no friends in my age has HA, feeling alone

[lscmichelle]

I hate that im the only one who is suffering from this, none of my in real life friends are worried about their health or anything and they are healthy they focus on studies, relationships and im just here alone with my mind convincing me that i have cancer or i will have cancer and i will die early. i feel so helpless and i have annoyed my parents multiple times but this is not something i can control, i feel so out of control and i am losing my mind. Everyday i walk on the streeet i just hope i can hit by a truck so hopefully my mind can stop thinking and worrying and punishing myself over and over again. I am done with life, but at the same time i want to live, i dont want to have cancer, i am only 19... what have i done to deserve this???

I feel so so so helpless and i feel like nothing in this world interests me anymore. i used to love music and films and hanging out but now i just want to sleep ALL DAY (sometimes i cant even sleep bc of anxiety) but sleeping is the only way to help me escape from overthinking and worrying about Cancer. I still believe that i will have eye cancer since when i was younger I have this habit of using my phone on bed in the dark - and it probably will lead to eye melanoma but the uncertainty is I DONT KNOW WHEN. When will i die????? When will i go blind??? its driving me insane, anxiety is through the roof right now.


I wish i was a normal teenager. I wish.

[Colicab85]

I fully understand why you are coming from. I routinely get extremely irritated at myself. Like I'm mad or something and "wtf is wrong with me" etc.

It's normal to think like this...Anxiety is a heartless ******* really.

[lscmichelle]

The thing that scares me the most is what if i have to live with this constant worry and sadness EVERY SINGLE SECOND??? (until i really get diagnosed with some illness *touchwood*) which i wont be able to imagine what i would be feeling after that, must be 1000x worse.

But for now i really dont want to feel like this empty everyday, I lost all interest in my hobbies and I also have to complete my university degree but i lost the motivation bc i think i will die so soon. I cant explain what im feeling, but its literally the worst phase i have been throughout my 19 years of life.

---------- Post added at 13:03 ---------- Previous post was at 12:58 ----------

Also does any of you loss all apetite when HA strikes hard??? I don't want to eat at all and have been avoiding all meals and social interraction - is this serious?? I dont want to talk to anyone but before having HA i was a bubbly person and literallt so talkative. I want my old self back i hate this i hate this

[Carrie8484]

It's a lonely place isn't it.
How old are you?

I know exactly how you feel and I too think constantly about having cancer. I won't go into detail about my current health worries but I can empathise about the wanting to sleep all the time feeling. It's my only escape from the worry!

I have a friend who has undiagnosed HA. She goes to her GP for various 'ailments' constantly and is often referred for scans, tests etc (even MRI scans) as she must be very convincing to her GP.
However, aside from being diagnosed with migraine, nothing else has come back from her numerous tests.
She is currently off work for the 11th time this year with another ailment.
I think her HA has stemmed from her divorce and her mother dying at a young age. Thing is, I cannot speak to her about my worries and anxiety as she turns every conversation around to her ailments. That's because HA makes us very self absorbed. I know I am absorbed with mine.

I've found some lovely people on here, a few have sadly disappeared but I hope that means they are on the road to recovery. You will speak to folk on here who will know exactly what you are going through x

[Colicab85]

My appetite disappeared when i first started with HA. Lost about a stone.

[lscmichelle]

It's a lonely place isn't it.
How old are you?

I know exactly how you feel and I too think constantly about having cancer. I won't go into detail about my current health worries but I can empathise about the wanting to sleep all the time feeling. It's my only escape from the worry!


I am only 19!! I can't imagine living under constant worrying for the rest of my life, so thats probably and hopefully another 60 years at least !!!!! HOW can i make that possible i literally am so helpless and i feel so hopeless, especially when i think about the future, i am just so convinced i will have cancer... it feels like i have diagnosed myself with terminal illness, cant stop imagining me in a coffin oh my god - am i too early for this???? i am feeling so incredibly empty and drained and i constantly want to be someone else and wish i could be reborn into someone elses' body :( anyone feel me? Im also losing all appetite

[Primula]

You aren't alone, many feel like this . It's a great thing that you recognise that you have health anxiety and not a physical illness. The first step to recovery is self awareness. Have you been to your doctor to ask to be referred for counselling? It might be a good idea as a first step. Also loads of great info and help on the website
getselfhelp.co.uk. and a really good book to get is "it's not all in your head" can't remember the author but it's on Amazon.

