View Full Version : EXTREME Eye cancer fear
lscmichelle
22-08-16, 15:53
hi guys i am on the verge of breaking down and wanting to just end my life because anxiety and depression has been consuming my entire LIFE since this summer.
i am 19 now, when i was younger around 13-16 years old of age i was so naive and addicted to my phone like any other teenagers so i have this habit of using my phone on my bed at night in the dark. I DIDNT KNOW ITS BAD AT ALL until recently i heard it can cause bunch of eye disease including eye cancer. I just realized my vision is slightly blurry and there seem to be a freckle too in the white part of my left eye. Went to the ophthamologist TWICE and both said no big worries but I have dry eyes and prescribed me with drops.
So thats it, I am gonna die right? Either going to die from eye cancer or go Blind. I wish i could turn back time and tell my younger self to NOT do this to harm myself, i swear to GOD never in a million years i have thought i would be worrying about cancer at the age of 19 while all my other friends are enjoying life and getting into new relationships!!!! I HATE MY LIFE, I HATE MY YOUNGER SELF and i constantly want to end my life, I don't know how long i can bare with this anxiety its affecting every aspect of my life. And the guilt too, the guilt is HORRIFYING. Its like a smoker that's been smoking for 50 years and worrying about lung cancer, the only difference is that i genuinely DIDNT know this will be the outcome of an innocent act of using my phone at night.
I am terrified, I dont want to die so soon, why is this happening to me, I wish i knew, I don't want to live in my past no more but THIS THING WILL HAUNT ME FOR LIFE. Please help and talk to me, But PLEASE don't trigger me with any horrifying stories of people dying of eye cancer because that will just make me even more depressed, thank you x
Mich
nomorepanic
22-08-16, 16:07
If you have had your eyes looked at and nothing was found then why worry about eye cancer when it is extremely unlikely?
I have never known anyone in my 50 years of life get eye cancer either.
Dry eyes is quite common, I was told I had them once and to hold a wet flannel over my eyelids in the morning and really gently massage the lids. I know someone else that has it and they use eye drops too.
thomas1998
22-08-16, 16:08
Hey. You went to an ophthalmologist twice, they're experts and know what they're talking about. If they say no big worries, then there are no big worries.
brucealmighty
22-08-16, 16:18
opthalmologist said twice `no big worries` - how does that lead you to believe you`ll die?
as per other answers dry eyes are very common and you`ve been given drops so you`ll be fine. using your phone way too much could well cause headaches or eye strain but its a matter of common sense - don`t be too near the screen or on it for hours on end and you`ll be fine
lscmichelle
22-08-16, 16:30
thank you for the replies, thank u for making me feel like someone cares.
I know i am a bit extreme but somehow I am convinced I will get eye cancer in the future and the worse part is that I MADE IT HAPPEN, I have this feeling of "i have completely ruined my life" and i suddenly lost all interest in daily hobbies and activities, and plus i have most of the depression symptoms.
As i have mentioned before I have had this habit of using my phone at night in the dark for several years and i think its equivalent to STARING DIRECTLY AT THE SUN, i honestly dont know whats worse- being blind or being dead :(
My mind won't stop telling me that im going to be blind and it sucks, I can't do anything without having this thought in my head.
I really hate feeling this way, i am only 19, how am I gonna get through the rest of my life if I can barely get through this few weeks without wanting to just disappear and sleep all day... i am so helpless :(
nomorepanic
22-08-16, 16:42
Where did you read that this will cause eye cancer?
lscmichelle
22-08-16, 17:02
I honestly forgot, I search it up in Google perhaps (yikes i did it again)
But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Just like normal skin cancer, it happens when there are over exposure to the sun.
