aware and thought it would help and have also deleted it all out. You only needed to remove a few bits really.

You are pretty new so won't be aware that sometimes we get trolls signing up to create a thread about graphic sexual exploits. I think it is unfair that you have been judged on that basis when you only posted that several pages in and sorted it out when a few of us mentioned about younger people being on here. Forum members need to remember that we all make mistakes, it's what we do from there that matters too.

You don't need to leave the forum, and certainly not because one, two or half a dozen members may dislike something. We are all guests here, we are not Admins or the site owner. And like you said, leave the thread if you dislike something - the exact same advice given time & again by Admin trying to stop arguments across the forum. In this case, it's a bit of a misunderstanding and hopefully everyone can see the reality and the situation calms down.

I seriously don't believe you have HIV. Like ServerError, I suspect an anxiety disorder and HIV/AIDS fears are a well known OCD theme. Without knowing more about your past history with anxiety, I wouldn't be thinking OCD immediately but anxiety is obviously a big factor. This is why I posed that question to you, because these disorders don't just vanish because you get an all clear or a medical professional telling you that's it's all fine. So, be honest with yourself and think hard why you are chasing reassurance from a bunch of strangers on an anxiety forum. My anxiety started at 30 and I can tell you 100% there is no way [before that] I would have come on here in your situation, I would have asked a doctor, maybe even a couple, looked on HIV/AIDS websites or called one of the help lines. I would certainly be worried, but I wouldn't be looking for holes in all the extremely accurate tests to find rare cases of someone out there who it failed for. That's a classic anxiety disorder trait and it can be seen that you can't accept what others on here have said and chase for more reassurance. So, read about this type of anxiety and be honest with yourself about whether you fit into it and need some mental health support.

And if you believe you have an anxiety problem, this forum is the exact right place to be. If you are asking for advice about HIV and just have some low level worry, you want a HIV type forum.

With obvious respect, if something is triggering, take a step back and read other threads. We can all be going through various levels of problems in our lives, and not everyone likes to talk about them on here so we never know what's going on, but if something upsets someone it's worth taking some breathing space and coming back to the thread, if needed.

[adamfett007]

Hey guys! I've tested negative at 10 months now! Looking back from where I was, I can't believe I made it this far. I feel alright most of the time. I'm still dealing with a few last anxieties. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm ever going to be ok.

---------- Post added at 17:14 ---------- Previous post was at 17:12 ----------

I smoke see alot. Not with that big of a circle, but mainly its with my mom and brother. I'm scared to smoke with my brother. It was very therapeutic for me, but now I can't stop worrying about getting HIV from sharing joints. I'm even scared to use the restroom!

[Miznuvem0412]

I know what to do. It's hard to accept. I don't know why..what it relieving is that I can finally talk to ppl about it. It's really hard to let go of...i can't accept that I'm ok. I need absolute assurance.

---------- Post added at 17:17 ---------- Previous post was at 17:13 ----------

I come from a very poor place, and I am worried that the tests they do for HIV at the free walk in clinic are sub par compared to ppl who can easily access the most recent Gen tests.



Any generation whether third or fourth tests will be able to pick up hiv antibodies at 90 days post exposure .

Fourth generations are able to pick up both antigens /antibodies which means they can detect hiv at 28 days exposure . Free clinics I believe use the hiv rapid tests which should be conclusive at 90 days

What is it that you're looking to hear that you have hiv when different tests at different dates have told you otherwise ? No symptoms of whatever we say trumps getting tested. Accept the fact that you don't have hiv ... anxiety is based on fear and lies .

---------- Post added at 01:58 ---------- Previous post was at 01:55 ----------


Hey guys! I've tested negative at 10 months now! Looking back from where I was, I can't believe I made it this far. I feel alright most of the time. I'm still dealing with a few last anxieties. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm ever going to be ok.

---------- Post added at 17:14 ---------- Previous post was at 17:12 ----------

I smoke see alot. Not with that big of a circle, but mainly its with my mom and brother. I'm scared to smoke with my brother. It was very therapeutic for me, but now I can't stop worrying about getting HIV from sharing joints. I'm even scared to use the restroom!