You won't be like this forever, but you have to take recovery in to your own hands. Best wishes

[smiles]

I am only 19!! I can't imagine living under constant worrying for the rest of my life, so thats probably and hopefully another 60 years at least !!!!! HOW can i make that possible i literally am so helpless and i feel so hopeless, especially when i think about the future, i am just so convinced i will have cancer... it feels like i have diagnosed myself with terminal illness, cant stop imagining me in a coffin oh my god - am i too early for this???? i am feeling so incredibly empty and drained and i constantly want to be someone else and wish i could be reborn into someone elses' body :( anyone feel me? Im also losing all appetite

Sweetheart, HA is NOT a life sentence!!! The people are on here are the ones that are going through a rough time, I have only just come back after six years HA free.
You really really need to go to your Drs to get some help, there is loads of help out there, but you are the only one that can take that first step.
Please do not waste another moment wallowing in your anxiety, take it by the balls and do something positive to ensure that you get the happy and healthy future you deserve!! X x x

[NGD99]

Hi, Michelle! I'm younger than you, I'm 17 and my HA started 6 months ago when I got sick and had a bad cough for three months. All the February I did plenty of test because I had nausea, vomiting and loss of appetite and they diagnosed me with health anxiety. I did 3 CBT sessions and I was very well. All good till on 4th of April. I went to the barber and he cut me with the razod blade. Got home and started googling. All the page was covered with HIV/AIDS and Hep C. I thought that I will go crazy. 2 months and 2 weeks of extreme stress and A LOT of anxiety symptoms. I did a HIV test and it came back negative. From June till I'm relatively well. This is my story, a story of a romanian teen who struggles with HA...

[BrokenAge]

I'm 17 as well and I can tell you it really does suck being so young. I can't explain this stuff to my friends because they think I'm crazy so my only outlet to actually talk about this kinda stuff is NMP. You learn to cope and just except things as is. It's hard but it just takes time.

[crazygal]

I'm not 19 (I'm 30) but I feel the exact same way. Everyone in my family is fearless they just live life as it comes. But me on the other hand I have HA, fear of cancer, fear of death in general, fear of flying, fear of germs, not afraid of driving but it does make me anxious. I know no one like this.

But the good thing is you are aware you have a problem. Some people with HA are too stubborn to admit it. My grandmother who has HA denied it up until her death. She was in and out of the hospital getting uneccesaasry test on a weekly basis. But she maintained there was something wrong with her.

[smiles]

I'm not 19 (I'm 30) but I feel the exact same way. Everyone in my family is fearless they just live life as it comes. But me on the other hand I have HA, fear of cancer, fear of death in general, fear of flying, fear of germs, not afraid of driving but it does make me anxious. I know no one like this.

But the good thing is you are aware you have a problem. Some people with HA are too stubborn to admit it. My grandmother who has HA denied it up until her death. She was in and out of the hospital getting uneccesaasry test on a weekly basis. But she maintained there was something wrong with her.

At least she was right in the end!:D

[jonny93]

I have been struggling with HA for as long as I can remember. I am 22 years old but have had this from being 13 at least. You are definitely not alone. I always find that it helps me to actually read about Health Anxiety, rather than actual illnesses. It helps to rationalise. I am sure use of your phone will not lead to eye melanoma. If this was the case it would be very common! You are young and need to enjoy your life - this is what I tell myself. We are very lucky to be healthy when others are not so fortunate.

Maybe it would be helpful to print off a fact sheet about health anxiety and show loved ones? Maybe informing them will help them relate or understand more?