So for my eyes too, the light from the phone screen shines directly into my eye will lead to skin cancer in the eye...poor me back then who didnt have a clue, now i feel like it seems no difference to a person who has smoked for 50+ years worrying about lung cancer and stuff, WHY DID I DO THAT TO MYSELF I CANNOT DEAL WITH GUILT help
nomorepanic
22-08-16, 17:10
Well I googled and found sites that said at most it would give you eye strain/dry eyes and there was no mention of cancer (unless you add the word cancer to the search and only read the bad bits that are mentioned).
What I found was:
"A report commissioned by the British Government last year said that, despite the widespread fears, no conclusive links with cancer had been proven. "
If you had cancer you would have developed it by now and it would be seen by a specialist.
Please stop beating yourself up over this and enjoy life!!!
lscmichelle
22-08-16, 17:19
thank you so much nicola, I really appreciate ur help. I hope i can overcome my fear and extreme HA and worrying etc, its very hard for me because i cant seem to forgive myself for what i have done and am convinced I will get cancer soon or when im older. health anxiety really can be worst than the disease sometimes i'd say :(
thank you so much nicola, I really appreciate ur help. I hope i can overcome my fear and extreme HA and worrying etc, its very hard for me because i cant seem to forgive myself for what i have done and am convinced I will get cancer soon or when im older. health anxiety really can be worst than the disease sometimes i'd say :(
But you won't. It's like worrying that you'll get cancer of the foot because you wore the wrong size of shoes.
There is no link. The link does not exist. The only place it does exist is in your head.
Stop doing this to yourself.
nomorepanic
22-08-16, 17:34
This website page may help with the HA:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/healthanxiety
If the mobile phone thing in the dark mularkey TRULY caused eye cancer, then teenagers all over the planet would be dropping like flies!! Try to look at it logically, though it's hard.
I am 45 and have had years and years of issues with my eyes - dry,weeping, sore eyes, inability to fully open my eyes in strong daylight, a weak right eye and weak muscles in both eyes causing blurred vision, you name it, I've had it. I am way older than you and I am still here to tell the tale!!
You have had a professional tell you that you have nothing more than dry eyes, and you must absorb that, get away from Dr. Google and try to occupy your thoughts with more productive stuff. Try if you can to keep busy....the brain cannot fixate on an anxiety if you keep it busy elsewhere.
You are fine. Believe it. xx
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 01:10
Thank you so much for your reply. For now I know its all in my head really, mostly the guilt and the unending imagination of "what if i get diagnosed at 20? at 30? I wont get to have my own fanily" or "what if I die or turned blind and wont be able to see my parents get older.." etc AND these thoughts literally have CONVINCED my whole mind and body that i am / or will not be fine. It really really took all the energy from me, my parents have never seen me like this.
Yes i do know a lot of teenagers do use their phones at night on bed as a habit, the thing im worried is that since we, teenagers, are kind of the first generation on this planet to have done this, so we as a bunch might all get eye cancer :unsure: its just the uncertainty and fear and worries that kills me inside, this might sound silly to you but it sad bc it makes full sense in MY HEAD.
Eye cancer is extremely rare. And it usually happens in people 50+.
If looking at your phone every night before bed caused eye cancer then most of us would probably be dead by now.
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 02:38
Eye cancer is extremely rare. And it usually happens in people 50+.
If looking at your phone every night before bed caused eye cancer then most of us would probably be dead by now.
I know its extremely rare, but my brain keeps telling me its rare because people dont have phones back then, and I will be one of the first few people in the world who will get eye cancer and probably die from it. Not sure if this is just purely anxiety or what, because my mind keep telling me its going to happen - do u know how it feels like? It sucks, I can't control what i think and imagine the worst !!!
I know its extremely rare, but my brain keeps telling me its rare because people dont have phones back then, and I will be one of the first few people in the world who will get eye cancer and probably die from it. Not sure if this is just purely anxiety or what, because my mind keep telling me its going to happen - do u know how it feels like? It sucks, I can't control what i think and imagine the worst !!!
I know exactly how it feels. I'm having my own health anxiety episode at the moment as well. Sometimes I wish I could take out my brain, clean all the negative dirt away and put it back in my head and I'll be fine.
I really wish scientist would come up with a cure for anxious thoughts.
Just stop for a minute and take a deep breath. The risk of you dying from eye cancer is like 1/10,000,000 at your age. You are more likely to get shot by a drive by shooter when playing the piano in your living room. Getting struck by an asteroid might even be more likely. Eye strain - yes. Dry eyes - yes. Headaches - yes. Eye cancer - No. Not even close. There is a lot of junk science on the web. If you are going to go the google route, don't even open the link unless it is NHS, Mayo, NCBI, or a government or educational webpage.
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 05:53
Just stop for a minute and take a deep breath. The risk of you dying from eye cancer is like 1/10,000,000 at your age. You are more likely to get shot by a drive by shooter when playing the piano in your living room. Getting struck by an asteroid might even be more likely. Eye strain - yes. Dry eyes - yes. Headaches - yes. Eye cancer - No. Not even close. There is a lot of junk science on the web. If you are going to go the google route, don't even open the link unless it is NHS, Mayo, NCBI, or a government or educational webpage.
Your post seems to cheer me up a little bit, but there are too many WHAT IFs in my head and its ruining my life, i fear that i will never be able to actually enjoy life like i used to which is more terrifying. The uncertainty is i dont know how much damage has using my phone in the dark already caused my eyes - and is it enough to eventually lead to eye melanoma and i heard people have to get their whole eyes removed and I WONT BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THAT.
No one in my family gets me and are getting very annoyed since they paid a lot for me to go to the ophthalmologist TWICE. I feel so guilty, but at the same time I couldnt stop beating and blaming myself for stuff i've done in the past, and also knowing that i cant change the past just makes me very depresssed.
I wish there is some kind of cure for anxiety, and the Big C, i wish i was somebody else instead of myself all the time.... sigh
I honestly forgot, I search it up in Google perhaps (yikes i did it again)
But the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. Just like normal skin cancer, it happens when there are over exposure to the sun.
Skin cancer from the sun comes from the UV rays the sun radiates. There are no UV rays coming from your phone so absolutely no way they are the same
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 07:54
Skin cancer from the sun comes from the UV rays the sun radiates. There are no UV rays coming from your phone so absolutely no way they are the same
yes you are right, but im sure the light that comes from the phone is just as strong (even though i used to switch to the lowest level when im in the dark) and the back of eyes are already damaged (the cells) and they are just waiting for me to get older and sudddenly BOMB they act up and spread and I might most probably be blind or worse.. dye.
I really cant deal with this anymore
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 12:33
I am still so very scared what should i do, i dont want to live like this all my life...
Go to your doctor and ask for a referral to therapy. What you fear is incorrect, it's irrational and although you have had reassurance as to why there is no connection with eye cancer, it hasn't helped you.
Your fear and anxiety are what is the problem, and what you need to deal with. That's what you need to do x
I have a daughter that suffers from anxiety and depression. She's 23. She was your age when she came to me and told me how she was feeling. I, along with her mother made sure she got the help she needed. She's been in therapy and is on meds and other than a few blips here and there, she's doing great and will graduate college this year.
Listen to the advice being given you. If you can, talk to your parents or go to your doctor and discuss this. This sight is great in that you're not alone with these feelings and cathartic in that you can express yourself but it's not a substitution for real like help.
Positive thoughts
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 12:55
Go to your doctor and ask for a referral to therapy. What you fear is incorrect, it's irrational and although you have had reassurance as to why there is no connection with eye cancer, it hasn't helped you.
