Pip78
20-08-16, 22:54
Hi all. As I once again switch on this laptop, in anticipation of discovering that certain piece of info, that hidden jem of enlightenment, that long sort after piece of majic, that will help me to see some light, and guide me back to some sort of normality, I sigh.
At home, as my good wife smiles at me, I do the deep breathing thing, I sit upright, relaxed, ready ring up on Monday for the results of a recent test at the doctors surgery. Ready to stop taking my blood pressure. I really am ready to book that little holiday, even ready to board that coach and let it take me somewhere where the sun shines. Oh it's going to be great - Oh boy.
A few hours later - I stop the deep breathing, I am no longer relaxed - surely the news from the surgery nurse will be bad news, I have no symptoms of any illness, but that means nothing, and that doctor telling me just how many blood test I have had in the last 9 years means nothing either. And then, oh dear, how foolish I was, I booked that holiday, paid the deposit as well, and now suddenly I am terrified of being in some foreign place, with people I do not know, unable to get back home immediately - what shall I do?
There's nothing I can do about having to ring for the test result, but I wish I could just stop thinking about it. Ahh yes, I can cancel that holiday, lose the deposit, stay at home where I am safe, remember that last panic attack, when I fell onto the floor at the hotel the night before that flight - I cannot let that happen again, right, cancel it, and all will be well once more.
And that one and all is how I live my life - my good wife still smiles - patiently - but obviously disappointed about the holiday cancellation. And I feel 'a _hit'
So, my question is - does anyone know if there is a majic wand? Some sensible approach to shake off these stupid feelings, and if so, where would be the best place to look for it? Any suggestions would be very much appreciated - and thank you for reading this pathetic little story.
At home, as my good wife smiles at me, I do the deep breathing thing, I sit upright, relaxed, ready ring up on Monday for the results of a recent test at the doctors surgery. Ready to stop taking my blood pressure. I really am ready to book that little holiday, even ready to board that coach and let it take me somewhere where the sun shines. Oh it's going to be great - Oh boy.
A few hours later - I stop the deep breathing, I am no longer relaxed - surely the news from the surgery nurse will be bad news, I have no symptoms of any illness, but that means nothing, and that doctor telling me just how many blood test I have had in the last 9 years means nothing either. And then, oh dear, how foolish I was, I booked that holiday, paid the deposit as well, and now suddenly I am terrified of being in some foreign place, with people I do not know, unable to get back home immediately - what shall I do?
There's nothing I can do about having to ring for the test result, but I wish I could just stop thinking about it. Ahh yes, I can cancel that holiday, lose the deposit, stay at home where I am safe, remember that last panic attack, when I fell onto the floor at the hotel the night before that flight - I cannot let that happen again, right, cancel it, and all will be well once more.
And that one and all is how I live my life - my good wife still smiles - patiently - but obviously disappointed about the holiday cancellation. And I feel 'a _hit'
So, my question is - does anyone know if there is a majic wand? Some sensible approach to shake off these stupid feelings, and if so, where would be the best place to look for it? Any suggestions would be very much appreciated - and thank you for reading this pathetic little story.