Minivil
13-08-16, 17:03
I am going to say this up front---I know I am reassurance seeking. I have had other bouts of health anxiety, most of which last for a few months, then I won't deal with it for a long time, sometimes years. I will often have an uptick in anxiety/obsessing/checking when an actual diagnosis happens. Here's my story and immediate concern. God bless you if you read through all this. :hugs:
I'm a 38 year old married mom of two, no serious health issues prior to now, and no family history of cancer aside from a few metabolic syndrome, 2 melanoma and 1 breast cancer (not immediate family). Been pretty sedentary for a few years and discovered in April this year that I was T2 diabetic. I had elevated liver enzymes and horrible cholesterol and high blood pressure. I went on an immediate, life-long change of diet---have reversed my labs. Had very mild fat on liver which is improving with more weight loss. No problems with kidneys, blood and urine look good, abdominal scan good. I've lost almost 50 lbs since April by diet and just being active, feeling great overall. No medications, no insulin.
Went to my gyno for check up (sorry, TMI incoming) and they found nothing amiss except some polyps which I am going to get removed Wednesday. Again, everything seemed ok...although the doc felt a little extra long on one boob which naturally freaked me out, and felt around my lymph nodes in face/jaw/hairline and asked me about my tooth health which made me think ENLARGED LYMPH NODES!!! (Seed planted. lol) I do need to go to the dentist eventually...I have impacted wisdom teeth and a bad cavity, but with kid expenses, it has just taken a back seat along with all my other self care.
Things were going alright, I wasn't dealing with a ton of anxiety and felt that things were getting better. Then we found out in July that our 2 year old has Type 1 diabetes (with autism, so...yeah.). I couldn't eat, stopped sleeping well, just an overwhelming stress bomb. The doctors had MISSED the symptoms I saw in him and assured me he was fine until test results came back, confirming what I knew.
You tell me what that does to a latent hypochondriac.
I just...started fearing everything again. I feared that because I'd gone so long without caring for myself, I could have something I would have detected long ago. I became hype sensitive to everything, anything I had once worried about came back full force. Obsessive/compulsive checking then daily visits to Dr. Google, distrust in doctors, lack of assurance when tests were normal. Obsessively checking and rechecking my labs. ALL.OF.IT.
My rational brain knows that this is anxiety based, that anxiety can produce these symptoms, that hyper vigilance exacerbates things. Doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I'm exhausted from my regular, stressful health monitoring of my T1 child and the added obsession with my own health. It's a disaster.
So, with all of that said, I need to tell you what I've done. I fear that I've created an actual problem...
I've had two pretty long standing nodes or lipomas or whatever in my back for years and years. One somewhat between my should blades and one in my lower back. They are both squishy, small, moveable, and feel within the skin, not fixed. Lipomas run in my family. Didn't worry about them. So as I was getting more anxious post son's T1 diagnosis, I felt them again. Husband called the one between my shoulder blades a muscle knot (um no) and said just try to work it out. So I did.....and it changed shape, then flattened, and smoothed out, but...it also caused rawness and leaking (?) of the skin, almost like it was rubbed raw (the skin? I guess?), which then scabbed over, which is naturally freaking me out that it was a tumor I "broke" and it's now spread into other areas of my body or bloodstream (as in, upward to my occipital gland/brain/whatever). So, yesterday, I noticed massive tension headache, slight sore throat, burning eyes and my jawline had a bit of a swollen node. This then made me check my occipital region where I've always had a little extra something on the right side. It's felt a little lumpier there there for YEARS and a doc felt it once but wasn't alarmed, so I forgot about it. Well, I swore I felt it was bigger last night! So I kept messing with it, massaging it, working it, contacting Dr. Google...
It's now big (but not really noticeable without palpitation) and swollen to the touch. My neck gland is also swollen and tender to the touch. I have an itchy throat, am very, very tired, slight achiness in my legs and...the kicker.....woke up in a cold sweat last night AND have a low grade temperature this morning (98-99).
You know what I'm thinking, right?
So, I just need...someone who understands to talk me down. I feel crazy. I feel like I've made this happen on one hand (with the prodding, pushing, moving, massaging, poking, etc.) but I also am having a hard time ignoring big symptoms which indicate (scary music) lymphoma. I have my follow up appointment with my gyno this week, so I will probably talk to them about this and anxiety. But in the meantime, I just need someone to hear me out and understand, maybe ease my mind.
