View Full Version : First setback for a long time
ServerError
23-08-16, 22:56
As a lot of you will know, I've made great progress with my anxiety recently and have found my health anxiety to be tamed. However, the last few days have really knocked me for six. Apologies for the graphic bowel talk to follow.
1) My bowels have been feeling really strange for a few days. It's hard to describe. It's like there's something up there that I need to pass, but it doesn't pass. My actual movements have been pretty textbook, but this feeling won't subside. It feels like there's something in my rectum (sorry). Also have mild pain in my abdomen and I get a surging feeling in my lower bowel region.
2) Also noticed two freckles or moles that I'm not sure about. I have no idea if they're new. One's on my forearm and is slightly raised. I think it's always been there, but I don't know. The other's on my chest and looks really odd. It could be a blocked sweat gland but it looks dark and uneven.
I guess my progress hasn't been completely wasted insomuch as I'm not falling into the terrifying anxious hole I used to frequent. I'm sticking to the notion that this is all nothing to worry about, but it's hard not to be a little frightened.
Not really sure what I'm asking or looking for. Seeing the doctor on Thursday. If she isn't worried about any of it, then that will be enough for me. Just hard not to be a little scared when there are actual things going on that I can see and feel.
Sorry you're feeling this way Server, set backs are indeed normal. Good luck with the doctors trip & confirming your worries are just anxious ones.
ServerError
23-08-16, 23:27
Sorry you're feeling this way Server, set backs are indeed normal. Good luck with the doctors trip & confirming your worries are just anxious ones.
Thanks for this. :)
Yeah, if the doctor says it's nothing, that's all I need. Just wish it was tomorrow and not Thursday.
Tomorrow you'll be thinking 'it's just a day away' get some kip and keep your day busy tomorrow. You probably already know it's nothing to worry about (:
I think you are fine I understand what your going threw if you need to talk.
I agree with Beth. I think you'll check out just fine. This is just a little blip IMO and you're handling it great!
Positive thoughts
It's so hard going, Do you know what has started off this bout of anxiety? What has let your tamed beast off its leash? It's often something we have read befor on Dr Google, then it sits in the back of our minds until we have a symptom to go with it and woohoo off it gos!!!
Evil Google!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---------- Post added at 00:36 ---------- Previous post was at 00:32 ----------
Just remember your anxiety. It tells us things all the time that aren't true.
MyNameIsTerry
24-08-16, 07:18
1) That could easily be something like roids. They make you feel like that. So, that's one possible scenario that is easily treatable and just an annoyance rather than anything to care about.
2) For the one on the forearm, you say you are "not sure" if it's always been there. That's usually a good bias indicator, if you can't say one way or the other you don't discount the possibility that you are trying to convince yourself of one outcome - usually the negative one.
For the one on your chest, does it look like the moles we are told by the NHS to see a GP about?
You are going to have wobbles, SE, recovery isn't just about feeling better as I'm sure you know, it's about how you handle your triggers. If you start to see yourself not responding to them and your thinking changing towards "whatever" or "it's probably just X", then you are onto a winner!
ServerError
24-08-16, 13:17
Funny what a good night's sleep can do.
I now think I'm experiencing a combination of roids and constipation, probably triggered by some poor recent dietary choices and a bit of dehydration. The doctor will probably confirm this tomorrow.
As for the moles, I can't tell anything from looking at them. I'm less suspicious of the one on my arm. The one on my chest looks nasty, but I have a problem with blocked sweat glands on my chest and back, and it could be one.
I don't know what melanoma tends to look like and I don't want to know. I'll let the doctor look and she can tell me what she thinks. Even if she sends me to a dermatologist, it'll only be because she isn't one herself and can't be certain. Which, in a way, would make me feel even better if she is certain nothing's wrong. If a GP can tell they're nothing to worry about, they really mustn't be.
Anyway, I'll update tomorrow.
Sounds a very healthy attitude to this blip, Server
Server whatever you do don't Google Melanoma. I was 99.9% convinced I had it back in December. I Googled images all week long and i truly thought I was at deaths door. Mine was multiple colors (although still similar shades), is definitely not symmetrical and I thinks it larger than 6mm too. However GP took one look and it and said it's normal. Told me that name of it too but can't remember. Long story short even if it looks dodgy, doesn't mean it is.
ServerError
24-08-16, 13:53
Believe me, KeeKee, I have no intention of Googling it. I don't want to know. A couple of months back, a randomly generated news article popped up on my screen full of images of melanoma. I shut my eyes and closed my laptop before I saw too much.
It's like the lymph node fears people have. I don't really know what lymph nodes are or where they are, and I don't want to.
---------- Post added at 13:53 ---------- Previous post was at 13:50 ----------
It's so hard going, Do you know what has started off this bout of anxiety? What has let your tamed beast off its leash? It's often something we have read befor on Dr Google, then it sits in the back of our minds until we have a symptom to go with it and woohoo off it gos!!!
I rarely give much thought to the causes of my anxiety. I try to look forward, rather than back. However, I'm sure there are reasons why it's flared up. Firstly, I do actually have a discomforting symptom that is probably worth checking out. Beyond that, I've got a few general worries going on not related to health that probably put me in the right frame of mind for this to happen. Also, it's turned really hot in London over the past few days and I'm always worse in the heat.
I honestly think not knowing is the best thing to be honest. At the peak of my health anxiety I Googled like there was no tomorrow and now I still remember it all.
I haven't Googled in a while now though other than silly things such as 'Vitamin D deficiency' (which incidentally I'm convinced I have), I know those things won't end up worrying me more.
As they say, ignorance is bliss ;-)
ServerError
25-08-16, 06:29
Well, it'll soon be time for me to make my way to the doctor. Don't know what to expect with this one.
I especially wonder how she'll approach the bowel issue. It's going to be hard to explain. I hope nothing has to go... up.
Oh well, we'll see what happens.
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 07:12
Well I would imagine you will strip to the waist and a finger of fudge will get inserted. :winks:
I had that, it's quick "butt" (:rolleyes:) she can easily work out roids without that from description. At worst, it will be off to the hospital for a routine insertion of something resembling a garden hose with a big eye on the end of it! :ohmy: But I think that's unlikely at this stage. I had them years before they eventually sent me for a sigmoidoscopy and it was a complete waste of time.
What I meant earlier about the mole on the chest was NHS Choices (and the melanoma charities) all explain when you should see a GP to determine whether it's anything. If it doesn't look anything like that, they don't tell people to go at all.
If it's not 'roids it could be a spasm of the rectum which gives a sensation of fullness and discomfort 24/7. It's called levator ani syndrome and it's a right pain in the arse. I am currently having a prolonged episode.
Hope your appointment goes well today:)
ServerError
25-08-16, 10:30
So I saw the doctor. She gave me something for my bowel issue and said it was probably linked to stress and anxiety.
However, although one of my moles didn't worry her, the one on my chest needs a consultation. I was expecting that as it does look nasty.
As you can imagine, I'm somewhat anxious now.
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 10:35
Well, try to rationalise that out - GP's are there for more basic issues and anything they are unsure about needs a specialist. That doesn't mean a problem, just someone who can take a closer look, prescribe a better treatment that a GP isn't licenced for, etc.
My mum's had her share of dermatologist appointments in the past for skin conditions and it's always been a matter of it's too complex for a GP or she needed a med a GP isn't allowed to prescribe without a consultation.
AND I think she would be quite clear with you if she suspected something bad. Is it a 2 week referral or a longer term one?
ServerError
25-08-16, 10:49
It's a two week referral. Which seems like forever, all of a sudden.
I'm trying to be as rational as I can. She did say it's not in the usual place for men and that she has a low threshold when it comes to referrals.
I will try and keep it together as best I can. I just wish I lived in a world where I could be seen quickly.
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 11:19
Well two weeks is an urgent referral. It's a maximum of 2 weeks as it's a government target, so you may get seen quicker.
Try not to let your HA side run away with that, non urgent referrals can take a lot longer and often GP's use the emergency route as it guarantees a lead time so they can resolve it. I guess they are told to do that with many things as part of the "take no chances" route but I bet the majority turn out to be easily treatable and not scary stuff we tend to worry about on here. I'm sure she would have told you if so, not telling people means they get into difficult situations with patients who prefer to know what's going on and consultants certainly always tell people about all eventualities.
It will soon pass. Get yourself involved in some distracting activities and hopefully the tension will reduce a bit.
ServerError
25-08-16, 11:40
Trying to stay calm. It's really difficult. It really does look dodgy to me. Yeah, I'm not a skin doctor, but it's definitely something relative new and it doesn't look good. I just wish there was a way to get it seen quicker.
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 11:45
Yeah, we all need Doc Martin...the guys got all sorts of equipment no GP in the UK seems to have...but not the attitude though!
So, how about taking this as an opportunity to throw everything you have learned at the HA demon? You've written loads of excellent stuff on here that others are grateful for and this seems like an opportune time to test out what you have learned?
(I know it's a lot harder, I'm just trying to be encouraging there, there's no pressure to do anything you don't feel comfortable with).
ServerError
25-08-16, 12:51
Thanks for taking the time to talk to me about this Terry. Especially after our brief tête á tête in the other thread, which I'm sure you'll understand I now just want to forget about and put behind is.
I have to be honest, I'm so scared. There's no question I've experienced the development of a lot of new freckles/moles, and some existing ones have changed. Trying so hard to employ CBT techniques and not to assume the worst. It was a lot easier when anxiety was my only problem...
This is possibly the most scared I've ever been.
I can understand why you'd feel scared. I will say my husband has lots of moles that look pretty weird - different colors in one, odd shapes, etc. All of his ended up being normal, even ones that failed most of the "ABCDE" mole guidelines. It doesn't sound like the doc was that concerned but she did the right thing.
I say this a lot but I never forget when I was 13-14 years old and had to go to the dermatologist for a new mark on my back that looked like a birth mark. The doc said "We'll biopsy it to make sure it isn't cancer" and I panicked and cried all weekend. My mother had to call the doctor on the Monday following, who said "Oh I didn't actually think it was cancer, just part of our regular procedure." :doh:
Needless to say my HA started pretty early in life ... lol
Is there a local mole clinic you could go to just to get an assessment done very quickly? I'm thinking of a private clinic which wouldn't be expensive
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 13:08
Oh forget that, no worries. Whatever you were thinking would have been different to me anyway, it was all about something that happened long before you joined.
It's what we are all here for, I'm sure others will be joining your thread shortly too.
These are all lessons on the recovery road. Learning to deal with these frightening triggers isn't easier, I'm still learning against mine too and I find it very hard going. I bet we all do on here.
You know, when I first read this thread I was going to ask if you had been triggered by recent threads as well because the 2 issues have popped up in some long running threads or ongoing reposted scenarios by a couple of members. I wondered whether that heightened anything, I would imagine that can be the case for a lot of the HAers on here but I always get the impression you are less prone to that?
You are doing all the right things. You are trying. Sometimes it takes a while to get past things.
With the bowel issue, if she thought there was anything worrying you would have been referred for a BBC camera up there. The fact she just wants to try something to help you out suggests she thinks it's something minor. It could be like pulisa said?
Being honest about it is good, you know what you are dealing with that way and are not denying how you feel. I might not talk about my levels of fear on here much but I go through it just like everyone else.
Distraction can be helper in times like this. It's tempting to sit around & worry but getting stuck into something for a period of time takes focus away. It may not always do the trick but it can so it may be worth trying.
And unless a doctor thinks otherwise, moles changing are not an issue. They know what to look for since they are the early warning catchall for things.
Boots the Chemist do a mole screening service-would this be an option?
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 13:14
I can understand why you'd feel scared. I will say my husband has lots of moles that look pretty weird - different colors in one, odd shapes, etc. All of his ended up being normal, even ones that failed most of the "ABCDE" mole guidelines. It doesn't sound like the doc was that concerned but she did the right thing.
I say this a lot but I never forget when I was 13-14 years old and had to go to the dermatologist for a new mark on my back that looked like a birth mark. The doc said "We'll biopsy it to make sure it isn't cancer" and I panicked and cried all weekend. My mother had to call the doctor on the Monday following, who said "Oh I didn't actually think it was cancer, just part of our regular procedure." :doh:
Needless to say my HA started pretty early in life ... lol
Isn't it amazing how common that is in people in places like this? Something early in life said without proper care.
Lets face it, anyone told that gets scared. Neither my dad nor my big brother have anxiety/depression and they have had a consultant say that to them and it has worried them. One occasion worried my dad so much that it prompted him to finally give up smoking after smoking almost all his life! Sometimes it's that kick people need as is said. Being confronted by reality. I guess it's because of how that word evokes certain emotions we have been conditioned with over the years through the media.
It's interesting what you say about the ABCDE. Another good example if the blood in poo, which I bet the majority of times turns out to be roids, fissures, etc but healthcare people like our NHS are quite heavy in disclaimers and getting a GP to see it just in case. It's scary for HA people though.
---------- Post added at 13:14 ---------- Previous post was at 13:13 ----------
Boots the Chemist do a mole screening service-would this be an option?
