so upset

[rosebud]

Hi

My manager at work today had a real go at me. She blew something totally out of proportion and was really aggressive and overpowering. I gave as good as i got for a while but she went on and on and i'me ashamed to say i ended up in tears and had a panic attack. Had to drive home in that state and was shaking for 3 hours. I still keep crying. She made accusations which made me out to be a trouble causer which i am totally not. She has upset quite a few of my workmates too. I have written a statement detailing everything that was said and i will see my union rep on Monday. Do you think this is the right thing to do? When i told her i have panic attacks she apologised and hugged me but i'me worried it may happen again coz she seems to enjoy confrontation. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks.
Traceyxxx:weep:

[Rennie1989]

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened.

You did the right thing telling your union rep. This woman needs to be dealt with. If she was having a go at you for no reason then that's discrimination (me thinks ...) and is totally not necessary.

Seems strange to see that she apoligised for her actions when you told her you had panic attacks. Usually people like that don't seem to care. I've had bullies at school who didn't seem to care about my attacks, bullied me even more actually. But hopefully that'll make her stop, but do see your union rep on Monday regardless.

Hope you're feeling better.

[groovygranny]

Hello Rosebud!

I agree with Jadey, you have done absolutely the right thing by telling your rep and writing everything down.

There are ways and means of bringing something to someone's attention and being aggressive and overpowering aren't any of them. Sounds as if your 'manager' (how did she get this job?) needs some coaching in people skills.

Well done for standing your ground, if only for a while. :flowers: even someone who didn't suffer from PA's would probably have had difficulty handling this one!

I hope this all works out for you:)

[jo61]

Sounds as if she's a bully and it's not just you she's upset, you're just more vulnerable than others so it affects you more. Good luck with the union rep. You did absolultely the right thing documenting as if an issue has to be raised, it has to be evidence based. Good luck.

[rosebud]

Hi

Thanks Jadey, Groovygranny and Jo.
I will definetely take this further.
It has made me feel really down. I have worked there 2 1/2 years while she has only been there 6 months and i have never had any problems before.
I shouldn't have to come home from work in tears, its just not on.
Thank you all for your advice.
Traceyxxx:)

[Piglet]

Aww hun - do you feel okay now???

Love Piglet :flowers:

[rosebud]

Hi Piglet

Still feeling down. Started thinking was it my fault like i always do even though it wasn't, do you no what i mean?
Thanx for caring

Traceyxxx

[Coni]

Hi Rosebud,

your manager sounds like she needs some training on people skills...she sounds a horror. Please dont think its you...look at how well you were getting on before she came.

Well done for giving as good as you got...I think thats really strong of you (my usual strategy is to crumble before crawling away to lick my wounds and bawl my eyes out lol)

Dont let her get to you (easier said than done I know), and good luck for the coming week.

Take care

Coni X

[rosebud]

Thanx Coni thats really kind of you.
Traceyxxx:)

[domino]

Hope your feeling abit better, i,m glad you gave as good as you got do,nt feel like it was your fault, and good luck with next week. if your manager had anything about her she would have delt with it more sensitivly. :hugs: :hugs: these i hope will be of some comfort.xx

[rosebud]

Thanks for the hugs Rickards, much appreciated.
Have one back:hugs:

Traceyxxx

[Pink Princess]

:hugs:sorry to hear what happened, i think you should report this if she is upsetting others as maybe she wants to make sure everyone knows she is the boss and wants to contorl you too much. you done so well putting up with that and lasting that long. well done and i hope you are feeling better xxxxxxxxx:hugs:

[rosebud]

Hi Minnie

Thanks. I mustn't lose my nerve over this. It's been going round and round in my head since it happened and i now it's her with the problem. Trouble with me is i don't like to rock the boat. I can't just leave it coz it could happen again, if not to me someone else.
Thanks again for your support.

