View Full Version : How can i stop checking?
Hi, I'm currently caught up in a debilitating health anxiety downward spiral.
This one started off with seeing something red on the tp after wiping. I had eaten red foods in the days previously but that wasn't enough to chase away the intrusive thoughts. I've searched all my old posts and I have posted about this same thing happening a few times before, about 5 years ago.
Now this has turned into an obsession and going to the bathroom brings huge anxiety and compulsions. I can't stupid checking for anything untoward in my stools 😳😳so much so that I have even taken stools from the toilet to check! Sorry TMI I know. I can't believe what this has done to me, I'm ashamed.
I am a 50 year old mother of 5, I have 3 grandchildren, one of which was born a week ago and hellish anxiety has cast a shadow over what should be a joyous time. I've also been through a particularly stressful time with my 30 year old son who has bpd and narcissistic traits. He is a prolific self harmer and is addicted to prescription drugs and has psychotic like episodes which seem to be getting closer together. This last week has been hell with him massively harming himself.
If anyone has any suggestions on how I can curb the checking I'd really appreciate it. I can't go on like this 😪😪
I don't know what to say to stop you checking, it's not surprising your HA has gone crazy at the moment, sounds like you are going through hell!
All I can say is that if you had the same issues 5 years ago and nothing has come of it, it will be nothing sinister now. If it was something sinister you woul be having a lot more symptoms by now.
Talk to your gp about how you are feeling, I'm sure there will be support for you. Take care lovely x x x
Hi, thanks for replying,
I am trying really hard to fight this but it's difficult. The same thing happened 5 years ago and I spent months in a really bad place. I almost lost my job and my children were beginning to notice. I desperately don't want to go back there again. Why does HA make rational thinking so damn impossible?
It's even got to the point that I'm forcing myself to have a bm just so I can check. Am I going to waste the rest of my life worrying??
There's a young fella (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=188109) on here that's been going through an extreme poo checking spiral himself. The "hows" are easy and there are a bunch of suggestions on his threads. It's the self control that seems nearly impossible when dealing with OCD tendencies and anxiety.
The easiest and most common sense suggestion is just to flush before you get up. Simple right? Apparently, not as easy as it sounds for a poo inspector.
Positive thoughts
Hi fmp,
I was hoping you'd comment! I have noticed the other thread you mentioned, kinda glad I'm not the only one that's obsessed with this.
I am trying so hard to control this compulsion but the urge is so strong. I hate this so much.
unsure_about_this
04-09-16, 16:37
I am glad I am not the only one as well who dont check their bowel movements. I am in my mid 30s and had this fear a couple of years ago and ended up requring to see a specialist and have the camara up my backside. I still worry about my poop and have been known to have a good look at it in the bowel, noting down the times and have also took photos of my bowel movements.
Hi,
I'm new here but a couple of years ago I used to suffer from severe health anxiety - I would check everything, heart rate, temperature, skin changes, reflexes, bowel habits, I honestly went though stages of checking just about everything.
I went to CBT and learnt about the 'cycle of anxiety' simply it means that we have a worry, start checking to reassure ourselves and so the cycle continues.
What I learnt to do is to stop checking - I know that's way harder that it sounds! But if you can find the courage to not check and wait out the anxiety then you'll realise that you didn't check and were fine anyway, nothing happened and you're healthy.
That's how I broke free, I still have my moments (one of which was today) but it's very rarely an issue anymore :)
Kathryn313
04-09-16, 21:03
Hi.
I am in a similar place with fighting the checking urge. I am relatively new to this HA thing so in no-way confess to be either an expert or even successful in beating it. My HA bonfire is definitely still burning.
CBT thinking is however useful for me at the moment but I appreciate how hard it can be to adhere to. In this situation, CBT would note the following -
There are two routes you can follow after the first two steps:
Step 1)You go the toilet
Step 2)Before getting off the toilet, you ask yourself what will checking achieve? and what will not checking achieve?
Route1: Your threat brain will answer first telling you that you have to check, you are under threat and the only way to know that you are ok is to check. The threat brain requires instant relief, it is addicted to checking and by checking you are like an addict getting a hit.
So you check:
If it is ok then you feel relief, for a small while until you need another hit.
If it isn't ok (or more likely you perceive it as not ok), then your threat brain goes into overdrive - like an addict overdosing, you cant think straight, you are out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop the anxiety ...that is until the drug wears off. Once it does wear off you will need another hit and probably quite quickly.
Or you take the second route...