I bet that's cheap & quick.
I'm assuming you mean do that as a quick & cheap test but still the referral? So, it helps with the waiting a bit?
Yes I just meant it as an additional screening tool and more of a stopgap until you get the NHS appointment. 14 days has a lot of hours and minutes to fill when you're sh*t scared
---------- Post added at 13:20 ---------- Previous post was at 13:17 ----------
It costs £35 a mole and the service is available in 50 Boots stores
Just a note to offer encouragement. I always talk about the fact that of the tens of thousands of fears I've read about here over the last few years, only two actually were serious, needed attention and both are fine. Even with skin issues (a.k.a. moles!).
Just last month I had a really nasty one under my arm... big, black, raised etc. One I'm sure would have many here in a tizzy. The doc took a look, said "I know what you're thinking but that's harmless" and froze that sucker! It fell off a couple weeks later. Anyway... I'm sure all will be well for you too :)
Positive thoughts
ServerError
25-08-16, 13:21
Thanks guys.
I'll book an appointment with Boots. No idea how much they can really tell, but it might help.
Thanks guys.
I'll book an appointment with Boots. No idea how much they can really tell, but it might help.
You'll be actively doing something rather than just waiting and this may help psychologically? Good luck, Server. I hope you are able to get an appointment asap
Sorry to read your update Server. I used to do analysis and outcomes of patients referred under the 2ww rule, and in the vast majority of cases, a benign cause of symptoms was identified. I also read an article recently (something on Pubmed, so a reputable source) that was saying that with dermatology referrals under 2ww, they found many GPs did not know what they were really looking for when it comes to skin cancers, so many, many cases referred urgently turned out to be benign. I know this doesn't really help you in your current predicament, but just trying to give some perspective. Good idea regarding the Boots screwing service.
Oooh...the screwing service sounds interesting:winks:
ServerError
25-08-16, 14:09
Thank you Darwin73 for giving me a laugh! I'd be a poor man if Boots started offering that.
I'm not sure about the Boots thing. I'll give it some thought. Apparently you don't get an opinion straightaway, so do I want to be sat around waiting for two things instead of one? I dunno.
I wish I'd married a dermatologist, instead of nobody...
:blush::blush::blush: Oops mega auto-correct fail!
Wow, makes me want to have Boots in the states! lol
ServerError
25-08-16, 14:49
Wow, makes me want to have Boots in the states! lol
There aren't many places you can get an eye test, your moles checked, a posh sandwich, creams and ointments, and find out which lipstick shade best matches your skin type all under one roof.
I'm sure it's just to be cautious ServerError. Even if they think it's 1% chance of something they simply can't risk it.
My GP told me when I was worried about one, if they thought it was anything dodgy they'd have had me in the next day to get it removed. So maybe this is like a second opinion to make sure they don't remove anything unnecessarily?
ServerError
25-08-16, 19:27
Thanks KeeKee. I don't know what to think. The doctor took one look at it and it was obvious she couldn't say what it was. She decided to refer me straightaway. She gave very little away about what she thought.
It's really tough. I've been very on top of my health anxiety. The beast was back in the cage. But this is terrifying.
If in doubt, refer. They are just covering their backs. You want it checked out thoroughly anyway. Give Boots a go? They will probably be more on the ball re moles than your GP?
ServerError
25-08-16, 19:40
Thanks pulisa.
I've booked into a skin clinic. Can't see me until Tuesday, but they are trained dermatologists who can give me some sort of advice, if not an outright diagnosis, on the day.
There's some quite bad publicity out there about the high street mole check ups.
I can appreciate that. You have 5 days to get through and I'm sure it will be well worth whatever you have to spend in order to get an expert opinion on the day.
ServerError
25-08-16, 21:38
I'm starting to spiral now. It's one thing rationalising something that could be explained by anxiety. But this? It's just so hard to feel normal and to live with this hanging over me.
Just what you don't need after doing so well.
Just to play devils advocate here. Supposing your worst fears are realised the prognosis is still really good.
You have caught it early, got a referral and if action is required it will also happen quickly.
That being said, I agree with the others that your GP is following best practice and that chances are it is nothing to worry about.
Hope the time till your appointment passes quickly
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 23:17
There aren't many places you can get an eye test, your moles checked, a posh sandwich, creams and ointments, and find out which lipstick shade best matches your skin type all under one roof.
I went for a super tarty red colour myself. :D
Are Boots still doing the "3 for the price of 2"? :winks:
ServerError
26-08-16, 21:51
God, this is horrible.
Every second feels like an hour.
Sparkling_Fairy
26-08-16, 22:02
I was referred once for a mole that I had for a few years, but to me looked nasty. It was raised and had like an extra squishy layer on top. Basically it always looked suspicious to me.
Finally I went to my GP to have a look at it, and she couldn't really tell. I think GP's generally don't know much about moles to be honest. Basic ones, sure. But if they look even a little weird they can't say anything.
She referred me to a private surgeon as public would take too long (Ireland health system, don't ask). And he immediately said: sun damage. Not dangerous. No need to have it removed, but I wanted to anyway.
So I wouldn't worry too much about the referral. Standard practice for a GP when it comes to moles. A new day tomorrow, hope you feel calmer then.
MyNameIsTerry
26-08-16, 23:05
I think the thing is, dermatology being a specialism means there are many ways something can look and so GP's have to refer on because they are unsure BUT in the case of cancer, they are trained in red flags because the NHS has a two week referral target which they are monitored on.
My mum one had a strange growth on her arm. The GP's she saw tried a few things and then referred her to a dermatologist as they hit a wall with it. Months later she had her appointment to be met with an excited dermatologist because she had a rare 1 in 10k parasitic infection that is common in South America. It was a burrowing parasite and she linked it back to our tropical fish keeping of the time.
A new specific treatment and it was gone. But one for the books for the dermatologist as it was the first time for her.
ServerError
26-08-16, 23:10
Apologies if I'm misinterpreting you Terry, but are you saying that my GP is worried?
MyNameIsTerry
26-08-16, 23:15
Apologies if I'm misinterpreting you Terry, but are you saying that my GP is worried?
No, what I'm saying is that GP's haven't the knowledge or even the licence to treat many things and so refer you on. They are trained to spot cancers though because they are a primary care provider so their role is very important in passing us on. And where they suspect cancer, they will tell us.
ServerError
26-08-16, 23:19
Okay fair enough.
She referred to the two weeks as being standard for 'suspected cancers'. But she didn't actually say she suspects it in my case. She didn't say much at all about my case.
MyNameIsTerry
26-08-16, 23:34
They have that policy there to force GP's to use it and ensure those they refer you too know they have to honour it. A non urgent can take months. It's like comparing first & second post.
But if they think something needs addressing quicker, they will use the emergency route. It could simply be that they think it may need treatment sooner, new affecting quality of life, etc. There could be many reasons, but it doesn't have to mean urgent as in other than a benign treatable issue.
ServerError
26-08-16, 23:36
On the plus side, she took at look at my bottom and said it looked fine. I get that a lot, but it was reassuring coming from a doctor.
She prescribed me some pills but didn't have time to say much other than that it was nothing to worry about. I looked up the medication I was given. It's an IBS treatment and it's already made things feel better down there.
On the plus side, she took at look at my bottom and said it looked fine. I get that a lot, but it was reassuring coming from a doctor.
She prescribed me some pills but didn't have time to say much other than that it was nothing to worry about. I looked up the medication I was given. It's an IBS treatment and it's already made things feel better down there.
Hey at least you have a woman checking out your butt! ;)
Positive thoughts
ServerError
26-08-16, 23:41
Hey at least you have a woman checking out your butt! ;)
Positive thoughts
Sadly it wasn't my usual GP. I'm in love with my usual GP...
Sadly it wasn't my usual GP. I'm in love with my usual GP...
My Medical Oncologist was Chinese... OMG! She was absolutely drop dead stunning! (poor choice of words for a cancer doctor but you get the drift). Sadly she moved on to another hospital :(
Positive thoughts
ServerError
26-08-16, 23:58
I've recently moved and will have to change to a different surgery. I wish I didn't have to. Then again, it's not like a doctor is going to finish checking my balls, poking my anus or investigating my rashes and then be like 'right, so when are you taking me to dinner?'.
I've recently moved and will have to change to a different surgery. I wish I didn't have to. Then again, it's not like a doctor is going to finish checking my balls, poking my anus or investigating my rashes and then be like 'right, so when are you taking me to dinner?'.
But that's a hell of a pickup line don't you think? "Now that you've fondled my balls and stuck your finger in me I think you know me pretty well. Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" ~lol~
Positive thoughts
Yeah, imagine having to go to a gynecologist! Won't even post the details but you can check out the female problems section for those details!
