View Full Version : Update
Hi friends,
Just a quick update. Today it has been 9 weeks since I started my 20mg increase of citalopram after 3 months on 10mg. I'm still not right but I continue to press ahead in the hope that eventually I will be better in time. I know it is a very slow process and I've been doing my bit too as I now work 2 days per week voluntarily for Age UK and often cover for sick leave or absences at short notice so I'm not just sitting around doing nothing and expecting the tablets to cure me.
My appetite is better but sleep is still an issue and mornings continue to be rough for me. I don't really have any motivation or enthusiasm for anything and I feel oddly detached and numb. I'm guessing that's what the citalopram does to you as I've heard others say the same. I'm due to go on holiday to Lanzarote in 5 weeks so I'm a bit worried about that and need to start doing some shopping for holiday clothes as I haven't been away on holiday for almost 10 years.
So all in all I guess things are very slowly improving for me although I still think about how I'm feeling all the time, I hope that eventually goes.
How is everyone else doing? I miss the chats we used to have as it all seems to have gone very quiet on here recently.
Hi,
I sent you a pm the other day but will post here as well. Are you up at 6.25????? It is 11.42 here and I am still hanging around in my nightshirt and bed socks..
What does your doctor say about your progress?
To me you seem to be doing alot better than a few weeks ago.
When you work in the mornings do you still have that "I don't really have any motivation or enthusiasm for anything and I feel oddly detached and numb" feeling. I go to "work" every afternoon, don't know what I would do if I was here all day.. I really do not like the weekends...that is putting it mildly.
If it is the citalopram, how long do we have to wait. You mentioned once about "cortisol" I often think that it is more than just the medication that makes us feel like this.... not forgetting the anxiety/depression that is still there.
I hope you are having a reasonable day and that it will get better...
take care
Sxx
how's the "cold", any better?
Hi Sidiam,
Sorry I haven't replied to your PM yet, I have read it and thank you for always thinking of me and asking after my progress.
Yes, I'm always awake at 5am and usually up by 6am, I find my condition is a lot worse if I stay in bed so I'd rather get up and occupy myself. I hate the mornings with a passion, and I hate weekends even more because that's when I am really stuck for things to occupy me and I always feel dreadful when I'm not doing stuff to take my mind off the anxiety.
When I have to go to work I don't really have time to think about things as I have to be there just after 8am and I don't finish until around 4pm, but I still feel low and fuzzy headed although because I'm so busy I don't notice it as much.
I still feel the medics haven't got to the root cause of my problem, and I still feel that there is an underlying condition causing it because I've never in my entire 55 years ever had any mental health problems so how can something like this just "happen" to me literally overnight? My hair is now falling out at an alarming rate and I've started to get bald patches which I try to cover up with grey root concealer, but it is very upsetting to see the physical deterioration this has caused me: my face is now saggy and lined, my hair is disappearing fast, my gums are receding - yes I know that is called aging but it seems to have happened so quickly. This time last year I was happy and vibrant and enjoying my life but now I'm sad and miserable and feel just like an empty shell.
No doctor is charting my progress, they just send a repeat prescription every month which I get at the pharmacy. I still have my cold but my voice has completely gone now too so I can't speak. Still waiting for the results of my biopsy that I had done on 10th August, left messages with the secretary but nobody has called back.
Feeling like shit today - sorry!
No need to say sorry, I know how you feel.
I've sent you another pm.
take care
Sxx :hugs:
Mojo. Have you had blood tests etc for everything?
Hi Sidiam,
Sorry I haven't replied to your PM yet, I have read it and thank you for always thinking of me and asking after my progress.
Yes, I'm always awake at 5am and usually up by 6am, I find my condition is a lot worse if I stay in bed so I'd rather get up and occupy myself. I hate the mornings with a passion, and I hate weekends even more because that's when I am really stuck for things to occupy me and I always feel dreadful when I'm not doing stuff to take my mind off the anxiety.
When I have to go to work I don't really have time to think about things as I have to be there just after 8am and I don't finish until around 4pm, but I still feel low and fuzzy headed although because I'm so busy I don't notice it as much.
I still feel the medics haven't got to the root cause of my problem, and I still feel that there is an underlying condition causing it because I've never in my entire 55 years ever had any mental health problems so how can something like this just "happen" to me literally overnight? My hair is now falling out at an alarming rate and I've started to get bald patches which I try to cover up with grey root concealer, but it is very upsetting to see the physical deterioration this has caused me: my face is now saggy and lined, my hair is disappearing fast, my gums are receding - yes I know that is called aging but it seems to have happened so quickly. This time last year I was happy and vibrant and enjoying my life but now I'm sad and miserable and feel just like an empty shell.
No doctor is charting my progress, they just send a repeat prescription every month which I get at the pharmacy. I still have my cold but my voice has completely gone now too so I can't speak. Still waiting for the results of my biopsy that I had done on 10th August, left messages with the secretary but nobody has called back.
Feeling like shit today - sorry!
Hey Gill,
I'm always here to chat with. I know how you feel about weekends, I'm the same and I'm also sad and miserable although I cant really remember now when I was last happy and content lol.
I too have noticed that I am aging quicker, or maybe that's just what we see in the mirror when we are negative? I'm sure once everything kicks in you'll get that spring back in your step and will once again look beautiful :), not sure about me though lol. I'm too having a difficult day and had to resort to the diazepam again, otherwise I don't think I would be able to have my boys now.
Chin up Gill we will all get there, im sure of it. :)
xx
Thank you everyone. I don't know what I'd do without you all because I don't have anyone else to vent to, even the cat doesn't want to know!
Yes Phuzella, I had blood tests right back when all this crap first started. Nothing showed up except a slightly raised marker on the test for inflammation but dr said even a sniffly nose can cause that so nothing to worry about.
My "anxiety" doesn't fit the profile of typical anxiety either and I've yet to find anyone else who has the same symptoms as me. I can't even explain the symptoms to be honest as I don't have the words. At the beginning it was physical; trembling, sweating, palpitations, jittery etc, then I completely lost my appetite and the insomnia set in, then I had a period when it felt like a huge black cloud was hanging over me every day and I couldn't move through this pea soup for weeks and weeks. I think that was when I was at my lowest and knew I had to do something about it by taking medication before I did something stupid. I was literally begging the doctors to admit me to a psychiatric unit because I honestly thought I was going mad. I realise now that I was having what used to be termed a "nervous breakdown" but at the time I thought I had some kind of dreadful illness that they were missing (I understand that this is a common theme with anxiety sufferers) Anyway, after taking the citalopram my symptoms became more mental if you like; weird thoughts, feeling detached from the world, being freaked out by certain things - innocuous things like maybe a lamppost that I didn't like the look of, or a word I'd hear would upset me, daft things like that. I had to stop listening to the radio in the car because a song would get stuck in my head for days and days afterwards and it would drive me nuts. That all calmed down a little bit but it hasn't gone completely and I still don't feel normal per se although I have always got a reprieve in the evening once it gets dark and that would happen even when I was at my very worst. In fact it is what I lived for during those darkest days because I knew I would get a little break from the relentless torture I was going through.
Oh I don't know, I'm just having a whinge I guess because things haven't happened how I believed they would; I thought that I'd take the tablets for a few months and then I'd be back to the person I was pre November 2015, but that hasn't happened. Yes I'm better in many ways to how I was, but I'm deeply unhappy and still suffering terribly in the mornings when I can be dry heaving for an hour or so - and I've got this bloody virus and have lost my voice so I'm not in the best of places at the moment. I don't know if I need to increase to 30mg or wait for the full 12 weeks, or even if this drug isn't working properly for me because I'm not actually suffering from anxiety but some other physical illness that hasn't been discovered by the medics yet, or perhaps this is as good as it gets and I'm just expecting too much? Who knows....
Moan, moan,moan, whinge, whinge, whinge, gripe, gripe, gripe - lol!
Ooh I love a good whinge lol. Personal question but how old are you?
Same as me round about :). Are you menopausal?
Post meno and taking HRT since Feb
That's what started the PMB leading to a scan and endometrial biopsy for thickened lining. Still waiting for the results 3 weeks later....
Ah I see. It amazes me how long test results take. Bloody annoying .
pollynewsome
03-09-16, 21:08
Blimmey we are all going through it thats for sure! i have been on my new dose of 30mg now for5 weeks and feel no different from when i was at 20mg, so do i reduce to maybe 25mg or increase to 40mg.. who knows cos the doc doesnt! Keep strong all. I am also sure it not just anxiety. I am 47 and told i am prob peri meno so i dont know.. grrrrrrrrrrr so frustrating. Fed up of taking the med and not getting anywhere. x
:winks:I've taken to splitting my day up into 3 parts..
morning, afternoon and evening.
Think to myself,
TG the first part is over.
then with a bit more enthousiasm... the second part is over.
then after dinner it is evening, time to watch tv. puter a bit and then bed to read my book.
what a way to wish your life away.....but sometimes seems to work for me.
I am not as good as you all are about getting up early and "doing things". I go back to bed with my tea and toast and read....then I make more tea and read more..
then it is time to move myself (have a coffee) and get ready to leave for my afternoon "work". 5 afternoons a week.
weekends are not at all pleasant, but Saturday is all over now so only Sunday to get through..
I am alot older than any of you, so really don't need to do anything but accepting that I can't has not helped "my depression"
Heavy rain tomorrow in Holland, so we can moan about that instead of complaining about the hot weather we have been having.
hope you all have a reasonable Sunday
take care
Sxx :grouphug:
Blimmey we are all going through it thats for sure! i have been on my new dose of 30mg now for5 weeks and feel no different from when i was at 20mg, so do i reduce to maybe 25mg or increase to 40mg.. who knows cos the doc doesnt! Keep strong all. I am also sure it not just anxiety. I am 47 and told i am prob peri meno so i dont know.. grrrrrrrrrrr so frustrating. Fed up of taking the med and not getting anywhere. x
Me too Polly. It upsets me when I read of people saying they've been taking it for 8 weeks and they're completely back to normal. Good luck to them I say, but that hasn't happened for me and I'm still feeling very low with no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything. Like Sidiam I'm just wishing the day away in the hope that tomorrow might bring the "recovery" I thought I'd get. Don't know what else to do really, I've done everything asked of me; taken the tablets, found myself a job, tried to be positive and ignore the feelings, read the books, listened to the audios, yet I'm still miserable and constantly thinking about why I feel so dreadful every day. I'm so fed up with it all, and the thought of living the rest of my life like this every day is destroying me.
pollynewsome
04-09-16, 08:34
It's absolutely dreadful Mojo.. I've split my tablet this morning and taken 25mg going to see if that helps. I'm so reluctant to go up to 40 but maybe I need too. Anyways going to give 25 ago and see how I feel. Chin up.. big hugs. Xx
just over 70 and it is Sunday morning ..
I feel dreadful, going back to bed to read
take care
Sxx:weep:
That's not old!!! 70 is the new 40 now so you are but a spring chicken. If it is any consolation I feel dreadful too this morning but going back to bed is not an option for me because it just makes me 10 times worse so I'm doing a load of washing and then going to crack on with cleaning the bathrooms.
Things will brighten up later, you'll see...
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