Route2:You hear the response of your threat brain, acknowledge that it's worried. However the only way to remove an addiction is to ween off the drug. So you tell yourself that this time you are not going to check. You accept that this will create an even higher level of anxiety (like withdrawal) but you sooth your threat brain by telling it that nothing will change as a result of not-checking, symptoms are there or more likely not there whether you check or not but by choosing not to check you can begin to reduce the level of dependency on the drug which will allow you to assess things more rationally.
So you don't check, you close your eyes and flush the toilet.
The threat brain creates panic at not knowing what it was like, anxiety goes off the scale but gradually over the next 20-30 mins the threat brain realises that nothing bad as happened as a result of not checking. Nothing has changed and it is soothed by your logical brain and rational actions. This too will only last so long as it is an addiction, but each time you don't check the weaker the need for the drug should be.
Over today and yesterday I am practising route 2 in relation to not checking my tongue in the mirror...the other practical thing that helps is not turning the bathroom light on so I cant see my reflection!
I have also told my threat brain that it can check tomorrow morning before I see the doctor as nothing different will happen as a result of not checking until then. This deferred worrying/checking is a way of reducing the daily (or more realistic hourly) dependency on the drug.
No idea if any of that helps in this case! however writing this down was quite cathartic for me. Good Luck and Best Wishes.
Thanks to all who've replied, it's much appreciated.
I will try to cut down on the checking as I can see how out of control this has become. I have had cbt twice in the past now and have found it to be very helpful. I think that my resolve has been weakened a lot by having the stress of my son and the awful time he's been having lately.
All I want is to stop this anxiety before it ruins me!
Kathryn313
04-09-16, 23:48
All completely understandable. Xx
Shazamataz
05-09-16, 01:13
Definitely do everything you can to reduce/stop checking.
I was having issues with with a thumping hear and fast pulse for a while and I was obsessively checking my pulse several times a day.
One day I'd had enough and just stopped checking, cold turkey. And you know what? My heart calmed down and hasn't bothered me since!
The thing is, even if I stop looking in the toilet I still scrutinise the toilet paper! Because my anxiety is so high first thing in the morning I usually have to go to the toilet within 10/20 mins of waking up. My pulse races and my stomach churns and my stool tends to be softer than usual so can be messy to clean up. Sorry for the tmi!
So what do I do? Do I wipe without looking at the tp? God, I can't believe I'm saying this.
Tried and failed miserably to stop checking this morning and as a result my anxiety is through the roof.
I need to get a grip. Been checking bowel cancer stats aswell now!! This is no way to live ��
It's not a failure as long as you tried!
Maybe you could purchase some wet toilet tissues, that way you'd know you were clean without checking the loo roll? Also your stool will be looser due to your high adrenaline levels (it happens to me during a panic attack) so don't worry about that :)
One thought that helped me a lot was 'no amount of worry will change facts' basically there's either something wrong or there isn't and obsessing won't change that. I learnt to stop myself checking and after a while I realised that I was fine, whatever symptom I was panicked about stopped and it was such a relief.
I understand it's difficult to do but it's worth it.
Good luck :)
Unfortunately 7 weeks on I'm still caught up in this anxiety and I'm still checking as much as ever. 😢
paranoid-viking
27-10-16, 13:27
Hi, I'm currently caught up in a debilitating health anxiety downward spiral.
This one started off with seeing something red on the tp after wiping. I had eaten red foods in the days previously but that wasn't enough to chase away the intrusive thoughts. I've searched all my old posts and I have posted about this same thing happening a few times before, about 5 years ago.
Now this has turned into an obsession and going to the bathroom brings huge anxiety and compulsions. I can't stupid checking for anything untoward in my stools 😳😳so much so that I have even taken stools from the toilet to check! Sorry TMI I know. I can't believe what this has done to me, I'm ashamed.
I am a 50 year old mother of 5, I have 3 grandchildren, one of which was born a week ago and hellish anxiety has cast a shadow over what should be a joyous time. I've also been through a particularly stressful time with my 30 year old son who has bpd and narcissistic traits. He is a prolific self harmer and is addicted to prescription drugs and has psychotic like episodes which seem to be getting closer together. This last week has been hell with him massively harming himself.
If anyone has any suggestions on how I can curb the checking I'd really appreciate it. I can't go on like this 😪😪
Perhaps....you should relocate yourself to a area without Internet acess. Out in the open outdoor areas. I am thinking about it. You should try to get a holiday to try that form of treatment because sometimes it is not possible to stop googling horryfying nightmare stories about cancer and other awful things as long as you are close to the net.
