View Full Version : trying to ride out a blip...
Been feeling pretty down, depressed, anxious the past week or so. I am hoping that I am getting towards the end of this blip, but I am really fed up.
I am trying to rationalize many reasons I could be struggling, and there are a few for sure.
1. was feeling really good, have gained a bit of weight, and felt a bit detached emotionally so tapered a little bit down on my lexapro. I only went from 20 mg to 15 mg, which I didn't think would make a huge difference but who knows?
2. last week was that time of the month.
3. husband's been away two weeks for work, comes home tonight. It's been a lot for me to take care of the house, work full time, take care of the pets, plus make time for my yoga and meditation. I know a lot of people have kids and such and do much more on their own, but I guess for me it was a lot.
4. work has been ridiculous - and I mean more ridiculous than ever. We are very short-staffed, under new management, have taken on lots of cases from other people who have left and they haven't filled the positions yet. I'm exhausted.
5. dealing with my sister, who I am more and more convinced either has narcissistic personality disorder or at least significant traits of it. She's been asking me for help with her kids the past few weeks and I do what I can, but she asks last minute when I have plans or asks when I am working. Other times she asks when they are sick and I can't afford to take off work. This week she has been telling me she wants to kill herself over and over so I suggested she get some professional help. She took that the wrong way and lashed out at me, telling me I am a bad sister, do nothing to help her, do nothing all day but sit with my dog watching TV (her exact words).
6. been in pain - think I accidentally burned my mouth using listerine and forgetting to count, left it in too long. Since then I have had all these canker sores in my mouth hurting like he**. It' also stirring my HA up, messed up and googled more than I should have.
Sorry for the long post ... just been a lot on my mind lately, I'm exhausted. I am wondering if I should just go back up to 20 mg on lexapro or if this is clearly situational and I'd be feeling the same if I was on 20 mg anyway.
It sounds as though you are overwhelmed physically and mentally. Personally I doubt whether the Lexapro dosage would be significant. If your sister is using the suicide card that's even more draining and her behaviour is manipulative particularly as she is aware of your issues.
At least your husband is back soon so that will be one load lightened at home. Can you talk to anyone at work re the overload or is it a question of having no choice but to carry on? As for your sister can you make yourself unavailable for a while? Could your husband field her calls?
Hey, thanks for your response! I'm thinking the same about the lexapro ... I did talk to my manager at work but there's not too much she can do about it. We get referrals in and they need to be seen in 2 weeks. It's part of the contract the hospital has with the insurance company. So it's just a matter of waiting until we can hire more staff.
I've gone through periods like this before with my sister where she will be emotionally manipulative. Usually what happens is we don't talk for a few weeks and then she will contact me like nothing ever happened ... Most likely if she needs something. But some of the things she said to me were really hurtful. She doesn't understand how drained I get at my job and that I still listen to her on the phone when I can is a lot for me. But she's the type where her life always has to be worse than everybody else's.
She sounds like a true Drama Queen who likes to be the centre of attention. She writes off your problems but her issues are the worst thing ever? Pretty manipulative in my book. It's a shame you have to put up with this-I know she's your sister but she's not being very sisterly to you at all..more of a drain on your already limited resources.
Yeah, I know. It was worse as kids growing up, so at least I am not in the same house as her anymore. She has a twin and both are similar. Needless to say it caused a lot of problems for me, as I grew up hiding how I felt all the time. It's taken a lot of work to be able to put my needs first and set boundaries. The trouble is if I completely cut her off, then I miss out on my nephews ... :shrug:
It's difficult for you as I'm sure you are very attached to your nephews. The two of them sound really heavy going-I'm sorry you don't have better support from them but that's not on the cards with their history. My sister is also pretty self-centred and wrapped up in her own life-needless to say I say nothing about myself and she doesn't ask-she wouldn't want to hear it anyway.
It's difficult for you as I'm sure you are very attached to your nephews. The two of them sound really heavy going-I'm sorry you don't have better support from them but that's not on the cards with their history. My sister is also pretty self-centred and wrapped up in her own life-needless to say I say nothing about myself and she doesn't ask-she wouldn't want to hear it anyway.
Yep, same exact dynamic here. And my father does not know what to do, he just doesn't want to be stuck in the middle and I can't say I blame him.
It must be really hard for you too, Pulisa, with everything on your plate to not have support from her. I'm lucky to at least have great in-laws even though they live a few hours away. I married in to a good family, so I'm grateful for that.
This d*mn heat is also killing me. We get like 1 day of a break and then it will be hot for another week or two straight. I keep saying fall is almost here, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I am trying to stay distracted today though. I am not a good cook, but am trying to make a nice home-cooked meal for my husband coming home tonight after two weeks in a hotel for work. He's too nice, he will eat anything even if I burn it.
Hi there , we all look for reasons for the blips some of mine have been ridiculous when it's usually staring us in the face , the bit that stands out twice on your post is " I'm exhausted " you need to step back and slow down a bit before you burn out , the difference between your sister saying she wants to kill herself and when my partner took an overdose recently is my partner asked what we were going to have for dinner before I left , take it an hour at a time until things pick up , look after yourself .
Thanks, Buster. I know what you mean. It bothers me that she says she wants to kill herself because I work with people who truly DO want to and I take it really seriously. But she is saying it as a way to make me feel guilty. When I suggested she see a counselor, she replied that she was fine, she would never do that as she has children, and it would be nice if I helped her once in a while instead of watch tv all the time.
I think a break from her is what I need. This weekend I have been basically just staying home by myself. I am feeling a bit under the weather too. My body is probably trying to tell me something ... hopefully I have a little more energy for work tomorrow.
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Try and recharge your batteries a bit. Tiredness can trigger all sorts of symptoms
Thanks, Buster. I know what you mean. It bothers me that she says she wants to kill herself because I work with people who truly DO want to and I take it really seriously. But she is saying it as a way to make me feel guilty. When I suggested she see a counselor, she replied that she was fine, she would never do that as she has children, and it would be nice if I helped her once in a while instead of watch tv all the time.
I think a break from her is what I need. This weekend I have been basically just staying home by myself. I am feeling a bit under the weather too. My body is probably trying to tell me something ... hopefully I have a little more energy for work tomorrow.
As Pulisa has already said it definitely sounds like she is trying to manipulate you.
I have a relative who always asks me last minute to babysit and it drives me absolutely crazy. I feel obliged to do so as their plans are already in place.
I think it's awful she is saying you are a bad sister, you sound like you've been very, very helpful. It's a tough situation given that you may not get to see your nephews as much. Would she understand if you told her you were having a hard time and couldn't babysit when you feel low and that perhaps you could prearrange the odd occasion to babysit?
I feel really uncomfortable with my own family. Feel like their problems are more important to mine. You are very strong for keeping this up as to be honest I'd probably just stop babysitting altogether if I felt I was being taken advantage of.
Your mental health is equally as important as your sisters, I know how comments such as the one she made about you sitting about watching TV all the time can hurt, I get nasty comments from the mystic megs in my family. They think they know how I spend my days etc yet I see them only for a couple of hours each week. Some I don't even see weekly.
Hope you can come up with a solution to this.
Thanks for your reply, Keekee. I completely know how you feel about feeling like family's problems are more important than yours. And I think when we feel that way, it is ok to decide that we need space from our families. It sounds like you have been in similar positions as me, so I'm sorry you've been dealing with this too :hugs:
I have tried some of those solutions in the past. I would set up times a couple weeks in advance to babysit or take the boys for an outing. Sometimes it would go ok, sometimes she would cancel, sometimes she wouldn't tell me if they were sick and I'd go and then get sick myself and have to miss work. I get 6 sick days per year for work, so not much to work with. One time she told me they had allergies and when I got there my 3 year old nephew told me he had a fever that morning! Leave it to kids to be honest with you!
It's hard for me to tell her how I am feeling or when I am really low because she does compare. A few times I mentioned that I was tired and she made nasty comments about how I can never know what tired really feels like because I don't have kids. I'm just kind of giving up being able to please her.
I am getting lots of rest today. Hoping tomorrow is better. Thanks for the support.
Wow I really feel for you and I can kind of understand some of the things you are saying. I feel really stressed and have been told loads 'you've got no idea what real stress is' etc it's so frustrating.
For the record I do have a child (albeit only the one) and can honestly say the exhaustion that comes from mental health is much worse than the exhaustion having a child brings. Not to say motherhood isn't difficult because it really is, but it's a not the same as feeling depressed/anxious etc. I also don't think it's fair she has you watch poorly children. Not only have you also got sick from them, but when a child is poorly it's hard to look after them when they aren't your own. They are understandably more difficult to handle and when you are down yourself that is just so much pressure and it's not fair on you.
I hope tomorrow is better for you :-)
I imagine that whatever problems you have, hers will always be worse etc but you should always be available for babysitting duties because you have "nothing better to do"..
You would avoid people like that but when it's your sister it's far more tricky especially when she has your nephews as a trump card. It sounds like you are doing very well to keep the peace when you must be very angry with her
I hope you have a better day and at least your husband is back now xx
Thanks! He is back, which is a huge help. And I am especially thankful he is back because it is currently 3:50 AM where I live and I have been up all night with back pain. I have no idea what I did to my back, but one shoulder is killing me and can't even lay on that side or my back. So I am laying on the floor on ice packs. He has also woken up and rubbed the muscles too, which is too nice of him.
You're completely right, Pulisa, about how this is somebody I would normally just not have in my life if I could but there are other factors at stake. I am curious to see how this coming weekend will go. It's my birthday coming up and my father is having us all over for a bbq at his house. I'm sure she'll be there, but maybe she will avoid us and stay home.
That sounds really painful. I hope you managed to get some sleep but maybe you haven't been able to make it into work?
The weekend will be interesting! I hope your sister allows you to have some special attention on your birthday and doesn't dominate the occasion. That's if she comes of course.
I ended up not going to work. I continue to lay on ice this morning. I was laying on the ground when my husband came in after walking the dog and the dog - trying to be sweet - rolled all over me, all 60 lbs of her. Oof!
Hoping to rest today, maybe see if I can find a place for a massage.
You poor thing..Nothing much you can do with pain like this other than what you are doing to get the inflammation down.
Thanks for your kind words, Pulisa. :hugs:
Oh lord, today was a day at work. We have 8.5 hours in a day, 1/2 hour meeting, 1/2 hour lunch. The remaining 7.5 hours I had clients non-stop. During my lunch 1/2 hour, I was making phone calls and busting through paperwork. No time to eat. Stayed late to finish all my notes. Back's been sore, but been given a referral for a new chiropractor from a friend who had a very good experience. I am going on Saturday and optimistic.
I've been exhausted though. Not sleeping well, stomach upset, not much appetite which is RARE for me.
Hi there , you know the signs , slow down before you burn out , I'm sure if you tell work it's getting to much they could lighten your load , I know lot of people in your profession end up on the sick through stress you've got to look after yourself to look after others that's what people are always telling me , take care .
Hi there flip , you been hiding or having a good patch hopfully the latter , half four in the morning here should realy be asleep , I'll give it another go , you take care as well .
You have to try to slow down, swgrl09. It's horrible when you get into this "can't stop" overwhelming mode. Please take care and look after yourself x
It sounds like you need a break and some good ol' tlc.
Your sister is trying to rack you with guilt. For whatever reason, she sounds jealous of you. People say things like that when deep down they are jealous. Maybe she thinks your life is perfect, while she struggles with the kids. She probably thinks you have bags of free-time and it is your duty to support her load?
Don't let her get to you. You and your husband come first, always!
Can you take a break from work and maybe plan something with hubby? x
Hi everybody, thanks for your very supportive responses. I know I need to slow down. It's so hard here, all the clinicians are feeling this way and we keep voicing it to management but not much changes. I wish I could run the place honestly lol but that might be too much on me anyway.
We have a long weekend coming up for Labor Day so that will be nice. He's going to be away for part of it for a bachelor party but maybe we'll get something scheduled the weekend after.
It's so frustrating because we all work in mental health, know the signs like you said Buster, and yet management - who are therapists - just empathize but don't change anything. It's about numbers and money and that's sad.
I know not being able to do my usual yoga isn't helping either because of my injury. I have a giant ice pack at work at least!!
Today I went to a new chiropractor for my chronic back and neck pain. I had a great experience. He did adjustments that my previous chiro (who I saw for 3 years after my accident) never did and felt great! He took x-rays on the spot, which was great because usually we have to get sent to a separate imaging location (a whole second appointment) to do the x-rays. He could see instantly that there is not as much curve in my neck as there should be and that is causing a lot of my neck pain. He seemed to really understand what was going on with my back and shoulders too.
Before I left, we did an electrical stimulation session, which I've done before, but this time with ice on my back too and that helped my pain a bit too. I'm to go back Thursday. They are going to run it through my insurance to see what will be covered, but when I checked on my own, I think I get 35 visits a year with a $20 copay. Cheaper than a massage, so I'll do it. The only problem will be if it has to go through my deductible first - then I pay full price until I hit the deductible. But the plan wasn't clear, some services have not had to go through the deductible so we'll see.
I'm definitely hopeful though that they can help.
Sounds promising...Always good to have a therapeutic session which actually helps with pain relief.
And should I be wishing you a very Happy Birthday?!
Tomorrow! Thank you though! :D
It's labor day weekend here too, so I get a long weekend for my birthday!
I hope you have a happy, as much pain-free as possible, birthday weekend! xx
Thank you, Pulisa! You have been so supportive even with all of your own stressors going on :hugs:
Happy Birthday for tomorrow swgrl :)
https://tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M9030bac1379a02e06f20b9d0ee8139ecH0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=166&h=165
Been a pretty busy week and weekend really. Work has been busy on a daily basis. We had a staff meeting this week where another holiday off was taken away from us. So now we have lost our retirement plan contributions this year and a holiday. We have the bare minimum of holidays off as it is. I guess I understand that we are a hospital and are always open, but I am in an outpatient office building that is not open 24/7 anyway so it doesn't make sense. Just feels like morale is really low. Also were told we are going to have to do a lot more data input all over again - this was VERY time consuming, was supposed to be a one-time deal as we transferred to electronic charts, but they had us use all the wrong forms and now we need to do it all over again.
I actually have an interview at another hospital Thursday but I don't know what I am going to do if I am offered a job. I will have to ask a lot of questions, as I fear switching from one hospital to another won't change a lot as all hospitals are struggling with funding. I plan to go into the interview asking honest questions about the job. I don't want to switch and start over at a new place if the same problems - or similar - will exist there too. But it's good to do an interview while I have a job already... less pressure.
Chiropractor has been surprisingly very good. I was nervous going into it but they are very holistic and incorporate massage therapy, physical therapy, reiki, etc. It's tough going 3x a week but hopefully won't have to go that often for too long.
Let's hope for an easy week!
It will be worthwhile just doing the interview to see what will be offered and whether conditions would actually be better than at your current hospital. As you say, you would be doing this having a job already so much less pressure and an opportunity to practise your interview skills/techniques?
Glad the rigorous chiropractic is paying off-all that hard work and perseverance has been worth it xx
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