Having a blip I think?

[Andy1718]

So I am feeling quite on edge at the moment and sleep is not great. Maybe a blip? I am due to back to work next week into training days that i have not sat in for 10 years. I have been off work for 3 months. The cit is keeping me on an even keel but the anxiety is certainly back a little, not as fierce but there. I have been great over the last three weeks felt normal, energised and very positive but as work draws nearer I am feeling more and more uneasy.
I believe I must, i must but myself through this to get back into work or I am simply not ready? I thought that I would be feeling emotionless as I was last week but as the time is nearing I can feel the anxiety bubbling. Just hoping this is the level and it stays the same next week. I had forgotten how that constant feeling of body tension felt but I am not going to let this horrible illness get the better of me no matter what i have to go through!
I have a plan of attack. Get to the meeting early. Sit with my anxiety. Take some propranolol before the meeting to calm me, if all that fails then I will know I have tried my best. Any advice would be great?

[sidiam]

Hi Andy,
Maybe it isn't a blip, just a normal reaction to starting back at work. Are you going back fulltime? I hope that when the first reaction is over you will find that you can do it. I AM SURE YOU CAN!!!!! and that the I have been great over the last three weeks felt normal, energised and very positive feeling will return.
Is there a doctor or cpn'er you can talk things through with...
I love your plan of attack. If propanolol works for you of course you must take a dose, that's what it is for to help you...does it also help you sleep?
try not to "worry" too much
take care.....
Sxx

[Andy1718]

Thanks for the encouragement. Back on a phased return to work. Have such a hang up about meetings that it is ruining my life and job prospects. Gonna push through it. I don't think it helps with sleep in fact never really tried. I talked to my counsellor today. Will keep posting. How you doing?

[Mojo61]

Hi Andy,

I know your anxiety issues have always revolved around your job so it is no wonder that you are anxious at the moment about the prospect of your phased return. But don't forget, it is a phased return, you don't have you go straight back in, and if at any point you are finding it too much then you can always take a few steps back and slow it right down. Your employer is aware of your illness so must take the correct steps to ensure that things are done properly and that you are not rushed or expected to do things before you are ready.

What is it about the meetings in particular that worries you?

[Andy1718]

Hi Mojo
Its the large groups of people, feeling like being in the centre of attention. I am very good at my job and I have a fear of being singled out, questioned. Weird really, i know that i had nothing to fear as its all in my head. Being out of the meetings for so long makes it so much harder to get back in. I am not great in front of colleagues, fear of public speaking etc.