PDA

View Full Version : Despite my best efforts, very worried about my 9 year old daughter.



shelzmike
08-08-16, 03:04
So I have had GAD w/panic attacks (sometimes bridging into a panic disorder, meaning during my "relapses" I have near panic and panic attacks all day long and this can last for months at a time) for probably about 16 years now. My doc always tells me that I am the most unique anxiety patients he has because of the way I manage it and have all this time. I guess that is a good thing, though it also make me feel bad because my anxiety is a daily struggle, but I just power through it and try not to let it control my life and an thankful that I have had the fortitude to do so - the reason I feel bad is because that must mean that so many others are much worse off than I am and if I feel horrible, I would hate for it to be so much more worse.

Anyhow, my wife also has some level of anxiety disorder but does very well with dealing with it.

We have 2 older teenage boys who are as "normal" as teenagers normally are, but then we have the baby of the family..our dear daughter who is 9. She has always been slightly more shy than the boys were and always seemed a nervous child, but nothing really worrisome. Knowing that she has a higher risk of developing an anxiety disorder, especially based on observed behaviors, my wife and I have made it a point to hide as much of our anxiety from her as possible. I thought we had done a decent job of it, thinking back. Neither of us had a huge breakdown in front of her...I take that back, when she was 3 I did when we were at an amusement park. I was embarrassed all the way around but that was a long time ago and she seemed unaffected by it all.

Something has happened this summer and we don't know why, but she has developed what appears, I am afraid to say, an anxiety disorder. It is not incredibly terrible right now - meaning it is the anticipation that causes the problem - hard to get her to leave the house, and sitting in the car in the driveway I believe she has panic attacks (not big ones, but small ones), but once we are out, she is perfectly fine.

Well tomorrow is the first day back to school for the kids here (which is about a month earlier than it ever has been, which is a different story altogether) and she keeps saying that she doesn't want to go and it's in a way that isn't the typical groanings of a kid whose summer vacation is over. She is also begging for us to home school her, which we actually might, but NOT because of the anxiety...because the schools are getting terrible here. I have been anxious and worried (inwardly) all weekend because I know tomorrow morning is not going to be fun. It's a very delicate situation because we of course need to make her go but don't want her to get too upset and cry because then she will be embarrassed because she is going to 4th grade and most don't get that upset that I know of anyway.

I don't suppose there is really a question, but wanted to just get that out. At what point to we seek counseling for her? It's difficult because kids go through stages and we don't want to validate something that may be there to a point but not yet a terrible problem, which it doesn't seem to be right now. Thanks for "listening"

Mike

Fishmanpa
08-08-16, 13:32
Hi Mike,

As the father of a daughter that suffers from depression and anxiety, I feel for you. As a parent, one of the things that I struggle(d) with the most is/was when my kids got sick. Whether it's physically or in this case mentally, it still pains us to see them suffer.

My situation was different in that being divorced, I wasn't living in the same home so I didn't know the extent of my daughters suffering until she came to me and told me at age 18. At that point, between her mother and myself, we got her professional help. Both you and your wife being sufferers would have a better idea of when and how you want to approach this. IMO, sooner is better than later. The longer this goes untreated, the worse it may become. If there are signs, it might be better to nip this in the bud so to speak.

Good luck and as always

Positive thoughts

pulisa
08-08-16, 13:41
I agree with FMP, Mike. I've no doubt that you and your wife have enormous insight into anxiety and all its manifestations and I think that if you can get some early professional intervention for your daughter then you will have covered all bases. I did the same for my daughter who has complex issues. I don't think you have anything to lose by getting her assessed and then if it's nothing significant all well and good.

debs71
08-08-16, 18:22
Is there possibly a reason why she is reluctant to go back to school??

Is there something going on at school such as bullying or friend issues that may be worrying her?

It is just that reading your post Mike, it sounds like something has TRIGGERED her anxiety issues, and it seems more than coincidental that she is due back to school and now anxious. Do you have any idea what that may be? I think that the fact that your wife and yourself suffer anxiety may be a bit of a red herring here, and not anything to do with your daughter's current anxiety.....possibly?

Coincidentally, I was brought up in a household with a Dad who suffers from GAD, phobias and panic attacks. He had two breakdowns during my childhood and had to stop work for extended periods. I can very much relate to your little girl in so much as I was terribly shy and always a worrier as a child and dreaded being away from my parents at any time, but my own mental health issues emerged only years later, when I was well into my thirties. My Dad feels terrible guilt as he thinks he passed his issues on to me, but I have never seen it that way. It is just my own life stuff and personal issues that have caused my problems IMO.

I am just wondering if this is something that may well be worth gentle discussion with your daughter about, to see if anything is worrying her or triggering her anxiety at present? I would try that initially, and then see where things take you, which may well mean exploring the therapy/counseling route.