I can't bare to live another day like this and I've said it so many times

[elik]

I really don't see the point of my
Existence. For the last year this feeling has been consistent, I can't catch a break. I'm a destroyed person with nothing left. I can't handle anything at all but I have such a guilty conscience that I have to, I have to please others. I need support so much but how can I expect it unless I give people as much back? I truly can't handle any attribute of my life, everything leaves me reeling with anxiety I can't keep it up I can't talk to anyone I'm boxed off I have nothing to live for I am nothing but a robot no authenticity no nothing I can't give anything to anyone as much as I want to and I can't live with people helping me and that guilt what on earth am I supposed to do with this

[KeeKee]

Sorry you are feeling this way elik. I have little advice as I'm in a similar position and mine too has been unbearable for about a year, but I just wanted to respond so you knew you weren't alone. Do you have anybody close to you who you can confide in?

[elik]

I'm sorry you feel the same I just feel so hopeless, always have. I get glimmers of hope that's it. I've tried everything and I'm just not strong enough to be happy for more than a brief while. I have people I could confide in but I refuse too now. Anxiety has taken that from me too. I can't bare the guilt or knowing that even though I want to help everyone that if someone close to me was in the same position I couldn't offer the support id like too because I can't handle it because of this so why should I expect it from others towards me? I'm drained, there's always a new anxiety I have totally lost myself and the ability to distinguish a real issue or an anxious thought and it's consumed my life. I have no confidence for anything but merely to get through the day. Baring in mind I've tried so many medications and therapies and self help and everything has failed I just despair at the though of a life like this. I'm so alone and my anxiety is trapping me further.

---------- Post added at 20:51 ---------- Previous post was at 20:48 ----------

I also have been walked over numerous times and important people have dropped me due to lack of care for me that I can't afford for this to happen again and no one will stick around for long with the real me so I have to keep up this front

[KeeKee]

I too feel like I need to put a front on, other than with my partner. It's not about being strong though elik, you can't help how you feel. You don't choose to be this way. If you have been walked over, your confidence and trust in others will be at a low. Whilst I don't often get walked on my family are very harsh with their opinions of me. Me being unable to work in their eyes, is me being lazy. I've been called pathetic, bone idle, lazy, miserable, self centred, the list goes on. As a parent people are always undermining me and I'm becoming very bitter and resentful.

I can't offer support too, so I know what you mean about the guilt, but accepting the way you are isn't in any way your own fault in essential, as you will be constantly consumed by thoughts that your not worthy of others empathy, that you're weak or useless and you aren't. Thag is the mental health issues speaking.

It probably sounds daft, but do you have any pets? If not, are you able to get one? I have 3 cats and I love coming home to them. They love you unconditionally.

[dale12345]

I do agree pets can help.

[elik]

The frustrating thing is is that I go so dark in my anxiety that I can't see the rational way of thinking, therefore I panic and when I come out the other side I feel guilty for not being at my optimal best during that time which just stacks up my resentment of myself. It's the biggest vicious circle and after years of trying to break it I have had no luck. Yes I have pets and they really do bring my mood up I'm not quite sure what I'd do without them!!

[elik]

I'm driving myself insane with all of this, I'm so weird and different and I am constantly scripting worst case scenarios and having panic Attucks about them and I want someone to rescue me but I can't because I don't feel worthy and the guilt will make it worse. I can't offer anything and my want to offer so much is killing me because I am undermining myself and I'm sure I'll be left with nothing and no one soon because I will slowly pull myself away from people so I don't let them down and I don't have to toeture myself with people pleasing and fear of people leaving and all the bitterness that has come from people treating me like dirt...

I'm totally on my own, I don't care if people say I'm not, I am, I have narrowed myself into this thinking now as well. Even if tomorrow this anxiety passes, no matter how many techniques I use to prevent further ones from coming in I'm crippled by something and my life is on hold once again and everything's a mess and time slowly goes by in toeture while I get no where in life and fill myself with more hate and even less self worth....

Yep you could say I'm in utter despair, the worst thing is is everyone states t has to come from me to get better, well evidence of that suggests that I'll die a miserable unsuccessful loner because I haven't a clue how to help myself anymore everything's too petrifying and dark to begin anywhere

[MyNameIsTerry]

What its your purpose in life ? You fight for it ? Yku know whT you want from life ? And dknt try tk please others they dont care about you

Don't read into the last part, elik, this guy is just bumping the link in his signature to the dubious guru it goes to for a commission.

You have issues with how people view you and you perceive how they feel, don't allow a spammer to add to that.

[elik]

I'm so erratic in my thinking that it makes me think one wy then the next anxiety will make me think anothe way there's no consistency so I don't ever state my opinions etc because thy change all the time. I'm just an entwined neat of anxiety and I can't move forward at all and I'm angry. Right now I'm trying to enforce techniques to lower it but there's no point when I can't overcome the fear attached to these things. As said before I have no other way of thinking then this messed up kind so I absorb negativity as my own. I'm so so so stuck and have been for so so long