Traceyxxx:hugs:

[rosebud]

Hi

Got to go to work today at 2.30. I am feeling really anxious about it and have now got palpitations which are scaring me coz i'me on my own. I don't even want to look at that woman let alone talk to her. I'me also really angry with myself for letting her get to me like this. Am i pathetic or what !!! It's our Wedding Anniversary today too so it should be a happy day. Sorry for going on.
Traceyxxx

[Piglet]

Tracey Happy Anniversary hun - I always think each year you clock up on marriage is one hell of an achievement and shows that you have had to take the rough with the smooth, show diplomacy and tact when necessary and lots of give and take. Couple this with tolerance and compromise means you are a person of many qualities!!

If you can stay married hun then you can deal with any other relationship be it a work based one, or a friendship one.

Go in there this afternoon realising you already possess more than enough experience to deal with this situation and that you are more than capable of sorting things out!:yesyes: Piglet

If that fails hun - wear your best lipstick! :yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

[hoppipolla]

i'm sorry to hear about that too - i had quite a bit of friction with my boss at this shop i was working at recently... everything was always so serious and had to be done in a certain way and the tiniest mistake or anything that was different and i got moaned at and stuff. he was an alright guy and it wasn't like really angry moaning or anything but it was a bit much really and made me much more anxious and close up more.

if it has been happening for a while and will probably happen again, then i think you should speak to people about it yeah as it's just not fair - you shouldn't have to work worrying about that. But if she isn't THAT bad most of the time maybe you could discuss it with her first or something?

[rosebud]

Hi

Thanks Hoppi for your advice.:) Didn't have to go to work in the end due to flooding from a cracked boiler. Yippee!!!
Thanks for the Anniversary wishes and words of wisdom Piglet:) . We have been married 19 years, some achievment eh?:D I will rise above all of it and hold my head high. I don't need to belittle people to make me feel good about myself and that makes me the better person.
Thanks again
Traceyxxx:hugs:

[groovygranny]

You're sounding stronger already Tracey :yesyes:!!

And HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you and your hubby! 19 years is certainly an achievement worthy of acknowledgement! :flowers:

We've been married 30 and that's a bloody miracle lol !! :noangel:

In this day and age (yes, GG has her 'Oracle' hat on!) if you can stay married and weather all the peaks and troughs, joy and tears, laughter and sorrow that that brings........then you can handle anything!

And you are - as I said just now you are sounding so much stronger than when you first posted so...

Well Done:hugs:!!

[ksmith]

Bullying is notoriously difficult to prove. It has to have gone on for some time and you need to have diarised events and noted any witnesses. You've done the right thing by bringing it to your reps attention. Perhaps you could think about taking out a grievance if she does it again, and a collective grievance if others have experienced the same behaviour from her.

She probably worried when you said you suffered from panic as this could implicate her if you went off with work related stress, hence the hug. Remind her (and your rep) that this behaviour is a breach of the implied terms contained within your contract (trust and confidence). Hope things improve for you but be proud that you did have a go back and consulted your rep. Respect!

Kayx

[domino]

You certainly are the better person tracey, not stuping to their level is a start, wel done to you. Do,nt let her get to you again rise above it ,chin up and all that.:yesyes:

[rosebud]

Hi

Thanks everyone for your support. I had to sit through an all day training session today with her and a couple of my colleaugues and i did fine.
I didn't feel uncomfortable at all although i think she did coz she was outnumbered and i think she now realises how we all feel about her. She has upset nearly all of us in one way or another. Our union rep has told us just to be patient as her behaviour has been noted by senior management. So all in all things are looking more positive. I love my job and she's not going to drive me out. Life has thrown much tougher things than this at me and this is not worth losing even one nights sleep over.
The advice and support you have all given me has made me feel so much better.
Can't thank you enough.
Lots of love
Traceyxxx

[Piglet]

I often think hun that if you see something in someone then usually so do other people and eventually things get taken care of.

Well done on managing today :D

Piglet :flowers: