Voice in my head saying I'm "not trying hard enough" to recover.

[AthenaFaeyrn]

I have this voice in my head that tells me: "You are not trying hard enough today" whether it's to do the things I need to do, means of taking care of my basic needs, to work, or whatever.

I've felt like this for a long time, but I feel like honestly I don't have the energy, or the will. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm with someone who I don't feel really thinks there's anything "wrong" with me, and I was also with someone who ALSO saw me this way, that I feel sort of confirms it for me, that "there's nothing REALLY wrong with you" and therefore... why isn't it easier for me to do things? To feel good? To work? To do things?

But then I think, it's still a fact that I think about death most days, that I contemplate taking my own life most days, that I self-harm when I'm triggered badly, and that I find life, in every way, extremely difficult. I just get this voice in my head telling me, that I'm "just LAZY".

I am on meds, I still go to my doctor, I still try to work when I can summon the energy (and the voice in my head right now is saying: "more like when you can be BOTHERED"). I'm not seeking more help right now because it drives me even more mad. I'm 29 and I've been struggling with mental health issues since I was 16. I've been through the system many, many, many times, and most of the time, it just does not help me. I'm so tired.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

[debs71]

Hi,

Yep, definitely.

I also suffer from GAD and depression, and constantly beat myself up about not trying or not helping myself enough.

Don't be too hard on yourself here... the nature of GAD is that we worry about everything, carry a lot of guilt, low esteem, self-loathing......but the same with depression.

Do you also suffer from depression? Your feelings and symptoms do mirror mine an awful lot.

I totally empathise with the lack of motivation too, feeling tired, etc. I have that daily myself, more so right now as I am struggling with my anxiety at the moment. It is easier to just sleep and forget it all. This is part and parcel of anxiety/depression and it is SO HARD sometimes just to face the day and get out of bed.

Please at least know you are not alone, if that is some consolation.

As for the people around you and their opinions, IGNORE IT!! The only person who truly knows how you feel is YOU. They can think what they like, but that is their issue, NOT yours, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are fighting a mental health condition, and if they don't get it....TOUGH!! Their attitude will also be damaging to your self-esteem, and you really don't need that.

The voice in your head is the anxiety, hon. It screams only the negatives to us, but it is all lies, I assure you. xxx:hugs:

[AthenaFaeyrn]

Thank you so much Debs! I do also suffer from depression, so your response really rings true with me. xxx

[debs71]

No worries, AthenaFaeyrn. :winks:

I hope you are ok today. xx :hugs:

[randomforeigner]

Tell that voice (which is probably your interpretation of what you think your parents were saying) tell it: -What I do is good enough!!

[dale12345]

Deb I think you are completely right on this one, I often feel like a loser. Oh depression and anxiety, they do play with are heads.

[Fishmanpa]

At least you're trying and that puts you light years ahead!

Positive thoughts