Terrified of infertility

[tingalayo]

I'm having a horrible time at the moment :weep: I'm obsessed with the idea that I'm going to be infertile. We haven't started trying yet but we will do next year and the agony of NOT KNOWING whether I'll be able to conceive or not is killing me.
I have very little real reason to think I'm infertile really - the one thing I have that I'm completely obsessed over is that when I have my period I get small stabbing pains in my bum when I go to the toilet, which is often given as a common symptom of endometriosis. I have done so much Googling on the subject that I now get triggered by the word 'stab'. Although I have gathered that the way I get it is pretty mild i.e. it makes me wince a bit, and my periods pains are very mild overall, which doesn't fit the experience of anyone with endometriosis who post about this symptom (they say things like 'I nearly fainted it's so bad' 'I can't go to the toilet at all it's so bad' 'I can't get out of bed it's so bad' and I've never experienced anything like that).
But despite that I'm still pretty convinced I have endometriosis and there hasn't been a day since March when I haven't spent the whole day thinking about it. It doesn't help that a lot of the time endo has no symptoms at all (I'm sure you guys know only too well how hard it is to convince yourself you don't have something when a lot of the time it has mild or no symptoms, ovarian cancer being a good example).
So here I am, completely unable to think about anything but this and I'm finding it so difficult to cope :weep: Can somebody please give me some helpful advice or just kind words?

[spacebunnyx]

OK.... I am "infertile" as you put it... my husband and I have various issues which make it impossible to conceive without intervention. It is not worth getting anxious about - especially as you don't even have an issue! Yes, there's a chance you could... but they can be overcome. I have 10 years of infertility behind me and am now 13 weeks with twins.

Xxx

---------- Post added at 12:49 ---------- Previous post was at 12:46 ----------

Oh and most women have endometriosis if you look hard enough. I have very minor amounts.. but it isn't the cause of my infertility.

Xxx

[tingalayo]

Hi spacebunnyx! I remember seeing your post a few weeks ago about how you were a few weeks pregnant after years of trying and were feeling anxious about it, I was actually wondering how you were getting on. So pleased to hear you're now 13 weeks and it's twins as well! You must be so excited! (Or even more anxious than before??)

I was thinking maybe someone who ACTUALLY had fertility issues might respond, and it makes me feel so silly that I'm worrying this much when there are people out there who have had actual problems and I'm asking THEM to comfort ME. Like one time I went to the hospital for an anxiety-related to-put-my-mind-at-rest ultrasound and I got lost, and an old couple found me and helped me and I was crying so much because I was anxious about my test and the lady put her arm around me and said 'we know, we've been through it too' and held me while I cried and I thought "these are people who are actually going through something, which is why they're at the hospital, and I'm just here to waste everyone's time testing me when there's nothing wrong". Makes me hate myself a little bit. But I can't stop it. :wacko:

[spacebunnyx]

That's anxiety for you though! Let's focus on that (me included as I'm very anxious about something at the moment) rather than what we're afraid of. I for one am going to stay away from Google, keep myself occupied as much as possible and avoid reassurance seeking from my husband and family.

Xxx