View Full Version : The things people say...what really shits you?
My anxiety is quite bad sometimes and my moods are all over the place. One minute I'm confident, then upset, angry, frustrated, positive etc. I must be hard to live with at the moment and when I'm feeling rotten there are things that my partner says that just shit me.
My favourite or not so favourite is 'what are you worried about'...in my head I reply 'what am I not worried about'. Or my sister will say to me 'just don't worry about it' if I'm anxious. I know they are just trying to help, God love em, but grrrrrr. What do people say that annoys you?
"You're fine"
I don't know what it is about it, but maybe it's the simplicity?? In my head (and sometimes out loud lol) I am screaming "There is no possible way you know that unless you are psychic!!!!"
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 13:34
"You're fine"
I don't know what it is about it, but maybe it's the simplicity?? In my head (and sometimes out loud lol) I am screaming "There is no possible way you know that unless you are psychic!!!!"
F.I.N.E
Fcked up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional.
But I really don't think they meant that one. :hugs:
---------- Post added at 13:34 ---------- Previous post was at 13:32 ----------
"Just forget about it"
Such things used to drive me crazy early on. I found I cold get worked up at times and had some mad outbursts at my dad and even a stranger once, all of which I was deeply ashamed of afterwards (apologised to my dad straight away so it's not slept on, I even went looking in the same store for that stranger several times to apologise).
Oh I can relate to this!! Things like there's nothing wrong with you! Or you are just putting it on, it makes me so angry and sad at the same time :eek: So I now tend to switch off and don't add fuel to the fire :)
MyNameIsTerry
25-08-16, 13:39
How about "cheer up"?
My response to that was sometimes along the lines of...http://www.bestemoticon.com/smiley/violence/vi027.gif
I get an instant headache when I hear these 6 words:
"The car is making a noise"
Grrr $$$$$$ Grrr $$$$ - goes through my head instantly.
When people find out that my daughter is autistic and they say "oh but she looks perfectly normal" or "she's such a pretty girl too"
I absolutely detest being told I'm miserable. I feel like saying "Yeah, it's called ***ing depression you w*****".
Like you said people mean well at times, but taking a relaxing bath and having a nice cup of tea simply don't take away years of feeling like crap.
Another thing that gets to me is when people tell you you aren't trying to get better. My family aren't that close, we see each other for a couple of hours a week yet they miraculously know I'm doing nothing at all to get better.
"just relax". Ah yeah good idea.. dunno why I didn't think of it. I'm cured!
Or how about "Take a deep breath" - I know the benefits of deep breathing, please don't condescendingly tell me when I *need to* take one!
The ultimate fob off for me: "You're a strong person-you'll be fine". Really?
Pulisa my son is on the autism spectrum and we get those comments too - plus (even more annoying) "what's his special talent?" People really need to educate themselves:mad:
I had to cancel our family holiday in May because I was so unwell. We rebooked it for October as I thought I'm bound to be much better by then. My sister phoned me yesterday to ask how I was feeling and I said well I'm better than I was but I'm still struggling. She replied "Well you had better not try cancelling this holiday too because you will really piss the family off if you do"
No pressure then? :weep:
Pulisa my son is on the autism spectrum and we get those comments too - plus (even more annoying) "what's his special talent?" People really need to educate themselves:mad:
I get that too! Too much Rainman influence. Dustin Hoffman has a lot to answer for.
In the last 50 years I have had most of these said to me they may mean well but unless a person has gone through this crappy thing we all share they have no idea what it is like.I have often walked away and gone for stroll to calm down before I explode at them.
Pulsar ignore the idiot remarks of uneducated people my wife worked with children like your daughter they are very special,when they trust you and except yuo it is the best feeling in the world.
Thanks, Old Fred. I've got very thick skinned as to what people say now. My daughter is terrified of saying the "wrong" thing but I'll challenge anyone who upsets her with careless comments.
MyNameIsTerry
26-08-16, 23:28
Dustin Hoffman has a lot to answer for.
Yes, he does. I'm still waiting for my Mrs Robinson experience. I'll be moving into artificial hip territory at this rate! :D
It's the lack of understanding,education, or just plain ignorance to mental health problems that has made me NOT disclose my problems to anyone.
After 40 years, I have only just told/admitted to agoraphobia to my children, one seems to get the condition, the other doesn't, but because she loves me unconditionally, she deals with whatever crisis I am having as it arises. OP, have in the past said all the previous comments on this topic.
I have often been told by medical professionals that I should tell everyone, and that would help mental health awareness, but when close family told me to "pull my self together" when I was at my lowest, I just gave up trying to explain
MyNameIsTerry
27-08-16, 07:22
It's the lack of understanding,education, or just plain ignorance to mental health problems that has made me NOT disclose my problems to anyone.
After 40 years, I have only just told/admitted to agoraphobia to my children, one seems to get the condition, the other doesn't, but because she loves me unconditionally, she deals with whatever crisis I am having as it arises. OP, have in the past said all the previous comments on this topic.
