m431
11-08-16, 09:50
So twice in my life so far i've had holidays booked and bailed on them at the last minute. Once at 19 I had a weekend away planned in london and the night before was overcome with pretty heavy panic attacks. This was the first real dealing i had with anxiety and I had something of a breakdown after that; it completely knocked me out for weeks.
The second time i was in a pretty bad place a couple of years ago and ended up in a pretty bad 'relationship' - it was all really short and hurried, and i can see now it was just one big distraction. She was nothing like the type of woman I had any interest in and was generally pretty bad for me. We booked a holiday really quickly, and agian a couple of days before i bailed out... This time I finally saw everything that she was (she had a drink problem and massive social issues and we were generally just huge opposites!) and how unsuitable we were. I think I also finally realised what sort of a bad place i was in (albeit to late). Again, I had a sequence of huge panic attacks, completely went into myself, and was unable to go.
These are extremely brief outlines of what went on, and in my head, the key point is that I 'ran away'.
I've now been in a steady relationship with someone for 18months and she's brilliant. We're really well suited and I've no haste in saying that this is probably it for the long run! I've moved in with her, which caused a whole deal of its own anxieties, but I think i've coped with that without realising. We've had loads of domestic weekends away in the past, but never a proper foreign holiday.
We're due to fly early next thursday, and now panic is setting over me that once again something is going to go wrong. There's no rational reason why it should; the circumstances are completely different, but I cant stop myself thinking that and I can feel it starting to get on top of me.
On the wednesday night before we go we're staying at my parents due to its proximity to the airport, and we're dropping our cat off (yes we're that serious; we have a cat!:D) at my best friends' for the week. I'm already playing out scenarios in my head that things are going to go wrong that night; even stupid things like it not being pleasant dropping the cat off! That aside, my main concern, i think, is that i'm expecting something bad to happen with regards to this holiday simply because bad things have happened before in this situation, and i just cant seem to kick these thoughts.
To add to it all slightly, it is my first 'foreign' holiday without the family, and i do worry a bit about how i'll get on abroad as i find it really difficult to relax and switch off, but I think these are all just extra concerns i'm finding to give me a reason to worry maybe?
Anyway I dont really know what kind of answers i'm looking for, and this is my first post here. I guess I just wanted to hang my feelings out there and hope that someone else might be able to identify with me even just a little bit? Would love to talk to some people about how you cope with anxeity and this whole 'fear of fear itself' thing that I seem to have going on.
Thanks in advance for any responses :)
Best wishes
C
(Male, 25, uk)
The second time i was in a pretty bad place a couple of years ago and ended up in a pretty bad 'relationship' - it was all really short and hurried, and i can see now it was just one big distraction. She was nothing like the type of woman I had any interest in and was generally pretty bad for me. We booked a holiday really quickly, and agian a couple of days before i bailed out... This time I finally saw everything that she was (she had a drink problem and massive social issues and we were generally just huge opposites!) and how unsuitable we were. I think I also finally realised what sort of a bad place i was in (albeit to late). Again, I had a sequence of huge panic attacks, completely went into myself, and was unable to go.
These are extremely brief outlines of what went on, and in my head, the key point is that I 'ran away'.
I've now been in a steady relationship with someone for 18months and she's brilliant. We're really well suited and I've no haste in saying that this is probably it for the long run! I've moved in with her, which caused a whole deal of its own anxieties, but I think i've coped with that without realising. We've had loads of domestic weekends away in the past, but never a proper foreign holiday.
We're due to fly early next thursday, and now panic is setting over me that once again something is going to go wrong. There's no rational reason why it should; the circumstances are completely different, but I cant stop myself thinking that and I can feel it starting to get on top of me.
On the wednesday night before we go we're staying at my parents due to its proximity to the airport, and we're dropping our cat off (yes we're that serious; we have a cat!:D) at my best friends' for the week. I'm already playing out scenarios in my head that things are going to go wrong that night; even stupid things like it not being pleasant dropping the cat off! That aside, my main concern, i think, is that i'm expecting something bad to happen with regards to this holiday simply because bad things have happened before in this situation, and i just cant seem to kick these thoughts.
To add to it all slightly, it is my first 'foreign' holiday without the family, and i do worry a bit about how i'll get on abroad as i find it really difficult to relax and switch off, but I think these are all just extra concerns i'm finding to give me a reason to worry maybe?
Anyway I dont really know what kind of answers i'm looking for, and this is my first post here. I guess I just wanted to hang my feelings out there and hope that someone else might be able to identify with me even just a little bit? Would love to talk to some people about how you cope with anxeity and this whole 'fear of fear itself' thing that I seem to have going on.
Thanks in advance for any responses :)
Best wishes
C
(Male, 25, uk)