View Full Version : A thought on recent postings
Carrie8484
06-08-16, 18:58
A couple of weeks ago i posted on this HA board and got Zero, nada responses.
Someone else posts several new threads over a week about the same issues and received multiple responses.
I am guilty of replying to that person but hey, I may aswell as nobody listens to me or other people's posts so it uses up a bit of time while I'm worried about my own symptoms.
I try and help others on posts in which i can relate to.
Please can we
1. Have some thought for other people's posts who may be getting ignored? Maybe answer those instead if you can relate or offer support?
2. Ask the person posting multiple times per week on the same issue to stop making new threads and keep them in one thread - mods can you do this? It would help to stop the congestion on the board and other threads getting ignored.
3. I suffer HA and have my own issues going on currently , I'm also being investigated for a potential cancer, I've spoken to a handful of lovely people on here and ux like to say thank you for the presence of this website, and to keep it going.
I often go through the posts to see if there are any unanswered ones. I then try to answer, even if it is just a few words of comfort. There's nothing worse than your post going unanswered when, as you say, someone else posts multiple times and gets numerous replies over and over again.
I agree in regards to the replies. I think we've all experienced our own threads going unanswered though I don't think it's anything personal. Over in the depression forum replies are quite often scarce.
Very valid. I was thinking the same thing earlier, and I have been replying too - against my better judgement.
A timely reminder how easily frustration can work against the greater good of everyone. I hope you get the responses you need, and that things go well in the current investigations.
It's a phenomenon I see on internet forums as well as the comments section of various news sites. I like to call it the "Gawker" reaction and I'm as guilty of it as anyone. People tend to stop, look and react to the real train wrecks as opposed to the fender benders.
There are a few currently that would require a high level of self restraint to put on the blinders and move on. As much as we want to help, there comes a time when you have to move on and realize nothing anyone can say will change anything. Sadly, it often ends up in frustrated members bickering between themselves. Oddly however, any answer on the thread, be it negative, positive or totally off the subject still feeds the OP's beast and need for attention. As always, even in real life, it's up to the individual to be their own self advocate and make the decision to change and work at their healing.
Unfortunately, it's been that way since the beginning and there are no easy solutions. Abstinence from replying and self control are the ways to move past it and ultimately, it could force the the person to take control for themselves.
Positive thoughts
It all boils down to "he/she who makes the most noise gets the most attention". It's like this in all walks of life. There are no "prizes" for soldiering on and trying your best against all odds. If you make a fuss it gets you noticed, albeit negatively.
I posted on here the other day and got no responses. I felt worse than if I hadn't posted at all. I don't come here often now, but when I used to be here a lot, I would never post without answering a few other people's posts at the same time. I guess it's one of those things, but I know how you feel. When you're in a really anxious state, you feel like when you have zero replies it must be because everyone actually thinks that you really do have the thing you fear!
spacebunnyx
06-08-16, 22:42
Personally I think HA makes a lot of people fundamentally selfish. I always know I'm recovering when I start looking outwards and trying to help others rather than focusing my negative energy inwards.
I think it's good practice to answer 2/3 posts minium for every new one you post. Force yourself to think of others. I know this doesn't apply to everyone.
Xxx
Sadly, there are also a lot of takers and very few givers on the forum. It is generally the same people either posting for help time and time again, or answering others. It is just very imbalanced in this sense.
From a personal point of view, I can only reply to other member's posts when I can relate/have been through the same/feel I can offer real help and advice, etc. I am also guilty of overlooking posts for this reason, but so often I just don't feel able to respond with any genuine help.
Another thing that often happens too is that sometimes people are struggling so much to get their own mental health issues reigned in again that they take breaks from the forum or are just not feeling well enough to contribute. I haven't been answering much lately on the forum for this exact reason, as my depression and anxiety have flared badly the past few weeks.
It is demoralising not to receive responses, I know. x:hugs:
venusbluejeans
07-08-16, 01:11
From an Admin point of view.....
The busiest part of the forum is the HA forum which makes the threads move really quite fast to the bottom of the page to top the bottom of the active topics. so a lot of the time members don't see the thread if it doesn't get any replies...... if you bump your thread up las has been done with this one then it will move it back up to the top of the HA forum and you may then get replies :)
Beautiful avatar Picture Debs :)
Shazamataz
07-08-16, 01:25
Yes I can relate. I've posted threads with genuine concerns regarding medications and had no responses. But I am also guilty of reading the 'train wreck' threads (as Fishman put it) and commenting on those. I think we all have a bit of curiosity about these things and just can't help it.
I do my best to offer support on other threads too as I feel it needs to be give and take. Also that's how you build relationships on here.
Just wondering - what was the subject of your post? Sometimes I think certain subject matter in posts gets less response than others.
N.
sarahsparkleshine
07-08-16, 02:44
I am sorry that your post was not commented on. That's not a good feeling. I am however really glad to see the positive feedback on this post. I'm on another HA forum that a post like this would have just started drama from the bullies. This is such a better forum.
I am sorry that your post was not commented on. That's not a good feeling. I am however really glad to see the positive feedback on this post. I'm on another HA forum that a post like this would have just started drama from the bullies. This is such a better forum.
Very good point. There are a lot of thinkers (not reactors) on this site that's for sure.
N.
Carrie8484
07-08-16, 10:51
Thank you everyone for your replies.
I know I will make a conscious effort to support more unanswered threads.
I just hope when new people visit this board, they aren't put off by some of the recent threads.
99% of people on here are genuine and grateful for the support given.
From an Admin point of view.....
The busiest part of the forum is the HA forum which makes the threads move really quite fast to the bottom of the page to top the bottom of the active topics. so a lot of the time members don't see the thread if it doesn't get any replies...... if you bump your thread up las has been done with this one then it will move it back up to the top of the HA forum and you may then get replies :)
Beautiful avatar Picture Debs :)
Although I understand there is a very limited moderator presence on this forum, and that they are sufferers too, if numerous threads are opened, all linked, then can they not just be moved so there is one consecutive thread?
All posts are important to whoever posts them, I acknowledge that, but these actions (and I'm guilty of responding too) ensure that other posts are pushed further down the board. Can admin not take some action to steer this in a better direction?
---------- Post added at 11:47 ---------- Previous post was at 11:12 ----------
*bumped*, hopefully for admin attention. Your input is needed here.
Carrie8484
07-08-16, 12:30
Bump.... ;)
nomorepanic
07-08-16, 12:44
The best way to alert us to threads that you think could be merged is to "report" them and in the comments suggest we merge them and we will have a look.
We can't read every forum post to be honest as there are just too many to handle.
There are admins on here every day. I personally am not but then I am dealing with the background side of things as well like banning spammers that either get reported to us or we find.
Thanks
From an Admin point of view.....
The busiest part of the forum is the HA forum which makes the threads move really quite fast to the bottom of the page to top the bottom of the active topics. so a lot of the time members don't see the thread if it doesn't get any replies...... if you bump your thread up las has been done with this one then it will move it back up to the top of the HA forum and you may then get replies :)
Beautiful avatar Picture Debs :)
Thank you very much for your kind words, venus. xxx:hugs:
venusbluejeans
07-08-16, 13:08
Although I understand there is a very limited moderator presence on this forum
I kind of taken exception to that, I for one have been on the forum daily for the past 4 years, even when I have worked all day till about 10pm..... apart from a couple of weeks where I had to take a break from it mentally when Nic and I were in discussion with the police due to a hate campaign set up against us and also when we both received hate mail to our home address! (no not looking for sympathy just pointing out there are other things that happen behind the scenes)
So please rest assured that there is just about always an admin presence on the forum, but we could be off doing other things, like spammers or dealing with ex members with a grudge, changing names on accounts, dealing with chat room complaints and a lot more...... just because we are not 'visable' does not mean we aren't there, but it does mean that sometimes it does mean we rely on people reporting posts to us so we can deal with them if necessary...... the little triangle on the top right of posts is the report button.
like banning spammers that either get reported to us or we find.
Just counted them 117 in the past few weeks lol
venusbluejeans
07-08-16, 13:10
Thank you very much for your kind words, venus. xxx:hugs:
you are welcome Debs x
Would you consider appointing an admin member purely to monitor the HA board and nothing else?
I kind of taken exception to that, I for one have been on the forum daily for the past 4 years, even when I have worked all day till about 10pm..... apart from a couple of weeks where I had to take a break from it mentally when Nic and I were in discussion with the police due to a hate campaign set up against us and also when we both received hate mail to our home address! (no not looking for sympathy just pointing out there are other things that happen behind the scenes)
So please rest assured that there is just about always an admin presence on the forum, but we could be off doing other things, like spammers or dealing with ex members with a grudge, changing names on accounts, dealing with chat room complaints and a lot more...... just because we are not 'visable' does not mean we aren't there, but it does mean that sometimes it does mean we rely on people reporting posts to us so we can deal with them if necessary...... the little triangle on the top right of posts is the report button.
Just counted them 117 in the past few weeks lol
I'm sorry if you have taken exception to my comment but I'm not sure why? I used my words carefully, and was not accusatory. I referred to admin "presence" and by that I mean a visible presence, wasn't it clear? I see very little posts from admin, very rarely see anybody online, so I'm not sure what has offended you. I realise that admin are sufferers themselves, and included that in my comment.
It was specific, I asked if it wouldn't be possible to put repetitive threads in one post, to avoid other posts being sidelined as they disappear down the forum. Would this be possible?
venusbluejeans
07-08-16, 13:47
Would you consider appointing an admin member purely to monitor the HA board and nothing else?
I will let Nic answer this one Pulisa as she is the one best to answer :) she has gone to get some lunch
The HA board must be a nightmare for you to monitor along with everything else. At the moment it's particularly chaotic so that was why I made the suggestion. It wouldn't be an easy job though. Anyway, just a suggestion..
venusbluejeans
07-08-16, 14:07
I'm sorry if you have taken exception to my comment but I'm not sure why? I used my words carefully, and was not accusatory. I referred to admin "presence" and by that I mean a visible presence, wasn't it clear? I see very little posts from admin, very rarely see anybody online, so I'm not sure what has offended you. I realise that admin are sufferers themselves, and included that in my comment.
It was specific, I asked if it wouldn't be possible to put repetitive threads in one post, to avoid other posts being sidelined as they disappear down the forum. Would this be possible?
I was just trying to say there is a lot going on behind the scenes that means we are not always visable and most of us have our accounts set to invisable and we do not show up on the online list.. that is mainly again because of the ex members and other things
We constantly ask if people can keep thier similar posts to one thread and unfortunately this is mostly not listened too..... if you feel that a memeber is constantly posting about the same topic then please report irt and tell us the reason and we will look into it and probably merge the threads.
As you know we have a lot of subforums that threads can go into and again members do not seem to post in and choose to post oin the HA forum instead..... if we see them we will move them to the relevant forums but again if you see them and think they would be better elsewhere then report them for us to look at and move.
Th HA forum has always been a bone of contention on NMP as it never was meant to be about that and always Anxiety and panic attacks..... but obviously HA is now becoming more prevelant as more people become aware of it so it is the most used part of the forum as you can probably tell,
We have always been looking at ways to solve the questions you are asking and there has been many threads about it in the past, we have added sub forums and other things to try to help the problems in the HA forum but some members just seem to post in the HA forum no matter what they are posting about.... which if we see we do move.
I guess what I am trying to say is that there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes and things do get missed....NMP is a large community and one we are all part of from Admins down to those who have just joined and we are all here for the same reason............we do rely on people in the community helping to make sure NMP is a place where everyone is included and where everyone is happy to be. Please if you see anything that you think can be merged or moved then report it to help us in acheiving that.
sorry I have written an essay lol
Thank you for the reply. I do realise and understand there is much work behind the scenes. Pulisa's suggestion is a good one but understand it must be difficult with everyone working behind the scenes. Your suggestion of reporting to have posts merged has been noted, thank you.
Hi Mercime
I spend many hours on here every day, probably far more hours than I ought to.
Like many of the other admins I do not advertise my presence on the site but I am here.
I have not contributed to the threads in question as I have done this in the past. I found myself getting frustrated by the conversation and decided to remove myself from them for my own sanity.
Likewise I get frustrated when I take the time out to try and re-assure someone and they ignore me completely.
It is not always as easy as merging threads and we do also have to be careful not to cause additional anxiety to members.
If you are finding yourself getting frustrated the best thing to do is to skip threads.
It is incredibly hard to keep an eye on all threads on the forum as well as everything else so as has already been stated we really appreciate it when members take the time to alert us.
Hope this makes sense, another reason I don't post much, sometimes thoughts go through my head quicker than I can form them into coherent responses.
sometimes thoughts go through my head quicker than I can form them into coherent responses.
I had to giggle at that Elen :) My wife does something similar. She'll be thinking about something and then she'll say something to me already about 6 sentences into her thought and it's like "Huh?" :huh: "What in the world are you talking about?" ~lol~
Like today, we had been talking about what we would do for dinner (we decided to grill shish-ka-bob). About an hour later we were talking about something else and out of the blue she says, "I'll cut the peppers into chunks." :huh: In her mind she was going over what we needed to do and left out that part! ~lol~
Anyway.... The elephant in the room is obvious and we all know who and what we're talking about here. The simple and unfortunately most compassionate way forward is to move on and not continue to respond when it's obvious it's not going to help.
Positive thoughts
Understood Elen, and thanks for your reply. My frustration is with totally different stories being told (I feel this is insulting to those who take time to respond), and that I see others threads disappearing down the forum, overlooked due to new threads being opened by the same posters, about the same things.
But thanks anyway, and please take time for yourself.
MyNameIsTerry
08-08-16, 04:44
I agree with merging in the cases of why this thread has appeared. It's not easy to see where the joins are though on this forum so continuity can go a bit out of the window.
But to me a few threads on a page of 20+ is nothing when it comes to looking through. The HA board can go onto 2 or even 3 pages of new posts some days but the icons & bolding shows what you haven't seen so it's easy enough to navigate. I tend to use the full forum format so this means it's easy for me. If you are using some of the filters, you can find your view taken over by the fast boards like Games, but it's just a matter of altering how you use the site.
In terms of people not getting responses, as KeeKee said, it's worse on other boards. Virtual Hugs barely get a reply sometimes and that's pretty sad when that boards for people feeling desperate & upset.
But really, we all have a choice. No one is forcing anyone to read or post. It's all a question of using your time wisely.
I think Debs mentioned earlier about how there is a lack of people taking time to help others and it can be regular posters doing more. Sadly, some people end up with nothing at times. It's important to help others. Give back. Many people do.
I think HA people would see interesting things if they ventured further around NMP but the majority since I've been here never seem to post anywhere else other than HA and Symptoms. That's a shame. I know that happens with other boards too though, I guess many have a problem in this area.
Hopefully, the current thread will be locked. People are starting to lose their cool and actually are getting very upset. Then, also hopefully, we can move elsewhere, take a look around for posts that we can help with. It really is time to draw a line under this.
