two worlds

[conan]

i have a very vivid image lately, of me standing with one leg on each side of some kind of portal. on this side is the real world, where i'm battling anxiety, and i have all this support and resources and theoretically everything i need to pull my whole body back in. on the other side, is a world where the fear that my symptoms could be something real is actually quite reasonable, prudent even, and there is a real chance that i will be saying goodbye to my beautiful children and wife for the last time in the near future, that if i take the advice and leave myself alone, stop going to the doctors, i might miss something, then not only would i vanish from the earth and from my family, but it would be my fault because i ignored the signs, because i let the "real world" "win".

and... i just wanted to share that somewhere. not sure if this is the place.

[lscmichelle]

this is definitely the place because people on this forum really understands what you are going through. I am an extreme HA sufferer and I basically suffer everyday and feel like I am definitely going to get the big C very soon (i am only 19 though) and I just can't even deal with everyday life because of constant fear. So yes, I think we really need help in real life because I don't wanna spend the rest of my life worrying and worrying, and causing my parents to worry too - they are more worried about my HA than cancer though.

Idk I just feel like I will be getting the big C even though i am young, i can't think rationally and the thought is consuming me, both mentally and physically.

it really is the worst feeling on earth and i feel like i am not worth it anymore.