AnnieMaeL
06-08-16, 22:19
Hi, I'm kinda new here and I'm in some desperate need of help, and someone I can relate with so I know I'm not totally alone in this!
When I was 17 I was put on Celexa, they had me start off taking 5mgs, and worked me up to taking 10mgs, and that seemed to be the sweet spot and I did wonderful on it. It was the best ever, I felt amazing and I was able to move through life without depression dragging me down.
I'm now 26, and have been battling depression again without any help for the last 2 years, I had developed a little bit of anxiety, nothing too major, and would have panic attacks every once in a blue moon.
(This next part may or may not be a trigger so please don't read if you think my anxiety/panic symptoms might trigger you!)
My anxiety consisted of:
Worry over accidents (cars, cooking, etc)
Panic Attack Symptoms:
Tingling
Heart Racing
Hyperventilating
Numbness
Vertigo/Dizziness
So finally I did see a doctor around March of this year (the two year wait was due to my insurance being jerks, btw) and he prescribed me Citalopram 20mg. He told me to make an appointment with him one week later so he could see how the medication was working for me. Well... I took it the night after we bought it, just about 30 minutes before bed. Woke up the next morning prepared to go to Lake Michigan with my mom for the day... but as soon as I sat up I felt so weird. I was in this state of not really being there, I felt like I was floating, my whole body was tingling, and I was not right. I shrugged it off like "oh its just the medicine", and then I stood up, and I not only become instantly nauseous, I saw color trails on everything, I couldn't stop gagging, the room wouldn't stop spinning and twisting around. I felt like everything around me was moving too fast while I was moving too slow yet somehow I felt like I could walk through things as if I were a ghost. I could smell and taste colors, I could even hear them. Colors were so bright and vivid. It was the most horrible god awful experience I have ever had in my entire life. I couldn't walk normal, I couldn't think, I could barely talk my words were slurred and talking made me gag even more. I spent the entire day going through this. I woke up the next day feeling a little bit better, but still stoned. I did not take another pill. I refused.
Once I was "out of this trip" (I quotation that because I had only thought it was over), I told my doctor what had happened. He simply said "Citalopram doesn't do that. Maybe we should lower your dose." I told him I wouldn't take it ever again, even the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. So he was pretty upset with me but I was upset with him for not listening to me. If it wasnt the Citalopram then what was it? Because that was the only thing I had done differently that day, that was the only thing I had taken. I looked at the bottle over and over, studied the pills and googled what they should look like. They didnt mess up my perscription. This was definitely the right pill. I googled side effects, and found out that indeed, though it is rare, Citalopram can make these things happen! But nothing I had researched told me I would be stuck in this trip months and months later... It's now August, and I have been living in hell.
My vision has never went back to normal, colors are still so vivid and bright, I hallucinate visually and auditory, andI never feel like I'm completely in my body, those are non-stop since I took Citalopram. I have panick attacks sometimes several times a week, sometimes they last all day long. These panic attacks are nothing like those mild innocent ones I used to have. They've like... evolved? Now I sit there screaming, crying (unaware that I am screaming and crying), body numb, chocking/gagging, nauseous, and seeing strobe lights flash before my eyes, I get twitchy and now have developed a nervous tick where I slap my hand on something and I can't make it stop. I stutter, and I repeat as I cry "Help me, please make it stop" over and over. My senses become overly sensitive, I hear things more loudly, I can feel people breathing a room away from me and it makes me nauseous, I can taste the air or the way things smell, and I can smell the way things tastes, I feel like I've gone crazy, I really think I have. My pupils are always very dilated during these episodes. I'm not myself at all anymore. I feel like I'm not real. Sometimes I get confused with reality and what is happening to me inside of my head. Sometimes I will start laughing for no reason and I can't control it, or I will cry for no reason and can't control it. I'm stuck in this never ending high thanks to Citalopram, and I don't know how to fix it.
I have good days, where I feel normal, so I take advantage of my good days and I go out and enjoy my life while I can. Those good days only last a couple of hours if I'm lucky, because anxiety and panic is keeping me from living at this point. My bad days are far more frequent.
This has been absolute torture. I've begged my doctor to listen to me, he says I have anxiety and shrugs me off. They just this week have put me on Lorazepam. It doesn't really help that much.
They've checked my thyroid. They've checked pretty much everything, done so much blood work. There is nothing physically wrong. I know it was the Citalopram that caused me to become this bad. I was nowhere near this bad until after that stupid pill. I just want this to stop, I want out of this trip and I'm desperate for answers.
