Admiting to myself i suffer from depression

[Bluebella72]

Im scared to admit my depression in fear it will take a hold and destroy my life i have built since i last hit bottom.

Im fighting back as much as i can to keep above water desperate to stay well and keep my job but...

Inside i know with all that has happened to me around me how can i cope? Part of me really just wants to give up let it all crumble around. So far when i have needed and turn to my friend shes had my corner but im feeling so guilty constantly of loading on her when i know she struggles too.

How to cope?

[Noivous]

Hi friend. Well let me ask. Are you taking any medications? I take it you're not seeing a therapist? You'll get through this. Coming here is a positive step for sure. Lots of help and experience for you.

N.

[debs71]

Hi Bluebella,

I think that you sound somewhat that you really HAVE admitted your depression, just by virtue of the fact you are posing this question, and are very worried about where things may lead from here.

I also suffer from depression myself. I have stretches where I feel OK and get on with life, but I also have times - like this past few weeks - where I just want to lay in my bed, away from everyone, sleep and detatch myself from the world.

The first thing you must take heart in is that YOU ARE COPING. You are going to work, and that alone is a massive task when you feel depressed. You are fighting and winning.

I know it will not feel that way, as you say that a part of you wants to crumble. I can really empathise with you on that. I try to keep motivated and keep going, but for me it is easier to just cave in as I work from home for myself, so I give in too easily to it.

I take my hat off to you that you are not doing that. You should feel proud of yourself for that alone.

Depression throws up all kinds of negatives for us, like a black cloud hovering above us. The fear you feel is that negativity talking, but what you must also try to tell yourself at this tough time is that you have felt low before and you came through the other side and survived it. Having your friend there is a help I think. You must not feel guilty. Guilt is another depression effect, but your friend will dictate any boundaries if she feels she needs to, so please don't be too hard on yourself here.

Coping is a hard one. For me personally, I know that keeping active helps me a lot. It is so hard to feel motivated with depression, I know. I try to make a concerted effort to get myself up from bed, take a shower, keep a routine and most importantly, stay occupied, and not let the depression bury me. It is tough, but it does help.

For me, I actually prefer to be alone when my depression is bad, as I need to collect myself and work through it alone, but sometimes being around people who love you and you love helps too. Support is GOOD. I hope you have support, hun as depression can isolate us a lot.

Depression can feel like a battle sometimes, and it is hard not to be overwhelmed, but every day you get up and go to work is a win on your part.

HANG IN THERE. XX:hugs:

[Noivous]

...see, I told you:D

[Bluebella72]

Thank u both

I dont have the option to curl up in bed but i wish i did.
I dont take medication or have any diagnoises of any kind.

I just know i feel so low deep down.
Just cant seem to think clearly.

[SadieJ]

I could have written this to be honest as i spent so long in denial or just plain refusing to address there was anything wrong. I had a terrible marriage and went through a real rough divorce, on top of that moving away from all my friends and family. Things have never been the same since but as time has gone by I've just gotten so used to having these phases of feeling desperately low.

Like the other poster said i think you have already admitted it, and you are doing very well i think you can get through this but try and not be so hard on yourself, you don't need that. I know it's hard,

Take care

[Bluebella72]

Thank you sadiej

My life seems a multitude of negative events so i know how you mean its hard to struggle and rebuild.

Making new friends and trusting people feels imposible.
It does help to hear from others so thank you

[Noivous]

Hi Bluebella - I don't think curling up in bed would be the best thing for you honestly. I'm in accord with Debs. Keeping your mind and body busy is very good advice. I forced myself to work at the very apex of my anxiety (don't know how I did it really); and that went a long way to getting me through it.

You will get plenty of empathy here but probably not a lot of sympathy. It's a slog to get out of it but you can do it. Hang in there.

N.

[dale12345]

You will get threw this, I promise. You are doing good you get up everyday. It will get better.

[SadieJ]

Thank you sadiej

My life seems a multitude of negative events so i know how you mean its hard to struggle and rebuild.

Making new friends and trusting people feels imposible.
It does help to hear from others so thank you

I'm with you there I struggle to trust anybody, it really does make you feel alone. You're doing the right thing by opening up and acknowledging it instead of dismissing how you're feeling

Take care

[Bluebella72]

Your all right i guess working does keep me busy keeps me getting up and going out everyday. I dont mean to be so negative it just seems to overwhelm me teribly for sort periods at times and then the panic sets in and the not trusting.
Just hate feeling so needy when life has taught me not to depend on others they all leave me in some way.

Deep breath tomorrow will be better!

[Bluebella72]

Omg every day about the same time i seem to start having the same over powering thoughts or by that time of day my fighting it becomes weaker but then it lifts for a short while. Till the next day it just feels crazy???