HA and I

[helenhoo]

June 2015; someone close to me is diagnosed with skin cancer. Had it removed, been spiffing ever since. During this time said person was scared, assuming the worse and I was an ever supportive perky relative
Roll around to July 2015 and I have my smear letter through. First ever one. Nothing to worry about. I read the leaflet I got given so was aware of what to expect. But hey, few days later I started spotting. This had never happened before and just in time for my smear. I googled & I read forims. I then started to assume I had the other symptoms.

I had smear, in tears (due to anxiety not the test) and the nurse was very reassuring. Results came back. Clear. Fab.

I have then since worried about; breast cancer, lymphoma, brain tumours*, aneurysm, throat cancer, oral cancer, vagina cancer, eye cancer, melanoma, ms, schizophrenia and pulmonary embolism. Probably loads more. Some of the worries stay for a day and then I'm fine. Others like brain tumour worries ALWAYS Creep back. It's the physical synonyms that do it.

[ServerError]

Interesting to get a little insight into your experience. It's clear that you had a couple of incidents - your friend's diagnosis and then your smear letter - that suddenly brought your mortality into view.

I think some of us are just cursed to be hyper-aware of our own mortality. And once it happens, it's hard to shake off. I know people who pretty much never think of death or worry about illness. These people tend to be more positive than me in other aspects of life too. When my dad was about my age, he won't through a period of anxiety and panic attacks and thought he was having a heart attack every time he tried to leave the house. He's now in his 60s and when I ask him how he handles mortality, he's incredibly relaxed about it. Yeah, he's not exactly thrilled that his time among us is drawing to a close, but he spends very little time thinking about it. I don't know how he does it.

A few years ago, when I was 25 or 26, I began having what may have been minor panic attacks, where I'd fall asleep after work for a bit and then wake up an hour or so later
for dinner and my first thought, before I'd got myself together again, was "OMG! I'm gonna die one day!". I don't know where it came from. I had no particular health worries. I was young. And it only happened on waking from those naps. It was as if my subconscious wanted me to be mindful of my mortality. I would get over it as soon as I went down to dinner, but was a very unnerving experience.

I don't think I'll ever get over the fact I'm going to die. It's too much for me. I just plain don't want to. And I don't want to suffer beforehand either. I can't go back to who I was before these thoughts started to affect me. But I have my CBT and medication that help me tackle this way of thinking and feel better about it. And I will do my best to enjoy myself while I'm here.

Now I've written all this, I realise I'm far far more scared of suffering than of dying itself.

[dale12345]

That how I am. I want to be more laid back and take it as ut comes but just not me.,

[Gary A]

Quite an interesting thread here.

I personally think you guys are looking at life in the wrong way. If you think about conception, the sheer odds against that one sperm being you, you begin to realise how lucky you are to even be here at all.

I could go even further and start prattling on about how lucky we are to even have a planet, how perfectly earth is distanced from the sun in order to produce living organisms, how a series of cataclysms and climate shifts enabled our species to become the dominant one.

We are but a collection of molecules. We are basically star dust that has evolved over such a period that it has actually gotten to a point of being self aware.

You, me, anyone at all, any living thing that has ever lived any type of life on this ball of space rock is nothing short of a miracle. It is the greatest of gifts.

Given all that, to me, it's far more fulfilling to be thankful that you have that gift, than it is to waste it by dreading the time that you no longer have it.

[lscmichelle]

Given all that, to me, it's far more fulfilling to be thankful that you have that gift, than it is to waste it by dreading the time that you no longer have it.

This is very well said. One day when im old (hopefully i can live till an old age) I would look back at the young times and regret the huge amount of energy and time i have wasted on excessively worrying about getting cancer and dying from it instead of enjoying life as a normal teenager. However it's really hard to control owns thoughts especially when i suffer from extreme HA and am convinced i will in fact be having a particular kind of cancer. This is so pathetic I know, considering how many people are ACTUALLY fighting for their lives right this moment and I am suffering from an imaginary illness. Don't even know what to say but I just wish anxiety isnt a thing and it'd be great if I can just switch off that part of my mind so i can live happily until the day i (god forbid) acutally get diagnosed with some chronic illnesses ...

[Colicab85]

Quite an interesting thread here.

I personally think you guys are looking at life in the wrong way. If you think about conception, the sheer odds against that one sperm being you, you begin to realise how lucky you are to even be here at all.

I could go even further and start prattling on about how lucky we are to even have a planet, how perfectly earth is distanced from the sun in order to produce living organisms, how a series of cataclysms and climate shifts enabled our species to become the dominant one.

We are but a collection of molecules. We are basically star dust that has evolved over such a period that it has actually gotten to a point of being self aware.

You, me, anyone at all, any living thing that has ever lived any type of life on this ball of space rock is nothing short of a miracle. It is the greatest of gifts.

Given all that, to me, it's far more fulfilling to be thankful that you have that gift, than it is to waste it by dreading the time that you no longer have it.

Someone likes Watchmen! Good choice.

Mine also started with a friends diagnosis, with motor neurone, hes very much at the end stages now. In addition to lots of work stress.

[Gary A]

Someone likes Watchmen! Good choice.

Mine also started with a friends diagnosis, with motor neurone, hes very much at the end stages now. In addition to lots of work stress.