Carrie8484
08-08-16, 19:49
Bump ;)
MyNameIsTerry
08-08-16, 21:16
Hopefully, the current thread will be locked. People are starting to lose their cool and actually are getting very upset. Then, also hopefully, we can move elsewhere, take a look around for posts that we can help with. It really is time to draw a line under this.
Why can't people just have some self control? If they choose to sit on that thread that's up to them and it can seen that some are.
I don't believe in this argument of being drawn there. I take responsibility for my own actions. It's just blame from some as far as I'm concerned.
Why can't people just have some self control? If they choose to sit on that thread that's up to them and it can seen that some are.
I don't believe in this argument of being drawn there. I take responsibility for my own actions. It's just blame from some as far as I'm concerned.
Ah, ok Terry - all those that have posted repeatedly have no self control, is that it? Personal responsibility is something I have raised before, if memory serves you were in disagreement with me over that too. I commented because the tone of the thread was getting nasty, and people with personal experience were upset - as I said. Anyway, I won't be encouraging someone to post constantly with the same issues - it's my belief that it's not helpful.
Speaking only for myself, I have a hard time saying nothing when I see someone being devious, telling lies and basically taking the piss out of people who have devoted a lot of their free time trying to help them.
I'm just funny that way.
I think over the years I have learnt my lesson about getting sucked into other people's dramas.
This does not mean that I wont give advice where I feel that I have something to add but it does mean that when I know that what I am saying is falling on deaf ears I try to walk away.
In the past I have been guilty of getting too involved in trying to make my point to serial posters who were either not in a position or not willing to listen. I too got frustrated and I allowed that frustration to show. At the end of the day it didnt help the poster and it left me feeling bad for losing my cool with someone who was clearly in need of help.
Whatever the motivation behind some of the posts on the forum I strongly feel that we need to remember that compassion is required and that at the other side of the computer screen is someone who is possibly hurting and using posting on the forum as a way of expressing themselves.
And before anyone jumps on me I am not a fan of enabling but time and time again it has been shown that the quickest way to slow down serial posting is simply not to respond.
Carrie8484
08-08-16, 22:53
I don't want to appear voyeuristic, but I just took a look for the first time at the other site that is frequented by the poster in question. Multiple threads started by the poster on the same topics/symptoms, lots and lots of people offering advice and then getting frustrated. Two threads started today by the poster on pretty much identical issues, and the same topics which have been exhausted in her threads here too, over and over again. There wouldn't normally be anything wrong with this, and maybe there isn't, but I strongly smell a rat here, if you look at the volume of threads and the lack of acknowledgement when advice is given.
MyNameIsTerry
08-08-16, 23:03
Ah, ok Terry - all those that have posted repeatedly have no self control, is that it? Personal responsibility is something I have raised before, if memory serves you were in disagreement with me over that too. I commented because the tone of the thread was getting nasty, and people with personal experience were upset - as I said. Anyway, I won't be encouraging someone to post constantly with the same issues - it's my belief that it's not helpful.
Where did I disagree on personal responsibility?
Yes, it is people's self control. I said this because I'm seeing posts people complaining they are sucked in. There are no magical powers involved and I don't feel Derren Brown in on here.
I agree with you that it is getting unnecessarily heated, it always does on the HA board with cases like this, and I support you pointing this out. I've tried and get back negative comments some for bothering.
I'm not sure why you are being defensive in your reply. I don't agree with the thread locking though, it will achieve nothing when people won't follow what Admin are telling them to do (on both sides).
I often wonder what the hell a troll would have to gain by posting here. I've witnessed the spammers etc, but of course these people are looking to make money by selling tacky products and things like that. I just do not get why anyone would devote so much time into feigning illness over an entire year on several anxiety forums. :shrug:
I don't know, damn kids and their interwebz. :mad:
MyNameIsTerry
08-08-16, 23:05
I think over the years I have learnt my lesson about getting sucked into other people's dramas.
This does not mean that I wont give advice where I feel that I have something to add but it does mean that when I know that what I am saying is falling on deaf ears I try to walk away.
In the past I have been guilty of getting too involved in trying to make my point to serial posters who were either not in a position or not willing to listen. I too got frustrated and I allowed that frustration to show. At the end of the day it didnt help the poster and it left me feeling bad for losing my cool with someone who was clearly in need of help.
Whatever the motivation behind some of the posts on the forum I strongly feel that we need to remember that compassion is required and that at the other side of the computer screen is someone who is possibly hurting and using posting on the forum as a way of expressing themselves.
And before anyone jumps on me I am not a fan of enabling but time and time again it has been shown that the quickest way to slow down serial posting is simply not to respond.
Agreed. Very good points.
Where did I disagree on personal responsibility?
Yes, it is people's self control. I said this because I'm seeing posts people complaining they are sucked in. There are no magical powers involved and I don't feel Derren Brown in on here.
I agree with you that it is getting unnecessarily heated, it always does on the HA board with cases like this, and I support you pointing this out. I've tried and get back negative comments some for bothering.
I'm not sure why you are being defensive in your reply. I don't agree with the thread locking though, it will achieve nothing when people won't follow what Admin are telling them to do (on both sides).
I admit personally that I don't have any, or at least very little, self control when things like this rear their head. Annoyingly, I don't know why.
I've got it down to a toss up between me being easily annoyed or I'm just an argumentative ********. :whistles:
I don't want to appear voyeuristic, but I just took a look for the first time at the other site that is frequented by the poster in question. Multiple threads started by the poster on the same topics/symptoms, lots and lots of people offering advice and then getting frustrated. Two threads started today by the poster on pretty much identical issues, and the same topics which have been exhausted in her threads here too, over and over again. There wouldn't normally be anything wrong with this, and maybe there isn't, but I strongly smell a rat here, if you look at the volume of threads and the lack of acknowledgement when advice is given.
This behaviour is not limited to this poster. It is something you will find frequently when someone is spiralling.
Just because we do not understand what is motivating someone to post and we don't know how to help them is no reason for us to be treat them differently to anyone else on NMP.
Anxiety is not logical in the slightest and sometimes people lose all sight of logic and this is not restricted to those suffering from health anxiety.
NMP has been set up to be a safe place for all and a place where being judgemental is frowned upon.
I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed by the tone on some of the threads recently. It is most definitely not what NMP is about.
There are lots of issues that get brought up on the forums that many of us do not understand but these issues have as much right to be aired as any other.
I repeat we have to be responsible for our own well being and that includes avoiding posts which maybe triggering or which frustrate us. And yet again if people keep replying to someone who's repeated posting is annoying them they are simply keeping the cycle going.
I admit personally that I don't have any, or at least very little, self control when things like this rear their head. Annoyingly, I don't know why.
I've got it down to a toss up between me being easily annoyed or I'm just an argumentative ********. :whistles:
Gary I kept asking myself the same question. For me it is a stupid need to feel that I am helping the other person, but at the end of the day that is my problem to deal with and not the OP's.
There were people complaining that admin don't post much, after today I bet they wish I never post again.
ps I should point out that these are my personal views and not ones that I have discussed with the rest of the Admin team.
This behaviour is not limited to this poster. It is something you will find frequently when someone is spiralling.
Just because we do not understand what is motivating someone to post and we don't know how to help them is no reason for us to be treat them differently to anyone else on NMP.
Anxiety is not logical in the slightest and sometimes people lose all sight of logic and this is not restricted to those suffering from health anxiety.
NMP has been set up to be a safe place for all and a place where being judgemental is frowned upon.
I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed by the tone on some of the threads recently. It is most definitely not what NMP is about.
There are lots of issues that get brought up on the forums that many of us do not understand but these issues have as much right to be aired as any other.
I repeat we have to be responsible for our own well being and that includes avoiding posts which maybe triggering or which frustrate us. And yet again if people keep replying to someone who's repeated posting is annoying them they are simply keeping the cycle going.
Genuine question, but surely the ultimate goal of this site is to assist people in ridding themselves of anxiety? With that being the case, surely it's got to be acknowledged that sometimes a harsh approach can and does aid in this?
As you say, anxiety is in no way rational, but I personally see nothing wrong with showing someone how utterly irrational they're being. Doing anything else is surely just giving their fear credit that it really doesn't deserve.
MyNameIsTerry
08-08-16, 23:41
This behaviour is not limited to this poster. It is something you will find frequently when someone is spiralling.
Just because we do not understand what is motivating someone to post and we don't know how to help them is no reason for us to be treat them differently to anyone else on NMP.
Anxiety is not logical in the slightest and sometimes people lose all sight of logic and this is not restricted to those suffering from health anxiety.
NMP has been set up to be a safe place for all and a place where being judgemental is frowned upon.
I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed by the tone on some of the threads recently. It is most definitely not what NMP is about.
There are lots of issues that get brought up on the forums that many of us do not understand but these issues have as much right to be aired as any other.
I repeat we have to be responsible for our own well being and that includes avoiding posts which maybe triggering or which frustrate us. And yet again if people keep replying to someone who's repeated posting is annoying them they are simply keeping the cycle going.
Excellent post.
There have been times on NMP where I have felt the same.
Anyone remember the last person? She seems much better, just a couple of wobbles so far. There were calls of troll, even intimations of removal. Some were as certain then as now. It would be nice if her work was acknowledged by those who thought that, but I'm not seeing it.
Excellent post.
There have been times on NMP where I have felt the same.
Anyone remember the last person? She seems much better, just a couple of wobbles so far. There were calls of troll, even intimations of removal. Some were as certain then as now. It would be nice if her work was acknowledged by those who thought that, but I'm not seeing it.
If I remember correctly that was the time I stopped coming on this site for a while. It was so disheartening. I'd hate to think I should ever spiral and be met with the same type of response. If I'm honest should I ever worry excessively I don't think I would post about it for fear of being spoken to in the same manner. Shame really. This site has been invaluable to me in the past.
Excellent post.
There have been times on NMP where I have felt the same.
Anyone remember the last person? She seems much better, just a couple of wobbles so far. There were calls of troll, even intimations of removal. Some were as certain then as now. It would be nice if her work was acknowledged by those who thought that, but I'm not seeing it.
Beckie? If I recall correctly she wasn't exactly sunshine and flowers either. In fact, she was very rude and arrogant toward anyone who responded telling her that her fears were completely unfounded.
Excellent post.
There have been times on NMP where I have felt the same.
Anyone remember the last person? She seems much better, just a couple of wobbles so far. There were calls of troll, even intimations of removal. Some were as certain then as now. It would be nice if her work was acknowledged by those who thought that, but I'm not seeing it.
No agree Terry, they are doing so well and I try to acknowledge that. It was a very similar situation to what is happening now and I was guilty of saying some things that I shouldn't at the time.
The way that person has turned things around gives me hope that this poster will do the same, but having her threads continually ending up being war zones will not help the matter.
Also the poster who had all sorts of contamination worries etc, I remember that his motives were questioned. There are loads of posts that people may wonder if they are valid, but lack of understanding is no excuse for bullying in my book and the benefit of the doubt should always be given.
Perhaps once people have been here a bit longer and experienced the different kind of people we have here on NMP the accusations will lessen.
Gary I am not ignoring your post but my brain is fried and I would rather answer tomorrow when I am a bit more with it.
I'm not quite sure what the exact details of this post is but I gotta wonder how you were in when you were spiraling out of control. Think about it?
I went through my colon/stomach/brain cancer fear and I was constantly asking people and constantly seeking reassurance.
I think I only knew about 2 people that would listen to my "annoying" rants about it and kept giving me reassurance.
HA doesn't do a good job about listening to advice but it does respond well to someone that listens and sometimes thats all that can help at the moment.
I dunno that I agree with locking a thread where someone is spiraling out of control, I was in that situation and you can't just "will" yourself out of it, sometimes you need people to talk you off that cliff.
Just my two cents anyhow :)
ServerError
08-08-16, 23:59
All I know is that I love you all.
Carrie8484
09-08-16, 00:10
I'm not quite sure what the exact details of this post is but I gotta wonder how you were in when you were spiraling out of control. Think about it?
I went through my colon/stomach/brain cancer fear and I was constantly asking people and constantly seeking reassurance.
I think I only knew about 2 people that would listen to my "annoying" rants about it and kept giving me reassurance.
HA doesn't do a good job about listening to advice but it does respond well to someone that listens and sometimes thats all that can help at the moment.
I dunno that I agree with locking a thread where someone is spiraling out of control, I was in that situation and you can't just "will" yourself out of it, sometimes you need people to talk you off that cliff.
Just my two cents anyhow :)
In response to your first question - read my first post. It was about merging the repetitive, daily threads by sole individuals into one so that other posts could be seen and responded to rather than pushed further down the page. This has been done which is good news.
As you can see, there are lots of people on the HA board struggling at the moment, but they don't all get the attention they deserve.
MyNameIsTerry
09-08-16, 00:29
If I remember correctly that was the time I stopped coming on this site for a while. It was so disheartening. I'd hate to think I should ever spiral and be met with the same type of response. If I'm honest should I ever worry excessively I don't think I would post about it for fear of being spoken to in the same manner. Shame really. This site has been invaluable to me in the past.
I think you might mean the one before? Where one member stated if she was in the UK should call Social Services on her to take her children away? Unbelievable considering that member's job.
I agree, I feel the same about coming here. I'm lucky that I don't have a reassurance pattern because my OCD was quite bad and I would have possibly been doing a lot of posting with little progress.
The good thing is though, a lot of this seems to be on the HA board and others posting a lot elsewhere don't seem to get this.
---------- Post added at 00:29 ---------- Previous post was at 00:23 ----------
Beckie? If I recall correctly she wasn't exactly sunshine and flowers either. In fact, she was very rude and arrogant toward anyone who responded telling her that her fears were completely unfounded.
Yep, that's true but I also saw unnecessary comments made to her too.
But now she has taken that first step and is progressing, we can see that she'sno different to the average poster on here. Whilst some of her old posting style is showing, she seems more open to responses. Maybe her emotion was fuelled by it?
Regardless, she's proven her detractors wrong. And regardless of what went on showing willingness to say well done shows character in my book. What does not doing that show?
Read through the entire thread. Its interesting how many posts seem to just go down the line so quick because someone is freaking out and can't stop posting about their particular fear.
I don't think they're trolling but they just cant help themselves.
I'm not sure but I try to approach each thread with sensitivity and as much sensitivity as possible. I've known people to be very defensive and sensitive to any opposition whatsoever. But ya know what? That's just how they are, you don't wanna tip them over the edge right? Of course not.
However, even not answering could make someone worry-some. What I do tell some people who come to me for advice is, hey you put it out there, this is the response you are going to get. If you dont like it, fine but please just know that you put it out there!
I try my best to answer but like alot of us that contribute, we can't answer every single post.
You are on here anonymous (mostly), its free and by coming here you are looking for help from us, therefore what you get is what you get.
My advice is to at least try to listen but DONT stop posting because it does help. Even if you don't get answered the first time, post again later on maybe or perhaps PM someone that is regularly answering posts, you'll get heard eventually I'm sure of it :).
Even though I can't relate I might look it up to help you out some or even just let you talk it out.
