Unbearable tension all the time

[ana]

Hello,
seeing as it's the summer holidays that I struggle with them most as there is no work and very little to do for me except find things to do around the house (I'm agoraphobic, but force myself to go out), for the past month, on and off, I've been feeling unbearable tension that I can't quite describe. It feels like the very existence is unbearable as every day is the same, and there is no relief from anxiety, no hiding place, no safety as I panic inside and out of the house. I wake up in the middle of the night and panic then, too, so there is never any real relief. I feel stuck, and the feeling is more intense than just ordinary anxiety. Distractions work for a short amount of time, but then it's back to wanting to jump out of my skin and escape somewhere!

I'm really worried about myself. My therapist says it's just boredom mixed with withdrawal effects (after 15 years, I'm off meds), but I'm worried it's not normal, and I've no idea what's going to happen to me... :weep:

Did anyone else suffer the same, or similar, sensations to mine? I know I've done a poor job explaining how I feel, but I lack the words to properly describe the feelings I've got.

[KeeKee]

I think I feel the same if I'm understanding correctly.

Do you feel trapped? That is exactly how I feel lately and every single day is a massive struggle. My body feels so tense, my neck hurts everyday, every little thing is annoying me. I can feel the tension in my stomach too.

Although mine is more depression related as opposed to anxiety.

---------- Post added at 10:24 ---------- Previous post was at 10:23 ----------

Also I don't think it's abnormal and for you it could definitely be withdrawal. Withdrawal can be an absolute nightmare for some.

[MyNameIsTerry]

If you mean you feel like you can't sit still, think straight, feel tightness, like you want to burn it off, like you are screaming inside - agitation springs to mind. It's a horrible one.

When my adrenaline levels go up, this is where my anxiety goes for a few days. It all started with the med I was on. It's a SNRI and it increases levels of adrenaline so I've suspected for some time it just ends up giving me more than I need. It's a cycle, and whilst it's much shorter nowadays, it was a longer thing early on. And it hit me the next day of the starting on the adrenaline impacting level of the med whereas before I had never felt like this.

If it is that, I find exercise does help with this. I walk a lot and this has helped manage it although it doesn't make it go away, it just reduces. It's a strange sort of restlessness.

Have you tried getting out when this has been happening? I realise that could make you feel worse though with your agoraphobia.

[ana]

Thank you for your reply, Terry. It does feel like agitation, like you described. It feels like no matter how hard I try and whatever I do, I can't relax sufficiently. Sitting still and just relaxing are impossible for me at the moment. I have odd moments when I do relax, but other than that, it's tension all the time.

I do work out regularly and I'm quite advanced at the things I do with regards strength and cardio, but I'm afraid that going out causes me a lot of agony. Saying that, sometimes I feel better being outdoors, even if it is for 15 minutes, than being stuck indoors all day every day. It gives me a change of scene, and gives my mind a break.

I spoke to my therapist again this morning, and she suggested it was just boredom and frustration, and also, seeing as my boyfriend is on holiday next week and as we are planning on going away for a bit, the excitement over that (plus the fear of going to an unfamiliar area) is getting mixed up with the tension I'm feeling. It's an intricate tapestry! :wacko:

---------- Post added at 11:32 ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 ----------

KeeKee, every little thing annoys me, too! I also feel trapped. I'm glad you can relate to how I'm feeling at the moment. Do you find that it goes away for you, after a period of time?

[KeeKee]

Yes it does go away for short periods. The anger is horrible isn't it. I sit about most of the time and I too feel a lot of boredom. Going out, whilst not too difficult for me (I'm not agoraphobic) makes me feel even more angry as I feel so self conscious.
I'm currently having massive relationship issues and think that is exasperating the problem.

[Holds1325]

I'm sorry you are experiencing problems with anxiety and panic. I too have experienced that and its horrible. I could never sit still, I had to keep moving because the fear felt like I had to. I was angry annoyed, I'd snap at someone quick like my loved ones and then feel absolutely horrible for it later. I'd get scared of depression and things like that.

One thing I knew that did help was I'd feel the fear and its hard to do this but it eventually helped. I'd sit there and feel sooo tense. Something like watching a movie or playing a video game was so very difficult for me and felt like it was taking everything within me to sit still. I'd lay down when i felt it, close my eyes and feel my heart. It would race and race and all I'd do is focus on that beat and slowly, it would dim down somewhat and the fear would start to subside. This took weeks of practice however.

I really wish there was a quick instant cure for this type of thing but sadly there is not. Talking it out with people that understand helps alot though so please post or feel free to PM if you need to.

It'll pass though eventually I'm sure :) it did for me when I never ever thought it would.

[ana]

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment, KeeKee, and anger and frustration sort of go hand in hand because we feel trapped by our own minds sometimes.
I hope you feel a bit better.

---------- Post added at 15:31 ---------- Previous post was at 15:28 ----------

I really wish there was a quick instant cure for this type of thing but sadly there is not. Talking it out with people that understand helps alot though so please post or feel free to PM if you need to.

It'll pass though eventually I'm sure :) it did for me when I never ever thought it would.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for your message. I'm lucky enough to have support from my partner, but I do articulate poorly, at times, about how it is I really feel because I myself have no idea! I guess I'll feel better once work restarts, though then I'll have a whole different set of issues! :lac:

[Holds1325]

Anxiety sufferers usually cannot pinpoint what is bothering them and sometimes its nothing but a awful fearful feeling.

But it does help to talk it out with someone that understands. My wife cares deeply about me but at times she had no idea what I was going through so whenever I tried to explain (which at times i did horribly) she would try to help but I'd get frustrated.

Working on the anxiety daily and talking it sometimes is the only thing you can do but it DOES help.

[ana]

Thank you for your replies, everyone. I do find that I can't pinpoint the exact reason as to what it is that's bothering me, true. I think it's very difficult for non-sufferers to appreciate just how awful anxiety can be, but their support, of course, counts and does wonders.
I've been working on my anxiety really intensively in therapy, but my therapist is on holiday at the moment, has been for almost 4 weeks now, and I just wonder if it's that that's upsetting me on top of everything else.

[KeeKee]

Perhaps it is partly due to your therapist being on holiday. My therapist was on the sick and I didn't see her for 8 weeks and it started to get really difficult, that feeling of being alone. She's been off for a fortnight again too but I have an appointment on Thursday.

[ana]

KeeKee, I know the feeling of being alone and unsupported. I'm glad you're seeing her soon, though. I won't see mine in another 2 weeks.
If you don't mind me asking, do you suffer social anxiety? I've noticed you've mentioned feeling self-conscious when being outside, so it's got me wondering. :)

[KeeKee]

Yes I do suffer social anxiety. I believe it is caused by my self consciousness as it has come along the same time as me feeling like an ugly mess.

It's awful having to wait for your next appointment when you're feeling so awful

[ana]

To be honest, the thing I feel like I need most is a change of pace, a return to my routine, something else to stimulate me other than the PC, the TV, and the occasional exposure to the same, familiar surroundings outside.