peaceandlove123
23-08-16, 04:26
My first panic attack was four years ago. I did not know what was happening to me or why I was feeling that way. Overtime, I improved and my anxiety disappeared. Two years ago, I began having them again, except this time they lasted for months. I realized that I have terrible separation anxiety, as both attacks began after my relationships ended. I know breakups can be devastating but I think mine are worse than they need to be. The issue is that I never feel like I want the person back necessarily, and mentally I am okay with the separation, however, my body reacts differently and I experience horrible panic attacks. As many of you know, they break you physically and mentally, significantly decrease your quality of life and even make you question if you really want to go on. I am writing this because I am trying to understand myself. I do not know if it is the fear of being alone or being abandoned or not being loved, but these panic attacks logically do not make sense to me. I always feel like I have this battle: my mind and logic vs. my body and subconscious. I tell myself that everything is okay (and thinking back, the situation wasn't life or death, it was only a breakup with someone I knew I would not marry), but the aftermath was intense. It was the worst year of my life. The panic attacks developed into general anxiety, then social anxiety because I was scared that I'd faint or be anxious in public. Then anxiety slowed down but the side effect of that was depression. Then I developed a fear of anxiety where every symptom would make me anxious. For example, when I would work out and my heart rate increased, I tied that to when my heart rate increased during anxiety. Exercising would make me anxious because my fast heartbeat was the trigger now, since anxiety itself was my fear.
I hate that it is so uncontrollable and I cannot anticipate it. I think one way but it feels like my body has a mind of its own. I am in a relationship right now but I am scared for it to end because I know I will experience a lot of panic attacks for a very long time. Not only does this weaken the relationship and make it less enjoyable, it does not let me make decisions. I always wanted to do a master's abroad but now I let that dream go because I am terrified of having panic attacks again due to the separation, or worse, if we end up breaking up because of the time and distance apart. I'm sure everyone can relate to the fact that they feel like their life is being controlled by anxiety and stress and that they cannot experience life to the fullest. I meditate, try different exercises and I am better now than I was before. But I fear that it will come back again as it did twice after my first time. I can never anticipate it or prepare myself for it and its worse and worse every time.
My question is, how do I work through separation anxiety? Maybe there is something I'm repressing, something from the past that I cannot think of. Separation anxiety is normal but definitely not to my extent. If anyone has experienced this before, I would love to hear what they have done/do to work through it. Any tips, suggestions would be greatly appreciated. It just makes me feel imprisoned and so disconnected with myself and I do not want to live in constant fear and prevent me from making decisions.
(Sorry if this was too long or boring. This was my first post and I just free wrote a little bit)
I hate that it is so uncontrollable and I cannot anticipate it. I think one way but it feels like my body has a mind of its own. I am in a relationship right now but I am scared for it to end because I know I will experience a lot of panic attacks for a very long time. Not only does this weaken the relationship and make it less enjoyable, it does not let me make decisions. I always wanted to do a master's abroad but now I let that dream go because I am terrified of having panic attacks again due to the separation, or worse, if we end up breaking up because of the time and distance apart. I'm sure everyone can relate to the fact that they feel like their life is being controlled by anxiety and stress and that they cannot experience life to the fullest. I meditate, try different exercises and I am better now than I was before. But I fear that it will come back again as it did twice after my first time. I can never anticipate it or prepare myself for it and its worse and worse every time.
My question is, how do I work through separation anxiety? Maybe there is something I'm repressing, something from the past that I cannot think of. Separation anxiety is normal but definitely not to my extent. If anyone has experienced this before, I would love to hear what they have done/do to work through it. Any tips, suggestions would be greatly appreciated. It just makes me feel imprisoned and so disconnected with myself and I do not want to live in constant fear and prevent me from making decisions.
(Sorry if this was too long or boring. This was my first post and I just free wrote a little bit)