jestertramp
10-08-16, 15:06
Hey guys :)
I'm new to the forums but sadly not new to anxiety & OCD. Was diagnosed around 6 years ago, although my OCD has been going on for 9 years.
Specifically, my problem revolves around my cat. Stupid, I know.
I'll try to make a long story short -
Due to a series of health issues that have been with me since I was 12, I still live at home with my parents and my sister. We don't live directly on a busy main road but we are a very short walk from one. Over the last 10 years, we have lost 3 cats due to them being hit by cars (the 4th cat just disappeared, we never did find out what happened to him).
We have a 12 year old female cat who's been with us since she was a kitten. She's only ever lived at this property so she knows the area very well and is very keen on being outside.
I have become extremely attached to her over the years. As she has gotten older, she's as attached to me as I am to her. She cries only for me, she'll only let me feed her, she follows me everywhere I go. I have to say that I don't mind at all - I adore her. She's not the problem. My brain is the problem. And that sodding road!
I know her routine. I know when she wakes up in the morning, when she eats, what she eats, when she goes outside....and her going outside is the problem.
I know when she's been outside for a little too long. I start to panic when she doesn't come home despite my calling her and rattling biscuits. I get especially wound up if the last time I saw her was walking in the direction of that blasted road we lost her brothers to. I absolutely dread a knock at the door asking 'do you have a cat because there's one laying by the roadside...' I cannot describe the fear and panic that goes through me. I cannot relax until I know where she is and that she's alive.
It's becoming such a problem that I've put almost my entire life on hold. I push back my work until I know she's safe. I can't enjoy a TV show for half an hour unless I know if she's alive & safe! I put off going out with friends & family on days out just in case something happens to her when I'm not there, as I'd be leaving her in the care of others.
She herself gets anxious because she's very attached to me so when I'm away for a few hours, so she wouldn't just curl up, go to sleep and wait for me to come home. She'd instead drive my family crazy crying for me, be in & out of the house and just plain restless until I got home.
I never used to be like this. Back in 2006 & 2007, I was able to stay with my boyfriend for days on end without worrying about her. I went to America for 10 days and never thought about it! This has been gradually happening within the last 5-6 years and it's getting to the point where I would rather stay in and make sure she's safe than go out for a drink or see a movie.
I'm so paranoid about something happening to her when I'm not home because my family just don't keep tabs on her the way I do. Their thinking is 'She's a cat. They go out. They come back. They go out again. Cats can be missing for days sometimes...'
At least when I'm home, I can control if/when she goes out. I know how long she's out for. And if she were to go missing for days, I would be tearing my hair out because it would be totally out of character for MY cat to do that. So I know something would be wrong. But that's the mentality of the people I live with - they do not care as much as I do. And I can't stand it.
To me, the worrying and fussing is worth it because she's still alive at the end of the day. I just don't like the way this is controlling me to the point where I don't leave the house 'just in case' something bad happens.
And it only takes once to be hit by a car. And then she's dead.
The cat herself isn't the problem. I feel guilty even feeling like this. It would break my heart if something were to happen to her. It's me! It's my brain!
Sorry....I know this was long post! :doh:
I'm new to the forums but sadly not new to anxiety & OCD. Was diagnosed around 6 years ago, although my OCD has been going on for 9 years.
Specifically, my problem revolves around my cat. Stupid, I know.
I'll try to make a long story short -
Due to a series of health issues that have been with me since I was 12, I still live at home with my parents and my sister. We don't live directly on a busy main road but we are a very short walk from one. Over the last 10 years, we have lost 3 cats due to them being hit by cars (the 4th cat just disappeared, we never did find out what happened to him).
We have a 12 year old female cat who's been with us since she was a kitten. She's only ever lived at this property so she knows the area very well and is very keen on being outside.
I have become extremely attached to her over the years. As she has gotten older, she's as attached to me as I am to her. She cries only for me, she'll only let me feed her, she follows me everywhere I go. I have to say that I don't mind at all - I adore her. She's not the problem. My brain is the problem. And that sodding road!
I know her routine. I know when she wakes up in the morning, when she eats, what she eats, when she goes outside....and her going outside is the problem.
I know when she's been outside for a little too long. I start to panic when she doesn't come home despite my calling her and rattling biscuits. I get especially wound up if the last time I saw her was walking in the direction of that blasted road we lost her brothers to. I absolutely dread a knock at the door asking 'do you have a cat because there's one laying by the roadside...' I cannot describe the fear and panic that goes through me. I cannot relax until I know where she is and that she's alive.
It's becoming such a problem that I've put almost my entire life on hold. I push back my work until I know she's safe. I can't enjoy a TV show for half an hour unless I know if she's alive & safe! I put off going out with friends & family on days out just in case something happens to her when I'm not there, as I'd be leaving her in the care of others.
She herself gets anxious because she's very attached to me so when I'm away for a few hours, so she wouldn't just curl up, go to sleep and wait for me to come home. She'd instead drive my family crazy crying for me, be in & out of the house and just plain restless until I got home.
I never used to be like this. Back in 2006 & 2007, I was able to stay with my boyfriend for days on end without worrying about her. I went to America for 10 days and never thought about it! This has been gradually happening within the last 5-6 years and it's getting to the point where I would rather stay in and make sure she's safe than go out for a drink or see a movie.
I'm so paranoid about something happening to her when I'm not home because my family just don't keep tabs on her the way I do. Their thinking is 'She's a cat. They go out. They come back. They go out again. Cats can be missing for days sometimes...'
At least when I'm home, I can control if/when she goes out. I know how long she's out for. And if she were to go missing for days, I would be tearing my hair out because it would be totally out of character for MY cat to do that. So I know something would be wrong. But that's the mentality of the people I live with - they do not care as much as I do. And I can't stand it.
To me, the worrying and fussing is worth it because she's still alive at the end of the day. I just don't like the way this is controlling me to the point where I don't leave the house 'just in case' something bad happens.
And it only takes once to be hit by a car. And then she's dead.
The cat herself isn't the problem. I feel guilty even feeling like this. It would break my heart if something were to happen to her. It's me! It's my brain!
Sorry....I know this was long post! :doh: