This is getting ridiculous now!

[Mojo61]

I'm so angry with myself. My son is 19 years old and I just can't seem to come to terms with the fact that he's an adult now and perfectly capable of looking after himself.

He's been to a big music festival this weekend and is due home today. He's been keeping in contact with me via iMessage, FaceTime, Facebook etc and always messages me in the morning when he gets up. Last night I fell asleep on the sofa around 9pm and didn't wake up until almost 1am. When I looked at my phone he had sent me several messages asking if I was OK and he had also tried to phone me but I had slept through it. I sent him a reply saying I was fine and had fallen asleep on the sofa and that I'd speak to him in the morning.

I was expecting his usual text at around 7.30 - 8am but nothing. 8.30am and now my anxiety is up, he surely must be awake because he is due to pack up his stuff and leave by 10am... 9am I try to phone him - he's never been this late messaging me before, what if he's lying dead in the tent? He had told me he felt unwell yesterday with a sore mouth and throat, what if that was the start of something really serious and it had killed him in his sleep? Eventually his mates would realise he was missing and go to his tent, find him dead, and they wouldn't be able to let me know because of the pass lock on his phone...

9.30am and I decide to drive to the venue to look for him (can you see how ridiculous this is getting now?) so I pay the Dartford Toll charge online (£5) and set my sat nav for the journey. I'm driving along the M2 feeling sick to my stomach, shaking, sweating, thinking how the hell am I going to deal with this dreadful turn of events? I know, I will end it all because no way could I live on this planet without my son....see what I mean? Completely irrational...

"DING!" Phone goes off, it is Jack "I'm fine mum, I was asleep!"

Turn car around at next exit and go home...furious with myself....

I don't want to be like this, I'm projecting my anxiety on Jack and it is making him anxious now. Would therapy help me deal with this because if it will then I'm going to book some sessions today I can't live like this anymore, it is bloody ludicrous and utterly stupid, why does my mind do this to me? I feel dreadful now because although I know he's safe the anxious jitters are still there and I feel sick to my stomach and my head is pounding. Shall I take a propranolol to dampen down the adrenaline?

He's off to Reading Festival on Wednesday, it is going to be a repeat performance then no doubt!

[Phuzella]

Oh bless ya :).

[Mercime]

Aww, Mojo..stop kicking yourself. It happens, so let it go now.

BUT - you've identified an issue that you do need to deal with. You know that your anxiety is affecting your lad, and kudos for realising it! That means you're half way to helping it get better. I think therapy is a great idea, and you can see your GP and ask for a referral. It's that fine line that all parents dread, that of intrusion. How much worry is too much? Do we wait it out, or do we act and try and track them down?

Your lad is fine but you've been put through the mill! This can get better for you, please go and see your doc. You've had loss in your life and that affects how you react too. Lots of strength coming your way xx

[Mojo61]

Thank you both so much. Yes, I think it may stem from the fact that I lost both my mum and my husband very suddenly (I was 6 months pregnant with Jack when mum died) I'm not sure my GP will give me another referral though as I had counselling back in May for my anxiety and depression. I think I'm going to have to pay privately to deal with this particular issue. Anyway the wait for nhs counselling is horrendous and I want to address this problem asap. x

[pulisa]

Mojo, I too really struggle to keep my anxiety from projecting onto my autistic daughter. I really struggle to avoid it projecting onto my guinea pigs as well:DMy son has complex medical issues and is Asperger's but I have got better with him. He's 30 and still lives at home but has minimal anxiety (thank God).

I think you know when things have gone a bit too far and you start catastrophising...It's just about getting things in perspective and looking for a more rational reason for something rather than the worst case scenario..Easier said than done when your nervous system is highly sensitised and on high alert during every waking moment.

Talking things through with a counsellor may be helpful-you obviously have fears which have become very pronounced due to your bereavements. There may be issues which you just haven't been able to address after your husband died? Maybe just some time to talk about things which you need to bring out into the open rather than storing them all up internally?

Sorry for the essay. I truly feel for you xxx

[Buster70]

Hi , different circumstances but we are doing similar things and it does become destructive , I lost my ad sudenley in my twenties then lost a few more family members , then I nearly lost my daughter to an overdose it's made me worry to an extent it drive my partner away not closer , she's had several heart attacks and recently took an overdose so you can see my concern , I'm going to cbt and he has pointed out a few times my worrying changes nothing , instead of ringing , texting going looking for her if she's out I have to tough it out , it's real hard because my instinct is to text and see if she's ok but it just smothers them , each time he gets home write it down worried for nothing and he was ok , I know to well it's easier said than done I'm doing it now , it was Monday morning a few weeks ago she took the overdose and I'm out now thinking shall I check ? He will be ok and worrying won't keep him safe he can do that himself , take care .

[sidiam]

blimey, I thought I used to be bad (still am sometimes) but Mojo you got yourself in a real "upset" today. Is your son home? Don't tell him how worried you were.
Sounds a bit mean but the "problem" is yours not his. I was told this by a psychologist and have tried to stick to the advice given me. Even now (son is nearly 45) I often have to say to myself "my problem, worrying about them...not his/theirs"
You probably have an over active feeling of responsibility because you have to do everything yourself. Don't let it take over your life...it did mine.
this is a bit heavy for late at night, hope I haven't upset you.
Been there, done that and know how you feel and what you are going through,
take care
Sxx:hugs:

[dale12345]

Your being a mom and you have anxiety. I feel the same way I am afraid that I am making my daughter a crazy mess. I am sorry you feel this way i hope you feel better .

[KeeKee]

Sorry you've had such a bad time lately Mojo.

I do think you'd be eligible for therapy or counselling still even if you've recently had it. I did CBT in 2013, it ended around September/October. I then did counselling which ended around December '14. I then was referred back to CBT which ended in July '15. I was then referred for CAT therapy. Took a while but I'm half way through it now. I have been told I won't able to get any more CBT, but that was due to it not working rather than me having it too much.

I'd go the to GP and mention your situation. It must be exhausting for you.

[Sunflower2]

Just about the sore throat - I always get them after concerts, it's all the singing! Add in the poor sleep/alcohol and rubbishy food, I expect most people feel a little worse for the wear after a concert. All completely normal! :)

[Noivous]

In some ways things were a lot better before all this 24/7 contact.

N.