elik
12-08-16, 05:16
Anxiety heightened because I'm stopping my own recovery. I feel sorry for my therapist, I feel he has repeated himself 344345 times and I'm just stubborn in the 'I can't'. Getting over a chunk of my anxiety means potentially raising my anxiety while I make changes but I don't feel strong to do so. I'm so stuck socially at the moment. I feel I'm getting to an age where I need to be independent etc and I'm hiding from it all. Im so insecure and weak. I'm incredibly vulnerable. I put huge amounts of pressure on myself to fit my high ideals set for myself. I victimize myself and there's some weird comfort in playing this part. I am feeling slightly bitter towards people around me (which is a feeling that scares me) because I feel hard done by and pushed over which is due to my lack of assertiveness and need to please. Easy solution for most, stand up for yourself... For me, panic panic panic. I really don't want to lose my easy going harmless demeanor I feel I associate standing up for myself etc as a negative and I need to be pleasing to Others because negative feedback ruins me and I cannot afford any dig at my intense security levels
---------- Post added at 05:16 ---------- Previous post was at 04:47 ----------
I am such a mess. I'm getting bitter and angry because I do all the leg work but I don't have a voice but then I wouldn't have it any other way because I don't want the guilt and I want to be easy going. So either way it's huge stress. How am I meant to cope with life when I'm this stressed when living at home and not working to when I eventually have to take this all on?? :huh:
---------- Post added at 05:16 ---------- Previous post was at 04:47 ----------
I am such a mess. I'm getting bitter and angry because I do all the leg work but I don't have a voice but then I wouldn't have it any other way because I don't want the guilt and I want to be easy going. So either way it's huge stress. How am I meant to cope with life when I'm this stressed when living at home and not working to when I eventually have to take this all on?? :huh: