jonny93
23-08-16, 22:35
Hi Everyone,
My name is Jonny, 22 Years Old, from the North! Been lurking on here for months so thought I would join to see if I could benefit. I always find that I feel a bit of an Alien when nobody understand HA so good to be around others similar.
My problems started when I became a teenager. Always had a preoccupation with my health and worried a lot in general. Over the years I became obsessed with self-checking for lumps and changes to my skin. I have a terrible phobia of the doctors - I can't even sit in the waiting room, I have to wait outside and have someone go in with me.
I tend to ruminate and think about symptoms to the point where it drives me insane. My latest thing is that I am convinced I have some form of cancer in the Liver/Pancreas/Stomach area. It all started with bad acid reflux issues and nausea, some PPI's and Gaviscon sorted this. The nausea still happens sometimes, which automatically makes my mind jump straight to some sort of cancer. Recently had a full blood count. All normal, except my ALT liver enzyme was "borderline" at 80 (Max is 40). I had this retested 2 weeks later then it dropped to 56, still high but the doctor said she was happy with that.
Back in May my partner was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer, it's been a struggle but he has now had a resection, is cancer free and is just having chemo as an added insurance policy against it coming back in future. Not ideal for someone with HA to deal with, but I am not the victim.
My partners main symptom was anemia, which led to him having damaged nails. Since then I have become OBSESSED with checking my nails. I'm not entirely sure what I am looking for. But it's obsessive. I also check the whites of my eyes for jaundice, to see if I have a liver/pancreas issues. I also check my stools obsessively for colour changes etc. It's almost like I am seeking to back up my own diagnosis. I also ask friends and family members to check my eyes for jaundice.
I also have a general "I don't look well" thing going on. I look in the mirror and convince myself that I look poorly, tired and unwell. I then seek reassurance from others and even seek out old photos to compare myself against!
I'm sure others know how much of a nightmare this is! I have had CBT before but I didn't find it helped. During my CBT I "came out" as gay. My therapist concluded that my irrational fear of going to hell for being gay was feeding my health anxiety and leading to a fear of death. I agreed that this was plausible and was discharged but it hasn't got any better. I am currently on a waiting list for more CBT but am not hopeful.
I also tried Citalopram for my anxiety. I thought they were effective but also felt like a zombie in a sense. I never felt excitement, happiness, sadness etc. I always felt very levelled out as though nothing could affect me!
I would welcome anyone's thoughts on this! I always feel I am wasting the doctors time and am convinced I annoy him! I want to believe my symptoms are due to anxiety, or that being hypersensitive means I notice things that a "normal" person wouldn't - but it's hard. I see headlines about people that, for example, have 1 verruca and weeks later die of an uncontrollable cancer. I am convinced I will become a statistic or a headline!
Apologies for the long post - it feels so good to get it all out! :)
My name is Jonny, 22 Years Old, from the North! Been lurking on here for months so thought I would join to see if I could benefit. I always find that I feel a bit of an Alien when nobody understand HA so good to be around others similar.
My problems started when I became a teenager. Always had a preoccupation with my health and worried a lot in general. Over the years I became obsessed with self-checking for lumps and changes to my skin. I have a terrible phobia of the doctors - I can't even sit in the waiting room, I have to wait outside and have someone go in with me.
I tend to ruminate and think about symptoms to the point where it drives me insane. My latest thing is that I am convinced I have some form of cancer in the Liver/Pancreas/Stomach area. It all started with bad acid reflux issues and nausea, some PPI's and Gaviscon sorted this. The nausea still happens sometimes, which automatically makes my mind jump straight to some sort of cancer. Recently had a full blood count. All normal, except my ALT liver enzyme was "borderline" at 80 (Max is 40). I had this retested 2 weeks later then it dropped to 56, still high but the doctor said she was happy with that.
Back in May my partner was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer, it's been a struggle but he has now had a resection, is cancer free and is just having chemo as an added insurance policy against it coming back in future. Not ideal for someone with HA to deal with, but I am not the victim.
My partners main symptom was anemia, which led to him having damaged nails. Since then I have become OBSESSED with checking my nails. I'm not entirely sure what I am looking for. But it's obsessive. I also check the whites of my eyes for jaundice, to see if I have a liver/pancreas issues. I also check my stools obsessively for colour changes etc. It's almost like I am seeking to back up my own diagnosis. I also ask friends and family members to check my eyes for jaundice.
I also have a general "I don't look well" thing going on. I look in the mirror and convince myself that I look poorly, tired and unwell. I then seek reassurance from others and even seek out old photos to compare myself against!
I'm sure others know how much of a nightmare this is! I have had CBT before but I didn't find it helped. During my CBT I "came out" as gay. My therapist concluded that my irrational fear of going to hell for being gay was feeding my health anxiety and leading to a fear of death. I agreed that this was plausible and was discharged but it hasn't got any better. I am currently on a waiting list for more CBT but am not hopeful.
I also tried Citalopram for my anxiety. I thought they were effective but also felt like a zombie in a sense. I never felt excitement, happiness, sadness etc. I always felt very levelled out as though nothing could affect me!
I would welcome anyone's thoughts on this! I always feel I am wasting the doctors time and am convinced I annoy him! I want to believe my symptoms are due to anxiety, or that being hypersensitive means I notice things that a "normal" person wouldn't - but it's hard. I see headlines about people that, for example, have 1 verruca and weeks later die of an uncontrollable cancer. I am convinced I will become a statistic or a headline!
Apologies for the long post - it feels so good to get it all out! :)