The cold hand of truth

[Shadowwin]

I've decided to post tonight just to let off some steam. I just got in from the gym and frankly I feel wonderful but I realized tonight sitting on the excerise bike that I am really sick and tired of being afraid of things. I'm tired of worrying about the little things, I'm tired of fear taking ahold of my life. I'm extremly annoyed with being devouted to a pill bottle that "keeps me in balance" and I guess you could say I'm disgusted with myself right now. Maybe it's the fact another birthday is coming up I'll be 33 in about 3 weeks and it always hits me right around my birthday how much of my life I've lost to these attacks.

I know it's never good to look back and see the sea of things you've left behind you but sometimes you just can't help it. What brought on this frustration? the simple realization that I was not giving it my all at the gym! That I was still babying myself afraid to push any harder for fear something was going to happen.. silly what if's the bane of my exsistence. So I tried something I sat back on the bike put my arms behind my head and closed my eyes so I couldn't see anyone around me and more importantly the little numbers ticking away on the digital display that told me how fast I was going and how long I'd been riding (they really need to remove those numbers or put tape over them) and then I started doing the 7 in hold 7 out breathing routine I learned in CBT.. suddenly the world melted away nothing ached.. I wasn't nervous I found myself enjoying the motion of the pedals and the sounds around me...

It just strikes me as funny.. closing your eyes and looking inside makes things so much different and in my case it gave me courage. I also realized that as I was breathing I didn't dwell on the what if's of my mind but instead I was thinking about the perfect circle the pedals were making as i went round and round..

I also found this frustrating as could be though.. that I have driven myself to a place where I obsessively worry about everything. Maybe I should start "closing my eyes" more often.. and focus on the things that really matter..

[Amery]

I don't think its a good idea to rely on coping techniques when it comes to dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. The truth behind coping techniques is, in a way they are like a 'safe' person or medication basically you let your mind think that by using them they well save you from a panic attack. The truth is no one needs saving from panic attack, they are not harmless.

There's also another danger to relying on coping techniques and that is that, once you get yourself wound up, say waiting in a queue, the coping techniques that you have relied on don't work, creating more panic.

When you find a minute when you are happy and relaxed try these breathing techniques, feel how uncomfortable they make you feel. You may feel a sense of smothering maybe a slight dizziness. This is because your body isn't happy with the sudden increase in oxygen.

So don't avoid the panic attacks, let the anxiety run its course, relax and let you body handle itself the same as you would when you are relaxed. The only thing that keeps a panic attack alive is our minds over reacting.

Instead of looking back and feeling sorry for yourself, look back and think 'look at all those panic attacks I've had and look how I'm still alive I'm in the gym living a new day'.

So next time a panic attack arises, observe the initial reaction that you are so used to eg. 'oh no this is too much I can't handle this' immediately follow it with 'give me the worst you can throw at me because I'm not threatened by you'.

[Serena]

I have read a book about "mindfulness" and find it very helpful. There are some classes where you can practise it. It's all about living in the present and not worrying about the past and the future.

[Spaz0r]

I have read a book about "mindfulness" and find it very helpful. There are some classes where you can practise it. It's all about living in the present and not worrying about the past and the future.

What books have you read I'd be interested to know, I don't really know where to start!

[Serena]

:emot-giggle: I read "mindfulness in plain english" by bhante Gunaratana" -you can check reviews on Amazon