View Full Version : So many people deserve to live
I'm constantly frustrated and annoyed. Everything that I use to enjoy doing doesn't interest me at all. I don't even get excited when I see my puppy. I feel like crying all the time and I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I took 7 sleeping pills three nights ago hoping it'd do the trick but nothing. I feel burned out and uninterested in life. I just want it to end. I wish I could give my life to someone who wants to live a healthy (minus the mental part) life. Someone who deserves to live.
She's been the greatest thing that's happened to me. I take pride in caring for her. She's my everything. Like my very own baby. But I feel like I'm letting her down. I'm losing the fight with my suicidal thoughts. They're getting stronger and I really just want to die. I tried sleeping pills a few days ago. I kept using the dosage until I ran out. And I want to keep trying until I don't wake up. I know someone will care for her when I go. But I feel like I'll be letting her down when I do.
But the urge to kill myself is stronger than my love for her
Hi lone bird, why do you feel this way? Have you spoke to your GP, friends or family about how you are feeling?? Is there a crisis team you can speak to if your under mental health services.
Please contact your local mental health hotline. Every state/county has one.
Positive thoughts
Call 911 and tell them what you just told us. That will get the ball rolling on getting help.
I honestly haven't spoken to anyone about this. I'm too embarrassed and feel like I'm complaining whenever I try. I told my mom a few times I want to die, but it was only when I was really upset so I guess she took as a heat in the moment response. I know there are people who go through worse. I'm not even going through anything aside from my negative thoughts. I don't want to be the annoying sad girl with no reasons who complains.
You have to tell people. One year my brother started giving out Christmas presents a month early. We figured out he was suicidal. He got the help he needed and is now in a very healthy place. That was a longtime ago. Reach out get help. What's your puppies name?
I think you need to speak to someone or maybe speak to your GP about changing medications, to stop these negative thoughts. Your not a silly girl complaining you have genuine thoughts and feelings and these need to be addressed so that you can receive the help and support you need xx
I'm glad you were able to help your brother before it was too late. And my puppy's name is Lily :)
I tried speaking about this. I used to go to counseling at college, but I never worked up the courage to say what was really bothering me. I always said it was boy troubles. Which is silly because I never had a boyfriend
Well is this the first you've spoken about it directly?
Lily's a nice name. Golden Retriever?
Yes, never brought it up. Since I was 10 people would ask me why I was always so sad. I never really realized I was sad until I was 15 and it's been a roller coasters since then. And she's a lab
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Sometimes I feel like my soul has lived out the life it wanted, and now it wants the be set free.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but I really just want to die.
I wasn't too far off on Lily.
So I would say you are making a little progress. That's a very big step. Even if it's out here. You are talking about it. Read threads here. Keep talking about it with people here. Work your way to talking to people in your life about it. As Fishmanpa suggested call a hotline and talk one on one with someone. It's totally anonymous. Talking is key. Are you home with your parents?
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You are quite obviously a very deep thinker.
I've called a hotline a couple of times. It honestly didn't help. As far as talking to people in person goes, I don't think I could ever do that. I don't understand why, but it makes feel embarrassed and vulnerable when I let my thoughts and feelings out, and then I end up hating myself even more. I'll never be courageous enough to do that. I'm honestly would end up killing myself before I let someone in my thoughts. And I live with my grandma.
Well then I would keep talking and learning here. There are so many great people and tons of experience here for you to find your way to a healthier you. What about siblings, close friends, or parents?
This is a great place to vent. I hope you feel better. Things will get better.
I would assume you're young... And by young, I mean early to mid 20's? I have a daughter (23). She suffers from depression and anxiety and has had suicidal thoughts. She came to me for help. Between myself and her mother we got her professional help. It was hard but she's doing much better. She has a blip now and again but she works hard at it. In fact, I took her for her 1st tattoo after she had made great progress. It's a semi-colon with butterfly wings to remind her of where she's been and to always push through.
You don't have to do this alone. The forum is helpful in that you're not alone and it's cathartic to write out your feelings but ultimately, getting real life help in overcoming your feelings of despair and depression would be in your best interest. Know that it's not embarrassing in the least and HUGE sign of courage to do so!