You don't get hiv from public bathrooms nor from sharing joints with your mother .

That virus doesn't survive outside the human body for more than a few mins it's very fragile . So no you won't get it drone using a public toilet :yesyes:

[GlassPinata]

Hey guys! I've tested negative at 10 months now!


May I be the voice of reason here and say, "Congratulations, sir! You do not- i repeat DO NOT- have HIV." :)
Welcome to the rest of your life. What are you going to do with it?

Best wishes.

[adamfett007]

Hey guys!!! I thought a last nail in the coffin would be enough to help me move on, so I did another test yesterday, and got the results today. Another negative!!! But now im scared again...kind of. While I was waiting for my results, I went to my friends house to buy a few marijuana joints. As i was smoking them, I realized i swallowed a few pieces of weed that came loose from the end of the joint. Was this an exposure? Since my friend uses rolling papers and must lick the paper to make it adhere.

[GlassPinata]

Hey guys!!! I thought a last nail in the coffin would be enough to help me move on, so I did another test yesterday, and got the results today. Another negative!!! But now im scared again...kind of. While I was waiting for my results, I went to my friends house to buy a few marijuana joints. As i was smoking them, I realized i swallowed a few pieces of weed that came loose from the end of the joint. Was this an exposure? Since my friend uses rolling papers and must lick the paper to make it adhere.

You are about as likely to get HIV in this manner as you would be from shaking hands with someone. Or using a public toilet. I mean, AIDS germs could be lurking in there, right? Or even talking to someone. I mean, a microscopic fleck of saliva could fly out of their mouth and into yours while you were talking, right? :wacko:

Loosen up and live a little. Or else invest in a full-body latex suit, goggles, and a respirator, and wear these things for the rest of your life.

Best wishes.

[Fishmanpa]

Hey guys!!! I thought a last nail in the coffin would be enough to help me move on, so I did another test yesterday, and got the results today. Another negative!!! But now im scared again...kind of. While I was waiting for my results, I went to my friends house to buy a few marijuana joints. As i was smoking them, I realized i swallowed a few pieces of weed that came loose from the end of the joint. Was this an exposure? Since my friend uses rolling papers and must lick the paper to make it adhere.

With respect.... Seriously?

Positive thoughts

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think you need to have a think about whether you honestly believe you are anxiety free and recovered. The things you are saying are based on Irrational thinking, negative thinking. Someone with no anxiety just wouldn't consider scenarios like this.

[adamfett007]

I know im not fully recovered..its hard when you try and do it alone. I know it sounds stupid to you, but to me it stops me dead in my tracks. I dont want to live this way forever. I have alittle boy who is depending on me, and a beautiful woman who wants nothing but a future with me.....i want to do everything possible..i tried looking for a counselor, but im from a indian reservation, so there is virtually no outlets to get any mental health help. I also dont think smoking weed as been helping me

[GlassPinata]

I know im not fully recovered..its hard when you try and do it alone. I know it sounds stupid to you, but to me it stops me dead in my tracks. I dont want to live this way forever. I have alittle boy who is depending on me, and a beautiful woman who wants nothing but a future with me.....i want to do everything possible..i tried looking for a counselor, but im from a indian reservation, so there is virtually no outlets to get any mental health help. I also dont think smoking weed as been helping me

I hear you. I'm in the same boat: uninsured.
It is hard to help yourself, but it is possible. There are people on this forum who have done it.
I think first, you should research how rare HIV actually is. How unlikely it is that you, your friend, or anyone else you know would actually have it.
How difficult it is to contract.
Research these things, so that you can reassure YOURSELF, rather than asking strangers for reassurance. Become the best-informed individual you know, on the topic of HIV. Can you get HIV from sharing a joint with somebody? Why ask us? Ask the CDC, they're the experts (they say no, by the way). Go to the CDC website. Learn about the ways you can and can't get it.
Medical help is not free, not for us here in the US... but knowledge is free, and it's out there. Go get some.