ServerError
27-08-16, 00:18
But that's a hell of a pickup line don't you think? "Now that you've fondled my balls and stuck your finger in me I think you know me pretty well. Can I take you out to dinner sometime?" ~lol~
Positive thoughts
I'll let you know how it goes.
MyNameIsTerry
27-08-16, 00:27
Yeah, imagine having to go to a gynecologist! Won't even post the details but you can check out the female problems section for those details!
It's probably like how someone who works in a chocolate factory says they can't stand the stuff. :D
And a female doctor has probably had lots of opportunity to make comparison in the male undercarriage dept so she's more likely to be a connoisseur...which would put some pressure on! :winks:
You can just imagine her getting home to find her husband standing there starkers with a rose between his teeth and in her head she is thinking "oh please no, not after that gammy green one I saw earlier". :roflmao:
It's probably like how someone who works in a chocolate factory says they can't stand the stuff. :D
And a female doctor has probably had lots of opportunity to make comparison in the male undercarriage dept so she's more likely to be a connoisseur...which would put some pressure on! :winks:
You can just imagine her getting home to find her husband standing there starkers with a rose between his teeth and in her head she is thinking "oh please no, not after that gammy green one I saw earlier". :roflmao:
Hahaha, gotta be true sometimes!
ServerError
27-08-16, 00:43
Well, who'd have thought my thread about possible skin cancer could actually give me a laugh! :)
Sometimes humour is a good way to break the anxiety cycle for a brief respite
ServerError
27-08-16, 22:01
One thing I have noticed is that my other anxiety symptoms have almost completely gone while worrying about this.
One thing I have noticed is that my other anxiety symptoms have almost completely gone while worrying about this.
I've so noticed this with myself. Anxiety is a big, fat liar.
ServerError
29-08-16, 18:41
So tomorrow morning I've got my consultation at a private skincare clinic. It's debatable whether it's the right thing to do: on the one hand, if I get reassurance, that will be fantastic and I'll return to making progress, but if he/she looks and says only a biopsy can tell us what's going on, I'll them be stuck waiting for my NHS appointment and my anxiety will increase. Nevertheless, I am going to go through with it.
It's been a tough few days. I've noticed all sorts of tingling, tickling and aching in the area. But I'm not sure if it's real or not. I could easily be generating these feeling by focusing on the area so much. I do recognise that fact. The hard part is knowing nothing. I feel like my life's on hold. Hopefully tomorrow morning I get good news.
What I will say is the thing I've been worried about doesn't look as if it's gotten any worse since I discovered it last week.
At least tomorrow you will get a second opinion and even if you have to wait for the biopsy result you will be ahead of the NHS appointment. I'm sure the dermatologist will offer an opinion too, especially as you are paying for the privilege of an earlier appointment. In my opinion it's well worth it. With the Bank Holiday the fast track 14 day appointment may be delayed-this way you are getting started on your treatment and are nearer to gaining knowledge. Good luck for tomorrow!
Really hope you make progress this morning
ServerError
30-08-16, 11:40
Thanks guys.
Bit of a disaster unfortunately. I was on a broken-down London Underground train, which made me miss my appointment and meant I couldn't tell them. Only just got back above ground now.
They've booked me in again for tomorrow.
As an interesting aside, the thing I was worried about hasn't changed since I noticed it last week, and, in the process of deleting photos from my phone, I came across a picture from a few months ago in which it was visible, and looked exactly the same then as it does now.
Obviously not out the woods yet, but trying to be positive. At least it's not as new as I thought it was.
Bloody TFL. I'm sorry you've got to psyche yourself up again but good that you've realised that the lesion may not be so significant...
ServerError
30-08-16, 18:45
As it turns out, I may not get the answers I want tomorrow anyway. It turns out you don't see a specialist right away even this way. You see a nurse - albeit one highly trained in issues of the skin. Then he/she decides whether to refer you to a dermatologist or not. That consultation is obviously separate and costs more money.
The nurse will take a look tomorrow, possibly take some close up images and then get back in touch. If they feel you need to see a dermatologist but you can't afford you, they write to your GP suggesting you be urgently referred on the NHS! So I'd just be going round in circles.
Hopefully the nurse will look at it and say it doesn't look like anything to worry about.
ServerError
30-08-16, 19:30
I'm starting to see it more as a health anxiety flare-up than anything else. I've had a lot on my mind lately and too much time alone to think. One or two things possibly triggered me. That said, it's always wise to get things checked that don't look right. I just have a stronger feeling than I did that everything will turn out okay. I think the doctor referring me was a huge shock, but what else could she really do?
After the initial shock and a few days of reflection you've come to a very rational explanation of how things could very well turn out
Please keep us posted, I sure it will be fine.
Please keep us posted, I sure it will be fine.
Agreed :)
Positive thoughts
Oh what a frustrating experience! I'm sorry you missed your appointment but sounds like time has helped reduce your anxiety a bit and you are seeing it clearly. That happens to me sometimes. Good luck tomorrow!
Good luck for today :) Can you get a bus instead of a tube??
I hope today's journey proves easier and you get some answers.
ServerError
01-09-16, 06:44
Thanks everyone.
I have to say, The Mole Clinic in London is a great place. Really professional, friendly staff and I had a good experience there. It made me feel that it is worth spending a bit of money to be checked.
I had a complete check of my entire skin area (yes, all of it). The good news is that the mole on my arm that triggered my anxiety of late is harmless and not even of the type that can turn into cancer (except in very rare circumstances). The rest of my body also checked out and the nurse who examined me even said I don't have that many moles for someone of my complexion.
Unfortunately, she couldn't reassure me about the lesion on my chest. She was extremely professional, but wasn't able or willing to give an opinion on it. This is fair enough. She took an image of it and sent it away for dermatologists to look at. I should hear back by Friday if they feel it needs looking at. Given that I'll be seeing an NHS dermatologist, I'll just carry on down that route. She said it was an 'atypical' lesion, which means it's a good idea to get it looked at, but at the same time it doesn't mean I have anything to worry about. I saw plenty of melanomas on the wall and it certainly doesn't look like one of those.
I did feel more generally reassured about skin cancer as a whole. She explained how the majority are not dangerous and can often be left alone and monitored. She said she sees about two skin cancers a week, which might seem a lot, but bear in mind she is seeing patients all day every day. She said she sees melanoma much less often.
So, I didn't quite get the answers I was hoping for, but I should know a bit more about it by tomorrow. I suspect it may end up being biopsied or at least removed, but I'm still staying positive, as nobody has told me I need to be worried as yet.
MyNameIsTerry
01-09-16, 07:59
I did feel more generally reassured about skin cancer as a whole. She explained how the majority are not dangerous and can often be left alone and monitored. She said she sees about two skin cancers a week, which might seem a lot, but bear in mind she is seeing patients all day every day. She said she sees melanoma much less often.
Good to hear everything went well for you. :yesyes::yahoo:
My dad had his for two years and never realised until it turned nastier looking. His GP referred him to check it out and the consultant said it was skin cancer. He made a point of saying it was very common and slow growing, how it was seen in people mostly with occupations where they work outdoors (my dad was a landscape gardener for over 30 years) and that it was a highly treatable form.
We hear cancer and it's shit your pants scary but it's not always like that. Some forms of skin cancer are quite treatable and have very high success rates.
I think my dad just assumed it was perhaps an ulcer and couldn't be bothered seeing a GP. His generation tend to not want to see doctors.
So, that's at least done now and you've got a good positive attitude towards the NHS appointment which is creeping closer quite quickly now. And like you said, you noticed in photos how it hasn't changed so anxiety was playing it's part trying to skew your thinking.
It sounds as if it was a very positive experience and although you haven't got the total reassurance you maybe hoped for, at least you have taken steps to get a thorough monitoring before your NHS appointment. I have had a "dodgy" mole removed and it's no big deal. You may prefer to get shot of it anyway
MyNameIsTerry
01-09-16, 08:23
One thing I have noticed is that my other anxiety symptoms have almost completely gone while worrying about this.
So tomorrow morning I've got my consultation at a private skincare clinic. It's debatable whether it's the right thing to do: on the one hand, if I get reassurance, that will be fantastic and I'll return to making progress, but if he/she looks and says only a biopsy can tell us what's going on, I'll them be stuck waiting for my NHS appointment and my anxiety will increase. Nevertheless, I am going to go through with it.
It's been a tough few days. I've noticed all sorts of tingling, tickling and aching in the area. But I'm not sure if it's real or not. I could easily be generating these feeling by focusing on the area so much. I do recognise that fact. The hard part is knowing nothing. I feel like my life's on hold. Hopefully tomorrow morning I get good news.
What I will say is the thing I've been worried about doesn't look as if it's gotten any worse since I discovered it last week.