Positive thoughts
Aww lone bird I really feel for you. Have you ever tried any medications? Could you not perhaps write what is really bothering you down and show it to a professional? They are very understanding and never judgemental.
somethingfeelswrong
14-08-16, 19:38
You deserve to live too. Even if you are feeling like this now, things will get better.
I am feeling much in the same way, every time I wake up it all begins again. It's much better when I'm asleep and can't think about all this crap. But I still hope things will get better.
Even now I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. I'm very grateful for all of your responses, but in reality I'm never going to work up the courage. I know what I need to do and that is to talk to someone. But suffering in silence is all I know how to do.
And I'm 20 years old.
I don't have the desire to further my life. I don't think about the future. I don't have plans. All I want is for my life to end. And believe me when I say I understand what you all are telling me and thank you. I just, I can't talk to anyone. I don't like doctors and I don't want to bother people.
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I've never been on any medication.
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I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
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Every time I wake up, I become more frustrating. All I can think is "why can't I just die already"
I have sent you a little private mail, if you feel up to reading t xx
I'll say it again... Please, please contact a mental health crisis line (https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/).
I find your posts rather troubling :(
Positive thoughts
I've tried that a few times when I was away at school. It didn't help.
I feel as if some people want to die because they feel they've seen or lived enough. I've seen enough of what's going on. I feel ready.
I'm sorry. I feel like an idiot saying these things but it's just how I feel. I apologize if I've offended anyone.
I apologize if I've offended anyone.
You're not offending anyone at all. It's just a very helpless feeling seeing someone in obvious distress and other than words of advice, one cannot reach through the screen to give you the real life support that is so apparently needed.
Positive thoughts
I'm sorry for making you feel helpless. You are very helpful and so is everyone else who responded. I'm helpless.
Hi Lone Bird
I am so sorry that you are feeling so low.
I only have lists for useful contacts in the UK but perhaps our american posters could offer some guidance for links or telephone numbers for organisations that can help.
Please do go to one of these organisations for help, they will not be shocked by anything you tell them and they are trained to know how to help you.
Hope things get better for you.
Elen
I'm sorry for making you feel helpless. You are very helpful and so is everyone else who responded. I'm helpless.
Hi there,
You have nothing to apologise for. We're here to support other members when they are suffering. Many of us have felt like you do and understand what it's like.
You don't need to carry on feeling like this. I know it's hard but you really need to talk to someone about how you feel. It's often easier to talk to someone you don't know. Have to thought about discussing how you feel with your doctor? He or she will be able to listen and suggest the next step. You might benefit from some type of counselling or therapy, or perhaps medication would help you. Medication isn't as scary as it sounds and I know it's helped me a lot. Whatever you choose, we'll be here to help you through every step.
I really feel for you and there is help out there which will make you feel better. Give it a go - you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Remember - you're not in your own :hugs:
Take care
Pip
I only have lists for useful contacts in the UK but perhaps our american posters could offer some guidance for links or telephone numbers for organisations that can help.
Please do go to one of these organisations for help, they will not be shocked by anything you tell them and they are trained to know how to help you.
Hope things get better for you.
Elen
I posted a link to numbers here in the US that can help.
I'll say it again... Please, please contact a mental health crisis line (https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/).
The call is confidential, toll-free and goes to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. These centers provide crisis counseling and mental health referrals.
Positive thoughts
Thank you FMP - much appreciated.
Lone_bird, keep talking here too if that helps you.
As Pipkin says many of us have been in that place and know how lonely it can feel.
I don't really have a doctor. I guess I'd need to find one first. Do I need to get permission to see a therapist? And I'm on my moms insurance. If they decide to put me on meds, I don't want her to know. I honestly don't want her to know about any of this, but if I go see a doctor she'll know because I'm under her insurance.
I'm sorry, I don't know how the health care system works in the states. Perhaps Fishmanpa will be able to advise you?
All I know is that your mum would really want to help you.
Take care
Pip xx
I think that the people you contact on the link that FMP has posted would be able to tell you all you need to know honey.
It is a confidential line so no one else need know unless you decide to tell them.
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate it.
IAll I know is that your mum would really want to help you.
I agree with that sentiment and it's what my daughter did. As a parent, we do what we can to help and take care of our children. I can't imagine your Mom turning her back on you. You don't have to be specific. You can tell her you're struggling with some negativity and need someone to talk to. If she presses, you can tell her you've been down lately and the feeling isn't going away.
The hotline is totally confidential and can advise you as well. There are groups and counseling available. Help is just a call away.
Positive thoughts
I'm honestly wasting everyone's time and effort. I can't talk to anyone. I've tried countless times. I can't work up the courage. I'm sorry, but thank you again for all of your help. I appreciate all of you.
Well I don't feel like I'm wasting my time and I'm sure the others feel exactly the same. I've had lots of help on here from some very kind and lovely people, and I want to help others to repay some of that kindness.
Talking may seem impossible but it's not. Why not start by writing down how you feel? Perhaps just in list form if that's easier. You may then think it wouldn't be so bad reading what you've written to someone else. Again, it's something I often do when I go to the doctor.
Take care
Pip xx
Please ask for help. Use the contacts provided before or just tell anyone. You don't have to feel like this and things can get better. I know because I've been there. Things seem desperate and hopeless but they're not.
I know you feel you can't talk to someone but I urge you to try as soon as possible. We're here for you and you're not on your own.
Take care
Pip
And I wish I could give those who struggle to live my life. I'm giving up completely and I'm wasting a perfectly good and healthy life. Why don't I feel it's worth living then? I wish I new. But hopefully this will be the last night those thoughts cross my mind.
Shazamataz
15-08-16, 02:14
Lone Bird, but you are one of those who is struggling. Have you got someone to talk to? Have you sought help for feeling like this?
Its okay. Believe me, suicide isn't the answer. I've lived rough patches in my life and I feel uncertain about my future. I know what it means I grew up a half family. I've never had a real dad except a wonderful man who stood up to be mine through surrogacy. My head is a miserable place. I've seen things I want to forget but I cant. It replays in my head over and over. My mothers ex-husband abused me and abused her. I lived a nightmare for up to a decade. Everyday I watch and read the news it feels like it tugs at me. I used to watch it to consul myself into saying I wasnt that ****ed up. He did things that I can not and will not forgive and leave me furious. I am tired of hearing of whats going on in this world and it drains me, everyday I struggle to get up and shuffle my feet into something that resembles walking. I understand what it feels like to feel like you want to die. I was left hollow when my mother tried to kill herself from being beat by that son of a bitch and its messed with me ever since. I cant and wont kill myself because I have people who depend on me and I have things that I owe to people. You have that puppy that relies on you. I am trying to not to be banal here but I guess I am failing. I implore you to find help. Please, please make the call.
Lone bird, you're a warrior in this anxiety battle with all your fellow sufferers, you're not alone. The anxiety itself really does mess with the mind and robs us of joy but it's not who we are, it's an illness and we are not our thoughts. We are not what's happening to us. You deserve to live as much as everyone else. I've been where you are and you have to let time pass, stay in the moment, breathe, cuddle your puppy, eat nutritious food, go for walks, all this stuff I would dismiss as useless when I was really low but it absolutely works. Anxiety sucks, not life. These thoughts and the lack of enjoyment are symptoms of an illness, they're not who you are. You haven't lost the will to live or your ability to enjoy things in life, you're just weary from anxiety , we all are , and we all fight this battle every day. One day at a time, one moment at a time.
It seems as if anxiety is my life. I can't remember a time I was genuinely happy. And I understand some people just aren't meant to be happy. Why should anyone have to go through something if they don't want to. I don't want to go through another 10 sad and frustrating years. I'd rather not.
The only thing worse than trying to kill myself is failing at it. Seems as if I can't do anything right
There's the other option which you haven't tried yet. Ask for help, get some professional support such as therapy or medication. Honestly, this will make all the difference. I can't guarantee that you'll feel happy straight away and anyway, no-one feels happy all the time. I can tell you that it will make you feel better.
You feel like you've fought long enough and can't do it any more. I know how that feels. Trust me, it's worth finding that little extra strength and opening up to someone who can help. You'll be amazed how much it can help you. Really :D
Pip xx
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24-08-16, 16:40
Hope you're okay Lone_Bird. Been a little while since we heard from you.
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