Anxiety over new job

[pinkroxy04]

Hello I am new to the forum
I am posting this under social anxiety because I have had issues with social anxiety before and I feel this incident is quite similar.
I have just graduated from University doing a bachelor in teaching early childhood education and now have just recently started a new job in a preschool teaching young children from 2 to 5 years of age.
I am now provisionally registered and underway with my teaching and getting use to my new career.
First I want to say I love where I am working, the children and their families are amazing and the teachers I work with are so lovely, friendly and supportive in every way. However the issue with my anxiety lies with me and my own issues. I have noticed with critique from others I tend to feel a bit on edge, I get this feeling that I have failed and am not doing a great job.
When this happens a few times I feel like I am a failure and not doing a good job at all, I get all flustered and nervous and this often makes me feel worse and more likely to muck up.
Its only little things I have been critiqued on and yes its just learning experiences too but I cannot help feeling that I am not doing a good job at all. The teachers are nice and I get a long with them all in a personal manner but I just feel so over sensitive at times.
I have had critique in my practicums during study before while I was on meds and didn't seem to have a problem then and took it on board.
I am wondering if its because of the way its done, the manager often thanks me for helping her with little things which I find reassuring at times but its the other staff for small minor things tell me what I need to correct and I just feel pressured and like a failure.
To me feeling like this is irrational as it is only human to make small mistakes and to learn from them but for me lately I just feel an intense anxiety, hurt and like a failure and then it makes me feel like I am mucking up even more because of the anxiousness.
I have often left the work place at the end of the day in tears and needing to have a big cry, the weekends seem to be a huge breathing space for me and when I know Monday is coming I start feel like I am having a panic attack.
I have got myself some rescue remedy from the local chemist and they have also made up a special bach for me catering to my personal emotions and stress.

In 2011 I had something similar happen as a lifeguard I was a pool lifeguard for three years from 2008 to 2011 and at the end was working with this man who was rather verbally abusive. I found him quite intense and I got really anxious.
I left the job to go into study and started anti depressants as well as a low dose of seroquel for about 18 months. I had weaned off those and continued my three years of study and was doing the best I have ever done in years.

However I have noticed my anxiety starting up again since I started working, it has made me feel awkward I feel like I do and say awkward things and I feel like my brain goes into a muddle and then I feel like crying and panicking because I get embarrassed and feel like a screw up.

I was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation as this and if there is anything they recommend for me. I really don't want to go back on prescription meds again as I didn't really like them that much and I want to try and stay away from those if I can.

Also this is my dream job and I am very passionate about teaching and making a difference in young children's lives. I am actually very blessed to have an advantage of completing my studies and being in a career like this. However my anxiety is making me feel like I am a really bad teacher and just failing at everything when I know I want to be positive and have a healthy outlook on this so I can improve my practice and move forward. I have already made close relationships with the children I just feel anxious evvery time I get critiqued or pointed out I did something wrong by another teacher, working together as a team and discussing other things is not an issue at all just the criticism

Any help, advice or just sharing similar experiences would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[Oosh]

Maybe the criticism is just triggering some low self esteem you already feel ?

Try and use a different perspective on the criticism like its your turn now to be under scrutiny because you're green but at some point in the future it'll be another new persons turn and you may be the one correcting them.
So in that light you can be a lot more understanding about your role as the new person.

It's not ideal being the new person, especially if you're easily bruised and maybe that's all it is, that you're easily bruised. But you know it's just your place in things at the moment and won't take it personally and know that in the future you'll lose that role as the new person.

Focus on what you do that's right too. List them at the end of every day. We have a tendency to not focus on these successes and let our minds dwell on the negative aspects.

I bet you you are really good at your job and if not perfect you will be in the not too distant future and will bring a lot of positivity to people's lives :)

[georgewing]

Well start to calm down and find what makes you to do mistakes and repair them and dont stay focused all time on this mistakes because you will attract more into your life

[pinkroxy04]

Its not really the work itself or the people I work with its more my anxiety.
I feel that if I get a critique then it intensifies my anxiety which makes me unable to think properly and then I end up being more susceptible to making more mistakes.
I realised this with my driving lesson, I am very anxious usually when it comes to driving. Well in my last driving lesson my instructor just sprung some stuff on me which made me feel very anxious and I couldn't then process the directions she was giving me accurately. I caught myself panicking and then I couldn't think straight I almost was having a panic attack.
Today at work seemed to be better I am taking rescue remedy and other flower bach stuff that has been made up for me for my anxiety, it seemed to work and I felt calm and at ease at work today.
But the anxiety is definitely the cause and it definitely makes me doubt my abilities when I have it. I have always been the type of person that doesn't deal well with failure and if I struggle or fail in something then its usually really upsetting to me.
I can have the tendency to be a perfectionist and often carry this idea that i should be perfect and amazing at my job with no flaws when in reality this is not possible.
I am a new teacher and am new in the work place, I want to make the perfect impression because I know this goes on my CV and with referees too so I want to be known as a great person to get employed but I feel that if people keep critiquing me then I will be worthless and not great at all.

[Oosh]

Ah so it's more of a mental block you experience in these situations. Yes ive suffered from that when I've been put in certain situations in the past. Your mind locks up and you can't think of the simplest things, extreme self consciousness for me.

I think you can see it's about changing this default you have and those triggers related to perfectionism.

Goal - be perfect
(Why ? Do you know ? What are you getting out of seeing yourself as perfect ? Why do you feel only perfect is good enough ?)
Observe signs from others that you aren't perfect - you're not achieving your goal - locking up/anxiety.

I'd imagine you had to change your goals in these situations.
Change how you are evaluating yourself based on what you're putting in.

Like maybe make it all about something else other than being perfect.
Giving to others is probably the best way to go.

So in everything you do evaluate it by how much it gives to others, how happy are you making them, how much are you opening their minds, how are they benefiting from you. Always gauge your success on how much others are benefiting from your effort and actions. Success can then be based on if that person you're interacting with is calm, happy, benefiting.

Your driving instructor, see them as a full person instead of this cardboard cut out like character that's barking orders at you that you are at the mercy of.

Instead see, insert name, who feels the same as you and you are doing this together. Entertain the idea that they may feel stressed and anxious sometimes too and have good and bad days. Relax yourself in their company and feel positive things towards them. And you're doing this learning to drive thing TOGETHER. Undo this scary dynamic you have between you at the moment that means their input causes you to mentally lock up.

Just some ideas.

When you have some free time alone sit and maybe even write ways that you can see things differently in the moment like this. Choose new ways to see things that you feel free you up inside and make you feel better about your input.

Because I just think that what is wrong currently is you have a default of your goal being perfectionism and it's not working for you. But with practice and new ideas you can change that default and your goals in the moment.