I'm so sorry for the length, just wanted to be clear. :blush:
I'm a 38 year old married mom of two, no serious health issues prior to now, and no family history of cancer aside from a few metabolic syndrome, 2 melanoma and 1 breast cancer (not immediate family). Been pretty sedentary for a few years and discovered in April this year that I was T2 diabetic. I had elevated liver enzymes and horrible cholesterol and high blood pressure. I went on an immediate, life-long change of diet---have reversed my labs. Had very mild fat on liver which is improving with more weight loss. No problems with kidneys, blood and urine look good, abdominal scan good. I've lost almost 50 lbs since April by diet and just being active, feeling great overall. No medications, no insulin.
Went to my gyno for check up (sorry, TMI incoming) and they found nothing amiss except some polyps which I am going to get removed Wednesday. Again, everything seemed ok...although the doc felt a little extra long on one boob which naturally freaked me out, and felt around my lymph nodes in face/jaw/hairline and asked me about my tooth health which made me think ENLARGED LYMPH NODES!!! (Seed planted. lol) I do need to go to the dentist eventually...I have impacted wisdom teeth and a bad cavity, but with kid expenses, it has just taken a back seat along with all my other self care.
Things were going alright, I wasn't dealing with a ton of anxiety and felt that things were getting better. Then we found out in July that our 2 year old has Type 1 diabetes (with autism, so...yeah.). I couldn't eat, stopped sleeping well, just an overwhelming stress bomb. The doctors had MISSED the symptoms I saw in him and assured me he was fine until test results came back, confirming what I knew.
You tell me what that does to a latent hypochondriac.
I just...started fearing everything again. I feared that because I'd gone so long without caring for myself, I could have something I would have detected long ago. I became hype sensitive to everything, anything I had once worried about came back full force. Obsessive/compulsive checking then daily visits to Dr. Google, distrust in doctors, lack of assurance when tests were normal. Obsessively checking and rechecking my labs. ALL.OF.IT.
My rational brain knows that this is anxiety based, that anxiety can produce these symptoms, that hyper vigilance exacerbates things. Doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I'm exhausted from my regular, stressful health monitoring of my T1 child and the added obsession with my own health. It's a disaster.
So, with all of that said, I need to tell you what I've done. I fear that I've created an actual problem...
I've had two pretty long standing nodes or lipomas or whatever in my back for years and years. One somewhat between my should blades and one in my lower back. They are both squishy, small, moveable, and feel within the skin, not fixed. Lipomas run in my family. Didn't worry about them. So as I was getting more anxious post son's T1 diagnosis, I felt them again. Husband called the one between my shoulder blades a muscle knot (um no) and said just try to work it out. So I did.....and it changed shape, then flattened, and smoothed out, but...it also caused rawness and leaking (?) of the skin, almost like it was rubbed raw (the skin? I guess?), which then scabbed over, which is naturally freaking me out that it was a tumor I "broke" and it's now spread into other areas of my body or bloodstream (as in, upward to my occipital gland/brain/whatever). So, yesterday, I noticed massive tension headache, slight sore throat, burning eyes and my jawline had a bit of a swollen node. This then made me check my occipital region where I've always had a little extra something on the right side. It's felt a little lumpier there there for YEARS and a doc felt it once but wasn't alarmed, so I forgot about it. Well, I swore I felt it was bigger last night! So I kept messing with it, massaging it, working it, contacting Dr. Google...
It's now big (but not really noticeable without palpitation) and swollen to the touch. My neck gland is also swollen and tender to the touch. I have an itchy throat, am very, very tired, slight achiness in my legs and...the kicker.....woke up in a cold sweat last night AND have a low grade temperature this morning (98-99).
You know what I'm thinking, right?
So, I just need...someone who understands to talk me down. I feel crazy. I feel like I've made this happen on one hand (with the prodding, pushing, moving, massaging, poking, etc.) but I also am having a hard time ignoring big symptoms which indicate (scary music) lymphoma. I have my follow up appointment with my gyno this week, so I will probably talk to them about this and anxiety. But in the meantime, I just need someone to hear me out and understand, maybe ease my mind.
I'm so sorry for the length, just wanted to be clear. :blush: