robertina
10-10-04, 12:30
hi...im back again...been going through depression quite a lot....turned to st john's worth to see if it helped..didnt have depression for 7 days till yesterday afternoon. still have no friends. yesterday i met with a girl i had exchanged emails with for 2 months. we had met online. i was hoping to have found a friend finally. but i didnt like her...shes so different from me, totally, shes such a good girl, who doesnt smoke, doesnt drink neither wanna step into a pub or a fun place apart from the cinema, i dont know why do i have to find reasons why i feel shes not for me. i just do and i dont wanna meet her no more. she wanna go out with me again saturday and i told her i would do that, before coming home from the meeting yesterday afternoon. but in the bus i couldnt stop thinking i dont wanna meet her no more. i feel so unconmfortable with her like i have to hide 80% of what i am ...now i must write to her, and tell her i dont wanna meet her no more, and i dont know how to do that without sounding mean.....but i have so many problems myself and depression and stuff, and i really didnt need to be in this situation now, couse its bringing me even more down. and tomorrow back to work, and i wish i didnt have to go, and see those people that i dont wanna see, putting on a mask for society again to hide how crap and angry and sad i feel inside. oh guys...i need a cool friend so much, similiar to me, thats all i ask, just that shares some interests with me. man why cant i find friends here in the uk, i always had friends before...whats wrong with me, with the world, with this sick society, with human beings.
i dont know , then i think about something like the columbine shooting in 1999 . those two students who opened fire in their high school and after killing 13 people they shot themselves , and i think i understand em and know how they felt ....and feel very few compassion for the students they killed and so much for the the shooters' own lost lives, lives lived in pain, lonliness, as outkasts, and I think human bengs are better off dead couse they think life's got some hidden special meaning, which doesnt have!
i dont know, im confused.....i need friends...thats all i need
and i need help...
thanks for listening xxxx
i dont know , then i think about something like the columbine shooting in 1999 . those two students who opened fire in their high school and after killing 13 people they shot themselves , and i think i understand em and know how they felt ....and feel very few compassion for the students they killed and so much for the the shooters' own lost lives, lives lived in pain, lonliness, as outkasts, and I think human bengs are better off dead couse they think life's got some hidden special meaning, which doesnt have!
i dont know, im confused.....i need friends...thats all i need
and i need help...
thanks for listening xxxx