So, when you look back on what happened is how something can take over and relegate current anxieties. What can also happen is that they return as the current big anxiety fades away. As the old saying goes, "one pain lessens another".
And how do you feel about what you said about the biopsy and how it would make your anxiety increase due to waiting? That doesn't feel like the case now?
I think it's important to review these events as we can learn from them in terms of how far we have come. Yes, you had a major trigger and it sent you into a bit of a spiral BUT you seem to soon recover from it through a practical solution and your anxiety decreased as your thinking changed e.g. seeing the photo, what the nurse said, being more open to waiting, etc.
Hardening yourself to major triggers is one of the end goals in anxiety. But showing progress against them can come from how the experience as a whole plays out and it's obvious you haven't been panicking ever since because your posts just don't reflect that. Plus, the appointment was only a partial success so anxiety would easily turn the screw on you to get you panicking again with not having a full answer to everything.
Knowing what you know now, if this happened again do you think you could tolerate the anxiety until the true appointment rather than need the reassurance of the private one? That seems like a goal to work towards.
I don't see the private appointment as "reassurance" though, Terry. It's a dedicated mole clinic and what with the proposed NHS junior doctors' walkouts shortly all clinics are going to be up the creek. I look at it as a sensible step to take. Does it feed HA? Given that Server was given a fast track appointment I wouldn't have said so but I appreciate you will say otherwise.
ServerError
01-09-16, 11:05
This is all very current for me, so it's hard for me to say exactly what lessons I've learned from it right now. But I do recognise that I have had a health anxiety flare-up, and I intend to think about what I can take away from this situation as I move forward. After the initial shock, I did employ things I'd learned from CBT, and I think if you look through the thread, you'll see that, once I calmed down, I did get a better handle on things.
As for reassurance-seeking, I'm not sure what to say at this stage. I did find things on my skin that looked like they needed checking out, and the fact my GP saw one as requiring an urgent referral tells you it had to be done. Should I have gone through with the private consultation? I have been asking myself that. I don't know if it was right or not, but I do know I was just seeking answers to something that was going on. I've chased reassurance from doctors relentlessly in the past for all number of things. This was slightly different. I just wanted to speed the process of knowing what was going on. You could say that the private consultation helped me see the part anxiety was playing in everything.
At the end of the day - and I'm not saying this is the right approach - but I don't like to overthink things. I don't dwell on triggers too much or spend ages in my head trying to work out what caused my anxiety. I try to employ acceptance and various CBT techniques to help me manage the condition, and I will continue trying to take my life forward.
In other news, I got the results back from the clinic this morning. I got a three-page document detailing the nature of my skin, plus an assessment of the mole I was worried about, featuring a primary and differential diagnosis. I'm sure some know what that means, but for those who don't, it's essentially the doctor's diagnoses, along with a less likely but still possible diagnosis.
The doctor's primary diagnosis is "typical mole", with his differential diagnosis "moderately atypical mole". They want me to go back and get it imaged again in three months just to see if it has changed at all. If it hasn't, it will confirm the primary diagnosis.
So it looks like I have nothing to worry about.
They are obviously covering their backs but it sounds as if there is nothing to be unduly alarmed about which gives you some breathing space and relief as you wait for your NHS appointment. Personally I think you went about this sensibly and rationally. True you went into meltdown after seeing the GP but then you calmed down and made some alternative practical arrangements to be seen at a dedicated mole clinic which wasn't just a high street dodgy outfit. Who knows how long you will have to wait for the NHS appointment? It's already a week since you saw the GP and you have made significant progress since then rather than sitting around waiting for an appointment letter.
ServerError
19-09-16, 11:29
So, a couple of weeks later than planned, I saw a dermatologist at the hospital today. Of course, I already had reassurance from the private consultation, but this time an experienced dermatologist saw the lesion in the flesh, as it were.
The good news is, the lesion is, to quote the doctor, "entirely benign". Nothing to worry about.
I realise now that the GP who referred me probably suspected the same but couldn't say it, or at least felt she couldn't risk it. She probably thought to herself that this was another anxiety appointment, but she did tell me she has a low threshold for referrals.
In any case, I just felt that this lesion/freckle/mole (whatever you want to call it) didn't look right. My judgement was almost certainly clouded by anxiety, but it's a good idea to be vigilant when it comes to skin changes. I acted, and now I know it's nothing to worry about.
Thanks to everyone who offered me positive words and advice during the last few weeks.
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