Your fear and anxiety are what is the problem, and what you need to deal with. That's what you need to do x
Do you really think HA can be treated when everything seems so real that i might die of eye cancer in my head... it really does make sense in my head when everybody else say it doesnt. I hate torturing myself like this, i dont know will therapy help - i feel like it may help for one day and the next day i'll be back to worrying. I hope someone really understands me but sadly, no one, feel so isolated and helpless its killing me
---------- Post added at 12:55 ---------- Previous post was at 12:52 ----------
I have a daughter that suffers from anxiety and depression. She's 23. She was your age when she came to me and told me how she was feeling. I, along with her mother made sure she got the help she needed. She's been in therapy and is on meds and other than a few blips here and there, she's doing great and will graduate college this year.
Listen to the advice being given you. If you can, talk to your parents or go to your doctor and discuss this. This sight is great in that you're not alone with these feelings and cathartic in that you can express yourself but it's not a substitution for real like help.
Positive thoughts
Thankyou for ur reply. I know i need help but I just dont know how to tell my parents as they have already spent loads of money for the doctor and specialist appointments (multiple eye and ear doctors and also GPs) I just want an end to all this mess and feelings but the problem is, I CANNOT CONTROL WHAT MY BRAIN WANTS TO THINK and it is torturing, very very hard to get through the day u know.
I just told you how. Therapy is a start. If you need meds, then so be it. That's how you start to control the thoughts. You talk to your parents by doing just that. Maybe show them a couple of the threads you've posted.
Take it or leave it kiddo... I'm old enough to be your father and have a daughter who went/still is going through it. Just sayin' :) You can control what your brain is thinking. It takes work but it can be done. Many here have done so and moved on with their lives, many are still in the process but they're working at it.
It's very apparent you're in a severe spiral right now and I'm probably wasting my time but as a father of a mental health sufferer, it pains me to see a young person suffering like this.
Positive thoughts
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 16:55
not sure if its really all in my head or what, still convinced that I have ruined my life entirely by using my phone in the dark for a couple of years as a habit, it might even be stronger than UV light who knows but if thats the case i am defo getting cancer in the eye. Ha im screwed and i cannot see a good future ahead and 19 years old should be the best times in ones life - and yes i am here wasting time worrying about cancer that hasnt hit me yet.
I know i sound stupid and ungrateful for being alive rn, but i literally feel like i am brain dead, yet only physically alive. Every single second when im conscious (not asleep), my brain tells me im going to die from cancer or go blind, CAN NOT STOP blaming and beating myself up. it sucks so much.... nothing can put my mind to rest and i hate that i am wasting my youth.
nomorepanic
23-08-16, 17:15
But you are ruining your life worrying about it now.
No-one knows who will get cancer and who won't. You mentioned smoking - well my nan died at 95 and had smoked all her life and it was old age that she died from not cancer so it is a lottery really.
You need to talk to someone that can do some specialist CBT for HA problems so talk to your doctor.
Why waste such a young life living like this when something can be done.
Did you read the HA website page I posted you a link to as well?
lscmichelle
23-08-16, 17:20
But you are ruining your life worrying about it now.
No-one knows who will get cancer and who won't. You mentioned smoking - well my nan died at 95 and had smoked all her life and it was old age that she died from not cancer so it is a lottery really.
You need to talk to someone that can do some specialist CBT for HA problems so talk to your doctor.
Why waste such a young life living like this when something can be done.
Did you read the HA website page I posted you a link to as well?
Oh my God, your nan really did smoke for all her life but didnt get lung cancer? That is so rare! and Yes I did read the link, its very detailed i would say but I am a very extreme and emotional person and just by reading those pages wont help loads since i have read tons of those before. Exactly, the saddest thing isnt cancer, its me wasting a young and good life worrying about something that hasnt happened yet.... do you think i am stupid? this is one of the reason why i hate myself even more, adding to the guilt part. I just feel so so so hopeless
all phobias and fears are treatable with therapy and or medication. or some people can break out of these obessesive thoughts themselves.
its not the eye cancer ruining you life (since you dont have it and if you ever do you'll have it treated and hopefully recover) its the THOUGHT of eye cancer. so the secret is to change your thinking. which is where techniques like cbt can help.
nomorepanic
23-08-16, 17:28
Yup - so it just goes to show you just don't know what will or won't happen with things.
