Jhg84
27-08-16, 12:35
New to all this but really hoping I can gain something from it as I'm pretty much as low as I could be. Bit of background information - suffered with health anxiety on/off for many years but after a recent event it is back with avengance along with diagnosed PTSD. Following a termination 4 months ago my life has completely taken a turn for the worst. Having made the incredibly difficult decision to not continue with the pregnancy as my last pregnancy made me incredibly ill, I had the procedure done. During the procedure and after I bled very heavily and staff were unable to control the bleeding for a while. Being in the medical profession myself, I was all too aware of the risks and what was actually happening. Never being in such a position before and seeing the look on the staffs faces will be a memory I will never ever forget, nor the horrendous panic feeling I was haemorrhaging. Before I even went in for the procedure I alerted staff I was nervous about bleeding and with no reassurance was told not to worry. From this moment on, 4 months later, I live in constant fear of bleeding, constantly checking myself, paranoid and scared it will start and won't stop. I have also developed an irrational fear of menstruation, as any blood coming from there fills me with paralysing fear of which I feel I have no control. Every single day I wake up with high anxiety, cannot eat and have lost 2 1/2 stone due to this. I am under crisis team as have felt suicidal and as a mother to two boys I have hit rock bottom. Currently under the local community mental health team I am due to start CBT therapy but my mindset at the moment is that nothing will help how I'm feeling nor guarantee that I won't bleed again. I've had scans all were fine. Bloods, all fine. Yet this hasn't reassured me as when I'm not on my period I'm scared I'm going to start spotting randomly which in itself sends me crazy. Has anybody else been through a similar situation as my anxiety is through the roof and my life in ruins. The constant checking, waiting for something to happen is dreadful. Please can somebody help as these irrational fears are taking their toll.