Katkat
31-08-16, 21:28
I've often come across this forum in the past while frantically googling things to either confirm or contradict my panic, and have never quite managed to sign up for whatever reason, but I'm here now and here's my story.
I'm 31, and for as long as I can remember I've been anxious. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Emetophobia simultaneously about 8-10 years ago and an intensive course of CBT, while helpful, still did not vanquish my anxious tendencies.
Over the past four years though, my anxiety has really started to build, leaning towards health anxiety. I believe the trigger for this was my Dad's unexpected death in 2012. He'd just been given the all-clear after battling cancer for a year, and was doing really well. He had a sudden stroke and never woke up and it broke me into bits. Since then I feel constantly on edge that something very bad is just waiting around the corner for me.
I Google everything. From the fact I always seem to have an elevated heart rate, to the fact I always seem to have a higher temp than my husband. I'm always tense and I don't sleep well. I've somehow bumbled by until now, but I realised something today; my 18 month old son has started to notice I behave differently when I'm anxious. He gets agitated, and I can't let it carry on, I completely refuse to let my anxiety impact him; I love him more than anything else in this world and I only want him to be happy and I want to do all I can to protect him from the agony of anxiety.
So here I am. I don't even know where to start, but I'm desperate. My GP won't refer me for any type of talking therapy because I've already had it. I've been on antidepressants for over a decade and I'm fed up of being a slave to my every paranoia.
If you're still reading...thank you. Another of my anxieties is being convinced nobody likes me (even my husband who's been with me for 12 years. It's challenging).
I'm 31, and for as long as I can remember I've been anxious. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Emetophobia simultaneously about 8-10 years ago and an intensive course of CBT, while helpful, still did not vanquish my anxious tendencies.
Over the past four years though, my anxiety has really started to build, leaning towards health anxiety. I believe the trigger for this was my Dad's unexpected death in 2012. He'd just been given the all-clear after battling cancer for a year, and was doing really well. He had a sudden stroke and never woke up and it broke me into bits. Since then I feel constantly on edge that something very bad is just waiting around the corner for me.
I Google everything. From the fact I always seem to have an elevated heart rate, to the fact I always seem to have a higher temp than my husband. I'm always tense and I don't sleep well. I've somehow bumbled by until now, but I realised something today; my 18 month old son has started to notice I behave differently when I'm anxious. He gets agitated, and I can't let it carry on, I completely refuse to let my anxiety impact him; I love him more than anything else in this world and I only want him to be happy and I want to do all I can to protect him from the agony of anxiety.
So here I am. I don't even know where to start, but I'm desperate. My GP won't refer me for any type of talking therapy because I've already had it. I've been on antidepressants for over a decade and I'm fed up of being a slave to my every paranoia.
If you're still reading...thank you. Another of my anxieties is being convinced nobody likes me (even my husband who's been with me for 12 years. It's challenging).