AnxiousInWA
27-08-16, 02:20
Hi all! Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read all of this and/or respond. I apologize for this being so long, but here it goes.
I've had anxiety for a few years now, largely stemming from my house being broken into (fall of 2011). I think I somehow funneled my anxiety from that into my health. I had my first panic attack a few months after it happened. Having never had a panic attack prior to that, I felt like I was going to die of a heart attack. I'm 33, female, and overweight (so not in the greatest physical condition to begin with). Had the panic attack, then didn't have one for about another month. After the second one, I booked an appointment at the doctor for a physical (assuming that I have high cholesterol, diabetes, etc.). They ran blood work and everything was fine. A few numbers on my blood count were a tad low, but the doctor said just to get a little more iron.
I feel good about this and leave. Within a couple weeks I start noticing weird sensations on the right side of my body (like my right cheek, right outer upper arm, right thigh). It wasn't a numb feeling, but it just didn't feel normal. This is the point where I get well acquainted with Dr. Google. Thought I had MS. Long story short for this one is I had an MRI, all clear. Those weird sensations were anxiety related. I went to see a therapist about my anxiety and did group therapy for anxiety (late spring/summer 2012). This helped tremendously. I was doing great until....
What is really causing me extreme anxiety now is a lump in my neck (right side, kind of in collarbone area). I first noticed it maybe in February of 2015. I leaned my head to the left and scratched my neck and felt a small bump/lump. Naturally I proceeded to poke and prod it until it felt almost bruised, and it became larger after I did that. I immediately thought "cancer!". I tried to not touch the area, but as many of you know, that sometimes feels next to impossible. For all I know this could have been there for much longer and I was only now noticing it.
I tried to convince myself that everything was OK, because otherwise I felt fine (still do besides anxiety). The lump and the area where I felt the lump seemed to go from being more irritated to less irritated and back (larger and smaller, kind of like more/less inflamed). But the lump is always there. I'm fairly sure the lump itself has remained the same size, but the surrounding tissue/muscle change in size. I have gone days without touching it to touching it multiple times an hour. I hate going to the doctor for any reason. I probably scheduled and cancelled 2 or 3 appointments regarding this since I first noticed it. I finally went in last week on the 19th. Burst into tears in front of the doctor because in my head I'm going in there to have her diagnose me with something horrible and incurable (she's aware of my health anxiety). She felt the area and said that to her it feels like a lipoma (when I hear this I start to feel slightly relieved), with maybe an underlying enlarged lymph node. She'll run some blood tests and order an ultrasound to hopefully know for 100% sure what it is.
Well, got 3/4 of the blood test results within a couple hours.
LDH = 156 (range of 100-220)
ALT = 6 (range of 5-50)
AST = 9 (range of 6-35).
All of those seemed to be within the "normal" range so I felt slightly better (but I know I'm not a doctor, so honestly, I have no idea what those numbers mean). If results are not within the range, they get flagged for the doctor to review before I see them. I was expecting to get my CBC results maybe Monday. As I said before I know a couple of those values were probably going to still be lower, so my doctor had to look at them before I got them. Monday rolled around and nothing. I finally got a message from my doctor and my results Tuesday morning... elevated WBC. This is the point where I go from feeling mildly OK about stuff to horrible and hopeless.
My WBC is 14, with the range being 4-10.7 (doctor said my WBC is "elevated", but that seems like it's really high to me?). Within that number: Neutrophils, Absolute = 11.67 (range 2-7.3), and Monocytes, Absolute =1.06 (range of 0 to 0.8). Lymphocytes, Eosinophils, Basophils were all within range. The numbers I expected to be low were still low (MCH, MCHC), so that part didn't worry me. The other number that freaked me out was the platelets. I got 474, with the range being 140-450 (first time with this number not being in range for me).
I have my neck ultrasound tonight at 8pm (in less than 2 hours), and I'm so frightened of what the results are going to be (I probably won't hear anything until Monday when my doctor can look at the scan).
I sent a message to my doctor about the blood work and she responded with "You have a number of different labs out of range, but nothing severe or urgent. They all should be followed up but the timing of that and what other testing if any is needed will be decided after the ultrasound." She also said "The variation in the types of cells (neutrophiles and monocytes) may be helpful. The lower MCH and MCHC are mildly small red blood cells-very common in a menstruating woman. We can check your iron levels with the follow up but iron supplements can be constipating, so I typically just recommend higher iron in your diet (American Red Cross has a good list of high iron foods). Platelets can be elevated as an "acute phase reaction" (from infection or inflammation) or other-again, we'll follow up soon."
I know that until we get the ultrasound results back, there is really nothing I can do besides wait (and try to avoid Google). I guess the thing that scares me the most is the elevated WBC. I feel fine, and I haven't been obviously sick. I'm so scared that I'm going to hear really bad news. When she said she thought it was a lipoma I felt relief. But having gotten the blood test results with the elevated WBC... I'm back to feeling that this must be something much worse. Logic (sometimes also known as my older brother, ha ha) tells me that if this was something really bad, I would be feeling a lot worse since first noticing it in February of last year. I don't want anything to be wrong with me, but I just fear that since I can feel a lump AND some of those numbers from the blood test are high (and low), that something is seriously wrong (besides having anxiety). And sadly I've gone on to Google horror stories of people feeling fine but discovering that they had cancer. Once I know what's going on, I plan to start seeing my therapist again (and probably keep going on a regular basis to maintain my sanity).
I suppose I just don't know how to handle this right now. I kind of bounce between feeling sort of numb about it all to feeling like I'm going to die and why bother with anything. I really do hope I can be one of those people who is able to come back and say it ended up being nothing serious.