We're all here to help and I hope no one has any bad vibes due to this thread, please dont :)
I think you might mean the one before? Where one member stated if she was in the UK should call Social Services on her to take her children away? Unbelievable considering that member's job.
I agree, I feel the same about coming here. I'm lucky that I don't have a reassurance pattern because my OCD was quite bad and I would have possibly been doing a lot of posting with little progress.
The good thing is though, a lot of this seems to be on the HA board and others posting a lot elsewhere don't seem to get this.
---------- Post added at 00:29 ---------- Previous post was at 00:23 ----------
Yep, that's true but I also saw unnecessary comments made to her too.
But now she has taken that first step and is progressing, we can see that she'sno different to the average poster on here. Whilst some of her old posting style is showing, she seems more open to responses. Maybe her emotion was fuelled by it?
Regardless, she's proven her detractors wrong. And regardless of what went on showing willingness to say well done shows character in my book. What does not doing that show?
I've personally congratulated her so I can only speak for myself. As Elen said, we shouldn't be judgemental of others, right?
MyNameIsTerry
09-08-16, 05:56
I've personally congratulated her so I can only speak for myself. As Elen said, we shouldn't be judgemental of others, right?
I'm not, it was a general comment to cover more people as anyone who witnessed the whole situation will know. It would be nice to see everyone getting behind such people, not all who had run ins have done so as can be evidenced on the forum.
And here we all are again.
It might save some time on Elen's part if you looked at the thread she created to discuss your point. Sadly, the outcome is the same everytime - nobody agrees.
---------- Post added at 05:56 ---------- Previous post was at 02:47 ----------
In response to your first question - read my first post. It was about merging the repetitive, daily threads by sole individuals into one so that other posts could be seen and responded to rather than pushed further down the page. This has been done which is good news.
As you can see, there are lots of people on the HA board struggling at the moment, but they don't all get the attention they deserve.
I think it must be in what filters you are applying to the site because I can't see any difference in terms of congestion. I can see one thread by Reb moved & merged with one on the Symptoms board, but this still takes up the place of a thread to show it has been moved. I think 2 of Beckie's might have been merged. Is that all? So, two threads and one of those is still blocking the space for another thread? Both yesterday & today all new posts/threads since I last logged on cover 1 page of the HA board.
Are you using the filters to look at all boards? If so, the Games board will be clogging up our view since some of us update 10-15 threads & more in 10 minutes. You can exclude a board though if that's a problem.
Emmz I think made the point earlier about how the HA board is misused. How many threads have been raised on here about meds or therapy? There are dedicated boards for those. Sadly, it just confirms my beliefs that the HA community is largely insular since the majority of sufferers are never seen anywhere else on this site. I've noticed you, Carrie, are all over the site and that's great. I think more people should follow you example because they are missing out. Isn't that just obsessive focussing on symptoms?
I think it's bad when a thread gets no replies but I noticed you are getting lots of support on your earlier one so you are covered hopefully. I think you also need to bare in mind that a question like you posed on this board could be searched for too so hopefully you did that? I've seen the same question a few times before so you will get some hits, probably loads.
But as I keep saying, no one member is drawing support from other people. I noted KeeKee arguing against this on another thread and I can completely agree. That's blame. Sometimes I end up talking to one person or talk on a load of threads, but that's my choice and I'm not expected to do either so why would I complain?
I'm not, it was a general comment to cover more people as anyone who witnessed the whole situation will know. It would be nice to see everyone getting behind such people, not all who had run ins have done so as can be evidenced on the forum.
Neither has she thanked anyone for their help or apologised for being rude, arrogant and aggressive. At one point she told me she couldn't wait to be diagnosed with cancer so she could say "I told you so." I have told her she's doing well but forgive me if I don't exactly feel like singing her praises on a daily basis. She's not the only one who can feel aggrieved at how she's being responded to.
I don't quite understand what you're driving at, to be honest. I noticed you referencing Beckie the other day, or at least I assumed that's who you were referencing, and saying how people must surely be "eating their words" now. I have to ask, how do you know it wasn't those people who goaded her into going for therapy and taking medication? You don't, do you?
If Beckie has progressed then that is great, truly it is and it's certainly what I want to see. I don't think it's entirely fair of you, though, to expect people to "get behind her", as you don't know how her responses made people feel.
MyNameIsTerry
09-08-16, 08:29
No agree Terry, they are doing so well and I try to acknowledge that. It was a very similar situation to what is happening now and I was guilty of saying some things that I shouldn't at the time.
The way that person has turned things around gives me hope that this poster will do the same, but having her threads continually ending up being war zones will not help the matter.
Also the poster who had all sorts of contamination worries etc, I remember that his motives were questioned. There are loads of posts that people may wonder if they are valid, but lack of understanding is no excuse for bullying in my book and the benefit of the doubt should always be given.
Perhaps once people have been here a bit longer and experienced the different kind of people we have here on NMP the accusations will lessen.
Gary I am not ignoring your post but my brain is fried and I would rather answer tomorrow when I am a bit more with it.
Yes, I agree. I think the more you see it, the more you can be more open-minded about it. I will say though that I understand the points of others in that there could be non genuine people too, just to not give the impression I don't take their views seriously too.
Reb asked me something in the last thread about what someone off here said to her on the AZ forum. I don't think I've ever looked on there before but I couldn't tell what was said so had a look. Reb's thread was on page 2 at the time. Right at the top of page 1 was another poster off here. He had posted the exact same thread on both forums. On AZ within 3 days he had got 74 posts! :ohmy: I'm guessing it's a bigger forum? The same thread on here is on 2 pages but half a page is some of us having a laugh with each other.
I see similar issues in his threads. And there have been some frustrations but since he posts far less often, I guess it doesn't reach the same pitch.
On one of the threads I saw one person say they were tempted to write "grow a pair" but decided against it. I'm glad they changed their mind. We face non anxiety sufferers making such ignorant remarks and if we use them within our own community them we can hardly complain if we get them from others.
---------- Post added at 08:29 ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 ----------
Neither has she thanked anyone for their help or apologised for being rude, arrogant and aggressive. At one point she told me she couldn't wait to be diagnosed with cancer so she could say "I told you so." I have told her she's doing well but forgive me if I don't exactly feel like singing her praises on a daily basis. She's not the only one who can feel aggrieved at how she's being responded to.
I don't quite understand what you're driving at, to be honest. I noticed you referencing Beckie the other day, or at least I assumed that's who you were referencing, and saying how people must surely be "eating their words" now. I have to ask, how do you know it wasn't those people who goaded her into going for therapy and taking medication? You don't, do you?
If Beckie has progressed then that is great, truly it is and it's certainly what I want to see. I don't think it's entirely fair of you, though, to expect people to "get behind her", as you don't know how her responses made people feel.
Actually, none of us know who goaded her into taking meds. I find that a strange thing to bring up. She already had the meds from what I recall after many threads getting her to the GP's and the issue was over the date to start. She delayed it, she stuck to her promise despite being told by some she was practicing more avoidance. I was glad to see her do that because I regarded her decision as practical since she had some form of event in between and meds can sabotage things at first. For all we know, none of what anyone here said persuaded her to. Certainly no strategy whether stern or softer showed to achieve more than the other. So, unless Beckie herself says what did the trick, which could be everybody too, we will never know.
As I said though, things were on both sides with her case. I didn't see Beckie throwing everything back at people just trying to help, I did see arguments and some being disrespectful too (I'm not saying that's you by the way). She doesn't need to apologise to everyone, some people were just there for a fight. With those who tried to help, yes I think it is fair she apologise for that where she made remarks to them. I'm not disputing that.
What am I driving at? The fact that once someone takes the steps, we acknowledge it and support them. Elen has said the same above. Otherwise, they would be better off finding another forum if we don't. I think saying well done without a price tag shows character in the person. For instance, you have said well done and despite all the butting of heads that went on. Others have done the same. I think that's great. If anyone chooses not too because they are hanging onto the old situation, I think that's poor.
I don't know how her responses have made individuals feel. And no one knows how I felt witnessing some of the frustration. There have been many arguments on this forum but to me you keep moving forward and talking to each other. I guess I just expect people to put it behind them. I find that helps me because otherwise it's knawing away at you, but obviously we all deal with things in different ways.
Given this thread is a more general discussion, I see no issue in discussing all the elements of the situations we've seen like the current person. Others are choosing to.
Actually, none of us know who goaded her into taking meds. I find that a strange thing to bring up. She already had the meds from what I recall after many threads getting her to the GP's and the issue was over the date to start. She delayed it, she stuck to her promise despite being told by some she was practicing more avoidance. I was glad to see her do that because I regarded her decision as practical since she had some form of event in between and meds can sabotage things at first. For all we know, none of what anyone here said persuaded her to. Certainly no strategy whether stern or softer showed to achieve more than the other. So, unless Beckie herself says what did the trick, which could be everybody too, we will never know.
As I said though, things were on both sides with her case. I didn't see Beckie throwing everything back at people just trying to help, I did see arguments and some being disrespectful too (I'm not saying that's you by the way). She doesn't need to apologise to everyone, some people were just there for a fight. With those who tried to help, yes I think it is fair she apologise for that where she made remarks to them. I'm not disputing that.
What am I driving at? The fact that once someone takes the steps, we acknowledge it and support them. Elen has said the same above. Otherwise, they would be better off finding another forum if we don't. I think saying well done without a price tag shows character in the person. For instance, you have said well done and despite all the butting of heads that went on. Others have done the same. I think that's great. If anyone chooses not too because they are hanging onto the old situation, I think that's poor.
I don't know how her responses have made individuals feel. And no one knows how I felt witnessing some of the frustration. There have been many arguments on this forum but to me you keep moving forward and talking to each other. I guess I just expect people to put it behind them. I find that helps me because otherwise it's knawing away at you, but obviously we all deal with things in different ways.
Given this thread is a more general discussion, I see no issue in discussing all the elements of the situations we've seen like the current person. Others are choosing to.
That's kind of my point. Nobody knows what drove her on, so I think saying that certain people are now "eating their words" is an unfair comment given that neither you, me, or, in fact, anyone but Beckie knows exactly what it was that gave her the push.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging an apparent success story, but people can and do get annoyed. I personally stopped posting for a couple of weeks after that whole saga because I felt that Beckie, amongst one or two others, were actually painting me and a few other well meaning posters as the bad guys simply because we weren't giving her fear credit.
I can just about excuse that, but I can understand why others can't. As you say, some people are just looking for a fight, but again I feel a lot of that is born through anger at seeing well meaning posters treated like the enemy simply because they aren't engaging someone with their hysteria.
For the record, Terry, it must feel like I'm trying to contradict you a lot these days. I promise I'm not baiting or anything like that, I just enjoy a good debate with people who make me think. I feel that although I hold my opinions, it would probably be worth my while trying to learn from people who see things slightly differently to me. As I've said in the past, you're a smart patient person and it will do me no harm to perhaps see things differently. You always make very good points and I do hope you see that while I'm arguing back, I am genuinely interested on your take on things.
It's interesting to see how varying the (online) behaviours of people with HA can be. People who internalise their fears suffer too and may never have the courage to post and if they do, get little or no responses. Others post multiple threads and show no regard or acknowledgement towards others trying to help and carry on regardless.
Who gets the most attention? It's always been this way-the rest just have to find their own way through, quietly and respectfully.
MyNameIsTerry
09-08-16, 09:31
It's interesting to see how varying the (online) behaviours of people with HA can be. People who internalise their fears suffer too and may never have the courage to post and if they do, get little or no responses. Others post multiple threads and show no regard or acknowledgement towards others trying to help and carry on regardless.
Who gets the most attention? It's always been this way-the rest just have to find their own way through, quietly and respectfully.
It is indeed.
Look at people like Tricia. She starts off every thread apologising for taking up people's time. She says "I know I post a lot" and just doesn't at all. It just you want to help more.
Like you have your other thread about people who are suffering something physically real on top of their anxiety disorders. It was interesting to see some admit that they don't post about it because they worry it will be triggering. This was quite sad to hear and for the reasons you stated - they deserved even more support. But it was interesting to see that despite legitimate needs to discuss these problems, they keep it on PM to care for others. Although it's sad & completely wrong they feel that way, it shows great character that even then they are still thinking about everyone else.
It's hard to be a new person on here. You may not get many responses. Plenty of us try to spread ourselves around which helps with this but we can't be everywhere so it's a team effort by us all. The more people give back, the better at reducing this problem which I think Carrie is also saying. But at the same time we do tend to look out for those we know. I know I do this, it's natural to see someone you have friendship with or someone you speak to more regularly and want to help. I find that even hard at times and then you feel a bit guilty for not being there.
It's interesting to see how varying the (online) behaviours of people with HA can be.
That's an understatement! ~lol~ And it's not just HA peeps. It's mental illness in general. It's the extreme cases that push the boundaries of :huh: and often seem to get the most responses (The Gawker phenomenon) and sometimes the least (The "I'm staying the hell away from that" phenomenon).
I've personally lived with and experienced extreme depression that manifested itself in hoarding. I've held my daughter while she cried and shook like a leaf for no reason other than her illness was causing it. Still, there are times I'm totally bewildered and have to form my own opinions and judgments as no rational explanation can explain things.
Citing specific examples is counter-productive as it still comes down to what I said in my original response to this.
There's a saying I learned in sales training many, many years ago and it applies. SW, SW, SW, Next! (Some will. Some won't. So what? Next!)
Yes there is just such a huge amount of people on here posting and it would be impossible to reply to everyone with the limited amount of time people have. We do what we can and every little helps...as Tesco say!
It's the quietest people who carry the heaviest loads though not necessarily those who make the most (cyber) noise...
---------- Post added at 09:51 ---------- Previous post was at 09:45 ----------
That's an understatement! ~lol~ And it's not just HA peeps. It's mental illness in general. It's the extreme cases that push the boundaries of :huh: and often seem to get the most responses (The Gawker phenomenon) and sometimes the least (The "I'm staying the hell away from that" phenomenon).
I've personally lived with and experienced extreme depression that manifested itself in hoarding. I've held my daughter while she cried and shook like a leaf for no reason other than her illness was causing it. Still, there are times I'm totally bewildered and have to form my own opinions and judgments as no rational explanation can explain things.
Citing specific examples is counter-productive as it still comes down to what I said in my original response to this.
There's a saying I learned in sales training many, many years ago and it applies. SW, SW, SW, Next! (Some will. Some won't. So what? Next!)
I think most people with or caring for people with severe mental issues prefer to say nothing about it at all. They just get on with it.
I think most people with or caring for people with severe mental issues prefer to say nothing about it at all. They just get on with it.
True... It's the same with physical issues. You just get on with it. Complaining isn't going to change the fact you need to deal with it. Although, a moan now and again is therapeutic :)
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
09-08-16, 11:15
That's kind of my point. Nobody knows what drove her on, so I think saying that certain people are now "eating their words" is an unfair comment given that neither you, me, or, in fact, anyone but Beckie knows exactly what it was that gave her the push.
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging an apparent success story, but people can and do get annoyed. I personally stopped posting for a couple of weeks after that whole saga because I felt that Beckie, amongst one or two others, were actually painting me and a few other well meaning posters as the bad guys simply because we weren't giving her fear credit.
I can just about excuse that, but I can understand why others can't. As you say, some people are just looking for a fight, but again I feel a lot of that is born through anger at seeing well meaning posters treated like the enemy simply because they aren't engaging someone with their hysteria.
For the record, Terry, it must feel like I'm trying to contradict you a lot these days. I promise I'm not baiting or anything like that, I just enjoy a good debate with people who make me think. I feel that although I hold my opinions, it would probably be worth my while trying to learn from people who see things slightly differently to me. As I've said in the past, you're a smart patient person and it will do me no harm to perhaps see things differently. You always make very good points and I do hope you see that while I'm arguing back, I am genuinely interested on your take on things.
Yes, I can understand that. I don't get frustrated with people who post like we are seeing but I do about other things. I wish I didn't but sometimes it affects my anxiety. We all have our weaknesses and you're right that we need to try to see it from the viewpoints of others. It can be hard though without the benefit of witnessing actual emotion, so much can be lost in words.
I think debates like this can only be useful. We all have different experiences of anxiety and of these places. No one person ever covers it all and the cumulative effect of different viewpoints fills in the gaps. It will only help us see what we may be missing. I sometimes spend ages typing up a long response, come back to it and find something instantly that I should have said and then someone will come along and post 2 lines and fill in a blank I never thought of which leaves me thinking AAARRGGGGHHHH, but in a good way. :yesyes: Actually, I like that because it has helped me to change how I put certain things across.
No worries, I like a good discussion. Besides, I think we can agree we are equal on that score. I'm someone who gets bored of the repetition so it can be good to go back & forth over things to gain some insight from others. It's all useful information. It would be boring anyway if we didn't challenge opinion! It's no bad thing.
I read loads of your posts, Gary. I like the logic in them plus you are someone who talks about the detail in disproving someone's fears. Anything brain related and I know you will likely be posting. I learn from it because I'm not a HA person so I haven't gained a wealth of knowledge about physical conditions. I've regarded you as an asset to the forum from very early on.
Speaking as an "HA person" I needed to be tough with myself and it has helped enormously. However I do appreciate that what works for one person will not work for another and it all depends on personality etc.
MyNameIsTerry
09-08-16, 14:01
Speaking as an "HA person" I needed to be tough with myself and it has helped enormously. However I do appreciate that what works for one person will not work for another and it all depends on personality etc.
Well I think you have a very good point there and it applies to all anxiety. There is a lot of motivation needed and whether you use reward or be more assertive with yourself it can be positive all the same.
When you think about it, isn't exposure built on this? Confronting. Much of therapy ultimately is changing thoughts too but being assertive with yourself is in there.
Speaking as an "HA person" I needed to be tough with myself and it has helped enormously.
Isn't that what it ultimately it comes down to anyway? One can post on forums until the cows come home but in order to heal, they must take on the advice, kick themselves in the rear and act on it.
Positive thoughts
Isn't that what it ultimately it comes down to anyway? One can post on forums until the cows come home but in order to heal, they must take on the advice, kick themselves in the rear and act on it.
Positive thoughts
Well it is for me
I would agree. What There has been much debate about recent threads, with the view given by some, that when in a spiral, it is near on impossible to acknowledge responses. Post after post has been ignored, no acknowledgement whatsoever. I doubt anyone would be that panic stricken, but I give them the benefit of the doubt.
That's gone out the window now, I see that the poster in question can manage to respond to the post by the owner of the site with no apparent difficulty at all, a full and rational post. Yet everybody else is going ignored? That's not panic, that's rudeness.
Isn't that what it ultimately it comes down to anyway? One can post on forums until the cows come home but in order to heal, they must take on the advice, kick themselves in the rear and act on it.
FMP :D
Probably one of the best posts I've read on here, I might quote this from time to time if thats okay :)
I would agree. What There has been much debate about recent threads, with the view given by some, that when in a spiral, it is near on impossible to acknowledge responses. Post after post has been ignored, no acknowledgement whatsoever. I doubt anyone would be that panic stricken, but I give them the benefit of the doubt.
That's gone out the window now, I see that the poster in question can manage to respond to the post by the owner of the site with no apparent difficulty at all, a full and rational post. Yet everybody else is going ignored? That's not panic, that's rudeness.
Yes that was quite telling...
I also noticed that Mercime. I haven't posted on any of that poster's threads, but have been following the whole debacle and, to be honest, I am surprised they haven't been banned. Being on the Forum is obviously not helping them and the constant posting about the same thing and failing to acknowledge other site users is detrimental to other Forum members.
This is getting out of hand guys.
We all experience frustration at times but NMP is here to allow people to express their fears both rational and irrational.
How would any of you like it if you and your posts were being discussed in such a hostile manner?
As far the call for threads to be locked and people to be banned - seriously?
I have been a member on here for many years and the recent threads are not a new phenomenon by any manner of means and they will be dealt with in the same way as always.
I am saddened to see people who should understand a little of what the other poster is feeling being so judgemental.
You can chose people to ignore on the forum to stop their posts showing up, it is up to you but no more of this nastiness please.
MyNameIsTerry
10-08-16, 10:20
I also noticed that Mercime. I haven't posted on any of that poster's threads, but have been following the whole debacle and, to be honest, I am surprised they haven't been banned. Being on the Forum is obviously not helping them and the constant posting about the same thing and failing to acknowledge other site users is detrimental to other Forum members.
That old chestnut about the good of the community. How far does exclusion go? It's always based on what people think and can be intolerant. I'm glad NMP doesn't work that way, based on opinion rather than tolerance & understanding. :doh:
That old chestnut about the good of the community. How far does exclusion go? It's always based on what people think and can be intolerant. I'm glad NMP doesn't work that way, based on opinion rather than tolerance & understanding. :doh:
I think that's the problem, though. Nobody can understand any of this. I'm trying to, truly I am, but I simply can't make any sense of this. Clearly any type of harsh or "tough love" approach isn't working, neither is any tolerant and understanding approach. Nothing works. Nothing.
It is, to me, an utterly bizzare set of circumstances. At this point I'm now practically begging this person to go to a doctor. I just cannot see any other way in which to help this person.
We are all human, remember, we all reach the point of frustration and anger if we feel we're having our chains yanked. Im not saying this is the case here, but if we're supposed to be understanding of the emotions of this particular poster, surely there has to be a degree of understanding given to those that are expressing emotions of frustration.
This is getting out of hand guys.
We all experience frustration at times but NMP is here to allow people to express their fears both rational and irrational.
How would any of you like it if you and your posts were being discussed in such a hostile manner?
As far the call for threads to be locked and people to be banned - seriously?
I have been a member on here for many years and the recent threads are not a new phenomenon by any manner of means and they will be dealt with in the same way as always.
I am saddened to see people who should understand a little of what the other poster is feeling being so judgemental.
You can chose people to ignore on the forum to stop their posts showing up, it is up to you but no more of this nastiness please.
Elen, I've already explained why I suggested the thread should be locked, and it was for the good of the poster, as it was getting nasty. I won't be lambasted for doing what I thought was the decent thing. As for the rest, I stand by what I said above. The time people give, who are sufferers themselves - which seems to be forgotten, could be acknowledged at the very least. I don't come here to attack anyone, I've better things to do thanks. That includes trying to support others. That applies to the majority here I would think.
I appreciate the frustration I truly do, been there, done that.
The answer was to stop responding so that I wasnt left feeling bad because I was being ignored.
We cant fix everything, sometimes we just need to take a step back and let people work through it on their own.
I have seen posts on other forums deliberately winding people up by telling that yes they probably do have x y or z. I think I would rather a desperate person was posting here than somewhere like that.
Frustration I do understand but that is no excuse for members (this is not aimed at anyone in particular but is a general observation) to be judgemental and gang up against a poster.
Carrie8484
10-08-16, 10:48
Elen - I have seen your posts on the thread in question and you yourself are getting frustrated with the poster.
The other mod who has posted on the thread has suggested the poster step away from the forum to get some help.
I think, even if the mods are getting frustrated and have suggested what they have done, then maybe a warning would be appropriate, for the good of the poster and everyone else?
MyNameIsTerry
10-08-16, 10:52
I think that's the problem, though. Nobody can understand any of this. I'm trying to, truly I am, but I simply can't make any sense of this. Clearly any type of harsh or "tough love" approach isn't working, neither is any tolerant and understanding approach. Nothing works. Nothing.
It is, to me, an utterly bizzare set of circumstances. At this point I'm now practically begging this person to go to a doctor. I just cannot see any other way in which to help this person.
We are all human, remember, we all reach the point of frustration and anger if we feel we're having our chains yanked. Im not saying this is the case here, but if we're supposed to be understanding of the emotions of this particular poster, surely there has to be a degree of understanding given to those that are expressing emotions of frustration.
I do agree with you. I've just seen the ban request used in other circumstances e.g. disagreements, so I'm wary of it. There has been intolerance in the past over the subject too i.e. POCD and that was the ignorance of a few.
I'm not sure what the way forward is either. It's clear you are trying to get her to a doctor and it's obvious you have her best interests at heart. It's admirable that you are still trying.
From what I recall she has even seen 2 nurses recently who have told her and it's making no difference. Her trip is really putting an obstacle in the way because a GP will be stuck other than trying meds.
I've done loads of avoidance myself and not confronted issues when I could have done but you always know somethings wrong about that. Sometimes she acknowledges this but the majority of the time she's lost. I can't understand how someone with that severity can hold down a job. :shrug:
I appreciate the frustration I truly do, been there, done that.
The answer was to stop responding so that I wasnt left feeling bad because I was being ignored.
We cant fix everything, sometimes we just need to take a step back and let people work through it on their own.
I have seen posts on other forums deliberately winding people up by telling that yes they probably do have x y or z. I think I would rather a desperate person was posting here than somewhere like that.
Frustration I do understand but that is no excuse for members (this is not aimed at anyone in particular but is a general observation) to be judgemental and gang up against a poster.
Understood and generally agreed. I don't think anyone is "ganging up" here, though. I think it's just individuals showing frustration all at the same time. I'm trying to reel it in but I find this weird surge within me whenever I read the forum and see yet another post asking a question about something I've tried as nauseam to explain in good detail.
Might I suggest that future responses to this individual are simply along the lines of "see a doctor"? I honestly cannot think of anything else to say, at this point. Ignoring the poster is, in my view, not an option. All that will do is keep the cycle going, as someone else engages the poster about whichever symptom they're asking about and hence, the cycle continues.
I was told there is the ignore thingo,maybe people can use that,then you don't have to read the posts,is that right?.
MyNameIsTerry
10-08-16, 11:12
I was told there is the ignore thingo,maybe people can use that,then you don't have to read the posts,is that right?.
There is but what people need to remember is that it only works if you yourself continue to allow it to. Alternatively, people can just use the ignore function in their own heads, the same self discipline is required.
The ignore function can be set by clicking on the poster's user name, so it brings up their account page, then using the drop downs to pick setting them to the ignore list. It's the same principle as setting a poster as a contact.
Gotcha Terry thanks for that.:D.
I was told there is the ignore thingo,maybe people can use that,then you don't have to read the posts,is that right?.
You can understand why people don't want to ignore it though. I personally don't want to ignore the posts for two reasons. For one, I feel that ignoring the poster will only allow the cycle to continue as it has been. Two, I am desperately wanting to see the poster finally take the advice given on board and hopefully report that her anxiety is under a bit more control as a result of this.
FMP :D
Probably one of the best posts I've read on here, I might quote this from time to time if thats okay :)
PLEASE do! ~lol~ Just make sure you quote Pulisa's thought too as it's the reason I said what I said... Hmmm edititng... this will be a "Positive Quote"
How does one handle their HA?
"I needed to be tough with myself"
"Isn't that what it ultimately it comes down to anyway? One can post on forums until the cows come home but in order to heal, they must take on the advice, kick themselves in the rear and act on it. "
Pulisa/FMP
Positive thoughts
The good thing is that she is able to hold down a job and can motivate herself to go on holiday with her boyfriend and carry on with her social life whilst suffering from relentless HA/complex OCD which keeps her glued to NMP 24/7. So a success story really despite all her issues..?
Carrie8484
14-08-16, 17:47
Bump .
The poster is back to asking for advice on 'phantom smells' with 16 replies already.
Pip quite rightly explained why the previous threads were closed.
I have flagged this too admin and reported it again, as it should be merged with the other massive thread about the same thing.
Unfortunately I think there is only one option here which will be helpful to the OP
nomorepanic
14-08-16, 18:32
It has 16 replies because people are replying to it - if people didn't reply it wouldn't have any !
It can't be merged as the other posts are closed.
Carrie8484
21-08-16, 02:20
I'd like to bump this thread.
I hope people start looking to other threads and helping those in need of support rather than applying their efforts to the same threads in a circle of monotony and frustration X
MyNameIsTerry
21-08-16, 03:51
I'd like to bump this thread.
I hope people start looking to other threads and helping those in need of support rather than applying their efforts to the same threads in a circle of monotony and frustration X
:wall::wall::wall:
Then do so. People keep saying about being frustrated and how others need help too but this situation just continues. Read other threads, post on them if you wish to. Why can't people do this?
Carrie8484
21-08-16, 09:58
:wall::wall::wall:
Then do so. People keep saying about being frustrated and how others need help too but this situation just continues. Read other threads, post on them if you wish to. Why can't people do this?
I do, Terry. Hence my bump to encourage others to do so. It's not all about one person on this section of the board.... Or is it?!
[QUOTE=spacebunnyx;1580982]Personally I think HA makes a lot of people fundamentally selfish. I always know I'm recovering when I start looking outwards and trying to help others rather than focusing my negative energy inwards.
You are spot on!!! How many threads have you seen when the reply is turned around into being about them selves ! (Guilty as charged) That's one of the problems with HA it changes the person you are, it makes you obsessed with you, it is so hard so see outside the box!
In my case I was trying to help as I have experience in some of the things OP was saying. ie moving abroad to teach (my son ).
But I'm bowing out now as I have a migraine, presumably stress related :(
In my case I was trying to help as I have experience in some of the things OP was saying. ie moving abroad to teach (my son ).
But I'm bowing out now as I have a migraine, presumably stress related :(
Hope you feel better soon xx
Carrie8484
21-08-16, 12:29
In my case I was trying to help as I have experience in some of the things OP was saying. ie moving abroad to teach (my son ).
But I'm bowing out now as I have a migraine, presumably stress related :(
You have good intentions phuzella, but unfortunately if you feel your words are falling on deaf ears I would move along from that thread X
:wall::wall::wall:
Then do so. People keep saying about being frustrated and how others need help too but this situation just continues. Read other threads, post on them if you wish to. Why can't people do this?
Maybe it's a form of OCD..feeling compelled to reply?
Maybe it's a form of OCD..feeling compelled to reply?
Having been on the receiving end of what I feel were OCD related replies, I agree with this.
On the other hand, I believe it's just a simple lack of self control.
Positive thoughts
There are 2 ways of looking at this then-OCD or lack of self control/self discipline. Could be applied to both arguments?
