Blips

[Mojo61]

Hi all. Today marks 6 weeks on my increased (20mg) dose of citalopram. For the past 10 days or so I've felt great, happier, more energy, good appetite, sleeping better, even looking forward to things. Even my morning anxiety was waning and I was actually waking up in a good mood - but yesterday I felt a bit yuck and then this morning I've woken up anxious again and now I'm worrying that I'm going back to how I was, and of course that's exacerbating the symptoms - I'm so fed up, I honestly thought I was on the mend...

[sidiam]

You've had 10 reasonable days so you know that it is possible.
Get through today, dare I say keep yourself occupied (I am useless at taking my own advice) then see how you go.
Have you got a good network..family and friends..I hope so. I am alone most of the time and that is no fun at all.
must do something...12.30 here and I haven't been long up, nearly finished another book.
take care
Sxx:hugs:

[Mojo61]

Thank you Sidiam, I'm trying to keep myself occupied by blitzing the house which seems to be helping somewhat.

I don't really have many friends as such, well I have acquaintances but I wouldn't want to bother them with my problems. I have got a son but he's 19 now so out most of the time with his friends. My husband died in 2007 and I've been on my own ever since, which is why I'm so grateful to the lovely members in this forum who have been so helpful and kind to me.

I think I know why I might be having a blip; my lovely neighbour had been very ill with cancer since February and he sadly passed away on Thursday - I'd known him almost 20 years so it was very upsetting. I'm also waiting for results of a biopsy I had done last week, and my son is going to both the V Festival and Reading over the next fortnight and I'm worried because of all these awful terrorist attacks (that is one of my biggest anxiety fears and the one which started it all off in November last year I believe) plus I have a holiday booked for October and I'm a bit nervous about that too. So I think the combination of everything has got me down a bit.

It doesn't mean I'm going to go back to how I was before though does it? That is my worst fear.....

Thank you for your kind reply, and I hope you are feeling better yourself xxx

[sidiam]

No wonder you are feeling down, it is not surprising with all the things going on at the moment. You are doing fantastic.
I'm so sorry you lost your husband, bringing up a child alone is not easy, I didn't realise how much you push yourself to one side when concentrating on getting everything sorted. I've been alone since my son was 9 years old and he is 45 in a couple of months. I still worry about him.
Your neighbour being ill and passing away has also been something you have had to cope with.
give yourself a break don't be so hard on yourself...the glimmers will come back. Haven't you got a CPN you can talk to?
take care
Sxx

you can come and blitz my house any time.

[Suziewuzie]

I haven't been on for a while, it's so good to hear you've had 10 good days!! Sounds like you have definitely turned a corner. The blips will come, this one won't be your last one. But hopefully by now you're starting to feel a little better and realise it is just a blip? Each time you tell yourself 'it's just a blip, I'll soon be back to normal' you're taking away the control anxiety has over you. Once you've had a few blips & bounced back every time, you'll realise that you're in control of this.
I thought at 6 months I was past blips but I had an absolutely enormous one a few days ago, ended up sitting in my back garden at 2am taking big gulps of air trying to calm my nerves and had intrusive thoughts all day. But now I'm fine again, and it's knowing that I'll always be fine again that stops the blips from being too scary x

[Mojo61]

Thank you guys, you always know the right things to say. I'm reading a book called DARE at the moment which basically says the same thing; treat the blips with contempt and derision and they will eventually lose their power. Today I've been saying "Whatever" to the blip and just carrying on with my day. This morning I told it to "Foxtrot Oscar" off lol :roflmao:

[Suziewuzie]

I think the holiday in October will do you the world of good too x

[Mojo61]

Another terrible night. I was so tired after not sleeping properly on Saturday night that I fell asleep on the sofa at about 9pm and then went up to bed at 10. Woke around 3am and have been awake tossing and turning, thoughts racing, feeling sick since then. Took 2 x 2mg diazepam hoping to get back to sleep - nothing - didn't have any effect whatsoever. I'm so fed up - 9 months I've put up with this shit and I've just about had enough now. Just when I thought I was getting better this happens and I just don't know what to do for the best.

I'm convinced there has to be more to this than "anxiety" but all blood tests have comeback normal. I'm at my wits end with it all.

[sidiam]

Hi,
Hope you are feeling a bit better, it is really not much fun. I often wonder if there is something else wrong but am assured that it is "depression and anxiety".
take care
Sxx

[Kuatir]

Hi Mojo, blips can be short, they can be long, but they are just blips. I've been getting better over the last year and a half, but had a week long blip a couple of weeks ago. I'm feeling much improved now. Sleep issues will exacerbate the issue. Try to go to bed at a normal time (for you) this evening and only let yourself sleep in your bed. Hopefully that will help a little. You're doing great.

[Mojo61]

Thank you so much Kuatir. I will try not to fall asleep on the sofa tonight if I can. I start watching TV and the next thing I know I'm asleep because I am so exhausted from battling the blip all day. I usually get a reprieve once it gets dark and it is such a blessed relief to feel "normal" again, even if it is just for a couple of hours. At the time it is hard to believe I going to be back to feeling awful the next day because I feel so good at the time. I wish I could bottle that fantastic feeling and make it last all day - I wish I had been more appreciative of my life prior to the anxiety because I didn't realise just how wonderful it was to be "normal" every day :weep::weep::weep:

[sidiam]

Hi Kuatir,
I'm glad you are getting better, I am still waiting, not a glimmer in sight.
take care
Sxx

[Mojo61]

Hi Sidiam, I wish I was getting better but at the moment it doesn't feel that way. I have a horrible feeling in my body all day - I can't explain the feeling except to say it is really uncomfortable, almost physical, but I can still carry on with my day if that makes sense? I just don't enjoy it and I'm constantly scanning myself to see how I'm feeling. When I'm busy at work (I volunteer at an elderly person's day centre) I forget about the anxiety sometimes, but then it suddenly comes back with a jolt and I'm back in the rumination loop again. I wish someone could tell me I will get better, it has been such a long time and my old life seems but a memory now.

Sorry, I'm starting to be selfish now and wallow in the "poor old me" way of thinking lol.
Anyway, about you - how long has it been now since you went back on the Cit? You say not a glimmer in sight but has there been anything at all that's different? A tiny spot of light maybe? Thinking of you and sending you a big hug! :bighug1:

[Boogie]

Hi guys I'm 5weeks on Citalopram with no
improvement. Been 1week on 10mg and 1week on
15mg and 3weeks on 20 but still no improvement.
Advice please. Thanx

[Suziewuzie]

5 weeks is still really early days - doesn't feel like it does it? But most people haven't felt much difference by then. It was over 10 weeks for me I'm afraid x

[Mojo61]

It takes ages, I've been on it for 4.5 months and I'm still not there yet.