If you made it to the end of this, thanks. You're awesome to have done that.
I've had anxiety for a few years now, largely stemming from my house being broken into (fall of 2011). I think I somehow funneled my anxiety from that into my health. I had my first panic attack a few months after it happened. Having never had a panic attack prior to that, I felt like I was going to die of a heart attack. I'm 33, female, and overweight (so not in the greatest physical condition to begin with). Had the panic attack, then didn't have one for about another month. After the second one, I booked an appointment at the doctor for a physical (assuming that I have high cholesterol, diabetes, etc.). They ran blood work and everything was fine. A few numbers on my blood count were a tad low, but the doctor said just to get a little more iron.
I feel good about this and leave. Within a couple weeks I start noticing weird sensations on the right side of my body (like my right cheek, right outer upper arm, right thigh). It wasn't a numb feeling, but it just didn't feel normal. This is the point where I get well acquainted with Dr. Google. Thought I had MS. Long story short for this one is I had an MRI, all clear. Those weird sensations were anxiety related. I went to see a therapist about my anxiety and did group therapy for anxiety (late spring/summer 2012). This helped tremendously. I was doing great until....
What is really causing me extreme anxiety now is a lump in my neck (right side, kind of in collarbone area). I first noticed it maybe in February of 2015. I leaned my head to the left and scratched my neck and felt a small bump/lump. Naturally I proceeded to poke and prod it until it felt almost bruised, and it became larger after I did that. I immediately thought "cancer!". I tried to not touch the area, but as many of you know, that sometimes feels next to impossible. For all I know this could have been there for much longer and I was only now noticing it.
I tried to convince myself that everything was OK, because otherwise I felt fine (still do besides anxiety). The lump and the area where I felt the lump seemed to go from being more irritated to less irritated and back (larger and smaller, kind of like more/less inflamed). But the lump is always there. I'm fairly sure the lump itself has remained the same size, but the surrounding tissue/muscle change in size. I have gone days without touching it to touching it multiple times an hour. I hate going to the doctor for any reason. I probably scheduled and cancelled 2 or 3 appointments regarding this since I first noticed it. I finally went in last week on the 19th. Burst into tears in front of the doctor because in my head I'm going in there to have her diagnose me with something horrible and incurable (she's aware of my health anxiety). She felt the area and said that to her it feels like a lipoma (when I hear this I start to feel slightly relieved), with maybe an underlying enlarged lymph node. She'll run some blood tests and order an ultrasound to hopefully know for 100% sure what it is.
Well, got 3/4 of the blood test results within a couple hours.
LDH = 156 (range of 100-220)
ALT = 6 (range of 5-50)
AST = 9 (range of 6-35).
All of those seemed to be within the "normal" range so I felt slightly better (but I know I'm not a doctor, so honestly, I have no idea what those numbers mean). If results are not within the range, they get flagged for the doctor to review before I see them. I was expecting to get my CBC results maybe Monday. As I said before I know a couple of those values were probably going to still be lower, so my doctor had to look at them before I got them. Monday rolled around and nothing. I finally got a message from my doctor and my results Tuesday morning... elevated WBC. This is the point where I go from feeling mildly OK about stuff to horrible and hopeless.
My WBC is 14, with the range being 4-10.7 (doctor said my WBC is "elevated", but that seems like it's really high to me?). Within that number: Neutrophils, Absolute = 11.67 (range 2-7.3), and Monocytes, Absolute =1.06 (range of 0 to 0.8). Lymphocytes, Eosinophils, Basophils were all within range. The numbers I expected to be low were still low (MCH, MCHC), so that part didn't worry me. The other number that freaked me out was the platelets. I got 474, with the range being 140-450 (first time with this number not being in range for me).
I have my neck ultrasound tonight at 8pm (in less than 2 hours), and I'm so frightened of what the results are going to be (I probably won't hear anything until Monday when my doctor can look at the scan).
I sent a message to my doctor about the blood work and she responded with "You have a number of different labs out of range, but nothing severe or urgent. They all should be followed up but the timing of that and what other testing if any is needed will be decided after the ultrasound." She also said "The variation in the types of cells (neutrophiles and monocytes) may be helpful. The lower MCH and MCHC are mildly small red blood cells-very common in a menstruating woman. We can check your iron levels with the follow up but iron supplements can be constipating, so I typically just recommend higher iron in your diet (American Red Cross has a good list of high iron foods). Platelets can be elevated as an "acute phase reaction" (from infection or inflammation) or other-again, we'll follow up soon."
I know that until we get the ultrasound results back, there is really nothing I can do besides wait (and try to avoid Google). I guess the thing that scares me the most is the elevated WBC. I feel fine, and I haven't been obviously sick. I'm so scared that I'm going to hear really bad news. When she said she thought it was a lipoma I felt relief. But having gotten the blood test results with the elevated WBC... I'm back to feeling that this must be something much worse. Logic (sometimes also known as my older brother, ha ha) tells me that if this was something really bad, I would be feeling a lot worse since first noticing it in February of last year. I don't want anything to be wrong with me, but I just fear that since I can feel a lump AND some of those numbers from the blood test are high (and low), that something is seriously wrong (besides having anxiety). And sadly I've gone on to Google horror stories of people feeling fine but discovering that they had cancer. Once I know what's going on, I plan to start seeing my therapist again (and probably keep going on a regular basis to maintain my sanity).
I suppose I just don't know how to handle this right now. I kind of bounce between feeling sort of numb about it all to feeling like I'm going to die and why bother with anything. I really do hope I can be one of those people who is able to come back and say it ended up being nothing serious.
If you made it to the end of this, thanks. You're awesome to have done that.