I have often been told by medical professionals that I should tell everyone, and that would help mental health awareness, but when close family told me to "pull my self together" when I was at my lowest, I just gave up trying to explain
Well, that's up to the professionals to invest in it, we have to do what's best for us. Life isn't always as simple as they think!
Perhaps with some education on it, your other child will start to understand how much this affects you?
Its all in your head.
---------- Post added at 23:20 ---------- Previous post was at 23:18 ----------
I had to cancel our family holiday in May because I was so unwell. We rebooked it for October as I thought I'm bound to be much better by then. My sister phoned me yesterday to ask how I was feeling and I said well I'm better than I was but I'm still struggling. She replied "Well you had better not try cancelling this holiday too because you will really piss the family off if you do"
No pressure then? :weep:
My sister is like that.
An ex-friend of mine, whom I took a long time to confide in about my depression and breakdown said to me:
'Oh yeah, I get down sometimes', then rapidly changed the subject.
I thought to myself 'You don't have a f*****g clue, do you?' It really gave me the arse.
Over the years I have had many things said to me re. my mental health issues that have annoyed me, but I think this is common as there is so much lack of understanding when it comes to mental health conditions.
People who haven't experienced them mostly just don't get it at all.
An ex-friend of mine, whom I took a long time to confide in about my depression and breakdown said to me:
'Oh yeah, I get down sometimes', then rapidly changed the subject.
I thought to myself 'You don't have a f*****g clue, do you?' It really gave me the arse.
Over the years I have had many things said to me re. my mental health issues that have annoyed me, but I think this is common as there is so much lack of understanding when it comes to mental health conditions.
People who haven't experienced them mostly just don't get it at all.
They dont its not having a bad day, its pain, worry and so much more. It hurt to be awake at times.
Its all in your head.
---------- Post added at 23:20 ---------- Previous post was at 23:18 ----------
My sister is like that.
Yeah mine too.
MyNameIsTerry
29-08-16, 05:04
An ex-friend of mine, whom I took a long time to confide in about my depression and breakdown said to me:
'Oh yeah, I get down sometimes', then rapidly changed the subject.
I thought to myself 'You don't have a f*****g clue, do you?' It really gave me the arse.
Over the years I have had many things said to me re. my mental health issues that have annoyed me, but I think this is common as there is so much lack of understanding when it comes to mental health conditions.
People who haven't experienced them mostly just don't get it at all.
Yep, breaking up with a BF/GF and feeling "a bit down", can be referred to as "being depressed" but that's not in any way clinical depression of any kind as we all know.
It's the world we live in know. We've had the "OMG" generation. Now everything is exaggerated. People are jumping around about things that so many of us would be like "meh".
How many times do you see someone with a cold saying "I feel like I'm dying". Saying "I feel like death warmed up" or "like shite" is nothing but not that you feel you are dying. Originally it was attention-seeking language and now it's become normal to use such phrases. Just like how some people swear every 3rd word. :doh::doh::doh:
So, sooner or later less empathetic people end up attaching so little to these phrases because their meanings have changed.
One I have grown to despise is people in the media saying "I'm a little bit OCD". :mad::mad::mad: Well, ok you like doing a bit of extra cleaning. Big deal, try living in fear & desperation from it all and then tell me how you feel. We started off with no one knowing about OCD and now it's going the other way into nearly everyone has got it because they like to have a lot of shoes or like to clean a kitchen slightly more! :doh::doh::doh:
Its all in your head
Ah yes that's probably one of the most common things people say.
Another things that really bugs me is when others say they're depressed but they 'just get on with it'. I've also been told I need to grow up. Or I'm "too serious".
When you're in a really bad place and someone says "pull yourself together" or points out how many people in the world are worse off than you. Of course, intellectually you may know that, but it will have no positive impact on how you're feeling; infact, it will likely make you feel more wretched.
The thing is it is all in are heads, anxiety and depression and Ocd. They are real disorders. You cant just snap your fingers and make it stop. If I could I would!!!!!
Just had a doozy. My Dad rang and I was telling him about my anxiety and that it was through the roof last week, while I'm doing this taper. He told me that he gets anxious sometimes too, especially if he has to drive somewhere new. He told me I need to get my mind off it and to go out in the garden and pull some weeds out, because that works for him. So frustrating when people don't understand. But with my Dad it is better to just let it go and start talking about something else. His mother was institutionalised at various points throughout her life for depression and had ect, but he doesn't understand it. It's very frustrating. I think he chooses to ignore it. Maybe he can't face up to it. I don't know.
Thanks for posting what people say. Made me laugh in a sad kind of way. So true, so true.
Do you know I was doing the same thing hanshan.