Best wishes.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It doesn't sound stupid to me at all. I'm a GAD & OCD sufferer without HA elements and I'm very used to my own skewed thinking. I had to wear the rights clothes for certain days to avoid bad things happening to my family or me not sleeping, eat certain ways, touch objects all day long because of urges, the list goes on. .

The context is always unimportant, it's the anxiety it creates. The context is more where strategies come in.

Testing yourself when there is no chance is a classic sign. It's likely compulsion. The things feed the cycle. Learning not to give in to them is important.

I've seen this do many times with this HIV issue - of I can just get one more test then I know I can feel fine. It's a false economy. Non anxiety sufferers would have approached it differently and walked away from the first test to get back on with their lives. If they didn't, we would have epidemic levels of anxiety surrounding this one theme.

[Dave1]

Hi Adam,
I find this thread interesting - how your anxiety persists despite assurances. Alas, I'm no expert, but I'm guessing the anxiety is actually being driven by something other than fear of illness. I see a couple of posters have suggested guilt as the source. But I see a similarity to some other posts I've read here about young mothers fearing illness because they're worried they wouldn't be able to look after their children. I wonder if you have a subconscious anxiety of not being a good father and husband?

[GlassPinata]

^ Hit the nail on the head.
Does the mother of your child know what you did, that is causing you to fear HIV?
perhaps you should tell her.
That act, in itself, may be all you need to cure your endless fear of HIV.
It has been > 10 months. You do not have goddamn HIV.
But you seem to be demanding some sort of punishment or consequences for what you've done.
Maybe you should just admit it to whoever you think is interested (instead of a bunch of strangers) and face your consequences.
HIV, however, is not one of them. Get past this, already.

Best wishes.

[Dave1]

Hi GP, I might be confusing you because I wasn't clear, I think currently Adam hopes to get married and start a family. So I'm just speculating these plans might be causing him anxiety.

[adamfett007]

I cant believe this!!! I cant!!! I was just getting over this fear and POW I do the same exact thing with the same exact person that got me into this mess...i dont even know what to do...im so hurt..im so broken...i cant do this again...i just cant..... :'(

[Fishmanpa]

I cant believe this!!! I cant!!! I was just getting over this fear and POW I do the same exact thing with the same exact person that got me into this mess...i dont even know what to do...im so hurt..im so broken...i cant do this again...i just cant..... :'(

Are you saying you had unprotected sex with the same people you did last year that started this whole spiral?

Positive thoughts

[adamfett007]

just the one guy..............I cant...i protected myself, but for a 2nd, i dont think i did...Now...my life is ruined...not just because i am now at square 1...something i cant even think about, but because i hurt her again.....i swore up and down i wouldnt.... im crying....i cant...

[GlassPinata]

just the one guy..............I cant...i protected myself, but for a 2nd, i dont think i did...Now...my life is ruined...not just because i am now at square 1...something i cant even think about, but because i hurt her again.....i swore up and down i wouldnt.... im crying....i cant...

Oops. Bummer. :weep:

[Fishmanpa]

just the one guy..............I cant...i protected myself, but for a 2nd, i dont think i did...Now...my life is ruined...not just because i am now at square 1...something i cant even think about, but because i hurt her again.....i swore up and down i wouldnt.... im crying....i cant...

One cannot help another that insists on self inflicting wounds on themselves :doh: Good luck to you.

Positive thoughts

[SwirlyWhirly]

Adam, I just wanted to reach out and say that it sounds like you might benefit from talking to someone, not necessarily about anxiety but more about sex and sexuality. You sound very stressed indeed.

You said a few posts back that you did things that were dirty - but there is no form of consentual sex that is dirty. It's all fine :) If you insist on having unprotected sex as a man with other men, you need to take prEP. People do it. I don't say it's right or wrong, but it's an option.

I really hope you can find some peace of mind about sex. It might assuage some of your fears about HIV.