Unfortunately no, I'm just a 100% absolute science geek. :blush:

[helenhoo]

Question for those in recovery or recovered: how do you fight the thoughts? For the past week I've taken back control and had good days but then the anxious thoughts creep back. Today it was a good bunch of past worries at once (schiz, brain tumour and melanoma) I am sat at work like 'yeah anxiety f*ck you, I've got this' and then my thought process is like 'did you imagine that? Was that an hallucination? Did you hear that?' It's horrid. It's like a bully. I've read an article recently that it's similar to an abusive relationship. I can see sense but I need help in keeping control.

And FYI I have made an appointment for initial phone assessment September 22nd.

[Colicab85]

Question for those in recovery or recovered: how do you fight the thoughts? For the past week I've taken back control and had good days but then the anxious thoughts creep back. Today it was a good bunch of past worries at once (schiz, brain tumour and melanoma) I am sat at work like 'yeah anxiety f*ck you, I've got this' and then my thought process is like 'did you imagine that? Was that an hallucination? Did you hear that?' It's horrid. It's like a bully. I've read an article recently that it's similar to an abusive relationship. I can see sense but I need help in keeping control.

And FYI I have made an appointment for initial phone assessment September 22nd.

Really well put, I often have thoughts and question everything and the sense that it's Anxiety. I've had a terrible day today for some reason.

I don't think there is an easy answer to it really. But I get the feeling you are getting much closer.

[unsure_about_this]

Mine started when my Dad did his bowel cancer screening kit because of age in 2012, all his test so far in 2012,2014,2016 have come back clear, I have worried I have had at least 200 types of cancer, always checking my skin for changes are the time, nurmous trips to the gp, scans, blood tests.
It is a no stop party for me, cancer is my biggest fear

[helenhoo]

I occasionally worry that I'm hallucinating that I'm seeing smoke; whilst walking through the city centre with smokers left, right and centre. I tell myself this, I've even read visual hallucinations and though nobody is alike mine wasn't like any of them. I know they aren't hallucinations. I even walked past a family and wondered if I'd imagined them as they hadn't passed the corner since I walked past them. Like I'd hallucinate a family of five and walk physically past them :blush::roflmao:

I laugh but man this anxiety sucks!

---------- Post added at 19:59 ---------- Previous post was at 19:58 ----------

Unsure, Sorry to hear this! Mine was all due to my family members diagnosis.

Also, I prefer NMP to AZ, I seem to get ridiculed over there.

[Carnation]

I'm really interested in this subject.

I never used to worry about death or illness until I was faced with the crippling death of my dad with parkinsons and my mum with her strokes, who is now dying a very painful and slow death.

Even when I had the unfortunate experience of a mild stroke, it did not phase me.

Now, I obsess about every pain and odd looking mark and fear for the process of death itself. I even experienced some of the Parkinson's symptoms when I first had my breakdown or what I thought it was. I assumed I would go the same way.

I don't know whether it is because of what I have experienced with my parents or what I have seen in hospitals and care homes, but it scares the living daylights out of me.

The thing is, that I am a realist and I know we all have to die, but like ServerError, I don't want to die too soon, if at all; if that makes any sense.

We are all miracles and I believe that we are here for reason and we are created from the energies and universe which I find fascinating.
Since having anxiety, I look at nature in a different light and find it amazing.
But HA keeps reminding me that I may go any day, any minute and it frustrates me that I think that way.

My therapist said to me that at some point in our life, we are faced with the awareness of mortality. How true that is.

[unsure_about_this]

Thanks

The only things I have told I have are wrong with so far are some cysts in the men regions 2016 and pouch thing which was spotted on the bowel in 2013, which was more confirmed with a few scans afterwards in 2013 did not need keyhole.
#which is not serious I been told that 2.5% of the uk popluation has one and it could have been there since birth.

I worry about at least three cancers a day, can go sometimes for weeks without running to the GP. It just when you get a symptom I automatic jumped to it is the big c. we recently had the big c in the family earlier this year, my aunt caught hers in plenty of time being a nurse she went to get her lump looked at, she had the treatment done
No idea what my Dad parents died of, his mum was given 24 hours to live in 2000 but had been ill since losing her husband before Christmas in 1998 who was unwell before Christmas and died in hospital

[dale12345]

Quite an interesting thread here.

I personally think you guys are looking at life in the wrong way. If you think about conception, the sheer odds against that one sperm being you, you begin to realise how lucky you are to even be here at all.

I could go even further and start prattling on about how lucky we are to even have a planet, how perfectly earth is distanced from the sun in order to produce living organisms, how a series of cataclysms and climate shifts enabled our species to become the dominant one.

We are but a collection of molecules. We are basically star dust that has evolved over such a period that it has actually gotten to a point of being self aware.

You, me, anyone at all, any living thing that has ever lived any type of life on this ball of space rock is nothing short of a miracle. It is the greatest of gifts.

Given all that, to me, it's far more fulfilling to be thankful that you have that gift, than it is to waste it by dreading the time that you no longer have it.I agree with you, we are lucking to be here, but anxiety and depression can rob you of that joy. I try to be positive I really do but some days its just so hard.

[unsure_about_this]

I know my health anxiety just went over the top the last weekend

My Dad has been sent a letter to come along for a abdominal aortic aneurysm because of his age. Straight away I told my parents could I go for one (not understanding that this is because of his age)

I am hoping this is not going to be like the other important screening he goes for bowel screening kit. Not sure he has his prostate checked at the GP (that none of my business) but will take the chance at the GP to enquired could he feel my prostate

[dale12345]

I know how you feel if someone gets something I always think I am going to get it too.