I don't think you are stupid but I do worry that unless you get this under control now it will escalate into further things and you are too young to miss out on a wonderful life out there.
Read my signature on here - that says it all really.
No one thinks your stupid.
I'm a two time heart attack, bypass, stents and Stage IV cancer survivor. I'm on this page because I saw so many HA sufferers on the cancer forums. I followed one over here and stayed to help. That being said, I did deal with some depression and "scanxiety" as a result of my illnesses. I got help! I went to therapy and took meds for a while. I'm better now and I stick around to offer some perspective.
You CAN get better but it won't be from a website or any magic wand. It takes work and determination. Ultimately, it's up to you. Posting about it won't make it go away. People understanding what you're going through won't make it go away. You have to take the real life steps. Part of getting well is accepting that life is finite. You're worrying about eye cancer which is a 0% chance IMO but not about a car accident or some other chance thing that could happen. Do you not see the irony?
There is help. You just have to take the steps to get it.
Read my signature... like Nic's they are some wise words.
Positive thoughts
Captain irrational
23-08-16, 18:02
As i have mentioned before I have had this habit of using my phone at night in the dark for several years and i think its equivalent to STARING DIRECTLY AT THE SUN
No, it isn't at all equivalent. Staring at the sun, even just for a few minutes (assuming you could even bare the pain for that long) could cause serious, irreparable damage to your eyes. By contrast you could stare at a mobile phone in the dark all day long, and aside from maybe making your eyes a bit sore from straining, it would not cause any long term harm to your eyes or vision.
The sun emits UVA and UVB radiation, and it's these rays that can damage the cells of the skin and eyes, and it's that cellular damage that potentially causes cancers. Mobile phones do not give off any UV radiation. There is physically no way the light from a phone could cause the kind of cellular damage to your eyes or skin that sunlight can.
To put it simply... No. staring at your phone in the dark will NOT cause eye cancer. Ever.
There actually is a modern day physical ailment from smart phone usage called "Text Neck". It's neck pain and damage related to always looking down at your phone. Like carpal tunnel from mouse usage. The perils of modern world technology eh?
Positive thoughts
lscmichelle
24-08-16, 03:05
all phobias and fears are treatable with therapy and or medication. or some people can break out of these obessesive thoughts themselves.
its not the eye cancer ruining you life (since you dont have it and if you ever do you'll have it treated and hopefully recover) its the THOUGHT of eye cancer. so the secret is to change your thinking. which is where techniques like cbt can help.
For now it definitely its the THOUGHT of eye cancer thats ruining my life, the best time of my life probably since i cannot re-live my youth ( im only 19 what a shame) Also the other reason why i am extremely depressed is that I know I can't get the thought out of my head and it saddens me that I have to waste my youth like this, while others are genuinely having the best time of their lives and I am only pretending to be happy most of the time because I have this THOUGHT of me dying from cancer in the back of my mind.
Its really hard to explain, It's like I can't pretend I have forgotten about this fear because i will never... I really just wanna live a happy life instead of worrying 24/7 every single day, its EXTREMELY tiring, not sure how long can i bare with this feeling anymore.
I feel you so much! I hate being the way I am. So obsessive over health! My friends are in the Military, going to college and partying but yet I sit at home googling cancer symptoms. As a little kid I always wanted to join the Military. Now that can't happen but I realize this is who I am and I gotta work with it. Everyone in my family delt with anxiety, depression etc and I gaurntee you they're some of the toughest people you'll ever meet. You have to get over this fear of diseases. Essentially the fear of death. It may be hard but tell your self "so what" so what if you have some disease. Now I'm not telling you that you have cancer because I doubt you do but learn to accept things as they are. Trust me I know it's a lot easier said than done but you'll get through it. Don't be angry at yourself. This isn't our fault we're this way. People won't understand how we feel. You'll get through this I promise you.
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