Don't know what to do

[buttins]

I'm too afraid of pain to kill myself. I'm too afraid of my body doing something I don't understand to kill myself. I tried to cut my wrists with a razer today but I couldn't when I felt the stinging pain. It still stings now even though it was a pathetic attempt. I almost want to laugh when I see the small red welt on my wrist. I'm such a coward.
In a fit of tears I got two puppies about a month ago in hopes of making myself feel like a normal person again. I read in a magazine that dogs can help with depression and without even thinking I went out and got two free ones. Now that time has gone by everyone wants me to give them away for one reason or another. "If you're ever going to get out on your own you'll never find a place that allows dogs..." and so on and so on.
So what the heck do I do now? Let the one thing go that I thought would fix me? Let them take my puppies away? I already want to die. I already lay in bed with grey matter that used to be a brain sloshing around in my head and though I don't feel much of anything good these days I sure as hell know that the thought of loosing these dogs makes my weak body shake with sobs.
What the hell can I do? No one is on my side. No one ever supports me. No one ever notices me. I want someone to tell me I can accomplish something I want to accomplish. Instead of hearing "you can't keep them, it's better if they go" I want to hear someone tell me to fight for them, to do everything I can to keep them.
I wish this would just end. I'm so tired. I'm just so tired...

[Jaco45er]

Hiya Buttins

The 1st thing you MUST do is get some professional help my friend. It sounds like you are at an all time low, and I hate to see young ppl suffer like this.

When in the pit of depression, it is extremely hard and unbearable to think that there is any light at the end of the tunnel. But one thing I know about depression, it always lifts.

I cannot stress enough the importance of seeing a mental health practitioner ASAP, its the 1st step to recovery.

And yes, I do mean recovery, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but with the right help you will have better days ahead.

TC

Jaco

[Jimbo]

Buttins, :hugs:

You sound very down at the moment, I've been there too, no matter how low you feel things will get better.

Have a hug (((BUTINS)))

I know you just want all the hurt to stop but killing yourself is not the answer.

You've done the right thing by telling someone how you feel. I think you need to get some help to make you feel better. Is there a friend you can call or can you get in touch with a doc so you can have a good talk through what's getting to you? Even giving the Samaritans a call can help, they won't judge you and will just listen. I have the number programmed into my phone in case I get to the point where I'm going to hurt myself. 08457 909090 Maybe try giving them a call, it can't hurt, you can always just hang up if you don't like it.

Jim

[buttins]

Thanks for your kindness.
I know I need help....but I have no will to get it. Thank you for the phone number as well but I'm too afraid to call. You guys are so nice to care about me though...
I'm on cipralex...i'm seeing a phyciatrist at the beginning of next month. I've seen him before and not to be pessimistic but nothing professional has helped me yet. My phyciatrist doesn't care. He has other patients to see and I don't have much of a will to leave the house.
I just want some way to keep my dogs...is there some way to declare them as therapy animals? ....is there anything I can do or is this just something else I'm going to fail at? I really feel like if I loose them it will send me off the edge...
Again thanks so much for your kindness. I appreciate it.

[Jaco45er]

I am not too sure about therapy animals, but you are right. In the UK, they use dogs to take to old peoples homes as a form of therapy to tackle depression. Also, it has been proven by men in white coats (boffins) that stroking a dog reduces stress.

I personally prefer cats, but I am allergic to mine, although the kids told me I will go before the cat which is charming, at least I can cook.

Anyway, its good that you are seeking help, and don't feel dis-heartened, its your phyciatrists job to help you, and if you feel its not working I am sure you have the right to seek another practioner.

In the mean time, how are you fixed for a bit of reading and self-help? there is a book called "feeling good, the good mood therapy" by Dr Burns. I bought a copy, and although my problem was health anxiety/GAD, I found it very good for coping with how we think and its commended for being a great book to help overcome depression.

I had a look on Amazon in Canada, the link is http://www.amazon.ca/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1/702-5667147-7827205?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174731107&sr=8-1

Its worth a look, have a read at the reviews and its not expensive.

Let us know how you get on.

Take good care

Jaco

[samc100]

Hi Buttins
How are you feeling today?
Who wants to take the dogs away? Is it family/friends or authorities?
Dogs and cats are a great help , my cat is brilliant with purrs and licks when I need the, and I hope you are having lots of fun together and getting out for walks.

[buttins]

Basically my sister wants me to move to Vancouver with her in November to persue a career. I want to do it to see if it will help me to get out and start living life since I am pretty much a hermit at this point (except for when I walk my dogs). My sister doesn't think it's possible for us to move away with my dogs with me. She says it's too hard to find an apartment that will allow dogs. My parents and friends all say the same thing and though I've tried standing up and saying "I need them" everyone just treats me like I'm incapable of making decisions for myself because I'm so messed up emotionally. I can't say "If I loose these dogs you'll probably find me dead in a puddle of blood tomorrow" to them because they'll just all get mad and think I'm being irrational or just trying to get attention. I never have and never do talk about my depression to my family or friends or how I'm feeling. Everyone walks all over me all of the time and I feel like there is NO ONE for me to talk to. I tried telling a friend once about how meaningless my life felt but she didn't understand and the conversation changed very quickly to her problems with her boyfriend and so on. I'm a huge pushover and I live my life with all of my feeling bottled up.
Sometimes I feel like the only way people will notice me is if I'm under a white sheet dead.
...anyway...I didn't mean to give you my life story. I guess it just kind of spilled out. Thank you for your concern and advice. Please, if you know of any way for me to keep my dogs when I move tell me.
I thought maybe if they were therapy dogs to me then some landlors might make exceptions to the rules...I don't know though. Probably not.

[Jimbo]

I'm sure there's some landlords that will allow dogs, might be harder to find one, but I'm sure there are. Lots of people have dogs, so I'm sure if you search you will find one.

Might be a good thing to move to a new place, a fresh new start.

I really think you need to get some help from your family and friends with your depression. I know how hard it was for me to admit to anyone that I was suffering, it felt like I was giving in to it. I still remember the day I phoned my mum and told her, but once I had, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The same when told my friends. It's hard for someone who has not been through it to understand, but you'll be surprised how many people have but don't talk about it either.

You have your apt with the psychiatrist soon, so go and be completely honest about how you are feeling. If you find that hard to say, write it all down in a letter and give it to him/her. Asking for help may feel like giving in, but you need to do it. Think how much it would hurt your friends and family if you weren't there. And us too. :hugs:

Jim

[yorkylover]

Hi buttins,Im so sorry to hear you are so down.You really need to see your doctor if you feel like you do.Im sure if you enquire into renting a property you will find somewhere that allows pets.Dont let people bully you into doing something you dont want to do.Try talking to your family,they may surprise you.Write a letter if you find it hard to explain your self,this is what I did.
Im sending you a big HUG:hugs: :hugs:

[buttins]

Thank you for your kind words. Hearing you say that I shouldn't be bullied into doing something I don't want to do makes me feel better already. Hearing all of you having hope about me finding a place with my puppies makes me feel really good about it too. I'll keep you guys informed of what happens with everything. Thanks for the hugs and support.

[jo61]

Hi Buttins, don't give up the dogs without really considering the situation. When I've been very anxious, the only thing that gets me out is my dogs' need to be walked. I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want and exercise is good for depression and anxiety as well.