Someone, please help me, please!!!
When I was 17 I was put on Celexa, they had me start off taking 5mgs, and worked me up to taking 10mgs, and that seemed to be the sweet spot and I did wonderful on it. It was the best ever, I felt amazing and I was able to move through life without depression dragging me down.
I'm now 26, and have been battling depression again without any help for the last 2 years, I had developed a little bit of anxiety, nothing too major, and would have panic attacks every once in a blue moon.
(This next part may or may not be a trigger so please don't read if you think my anxiety/panic symptoms might trigger you!)
My anxiety consisted of:
Worry over accidents (cars, cooking, etc)
Panic Attack Symptoms:
Tingling
Heart Racing
Hyperventilating
Numbness
Vertigo/Dizziness
So finally I did see a doctor around March of this year (the two year wait was due to my insurance being jerks, btw) and he prescribed me Citalopram 20mg. He told me to make an appointment with him one week later so he could see how the medication was working for me. Well... I took it the night after we bought it, just about 30 minutes before bed. Woke up the next morning prepared to go to Lake Michigan with my mom for the day... but as soon as I sat up I felt so weird. I was in this state of not really being there, I felt like I was floating, my whole body was tingling, and I was not right. I shrugged it off like "oh its just the medicine", and then I stood up, and I not only become instantly nauseous, I saw color trails on everything, I couldn't stop gagging, the room wouldn't stop spinning and twisting around. I felt like everything around me was moving too fast while I was moving too slow yet somehow I felt like I could walk through things as if I were a ghost. I could smell and taste colors, I could even hear them. Colors were so bright and vivid. It was the most horrible god awful experience I have ever had in my entire life. I couldn't walk normal, I couldn't think, I could barely talk my words were slurred and talking made me gag even more. I spent the entire day going through this. I woke up the next day feeling a little bit better, but still stoned. I did not take another pill. I refused.
Once I was "out of this trip" (I quotation that because I had only thought it was over), I told my doctor what had happened. He simply said "Citalopram doesn't do that. Maybe we should lower your dose." I told him I wouldn't take it ever again, even the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. So he was pretty upset with me but I was upset with him for not listening to me. If it wasnt the Citalopram then what was it? Because that was the only thing I had done differently that day, that was the only thing I had taken. I looked at the bottle over and over, studied the pills and googled what they should look like. They didnt mess up my perscription. This was definitely the right pill. I googled side effects, and found out that indeed, though it is rare, Citalopram can make these things happen! But nothing I had researched told me I would be stuck in this trip months and months later... It's now August, and I have been living in hell.
My vision has never went back to normal, colors are still so vivid and bright, I hallucinate visually and auditory, andI never feel like I'm completely in my body, those are non-stop since I took Citalopram. I have panick attacks sometimes several times a week, sometimes they last all day long. These panic attacks are nothing like those mild innocent ones I used to have. They've like... evolved? Now I sit there screaming, crying (unaware that I am screaming and crying), body numb, chocking/gagging, nauseous, and seeing strobe lights flash before my eyes, I get twitchy and now have developed a nervous tick where I slap my hand on something and I can't make it stop. I stutter, and I repeat as I cry "Help me, please make it stop" over and over. My senses become overly sensitive, I hear things more loudly, I can feel people breathing a room away from me and it makes me nauseous, I can taste the air or the way things smell, and I can smell the way things tastes, I feel like I've gone crazy, I really think I have. My pupils are always very dilated during these episodes. I'm not myself at all anymore. I feel like I'm not real. Sometimes I get confused with reality and what is happening to me inside of my head. Sometimes I will start laughing for no reason and I can't control it, or I will cry for no reason and can't control it. I'm stuck in this never ending high thanks to Citalopram, and I don't know how to fix it.
I have good days, where I feel normal, so I take advantage of my good days and I go out and enjoy my life while I can. Those good days only last a couple of hours if I'm lucky, because anxiety and panic is keeping me from living at this point. My bad days are far more frequent.
This has been absolute torture. I've begged my doctor to listen to me, he says I have anxiety and shrugs me off. They just this week have put me on Lorazepam. It doesn't really help that much.
They've checked my thyroid. They've checked pretty much everything, done so much blood work. There is nothing physically wrong. I know it was the Citalopram that caused me to become this bad. I was nowhere near this bad until after that stupid pill. I just want this to stop, I want out of this trip and I'm desperate for answers.
Someone, please help me, please!!!