What gets me going. If someone asks how you are, before you can open your mouth they start talking about there own health! Cannot get a word in edgeways!!!!.
brucealmighty
04-09-16, 18:42
magic, that is virtually what I was about to type. people who aren`t actually listening to you, just waiting for a gap so they can jump in.
if you have a cold, theirs is flu. actual flu. probably spanish flu that would kill anyone else but they just soldier on and hardly mention it. hmm.
or the cheermongers who read every health article and can quote at you just how lethal modern life is. `my mates uncle had a new phone. ten minutes he used it. it went on fire and gave him 18 brain tumours`
last one `cheer up it might never happen`. already has you t*t it`s called depression!
It's a good job we have a sense of humour on here.
Last week my other half went to a funeral and some of his old mates were there.
When he came home he said So and So is suffering from depression (male)
He gave me a unusual look. I said YES SOOO-------
You cannot see it. That's the problem.
Carrie8484
23-10-16, 18:40
"But you don't look ill"
Thanks, that means I 'should' be okay inside and out, right?!
yep that one drives me mad. If looked like I felt sometimes i'd look like a walker from The Walking Dead
After I had an ultrasound come back unremarkable, and had managed to allow myself to feel good about it, I had a coworker say - loudly - "But that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with you!"
While strictly speaking that may be true, NOT something to say to someone with HA who's trying to keep on an even keel.
Oh flip, I can jap on and on, but there is never an answer. just a butt:shrug: in.
The only place I have a conversation is on my mobile.
Whilst not mental health related, I absolutely hate it when people say "It's only a pet" in regards to the death of an animal. People who think that way have obviously never had the pleasure to love an animal.
When psychiatrists/psychologists say "I don't have a magic wand". Well don't mention this then-I know you don't.
LittleMissAlone
25-10-16, 06:36
When someone suggests I try voluntary work when I'm so bad I know there's every chance I won't even commit to that.
My doctor recently said that everyone gets anxious, and that some are just more sensitive to it. Great - thanks for dismissing my OCD with that one. I know she is trying to be understanding, but doesn't *quite* get it.
When someone suggests I try voluntary work when I'm so bad I know there's every chance I won't even commit to that.
Same here. I think all of my therapists I've had so far have suggested that to me. I understand it is therapeutic for some people, but don't think I'm one of them. Some days I don't even have the urge to wash the dishes let alone get dressed, get a bus or buses to wherever I'd be volunteering and work for free, when I don't even feel able to work for money. If I could be around people and ensure I was always on time, fully functional etc, I would have a job.
When I am having a panic attack and somebody tells me 'Not to think about it.'
I dislike it when some people only see the positive and completely ignore the negatives.
"How are you feeling today xxxx?"
"Oh, not too good. I've had a really bad week, my boiler broke, my partner left me, my cat ran away, I lost my house keys, I haven't had a decent nights sleep in weeks, my rent is late, I'm facing eviction. On the plus side, I managed to finish doing all the laundry"
"Oh well, at least you don't have all the laundry to worry about then". End of conversation. This is a complete exaggeration of course but I find quite often people will ignore the things I want to moan about and always seem to manage an "at least", it's as though they don't want to give you any sympathy. Yet I'm always the one who has to sit and listen to people's moans and offer sympathy. Why is it never reciprocated?!
It's getting to the point where I'm downplaying how I'm feeling and always saying I'm fine when in reality I'm far from it. I'd honestly rather people not ask me at all.
LittleMissAlone
27-10-16, 04:29
Same here. I think all of my therapists I've had so far have suggested that to me. I understand it is therapeutic for some people, but don't think I'm one of them. Some days I don't even have the urge to wash the dishes let alone get dressed, get a bus or buses to wherever I'd be volunteering and work for free, when I don't even feel able to work for money. If I could be around people and ensure I was always on time, fully functional etc, I would have a job.
That's it, KeeKee. Next time someone well meaningly suggests I do voluntary work I'll say that, your last sentence. Well expressed.
I mean that's like saying to an anorexic, why can't you just eat a small sandwich? If you could eat a small sandwich comfortably and normally you wouldn't be bloody anorexic. So much ignorance out there.
That's it, KeeKee. Next time someone well meaningly suggests I do voluntary work I'll say that, your last sentence. Well expressed.
I mean that's like saying to an anorexic, why can't you just eat a small sandwich? If you could eat a small sandwich comfortably and normally you wouldn't be bloody anorexic. So much ignorance out there.
Yes I completely agree. I think even 'just volunteering' requires a lot of effort, reliance and hard work.
And mine too.
---------- Post added at 20:09 ---------- Previous post was at 20:07 ----------
You worry to much.
---------- Post added at 20:10 ---------- Previous post was at 20:09 ----------
And mine to.
mrjonesmcr
16-11-16, 21:30
My doctor recently said that everyone gets anxious, and that some are just more sensitive to it. Great - thanks for dismissing my OCD with that one. I know she is trying to be understanding, but doesn't *quite* get it.
This really bugs me too.
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