There are 2 ways of looking at this then-OCD or lack of self control/self discipline. Could be applied to both arguments?
Yep, or a combination of both... both for the poster and postee ;)
Positive thoughts
I haven't responded further on those threads as I think it pointless. There reaches a stage where neither the OP or the member responding is getting any use from it.
That is why I just cannot fathom why the thread in question has now got 133 REPLIES and thousands of views??? ( albeit some being bots)
The last thread became a complete brouhaha, had a lot of boiling frustration and reached the point of admin intervention. The same people who got fired up there, by constantly striving to help and getting nowhere, are now doing it on that thread.
Why is it not just left alone? It is just fuelling the fire and going around in circles IMO.
The OP wrote on the thread that are people saying that she is 'beyond help?'. IMO, no she definitely isn't, but she is whilst she carries on the same treadmill, doesn't address her anxiety and doesn't HELP HERSELF, by fully accepting it is anxiety and really doing something productive about it, and stop just paying it lip service.
Sorry, but my patience has worn thin.
Anxiety is hard for everyone. There is no easy pathway and way out. Sometimes there is no way out at all, but there is a way of DEALING with it and living some semblance of a normal life, even still having mental health issues, but you have to want to get there and really try. I just don't think she is there yet, and we are not seeming able to get her there through constant reassurance.
There are 2 ways of looking at this then-OCD or lack of self control/self discipline. Could be applied to both arguments?
Or, and I'm just guessing, people can't stand seeing someone taking the piss?
Hats off to you Debs, as unfortunately I was weak and did get involved again which I regret now, I don't really have an answer as to why it was hard for me not too. All I can think of is I've always had this issue where I need to point out something that I feel is wrong, also maybe I still thought I had a chance of getting through if it's genuine I am not sure.
Definitely no more, its a challenge for me in itself to ignore but one I welcome. I agree with your last paragraph there we all know how hard it is but for change to happen you must make changes and I can't see that happening.
---------- Post added at 21:28 ---------- Previous post was at 21:23 ----------
Or, and I'm just guessing, people can't stand seeing someone taking the piss?
Welcome back Gary!
Sometimes, the kindest, most compassionate thing to do and ultimately the best way to help is to walk away.
Positive thoughts
ServerError
21-08-16, 21:48
Sometimes, the kindest, most compassionate thing to do and ultimately the best way to help is to walk away.
That's all I feel I can do at this point.
I remember another poster with similar characteristics, there were times I thought she wasn't genuine, there were times when I was very concerned for this woman and there were times when she frustrated me so much as no matter what was said, nothing seemed to get through.
Eventually though, something clicked and she got the help she so desperately needed.
It's such a hard one, as sufferers, previous sufferers or just genuinely nice people we all want to help but there comes a time when sometimes what we think or feel will help actually has the opposite effect. I'm speaking from personal experience too as I also took a break from NMP prior to recovery as I recognised that reassurance seeking was locking me into the cycle.
I only hope that if genuine, eventually if we are all consistent enough that they will get the help they so desperately need.
Xx
Hats off to you Debs, as unfortunately I was weak and did get involved again which I regret now, I don't really have an answer as to why it was hard for me not too. All I can think of is I've always had this issue where I need to point out something that I feel is wrong, also maybe I still thought I had a chance of getting through if it's genuine I am not sure.
Definitely no more, its a challenge for me in itself to ignore but one I welcome. I agree with your last paragraph there we all know how hard it is but for change to happen you must make changes and I can't see that happening.
!
I don't think you weak at all KatiePink. You and others have been admirably battling on to help, but I think it is not getting anywhere, and really just winding up those trying to get through and help, which won't do their own anxieties any favours.
I take my hat off TO YOU for hanging in there.
I almost replied yesterday after the OP mentioned the 'beyond help' thing, but I decided not as I thought there was not much flaming point really. I hate to say that, but that's my honest thought. x:shrug::hugs:
I don't think you weak at all KatiePink. You and others have been admirably battling on to help, but I think it is not getting anywhere, and really just winding up those trying to get through and help, which won't do their own anxieties any favours.
I take my hat off TO YOU for hanging in there.
I almost replied yesterday after the OP mentioned the 'beyond help' thing, but I decided not as I thought there was not much flaming point really. I hate to say that, but that's my honest thought. x:shrug::hugs:
Yup you're right there x
MyNameIsTerry
22-08-16, 07:04
Maybe it's a form of OCD..feeling compelled to reply?
There are 2 ways of looking at this then-OCD or lack of self control/self discipline. Could be applied to both arguments?
I think that would be too simplistic by far if it were. OCD is a specific disorder that includes obsessions, but obsessive behaviour is a trait of many mental health problems as a specific symptom or a possibility. In more serious mental illness (schizophrenia, bipolar, certain personality disorders, etc) then it can be extreme depending on the episode.
But obsessiveness otherwise is another human trait like anger. You don't have to have OCD to be obsessive just as you don't have to have an anger management problem to be angry.
And then there doesn't seem to be anything like Dickhead Disorder. I've come across people on forums, including ones like this, who just want to fight with others. Is that because of their anxiety or their personality? Both, surely. Anxiety can make you angry but then dickheads also get mental health problems like the rest of us.
Is everything about mental health problems? Or are some people just a certain way because of their life experiences, upbringing, etc. So, I don't see how anxiety disorders override our personalities...but they can certainly inflame some of our personality traits. Add anger to an already angry person, and you get an explosion. Add reassurance-seeking compulsions to someone who has a personality trait leading to lots of reassuring-seeking prior to any anxiety disorder and what do you get?
If it's all about the OCD, then why are we all different? Why do some seek to help others and some only take from others? That's all about personality too. Anxiety can make you very insular (I don't say selfish as that would imply choice to me) but you can be an already selfish person who gets an anxiety disorder and you are hardly going to change overnight. Some of us change, some of us don't. I've met absolute & total nobs with mental health problems who don't give a shit about others.
And yes, sorry for the profanity, but since people seem to like plain speaking, there is a little bit from me.
---------- Post added at 07:04 ---------- Previous post was at 07:02 ----------
The last thread became a complete brouhaha, had a lot of boiling frustration and reached the point of admin intervention. The same people who got fired up there, by constantly striving to help and getting nowhere, are now doing it on that thread.
Why is it not just left alone? It is just fuelling the fire and going around in circles IMO.
Yes, and some of them say they won't post further and yet still appear. Then complain the thread goes in the same direction. If you engage in those threads now, you know how they will go - don't expect any different and if things get better, great.
Nic has made her feelings quite clear. Anyone engaging with her is just allowing her to continue with her cycle of questions. It's just giving her information to feed off.
Carrie8484
22-08-16, 11:20
i don't know why people are continuing to reply to that thread. The OP is merely coming back with the same questions, continuously.
Terry - you disagree with everything I post on here, but even your long, detailed and constructive reply was met with deaf ears, not even a 'cheers for that, Terry'.
People are NOT helping the OP as she simply will not listen and uses their replies to continue her cycle which has been said numerous times already.
If you're going to continue to reply, perhaps instead of trying to reassure, you should just agree? The behavior certainly is over the top and highly abnormal, even for severe HA. At this point I would say it surpasses some of the worst I've seen on NMP. Besides, that's what the OP wants to hear anyway. Maybe by agreeing, the OP will be prompted into seeking help sooner (privately). Otherwise, I'm at a loss. It's absolutely ludicrous at this point :shrug:
Just a thought and as always...
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
22-08-16, 14:22
i don't know why people are continuing to reply to that thread. The OP is merely coming back with the same questions, continuously.
Terry - you disagree with everything I post on here, but even your long, detailed and constructive reply was met with deaf ears, not even a 'cheers for that, Terry'.
People are NOT helping the OP as she simply will not listen and uses their replies to continue her cycle which has been said numerous times already.
Do I? I don't think so, I disagree with what you say because I disagree with it. That doesn't mean I will disagree with everything you say. If you say something I agree with, I have no trouble agreeing with you. It's nothing personal.
If you mean the post I added earlier, it was just a quick copy & paste. The thing is though, I don't care if no one on this forum ever says thanks, I post if I think I can help. It doesn't come with a price tag. It's nice to get feedback but I'm not fussed, I've gone beyond that stage knowing it just doesn't always happen on here so why get upset by it? I understand why others don't like this but if you notice, I have stayed out of Debs thread on this point - because I'm not fussed so left it those who are to discuss how they feel about it.
---------- Post added at 14:22 ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 ----------
I do, Terry. Hence my bump to encourage others to do so. It's not all about one person on this section of the board.... Or is it?!
Sorry Carrie, I never replied. I was being general there but it may have come across against you. Sorry for that.
This is something I do agree with. It just keeps happening but the power to prevent that is within those who are frustrated and I just hope they realise it.
I think the cycle is continued by responses from both "camps" though.
I agree. It's a personal choice on where your limits are as well. I answered as much as I felt OK answering and when I felt myself start to feel frustrated, I moved on. We can be supportive and try to help, but we cannot make somebody's choice to make changes solely our responsibility either. If somebody is not ready to make changes, I can't force them and I don't think I should try to either.
So, after 18 pages and multiple threads, I thought you'd like to know the OP has posted this on AZ now... Not that this is frustrating as it's more just incredibly sad or who knows what. It just illustrates my point about not responding at this point.
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php?topic=124382.0
Positive and totally mind boggling thoughts
ServerError
22-08-16, 19:33
Maybe someone there had the magic answer.
I don't understand that. Why would they post all that on another site today, after the sheer amount of replies they've had here. Very clearly these sites are feeding this person's problems and probably keeping them where they are. Or they're just attention seeking.. I really can't understand this move to south Korea :huh:
Carrie8484
22-08-16, 19:46
Deary me.
Well, according to some of the admins on here, people are 'vile' and are 'ganging up' if they start to get frustrated or question the OP's motives. Yet the same admins are equally getting frustrated with the OP...
I noticed that as soon as Nicola (Admin) posts on the OP's threads, the OP responds straight away. Yet other people offering multitudes of advice are ignored. Thats sad.
nomorepanic
22-08-16, 20:04
Deary me.
Well, according to some of the admins on here, people are 'vile' and are 'ganging up' if they start to get frustrated or question the OP's motives. Yet the same admins are equally getting frustrated with the OP...
I noticed that as soon as Nicola (Admin) posts on the OP's threads, the OP responds straight away. Yet other people offering multitudes of advice are ignored. Thats sad.
The admins each have their own opinions about this poster and they may not always be the same.
I was ignored and I asked twice (I think) if she had read the link I posted. I am talking to her in PM as well to try and stop some of the questions being asked on the forum. I believe others are doing this as well.
It doesn't frustrate me or pee me off though like it does some. I am very laid back about things - I have to be because of my health issues - but if it was stressing me out like it appears to do for some members then I would avoid it and ignore anything that was posted.
It makes it difficult when admin opinion is divided-I can understand why. If the OP can accept communicating purely by PMs I think this may be a good alternative?
Maybe someone there had the magic answer.
You think we were a little rough here? She's going to (and has before) get her tush kicked (and is) over there! It seems to be a pattern... push, push push until something gives, go to another forum and repeat.
Positive thoughts
Does she want a magic answer?
Carrie8484
22-08-16, 21:27
I just don't understand why someone with a decent level of intelligence, which she has, will not take on board even an ounce of advice from numerous well meaning people on here,(who have a wealth of experience on anxiety and OCD) over dozens of threads on the same topics, but instead takes it to another site and asks exactly the same questions. Quite a few people on there clearly use NMP too so they find it equally bizarre.
I can guarantee, there will be a new thread on here tomorrow.
I agree with Pulisa that those who want to continue supporting the OP should do so via PM to hopefully keep this circus away from our gaze.
ServerError
22-08-16, 21:27
It doesn't matter. By definition, it is a magic answer, guaranteed to work. I doubt it lurks anywhere on the internet. Maybe the dark web.
So, after 18 pages and multiple threads, I thought you'd like to know the OP has posted this on AZ now... Not that this is frustrating as it's more just incredibly sad or who knows what. It just illustrates my point about not responding at this point.
http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php?topic=124382.0
Positive and totally mind boggling thoughts
My personal opinion is that she loves the drama. I think she goes out of her way to find something that she can go on and on and on about for weeks on end, linking some nonsensical symptom to it, (I can smell smoke off of the smokers who smoke near me, ahhhhhh) and eventually becomes bored by it and moves on to the next one.
I have sympathy for people who suffer with any type of mental illness, I really do, but this person is just a wind up merchant who is seeking nothing more than drama and attention.
My opinion anyway.
ServerError
22-08-16, 21:34
Well if she loves drama and attention, she certainly gets it in spades.
So a compromise could be communication by PMs. Help is still available but it just wouldn't be on a public forum..
I don't understand the situation at all, the OP said on that link she's scared to lose her boyfriend, job and friends isn't she moving to south Korea so technically she's leaving that job anyway? I'd love to know where they work now as she hasn't been there that long but I'm assuming they're very lenient with mobile phone use :doh:
The OP asked in that link, 'am I actually turning myself schizophrenic?'
I just can't take it seriously I really really can't :huh:
---------- Post added at 21:44 ---------- Previous post was at 21:41 ----------
So a compromise could be communication by PMs. Help is still available but it just wouldn't be on a public forum..
If the OP is after advice then you'd think they would be happy to get this from PM but I have a feeling they will want the public threads instead
Well if she loves drama and attention, she certainly gets it in spades.
I only recognised it earlier. She drops a few posts early doors to stir the pot, then sits back and watches the ensuing chaos. The second it looks like things are calming down she re-appears and kicks it all off again.
From that, I can only surmise that this is a person who enjoys trouble making and being at the centre of it.
ServerError
22-08-16, 21:50
I only recognised it earlier. She drops a few posts early doors to stir the pot, then sits back and watches the ensuing chaos. The second it looks like things are calming down she re-appears and kicks it all off again.
From that, I can only surmise that this is a person who enjoys trouble making and being at the centre of it.
Yeah, I noticed that pattern a while ago. One of the reasons my visits to her surreal threads have been less frequent.
I'm done getting wound up by it, though. Getting hot under the collar is completely unnecessary and won't serve me well in any way.
Yeah, I noticed that pattern a while ago. One of the reasons my visits to her surreal threads have been less frequent.
I'm done getting wound up by it, though. Getting hot under the collar is completely unnecessary and won't serve me well in any way.
I had to actually quit posting for a few days because I really was at breaking point. I was picking fights with everyone on here and it was because of how this person was acting.
I was manipulated and I believe I was manipulated deliberately.
I had to actually quit posting for a few days because I really was at breaking point. I was picking fights with everyone on here and it was because of how this person was acting.
I was manipulated and I believe I was manipulated deliberately.
Why does administration let this continue?
Well if she loves drama and attention, she certainly gets it in spades.
Yeah and unfortunately, this thread as well as myself by posting is just adding to it :doh:
I'll just grab some popcorn and watch from now on. Hard to find good entertainment these days :)
Positive thoughts.... Over and out!
