AthenaFaeyrn
18-08-16, 11:13
I have this voice in my head that tells me: "You are not trying hard enough today" whether it's to do the things I need to do, means of taking care of my basic needs, to work, or whatever.
I've felt like this for a long time, but I feel like honestly I don't have the energy, or the will. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm with someone who I don't feel really thinks there's anything "wrong" with me, and I was also with someone who ALSO saw me this way, that I feel sort of confirms it for me, that "there's nothing REALLY wrong with you" and therefore... why isn't it easier for me to do things? To feel good? To work? To do things?
But then I think, it's still a fact that I think about death most days, that I contemplate taking my own life most days, that I self-harm when I'm triggered badly, and that I find life, in every way, extremely difficult. I just get this voice in my head telling me, that I'm "just LAZY".
I am on meds, I still go to my doctor, I still try to work when I can summon the energy (and the voice in my head right now is saying: "more like when you can be BOTHERED"). I'm not seeking more help right now because it drives me even more mad. I'm 29 and I've been struggling with mental health issues since I was 16. I've been through the system many, many, many times, and most of the time, it just does not help me. I'm so tired.
Does anyone else struggle with this?
I've felt like this for a long time, but I feel like honestly I don't have the energy, or the will. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm with someone who I don't feel really thinks there's anything "wrong" with me, and I was also with someone who ALSO saw me this way, that I feel sort of confirms it for me, that "there's nothing REALLY wrong with you" and therefore... why isn't it easier for me to do things? To feel good? To work? To do things?
But then I think, it's still a fact that I think about death most days, that I contemplate taking my own life most days, that I self-harm when I'm triggered badly, and that I find life, in every way, extremely difficult. I just get this voice in my head telling me, that I'm "just LAZY".
I am on meds, I still go to my doctor, I still try to work when I can summon the energy (and the voice in my head right now is saying: "more like when you can be BOTHERED"). I'm not seeking more help right now because it drives me even more mad. I'm 29 and I've been struggling with mental health issues since I was 16. I've been through the system many, many, many times, and most of the time, it just does not help me. I'm so tired.
Does anyone else struggle with this?