Carrie8484
22-08-16, 22:11
I think the fact this thread is also so popular should be a sign to Admin that something needs to change regarding the OP and her behaviour?
Why does administration let this continue?
Well, it's nearly impossible to discern if she's really a troll or someone in need of serious help.
I'm not a super frequent thread-starter, but I can say that when I get to the point of starting a thread there is a little bit of relief. Sort of like, "okay, now I can get this out there and people who understand can help me!". I can see how that would be addicting.
Granted, her threads are a serious disaster in terms of responding to people and getting people up in arms. I did reply once back when she was Reb and once again recently (to no response) and am done entirely. Other people can be helped instead.
I think the fact this thread is also so popular should be a sign to Admin that something needs to change regarding the OP and her behaviour?
I have a degree of sympathy for them as it's a tough call. What do you change? If they ban her account, there's absolutely nothing to stop her creating another one and just coming back. They've tried locking her threads, merging them and also telling people to just ignore her. None of it has worked.
It really is the most bizzare situation that I have ever witnessed on any internet forum, and I've been on more than a few.
MyNameIsTerry
22-08-16, 23:00
Sorry guys, I think it is very unfair to expect some forum members to take this situation just to keep it off the forum.
For the record, I haven't initiated any PM. I assume Admin have from what Nic has said but all I've done is reply a few times now and a few times a while back before this recent escalation started.
I think it is unfair to burden some of us just because you can't choose to ignore certain threads. Where does that one end?
ServerError
22-08-16, 23:01
Yeah, I see no reason why she shouldn't be free to post. We can all choose the extent of the impact she has on us.
It might be frustrating, but, you know, welcome to the internet.
MyNameIsTerry
22-08-16, 23:03
I have a degree of sympathy for them as it's a tough call. What do you change? If they ban her account, there's absolutely nothing to stop her creating another one and just coming back. They've tried locking her threads, merging them and also telling people to just ignore her. None of it has worked.
It really is the most bizzare situation that I have ever witnessed on any internet forum, and I've been on more than a few.
Just to clarify, Gary, this place has that trouble with spammers at times and as I understand it, they can block IP's too.
And whilst Admin have asked for frustrated people to leave these threads alone, that's not the case for all frustrated people who can still be seen to be posting. So, that hasn't been tried properly.
nomorepanic
22-08-16, 23:15
I don't think you can expect us admins to ban a member for posting her worries on the forum - come on that is totally against what NMP is here for.
I have noticed another member posting a lot recently but it is ok for her to remain is it?
This thread, however, is not very nice to read when we all know it is aimed at one member now.
It has been said before but I will say it again - walk away from her posts and ignore them and don't get wound up and reply.
It is unkind to talk about someone like this and I am not comfortable doing it on this thread either.
'Here here' Nicola. :yesyes:
MyNameIsTerry
22-08-16, 23:39
'Here here' Nicola. :yesyes:
+1 from me.
There was someone else posting multiple times a day and creating threads all over the forum, some of them repetitive - no one noticed or said anything. He wasn't posting on the HA board.
And there is another thread about this current situation on another board.
I agree Nicola.
I hadn't been to the ... "other" ... forum ever before but like most other anxiety forums I scoped out before coming here people were downright nasty.
I always liked NMP because people were kind, empathetic, and helpful. I know it can be frustrating but if it's not helpful to post it's just not helpful to post.
There should be no need for any banning or locking of threads or whatever.
The issue is becoming less and less that the OP keeps posting and more that other members - albeit trying their hardest to help - keep responding! This just keeps it all going and getting people to the point of banging their heads against a brick wall.
If the OP is genuine I truly feel for her, but at the same time I don't see a way forward right now. I feel that a lot of the work required will be about what she does or does not do off of the forum, not on it. Whether she has the insight to recognise that, I don't know at all, but haven't we taken things about as far as we can go now, advice wise?
IMO we have. :shrug:
Shazamataz
23-08-16, 05:48
I agree with Debs,
To me the issue isn't the OP at all but rather people who keep responding and getting wound up. Just ignore it if you are annoyed. Simple!
MyNameIsTerry
23-08-16, 06:12
Well I can only see two possible options for this now. So, you've got two choices, and two choices only:
1. http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/hug/t4624.gif (http://yoursmiles.org/t-hug.php)
OR
2. http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/boisson-19.gif or for the ladies...http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/boisson-214.gif...and of course for the non alcohol drinkers...http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/boisson-111.gif
[awaits a greedy ServerError asking for both]...ok, you can have both then! :biggrin:
Just to clarify, Gary, this place has that trouble with spammers at times and as I understand it, they can block IP's too.
And whilst Admin have asked for frustrated people to leave these threads alone, that's not the case for all frustrated people who can still be seen to be posting. So, that hasn't been tried properly.
What I mean is admin have asked people not to reply and that hasn't worked, as people are still replying. People are asking for admin to do something but as far as I can see they've tried all they can.
Carrie8484
23-08-16, 09:27
I don't think this thread has turned nasty. But then I did start it so maybe I am biased...
I think people obviously wanted at outlet where they could voice the issues surrounding recent threads which keep appearing and the issues that is causing. Unfortunately at that time it is about one particular poster. I haven't been here long enough to notice anyone else doing it .
If admin want to close the thread, fine by me.
Good one Terry. mine would be the cuppa, and possibly a group hug, or a hug off anyone!!!!:hugs:x
ServerError
23-08-16, 15:53
Terry thinks he knows me so well, but he doesn't! I don't drink alcohol anymore and I hardly ever drink tea.
I'm more than happy with the hugs, though.
Terry thinks he knows me so well, but he doesn't! I don't drink alcohol anymore and I hardly ever drink tea.
I'm more than happy with the hugs, though.
You don't drink tea!?!??! Are you a madman ;-)
venusbluejeans
23-08-16, 16:23
Red Wine for the ladies MNIT??? give me an ice cold pind of cider anyday :)
red wine is just vinegar in a different bottle :roflmao:
ServerError
23-08-16, 16:35
You don't drink tea!?!??! Are you a madman ;-)
Not mad as such, no. However, I realise I just made myself sound like the most boring man in the world.:emot-sleepyhead:
Here's a hug for you Magic X
http://rs96.pbsrc.com/albums/l169/charlee46/7235.gif~c200 (https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Angel+Hugs+Animated&view=detailv2&&id=E734F9624B75130E56C177023FB4892433243D6C&selectedIndex=11&ccid=vzVMkum7&simid=608001215139155127&thid=OIP.Mbf354c92e9bb4f586aba2e65c53bd61eo0)
And for everyone else..........
http://www.allgraphics123.com/graphics/hugs/hugs93.gif (https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Hugs+Images+Animated&view=detailv2&&id=BDB17C3EC3973092F848CC041733E0786A306B66&selectedIndex=40&ccid=P%2bPuYC0P&simid=608006652568145150&thid=OIP.M3fe3ee602d0f8c710aa7169f84af8833o0)
Red Wine for the ladies MNIT??? give me an ice cold pind of cider anyday :)
red wine is just vinegar in a different bottle :roflmao:
I've always thought that about wine. My girlfriend guzzles it when she's drinking then wonders why she gets heartburn. :wacko:
I'm strictly beer and lager. Oh, and tea as well.
that the one good thing ive gained from anxiety. ive quit booze.
and magically since ive stopped driving vodka and cokes my heartburn has gone too
nomorepanic
23-08-16, 17:33
Not mad as such, no. However, I realise I just made myself sound like the most boring man in the world.:emot-sleepyhead:
I don't drink tea and very very occasionally have a decaf coffee so you are not alone or mad or boring :winks:
I coudn't survive without tea.
Sad but true. I can't function or sometimes SPEAK until I have had my first morning brew.
It keeps me (relatively) sane.....not 100% sane, but relatively, lol.
(WELL, THAT AND CHOCOLATE :dribble::dribble::dribble:)
This pretty much says it all for me.... Coffee.. black... strong...
http://theworstthingsforsale.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/dont-talk-to-me-3.jpg
Positive thoughts
Carrie8484
23-08-16, 19:08
I coudn't survive without tea.
Sad but true. I can't function or sometimes SPEAK until I have had my first morning brew.
It keeps me (relatively) sane.....not 100% sane, but relatively, lol.
(WELL, THAT AND CHOCOLATE :dribble::dribble::dribble:)
I can't function without a morning brew either!
And then several more throughout the day X
I coudn't survive without tea.
Sad but true. I can't function or sometimes SPEAK until I have had my first morning brew.
It keeps me (relatively) sane.....not 100% sane, but relatively, lol.
(WELL, THAT AND CHOCOLATE :dribble::dribble::dribble:)
Same here Debs! I love my brews and if I can't have one all hell's breaking loose :roflmao:
Ah you are all making my mouth water for a cuppa now.
Do I, or don't I, that is my question. If I do I'll probably be on the loo all night. But I'm soooo thirsty. Oh well, off to put the kettle on!
I quit drinking coffee because of the ibs, miss it so much.
This pretty much says it all for me.... Coffee.. black... strong...
http://theworstthingsforsale.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/dont-talk-to-me-3.jpg
Positive thoughts
No no no. :scared15:
I can't survive without 27 or 28 cappuccinos per day, but black coffee? It's like drinking tar.
nomorepanic
23-08-16, 21:35
You are all very naughty drinking caffeine with anxiety :ohmy:
You are all very naughty drinking caffeine with anxiety :ohmy:
I'm excluded from that club although doc said no more than a cup due to heart issues. I bought a press and ohh myyy.... does it make a yummy cuppa joe :)
Positive thoughts
No no no. :scared15:
I can't survive without 27 or 28 cappuccinos per day, but black coffee? It's like drinking tar..
Wow!!! My anxiety would be be crazy:winks:.
brucealmighty
23-08-16, 22:08
christ Gary, I would be shaking like Elvis` left leg if I had that much caffeine!
27 or 28 was a slight exaggeration to be honest, it's more like 4.
Starbucks are going to start inviting me to the staffs xmas party at this rate.
venusbluejeans
23-08-16, 22:17
I've always thought that about wine. My girlfriend guzzles it when she's drinking then wonders why she gets heartburn. :wacko:
I'm strictly beer and lager. Oh, and tea as well.
red wine is awful a sweet white or rose for me
You are all very naughty drinking caffeine with anxiety :ohmy:
but you know I never have any caffeine :yesyes:
27 or 28 was a slight exaggeration to be honest, it's more like 4.
Starbucks are going to start inviting me to the staffs xmas party at this rate.
Used to love starbucks before my stomach issues.
MyNameIsTerry
24-08-16, 07:40
You are all very naughty drinking caffeine with anxiety :ohmy:
I'm allowed a bit too...it's supposed to help when you have asthma. :noangel:
---------- Post added at 07:30 ---------- Previous post was at 07:23 ----------
Red Wine for the ladies MNIT??? give me an ice cold pind of cider anyday :)
red wine is just vinegar in a different bottle :roflmao:
Yeah, that's true, Emmz. I can't stand red, white is nice though.
Cider! God that stuff gets me so drunk! http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/0087.gifhttp://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/alcool028.gifhttp://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/alco06.gif
---------- Post added at 07:33 ---------- Previous post was at 07:30 ----------
Terry thinks he knows me so well, but he doesn't! I don't drink alcohol anymore and I hardly ever drink tea.
I'm more than happy with the hugs, though.
Damn! Got you on greedy though! http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/alcool003.gif
One of these for you then...http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/boisson-162.gifhttp://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/0011.gifhttp://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/boisson-35.gif
---------- Post added at 07:34 ---------- Previous post was at 07:33 ----------
Good one Terry. mine would be the cuppa, and possibly a group hug, or a hug off anyone!!!!:hugs:x
Done! A cuppa, a hug and maybe even a singalong! http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/alcool/alcolo1.gif
---------- Post added at 07:40 ---------- Previous post was at 07:34 ----------
Here's a hug for you Magic X
http://rs96.pbsrc.com/albums/l169/charlee46/7235.gif~c200 (https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Angel+Hugs+Animated&view=detailv2&&id=E734F9624B75130E56C177023FB4892433243D6C&selectedIndex=11&ccid=vzVMkum7&simid=608001215139155127&thid=OIP.Mbf354c92e9bb4f586aba2e65c53bd61eo0)
And for everyone else..........
http://www.allgraphics123.com/graphics/hugs/hugs93.gif (https://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Hugs+Images+Animated&view=detailv2&&id=BDB17C3EC3973092F848CC041733E0786A306B66&selectedIndex=40&ccid=P%2bPuYC0P&simid=608006652568145150&thid=OIP.M3fe3ee602d0f8c710aa7169f84af8833o0)
Right back at ya, Carnation!!!
http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/baisers/xbz1tm70.gif
Thank you Terry x :) My dear friend.
I was beginning to think that everyone was ignoring me???
And I was becoming a bit paranoid about it to be honest with you.
Good job I am on a mental health forum haha x
In fact I would go as far as to say that no-one acknowledging me on here has confirmed that I still do not fit in to social groups and after all; if you send a hug, it is just nice to know that it is appreciated. :hugs:
I am so down at the moment. Terry, you know what I am going through and I was seriously considering leaving NMP, especially as others I know have left because of the hostility on here. So sad. :(((((((
:weep:
Thank you Terry x :) My dear friend.
I was beginning to think that everyone was ignoring me???
And I was becoming a bit paranoid about it to be honest with you.
Good job I am on a mental health forum haha x
In fact I would go as far as to say that no-one acknowledging me on here has confirmed that I still do not fit in to social groups and after all; if you send a hug, it is just nice to know that it is appreciated. :hugs:
I am so down at the moment. Terry, you know what I am going through and I was seriously considering leaving NMP, especially as others I know have left because of the hostility on here. So sad. :(((((((
:weep:
Aw bless you carnation. I'm not the hugging type, even virtually, but here's a massive smile from me :-)
Im similar, feel like I don't even fit it online I was just joking about this recently. I've been on this site 3 years yet I'm still one of the outcasts hahaha.
I know how it feels to be so low Carnation, it's horrible isn't it. Feels like the whole world is against you.
Thank you KeeKee. I had no idea you have been on here that long, about the same as me. I get very upset when people leave because they are frightened that people are going to be nasty to them or just be ignored. I've been ignored most of my life haha.
I had to be naughty as a child to get noticed. :)
Hugging is a new thing for me and now I know why I never used to do it.....
REJECTION!
It's not just 'hugging'. Just plain being ignored is even worse! :(
Happens too much on here unfortunately. People form their little groups and that is that! Humans are like packs of animals sometimes and can be so cruel to a loner.
I don't care what I say anymore. I always watch and listen and I am thinking of leaving anyway, so it doesn't matter. Our wellbeing is what matters.
Sorry to hear that you feel like this Carnation. I've always thought that you had a lot of support on your threads xx
I think this recent dispute has been pretty much confined to the OP's threads and this one. No one else should feel threatened as it doesn't appear that any other threads have been affected and people have carried on as usual?
Sorry to hear that you feel like this Carnation. I've always thought that you had a lot of support on your threads xx
I think this recent dispute has been pretty much confined to the OP's threads and this one. No one else should feel threatened as it doesn't appear that any other threads have been affected and people have carried on as usual?
Exactly.
It's the Internet, it's a forum that deals specifically with a very emotional subject and therefore has contributers who are knee deep in emotional turmoil.
Eventually that's going to spill over and disagreements or arguments will happen. I personally have argued with a few members on here over this debacle, but I would hope that these members are adults who realise that it's just a disagreement and there's absolutely nothing personal in it.
We wipe our mouths and we move on. I don't know about "groups" and people being rejected on here. I've been posting here for well over a year and I've never bore witness to that. Perhaps that's your perception but I honestly don't see it.
Thank you KeeKee. I had no idea you have been on here that long, about the same as me. I get very upset when people leave because they are frightened that people are going to be nasty to them or just be ignored. I've been ignored most of my life haha.
I had to be naughty as a child to get noticed. :)
Hugging is a new thing for me and now I know why I never used to do it.....
REJECTION!
It's not just 'hugging'. Just plain being ignored is even worse! :(
Happens too much on here unfortunately. People form their little groups and that is that! Humans are like packs of animals sometimes and can be so cruel to a loner.
I don't care what I say anymore. I always watch and listen and I am thinking of leaving anyway, so it doesn't matter. Our wellbeing is what matters.
That's such a shame that you feel that way, as Pulisa said it seems you get a lot of support on your threads here.
I wouldn't like to think anyone is considering leaving due to feeling this way, especially if this site has helped support you. :hugs:
I agree with the other posts i personally don't feel like anyone has been ignored on here, maybe accidentally but we're all human and all dealing with our own issue's. I try to help others too even when i'm having a bad day and am probably not much help lol.
I always look at your posts Carnation even if I don't say anything.
Me and all the above will miss you dreadfully.
We all like to read what is happening with your situation, even if we can not do anything physical to help.
I consider all on here to be my friends as I have no one else. I have close contact with two members on here though which is good, and also a dear friend who has left the forum.:)xx
Thank you Magic as always x
I think everyone is missing my point though.
I was trying to socialise and I was just ignored.
Everyone just carried on in their group.
It's not about response on my thread.
I wanted to send you a hug Magic as you are such a dear person and so as no-one felt left out, I sent everyone else one too. It was not even acknowledged, neither was my other posting, except for Terry and it is not the first time this has happened.
No matter who is brilliant or bad, we are all here because of mental illness and in my book, EVERYONE deserves some kindness and understanding.
I really wouldn't take this personally.
Thank you Magic as always x
I think everyone is missing my point though.
I was trying to socialise and I was just ignored.
Everyone just carried on in their group.
It's not about response on my thread.
I wanted to send you a hug Magic as you are such a dear person and so as no-one felt left out, I sent everyone else one too. It was not even acknowledged, neither was my other posting, except for Terry and it is not the first time this has happened.
No matter who is brilliant or bad, we are all here because of mental illness and in my book, EVERYONE deserves some kindness and understanding.
Cry me a river, seriously.
Gary, come on.. That was out of order. Tempers are frayed due to the recent bs, but remember that some find it very disturbing. You may disagree but keep the sharp retorts for those who really need them?
ServerError
24-08-16, 15:48
Wow! This thread took a turn for the worse.
For what it's worth, I've been on numerous forums over the years for various things - mostly hobbies and interests - and this probably the one with the nicest people. I see no cliques or groups, and I definitely don't see anybody deliberately ignoring or excluding anyone.
We're all friends here. That said, it is the Internet, and things won't always go the way you want or expect.
But yes, I'm on everybody's side here. I'd hug any of you. Maybe even kiss? Not sure about tongues, though.
this is the only vaguely nice forum ive ever been in on the internet.
mind id only really been on gaming/cars/golf forums before where 50% of the people are d*ckheads.
so many unanswered threads though. I try and answer any I have a clue about but I guess there is no answer to some of them.
In all fairness I do feel like certain members are more likely to get responses. I do feel like there are 'popular' members etc. But that is no different to work, school, even within families. It doesn't bother me whatsoever. I don't see it as malicious, some people are more open and give off a positive feel and others naturally feel more inclined to respond. Just my two cents anyway.
Gary, come on.. That was out of order. Tempers are frayed due to the recent bs, but remember that some find it very disturbing. You may disagree but keep the sharp retorts for those who really need them?
So it's ok to accuse people of forming groups and basically insinuating that people are deliberately ignoring you, even though that clearly isn't the case, but hell mend anyone who calls that nonsense for what it is?
This thread had actually gotten very light hearted and good humoured, which was refreshing, until Carnation decided to lay those accusations at people's door.
I must remember to type out how down I am before I write anything inflammatory, you can get away with murder on here when you do.
ServerError
24-08-16, 16:12
In all fairness I do feel like certain members are more likely to get responses.
Yeah, I guess I can see that. But I still don't think anybody is deliberately excluding anybody.
I respond to threads I feel I can add something to. That's basically it for me.
It's ok Gary A, I'm leaving.
What started as wanting to give you all a hug has backfired on me.
I don't want to be part of this, so I will go.
I have more important things to deal with like my dying mother and finding a home for myself. And yes, I am crying now, so it is 'cry me a river'.
Slag me off all you want now, I'm gone.
I agree ServerError I don't see anybody purposefully getting ignored. I understand people feeling that way when they're so down though.
As for me, well I'm used to getting ignored by my family ;-) so it's water under the bridge to me (hope I'm using that expression correctly hehe).
Oh, do please give it a rest, would you? Carnation was obviously referring to the hug message she put on this thread, which didn't seem to get a response.
There are plenty here who like drama but this lady isn't one of them - and her situation isn't just about "being down" at the moment. As for getting away with murder? You have a point to make, make it with someone who cares, because I don't. Your no nonsense attitude doesn't phase me in the least, I admire your stand in some cases but in this one, I think your reply was just plain nasty.
Yeah, I guess I can see that. But I still don't think anybody is deliberately excluding anybody.
I respond to threads I feel I can add something to. That's basically it for me.
Exactly that for me too, and I hand on heart have never once witnessed anything remotely like any groups or cliques that shun others. I personally think that's an outrageous accusation.
You can stop now, I am going.
Would you kindly leave me alone now Gary A.
I am shaking with palpations and I really don't feel very well.
It's ok Gary A, I'm leaving.
What started as wanting to give you all a hug has backfired on me.
I don't want to be part of this, so I will go.
I have more important things to deal with like my dying mother and finding a home for myself. And yes, I am crying now, so it is 'cry me a river'.
Slag me off all you want now, I'm gone.
Who asked you to leave?
ServerError
24-08-16, 16:18
I agree ServerError I don't see anybody purposefully getting ignored. I understand people feeling that way when they're so down though.
As for me, well I'm used to getting ignored by my family ;-) so it's water under the bridge to me (hope I'm using that expression correctly hehe).
I often feel ignored, excluded and 'left out' in daily life by friends. When I tell them, they're always really surprised. It's just my nature to interpret certain things that way.
I truly do believe when you are so down, you give off a 'vibe' or something and you are more likely to get ignored (not necessarily purposefully). Be it due to facial expressions, tone of voice etc I really don't know. The people in my street who used to say hello to me now look the other way when I walk past. That is no lie whatsoever, my partner has witnessed this.
I call myself droopy as I look and sound like him lately.
Oh, do please give it a rest, would you? Carnation was obviously referring to the hug message she put on this thread, which didn't seem to get a response.
There are plenty here who like drama but this lady isn't one of them - and her situation isn't just about "being down" at the moment. As for getting away with murder? You have a point to make, make it with someone who cares, because I don't. Your no nonsense attitude doesn't phase me in the least, I admire your stand in some cases but in this one, I think your reply was just plain nasty.
Fair enough. You don't care about what I have to say so I'll leave it there.
ServerError
24-08-16, 16:23
I truly do believe when you are so down, you give off a 'vibe' or something and you are more likely to get ignored (not necessarily purposefully). Be it due to facial expressions, tone of voice etc I really don't know. The people in my street who used to say hello to me now look the other way when I walk past. That is no lie whatsoever, my partner has witnessed this.
I call myself droopy as I look and sound like him lately.
My default approach to life ever since I was a kid is to feel unwelcome and as if people don't really want to be around me. Plus, I think shyness, which I have in bucketloads, is so easily misinterpreted as aloofness or just weirdness by people.
It's no surprise if, every now and then, it comes true a little bit. I'm sure my awkwardness makes people feel uncomfortable from time to time. But my friends are great, to be honest.
Oh, do please give it a rest, would you? Carnation was obviously referring to the hug message she put on this thread, which didn't seem to get a response.
There are plenty here who like drama but this lady isn't one of them - and her situation isn't just about "being down" at the moment. As for getting away with murder? You have a point to make, make it with someone who cares, because I don't. Your no nonsense attitude doesn't phase me in the least, I admire your stand in some cases but in this one, I think your reply was just plain nasty.
Mercime 'being down' is a generalised expression many people use where I'm from to describe a myriad of mental health issues. I didn't say it was 'just' that.
You can stop now, I am going.
Would you kindly leave me alone now Gary A.
I am shaking with palpations and I really don't feel very well.
Just to clarify, I have no intention of upsetting you, but to me if you're ok to make those types of accusations then you should be ok with someone rejecting the accusation. I tried to give you a reasonable response but you made the accusation again.
I'm not privy to your personal issues and I truly do sympathise with them, but this has nothing to do with any of that, I simply disagree with your accusations and don't think it's very nice to insinuate that people on here are in some sort of group and deliberately ignoring you.
My default approach to life ever since I was a kid is to feel unwelcome and as if people don't really want to be around me. Plus, I think shyness, which I have in bucketloads, is so easily misinterpreted as aloofness or just weirdness by people.
It's no surprise if, every now and then, it comes true a little bit. I'm sure my awkwardness makes people feel uncomfortable from time to time. But my friends are great, to be honest.
I've noticed the lower I feel, the more I get excluded. Unless I just have a truly rude family haha, I often speak and people don't respond whatsoever to what I've said. Again though, we joke about it and I just have to get on with things. I don't join in conversations as much as others etc so maybe they just don't expect me to say anything and genuinely don't hear me.
I can't see that anyone has done any wrong I'm afraid.
Carnation in regards to your hug comment going unnoticed, obviously that has bothered you but I really think we should step back here and look what you're all disagreeing over. I can't see that anyone has purposely ignored someone and it is an internet forum.. :shrug:
I get that emotions can be high, but let's not forget that we are all dealing with personal issues weather we discuss them on here or not. I can't see that anyone here is cruel that's my honest opinion. The thread had turned very light hearted and obviously Carnation you felt bothered by not getting a response, but in fast moving threads that is bound to happen sometimes I really don't think that should have been taken personally.
I can't see that anyone has done any wrong I'm afraid.
Carnation in regards to your hug comment going unnoticed, obviously that has bothered you but I really think we should step back here and look what you're all disagreeing over. I can't see that anyone has purposely ignored someone and it is an internet forum.. :shrug:
I get that emotions can be high, but let's not forget that we are all dealing with personal issues weather we discuss them on here or not. I can't see that anyone here is cruel that's my honest opinion. The thread had turned very light hearted and obviously Carnation you felt bothered by not getting a response, but in fast moving threads that is bound to happen sometimes I really don't think that should have been taken personally.
Why can't I ever write things that sound as nice as this? :doh:
Just to clarify, I have no intention of upsetting you, but to me if you're ok to make those types of accusations then you should be ok with someone rejecting the accusation. I tried to give you a reasonable response but you made the accusation again.
I'm not privy to your personal issues and I truly do sympathise with them, but this has nothing to do with any of that, I simply disagree with your accusations and don't think it's very nice to insinuate that people on here are in some sort of group and deliberately ignoring you.
No you aren't privy to her personal issues, but you can assume that anyone posting on an anxiety forum is going to have anxiety problems. I didn't see her post as accusing anyone, she was just saying how she felt. When people have anxiety it's very common to feel left out, even if that not true. It's all part of the vulnerability that anxiety causes.
Very harsh, do you really understand what anxiety does to someone?
No you aren't privy to her personal issues, but you can assume that anyone posting on an anxiety forum is going to have anxiety problems. I didn't see her post as accusing anyone, she was just saying how she felt. When people have anxiety it's very common to feel left out, even if that not true. It's all part of the vulnerability that anxiety causes.
Very harsh, do you really understand what anxiety does to someone?
I'm sure Gary does.
No you aren't privy to her personal issues, but you can assume that anyone posting on an anxiety forum is going to have anxiety problems. I didn't see her post as accusing anyone, she was just saying how she felt. When people have anxiety it's very common to feel left out, even if that not true. It's all part of the vulnerability that anxiety causes.
Very harsh, do you really understand what anxiety does to someone?
I get that it can make you feel vulnerable, I get that you can feel left out etc, but I don't agree that it gives you free reign to accuse "everyone" (Carnations words) of being in little groups.
No you aren't privy to her personal issues, but you can assume that anyone posting on an anxiety forum is going to have anxiety problems. I didn't see her post as accusing anyone, she was just saying how she felt. When people have anxiety it's very common to feel left out, even if that not true. It's all part of the vulnerability that anxiety causes.
Very harsh, do you really understand what anxiety does to someone?
I think that the post was clearly suggesting that she may be being ignored intentionally.
'Happens too much on here unfortunately. People form their little groups and that is that! Humans are like packs of animals sometimes and can be so cruel to a loner.
I don't care what I say anymore. I always watch and listen and I am thinking of leaving anyway, so it doesn't matter. Our wellbeing is what matters.'
I think this has all been blew way out of proportion if we look back through the thread nothing actually happened :shrug:
I'm disappointed actually as I thought everything had moved on. Carnation I am sorry that you feel this way it's not nice to see, but at the same time we need to be real about what's actually happened before this continues x
Ok, time out.
I'm not for turning this thread back into a shouting match, it's not my game.
Carnation, I appologise if my "cry me a river" remark offended you. I often come off too blunt and in truth I'm aware I need to work on that.
I see you as a human being who is capable of giving an opinion and therefore taking them back. I'm truly sorry if I came across too harsh.
Lets get back to talking about tea :weep: i enjoyed seeing that i wasn't the only one with a caffeine problem lol.
:unsure: :bighug1:
ServerError
24-08-16, 16:42
Lets get back to talking about tea :weep: i enjoyed seeing that i wasn't the only one with a caffeine problem lol.
:unsure: :bighug1:
Okay, now I feel excluded...
See, you r still going on about me.
I did not mean to offend anyone. I am not like that.
You obviously don't know me.
But you did make a sarcastic comment about 'cry me a river'
And I was crying!!!
My mum is dying.
I have already asked to leave and I ask you politely to now leave me alone.
If you want me to say that I did not mean to accuse, then I will.
But, please, please just let me go in peace.
Okay, now I feel excluded...
Stop it :D
I did when everyone was talking about alcohol because i absolutely hate it and i'm supposed to love wine right? lol
Like others, I tend just to respond to posts where I feel I have the experience to offer a perspective. It should always be borne in mind however, that despite the nice nature of this forum, it is an anonymous Internet forum like any other with no expectations or obligations on any of the other members to reply / respond to anyone. I am a member of several forums (this being the only anxiety-related one) and sometimes I have felt that I can't be completely honest in what I think in case it offends someone. Not that I ever want to be rude, just that I can't express my opinions because it seems that a more "softly softly" approach seems to be what's expected.
See, you r still going on about me.
I did not mean to offend anyone. I am not like that.
You obviously don't know me.
But you did make a sarcastic comment about 'cry me a river'
And I was crying!!!
My mum is dying.
I have already asked to leave and I ask you politely to now leave me alone.
If you want me to say that I did not mean to accuse, then I will.
But, please, please just let me go in peace.
Carnation people aren't going on about you, they're trying to explain what has happened. There's no nastiness there i am sure.
I'm so very to hear about your situation, and Gary has apologized for that comment but like i said we are all probably dealing with something very personal on here so we should take that into account that emotions can run high.
I really think you should take a break instead of deleting your account as you have said you've been here for years and you have so much support on your threads and people who want to keep talking with you. Please reconsider :flowers:
However, I will be completely honest and say I can't stand wine, it's Guinness for me every time. Line up the tins...:D
nomorepanic
24-08-16, 16:50
Blimey - I thought we had all kissed and made-up but clearly not.
I think the heat is getting to a few people so let's step away for a bit and cool down and then play nicely again. :oopsie:
Gary it's admirable you admit that. I do think the comment was harsh, however, how many of us have thought about posting a comment that others would deem harsh but we stopped ourselves? I know I have.
I don't think Carnations comment was meant to be taken personally. I use the word everybody way too much. I'll say things like "everybody expects you to move for them" (I said this today when somebody expected me to move for them, I didn't really mean everybody I meant that one person).
I agree with you, Darwin. I don't particularly like making anxiety an excuse for some of my behaviours and have to be hard on myself to make any progress.
Stop it :D
I did when everyone was talking about alcohol because i absolutely hate it and i'm supposed to love wine right? lol
Ah KatiePink pink i despise alcohol. Haven't had a drink in over 3 years and probably won't over the next 3 years.
Mercime 'being down' is a generalised expression many people use where I'm from to describe a myriad of mental health issues. I didn't say it was 'just' that.
Keekee, I should have quoted Gary's post as it was him I was referring to, not you - apologies. "Cry me a river" in response to a post is uncalled for. I must be an oddity actually (not ashamed of it either). If I see a post that is out of character for somebody who posts regularly, especially someone who supports others, it makes me wonder if something is disturbing them. I would hesitate to reply flippantly even if I disagree with what they've written because of how they usually are.
Carnation has given plenty to this forum, unlike some on here. I'll be sad to see her go.
ServerError
24-08-16, 16:53
However, I will be completely honest and say I can't stand wine, it's Guinness for me every time. Line up the tins...:D
Guinness is about the only alcohol I actually like.
I'm tee total at the moment. Might change one day, but I hate the way almost all alcohol tastes, and I hate how it makes me feel. So why bother with it. I get awful hangovers so I've knocked it on the head.
But yeah, for some reason I do enjoy Guinness, and it doesn't give me the horrible rough feeling that other drinks do.
We're told that mental health has a stigma attached and that we shouldn't treat people with mental health issues any differently. :shrug:
Keekee, I should have quoted Gary's post as it was him I was referring to, not you - apologies. "Cry me a river" in response to a post is uncalled for. I must be an oddity actually (not ashamed of it either). If I see a post that is out of character for somebody who posts regularly, especially someone who supports others, it makes me wonder if something is disturbing them. I would hesitate to reply flippantly even if I disagree with what they've written because of how they usually are.
Carnation has given plenty to this forum, unlike some on here. I'll be sad to see her go.
Ah i see. Apologies for misinterpreting. Gosh it really is easy to jump to conclusions as I just have.
ServerError
24-08-16, 16:55
Ah i see. Apologies for misinterpreting. Gosh it really is easy to jump to conclusions as I just have.
Are you accusing me of jumping to conclusions?
Are you accusing me of jumping to conclusions?
I don't dare respond to that :roflmao:
We're told that mental health has a stigma attached and that we shouldn't treat people with mental health issues any differently. :shrug:
Yes, you can't have it both ways.
Carrie8484
24-08-16, 17:07
I don't think anyone is deliberately made to feel unwelcome on here.
I often go to the chat room and get ignored by some regulars despite trying to join in and chat/offer advice. I don't take it personally , although it's usually a reason to log off for me.
Carnation- I'm sorry to hear you're having an awful time of it at the moment. Personally I hadn't read any of your threads until yesterday as they aren't in a section I frequent and I'm sorry to hear your mother is unwell. It is not an easy time at all and I have a very poorly grandfather in a care home at present who is end of life.
I hope you understand that this particular thread isn't about excluding anybody or forming groups, Hence the title and content in the first instance. We've had discussions on how and why certain threads get unanswered and moved on to threads that get many, many replies. Things have become heated but as it is the Internet we often can lay out more on here , anonymously in written form than we would physically I think. And people's tones can often be misinterpreted.
Anyway, I certainly don't feel part of any gang on here and I still barely know anybody. A few people have helped me out greatly though and I try and offer bits of advice to others where I can.
I hope we can all agree to disagree in some respects but at the same time keep this forum an active and varied one with our range of personalities and mental health issues! :)
Yes, you can't have it both ways.
Exactly my point. Granted, I was harsh, but I think Carnation was just as harsh, if not more so.
If we're going to start wrapping people in cotton wool then surely we're simply giving in to the stigma?
There's a line obviously, and I certainly don't want to add to anyone's anguish, but my whole point surrounded her posts regarding being left out etc.
If anyone thinks I would say "cry me a river" in response to anyone asking for help then clearly you don't read any of my posts directed at other people.
I have appologised to Carnation and I will leave it there.
Server, that's funny because Guinness is pretty much the only alcohol I drink too. I used to be partial to gin, and could drink a few with no ill effects, but since having kids, I think my body chemistry must have altered or something as just one now makes me feel dizzy. Guinness, however....you know what they say, "Guinness is good for you"!
Red Wine for the ladies MNIT??? give me an ice cold pind of cider anyday :)
red wine is just vinegar in a different bottle :roflmao:
How very dare you Veeb. Red wine is the nectar of the gods.... ooh but have you tried the Old Mout Kiwi and Lime Cider, it's like pop, dangerous stuff.
:whistles: i shall not get involved in the drama, i shall not feed the drama llama, you guys are making this so very hard for me. It was going soooo well.:whistles:
ServerError
24-08-16, 17:41
Server, that's funny because Guinness is pretty much the only alcohol I drink too. I used to be partial to gin, and could drink a few with no ill effects, but since having kids, I think my body chemistry must have altered or something as just one now makes me feel dizzy. Guinness, however....you know what they say, "Guinness is good for you"!
Some people absolutely hate it and I can see why. It does have what I guess you could call an acquired taste.
But I loved it the first time I tried it. Which I can't say for any other drink.
I haven't been able to drink cider since I was 17 and got drunk on warm Strongbow at a friend's house party, passed out on the landing in my own sick and got pelted with flour by my so-called friends! Just the smell of cider makes me nauseous (I'm fine with flour, though).
Yup, cider was the teenage drink of choice round my way as well. I could never stand it myself because of the smell (mainly the smell of cider-induced vomit, to be truthful). I won't tell you what I used to drink as a teen as its a little embarrassing..oh, okay then, I'll admit, I was the only one propping up the student union bar with a Baileys:blush:
I don't think anyone is deliberately made to feel unwelcome on here.
I often go to the chat room and get ignored by some regulars despite trying to join in and chat/offer advice. I don't take it personally , although it's usually a reason to log off for me.
I always try to say hi and ask how anyone is that joins.
Carrie8484
24-08-16, 18:14
I always try to say hi and ask how anyone is that joins.
I know you do sky, :) I just notice how I'll often try and join in a conversation etc and won't be acknowledged. (Not by you) and I'm sure it isn't deliberate, But that's life and as I said I don't take it personally, thats life online for you X
I hope you feel welcome now.
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 09:22
Wow! This thread took a turn for the worse.
For what it's worth, I've been on numerous forums over the years for various things - mostly hobbies and interests - and this probably the one with the nicest people. I see no cliques or groups, and I definitely don't see anybody deliberately ignoring or excluding anyone.
We're all friends here. That said, it is the Internet, and things won't always go the way you want or expect.
But yes, I'm on everybody's side here. I'd hug any of you. Maybe even kiss? Not sure about tongues, though.
Cliques & groups have been on here for years. If people don't see them or come across them, that's just your experience.
Anyone who witnessed a situation that went on for weeks last year will remember how there were groups formed against each other. I can distinctly remember one member telling my how many people they had in there corner trying to get me to join in and I refused. Some months down the line and the same member was contacting others around the forum telling them all sorts of lies about me to get them on side, they told me and even sent me the PM's.
When I first joined I said something which opposed popular feeling on the HA board along with a couple of others, one of whom did say things offensively. The result was people reappearing out of the woodwork who hadn't been on here for ages with the old "I don't come here anymore but just logged on by chance and saw..." :doh:
Sadly, it goes on. Last year was the worst by far I saw. It ended with at least 7 members I knew of leaving, not all declared it.
I don't believe Carnation was referring to that sort of clique or group, simply that she wished everyone well and no one bothered to respond. And yet we have a 3 page thread on the Misc board currently with people (including some of you on here) complaining about not getting acknowledgements. So, I assume that thread is now moot on the basis "it's just the internet" too? I haven't commented in that one, as I said earlier on here I don't really care about getting a response that much, I've got beyond that stage so things don't affect me anymore but I understand how it does for others. The fact it has done that to Carnation here is as worthy as that 3 page thread to me.
Cliques & groups have been on here for years. If people don't see them or come across them, that's just your experience.
Anyone who witnessed a situation that went on for weeks last year will remember how there were groups formed against each other. I can distinctly remember one member telling my how many people they had in there corner trying to get me to join in and I refused. Some months down the line and the same member was contacting others around the forum telling them all sorts of lies about me to get them on side, they told me and even sent me the PM's.
When I first joined I said something which opposed popular feeling on the Ha board along with a couple of others, one of whom did say things offensively. The result was people reappearing out of the woodwork who hadn't been on here for ages with the old "I don't come here anymore but just logged on by chance and saw..." :doh:
Sadly, it goes on. Last year was the worst by far I saw. It ended with at least 7 members I knew of leaving, not all declared it.
I don't believe Carnation was referring to that sort of clique or group, simply that she wished everyone well and no one bothered to respond. And yet we have a 3 page thread on the Misc board currently with people (including some of you on here) complaining about not getting acknowledgements. So, I assume that thread is now moot on the basis "it's just the internet" too? I haven't commented in that one, as I said earlier on here I don't really care about getting a response that much, I've got beyond that stage so things don't affect me anymore but I understand how it does for others. The fact it has done that to Carnation here is as worthy as that 3 page thread to me.
Hands up here, the whole thing was my fault. I jumped the gun and reacted badly and really shouldn't have. I don't open up very often on here, basically because I feel people have enough problems without me unloading mine, but I was having a bad day and took it out on Carnation.
That was wrong of me and I'm sorry, sincerely, for that. I've mentioned a few times on here that my father recently suffered a heart attack, the stress of his recovery and of course the constant worry about all that entails is getting to me a lot more than I thought it would.
Trust me, if you think I'm a moody so and so on here, you should see me in real life. However, I make no excuses, I shouldn't have responded to Carnation in the way that I did and it's as simple as that. My problems are my problems and they shouldn't ever be used as an excuse to vent on someone who is clearly going through a rough time themselves.
So please, I beg you all, don't fall out over this or start arguments. Chalk it up to me being an arrogant insensitive git and move on.
ServerError
25-08-16, 09:33
I take issue with a lot of what you've said there, Terry.
However, I actually hate getting involved in never ending debates and discussions. I haven't got the energy for it.
I'd like to see this thread move on from the issue. If others feel there's a debate that needs to be had then that's fine. But I think we're doing this to death now and it's stressing me out!
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 09:37
I take issue with a lot of what you've said there, Terry.
However, I actually hate getting involved in never ending debates and discussions. I haven't got the energy for it.
I'd like to see this thread move on from the issue. If others feel there's a debate that needs to be had then that's fine. But I think we're doing this to death now and it's stressing me out!
How so? You weren't here, you didn't witness it. So, how can you take issue with it?
Admin had to deal with the situation I mentioned, try asking some of us who were around who went through all the arguments across the forum.
Why take issue with that? You didn't see it and weren't involved. I quoted your post to respond to that point, it wasn't something against you. :shrug:
Hands up here, the whole thing was my fault. I jumped the gun and reacted badly and really shouldn't have. I don't open up very often on here, basically because I feel people have enough problems without me unloading mine, but I was having a bad day and took it out on Carnation.
That was wrong of me and I'm sorry, sincerely, for that. I've mentioned a few times on here that my father recently suffered a heart attack, the stress of his recovery and of course the constant worry about all that entails is getting to me a lot more than I thought it would.
Trust me, if you think I'm a moody so and so on here, you should see me in real life. However, I make no excuses, I shouldn't have responded to Carnation in the way that I did and it's as simple as that. My problems are my problems and they shouldn't ever be used as an excuse to vent on someone who is clearly going through a rough time themselves.
So please, I beg you all, don't fall out over this or start arguments. Chalk it up to me being an arrogant insensitive git and move on.
Can't fault your honesty here Gary.
Sorry to hear about your father, I'm constantly worrying about mine at the minute it's not easy. :weep:
Hands up here, the whole thing was my fault. I jumped the gun and reacted badly and really shouldn't have. I don't open up very often on here, basically because I feel people have enough problems without me unloading mine, but I was having a bad day and took it out on Carnation.
That was wrong of me and I'm sorry, sincerely, for that. I've mentioned a few times on here that my father recently suffered a heart attack, the stress of his recovery and of course the constant worry about all that entails is getting to me a lot more than I thought it would.
Trust me, if you think I'm a moody so and so on here, you should see me in real life. However, I make no excuses, I shouldn't have responded to Carnation in the way that I did and it's as simple as that. My problems are my problems and they shouldn't ever be used as an excuse to vent on someone who is clearly going through a rough time themselves.
So please, I beg you all, don't fall out over this or start arguments. Chalk it up to me being an arrogant insensitive git and move on.
Gary so sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he is recovering.
Hats off to you for apologising.
Here's hoping we can move on from this now.
Can't fault your honesty here Gary.
Sorry to hear about your father, I'm constantly worrying about mine at the minute it's not easy. :weep:
I can take hundreds of situations, symptoms, whatever, and apply logic to them all.
When it comes to my family? Nope, logic goes out the window. My dad is actually recovering brilliantly, but I saw some things during his heart attack that I'm having a bit of trouble dealing with.
I actually jump and have to cover my ears whenever I hear an ambulance siren. Weird isn't it, but that's what it's done to me.
Hope your dads ok, trust me, I know how you feel.
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