Is your 30 year old son living with you? It is very sad to hear. But he should not be your sole responsibility when he is that old. He sounds like someone who should be asigned to be placed in an institution. Dont mean to be hars; but you should not suffer unnescesarily because of an adult son.
My checking is stool checking ��I have a fear of bowel cancer which seems to crop up every few years.
My son is ill and no matter how old he is I will always stand by him, that's just what a mother does. But, yes the stress of it all can trigger my HA.
---------- Post added at 15:56 ---------- Previous post was at 13:38 ----------
Need some tips on how to stop this obsessive behaviour.
I thought I was improving but I'm obviously not. Can't even trust my eyes anymore. Could really use some rational words.
Some great tips in this thread. Any recs on a good book for CBT?
Kathryn313
27-10-16, 16:22
Have you tried CBT?
I have started working with my therapist on technique but would also love to read more about it
I've had cbt...twice! It did help and my last really bad HA episode was over five years ago and the cbt has helped me but for some reason I'm really struggling this time. Any other time if I passed pieces of carrot, tomato etc in my stool it would scare me for a minute until I realised what it is, but now everything and anything is scaring me and I feel I'm totally out of control and just barely holding myself together.
There are some good tips on here but I worry that if I don't look then I'll miss something important.
Kathryn313
27-10-16, 17:45
Yeah, there is a segment in my posts whereby I worry about missing things if I don't check but if it is something terrible it will make itself known. Missing one check will not prevent that.
Have you gone back to those first exercises, ie logging down how many times you are checking and what your thoughts and beliefs are after every check?
Be a cat!.... Yes I said... be a cat!
You know how cats go in their litter box, then bury it and run out of the box a million miles an hour? That's what you need to do! Do the deed, reach back and flush (bury) and run! :winks:
Positive thoughts and poo threads
gothic_rose
27-10-16, 18:41
I had a checking habbit a few years back with something else.
MY therapist said to give yourself a limit to checking to help lessen your anxiety. Cold turky withdrawl from checking cn just make you more anxious.
I had to wean myself off from checking. Mine was toilet related in a way so would check every time I was in the loo and was then making excuses to use the loo so I could check. I had to cut down slowly..... 3 times a day, once a day, 3 times a week etc etc. It took a while but it worked.
I have BPD, I know its not easy either being the sufferer or the the suffering. Hugs to you and your son x
Fishmanpa- sounds like a good idea but cats don't have to wipe their butts ��
Gothic rose - sorry to hear that you have bpd, it's an awful illness.
I'll try to cut down on the checking but I think either way I will be anxious. It's so silly really how all of a sudden I'm fixated on this and it's pretty much taken over my life.
Hi.
I am in a similar place with fighting the checking urge. I am relatively new to this HA thing so in no-way confess to be either an expert or even successful in beating it. My HA bonfire is definitely still burning.
CBT thinking is however useful for me at the moment but I appreciate how hard it can be to adhere to. In this situation, CBT would note the following -
There are two routes you can follow after the first two steps:
Step 1)You go the toilet
Step 2)Before getting off the toilet, you ask yourself what will checking achieve? and what will not checking achieve?
Route1: Your threat brain will answer first telling you that you have to check, you are under threat and the only way to know that you are ok is to check. The threat brain requires instant relief, it is addicted to checking and by checking you are like an addict getting a hit.
So you check:
If it is ok then you feel relief, for a small while until you need another hit.
If it isn't ok (or more likely you perceive it as not ok), then your threat brain goes into overdrive - like an addict overdosing, you cant think straight, you are out of control and there is nothing you can do to stop the anxiety ...that is until the drug wears off. Once it does wear off you will need another hit and probably quite quickly.
Or you take the second route...
Route2:You hear the response of your threat brain, acknowledge that it's worried. However the only way to remove an addiction is to ween off the drug. So you tell yourself that this time you are not going to check. You accept that this will create an even higher level of anxiety (like withdrawal) but you sooth your threat brain by telling it that nothing will change as a result of not-checking, symptoms are there or more likely not there whether you check or not but by choosing not to check you can begin to reduce the level of dependency on the drug which will allow you to assess things more rationally.
So you don't check, you close your eyes and flush the toilet.
The threat brain creates panic at not knowing what it was like, anxiety goes off the scale but gradually over the next 20-30 mins the threat brain realises that nothing bad as happened as a result of not checking. Nothing has changed and it is soothed by your logical brain and rational actions. This too will only last so long as it is an addiction, but each time you don't check the weaker the need for the drug should be.
Over today and yesterday I am practising route 2 in relation to not checking my tongue in the mirror...the other practical thing that helps is not turning the bathroom light on so I cant see my reflection!
I have also told my threat brain that it can check tomorrow morning before I see the doctor as nothing different will happen as a result of not checking until then. This deferred worrying/checking is a way of reducing the daily (or more realistic hourly) dependency on the drug.
No idea if any of that helps in this case! however writing this down was quite cathartic for me. Good Luck and Best Wishes.
This is such a good post.
Fishmanpa- sounds like a good idea but cats don't have to wipe their butts ��
You reach back and flush before you wipe kiddo :D
Positive thoughts and poo threads
This is such a good post.
Yeah it is, I'm going to try to do this, it's gonna be hard but it might just save my sanity!
---------- Post added at 07:28 ---------- Previous post was at 07:25 ----------
You reach back and flush before you wipe kiddo :D
Positive thoughts and poo threads
It's checking the tp that's more of an issue tho, and we all do that to make sure we're clean. Unfortunately though I check it too closely :scared10:
---------- Post added at 07:32 ---------- Previous post was at 07:28 ----------
Yeah, there is a segment in my posts whereby I worry about missing things if I don't check but if it is something terrible it will make itself known. Missing one check will not prevent that.
Have you gone back to those first exercises, ie logging down how many times you are checking and what your thoughts and beliefs are after every check?
Do I just stop checking altogether or maybe every second day or so? This is honestly driving me insane.
MyNameIsTerry
28-10-16, 07:52
Stopping a compulsion completely and resisting it can be hard. If you can't do it, approach it the ERP way by creating an elimination process which means cutting down bit by bit.
I couldn't do the dead stop method, I could do the cut down.
So, if you check 20 times, you cut it down a few times, whatever you can and you keep it at that level and push on to reduce it again & again until you reach zero.
It's the same as any process that can become a repetitive compulsion whether it's checking locks, touching any object (or even your body), etc. Cutting down is encouraging you to remove the need for it. Even after you may still feel the urges but you will be more able to control your reaction and not engage in the compulsion.
Kathryn313
28-10-16, 09:55
Allow yourself a set of number of checks and gradually ween off the drug! The next time you go, don't check but tell yourself it's ok because you will check next time. If you are able to, write down how it felt not checking, acknowledge how scary it was but that you survived it. Then check next time, write down how that felt. Then go two times without checking and so on. No magic formula though, different patterns help different people.
Good luck. X
Stopping a compulsion completely and resisting it can be hard. If you can't do it, approach it the ERP way by creating an elimination process which means cutting down bit by bit.
I couldn't do the dead stop method, I could do the cut down.
So, if you check 20 times, you cut it down a few times, whatever you can and you keep it at that level and push on to reduce it again & again until you reach zero.
It's the same as any process that can become a repetitive compulsion whether it's checking locks, touching any object (or even your body), etc. Cutting down is encouraging you to remove the need for it. Even after you may still feel the urges but you will be more able to control your reaction and not engage in the compulsion.
I tried to not check today but the urge is so strong! I went through the same thing 5 years ago, never thought I'd go back to that again. At that time I stopped eating anything red for about a year, I really don't want to be controlled by my fears like this again. I keep getting waves of anxiety and fear just thinking about going to the toilet. :weep:
---------- Post added at 19:20 ---------- Previous post was at 19:16 ----------
Allow yourself a set of number of checks and gradually ween off the drug! The next time you go, don't check but tell yourself it's ok because you will check next time. If you are able to, write down how it felt not checking, acknowledge how scary it was but that you survived it. Then check next time, write down how that felt. Then go two times without checking and so on. No magic formula though, different patterns help different people.
Good luck. X
Thanks so much for your advice, I will to not check tomorrow. It's going to be so difficult but I know I have to get a grip of this anxiety or it will destroy me.
Well told myself all day yesterday I wouldn't check today, really convinced myself that I wouldn't but I couldn't stop myself. So have now told myself that I'm not going to check again until Monday.
Hey I'm going through exactly the same. Just did a new thread. I am starting to wonder what is the actual colour supposed to be. Also tmi I know but I constantly look for traces of blood. It's become an obsession x
MyNameIsTerry
29-10-16, 10:34
How do you check? How long do you spend? What do you do?
Stopping cold turkey can be hard. Gradual elimination can be easier to get going. This can mean reducing time involved, some of the things you do, etc.
My problem is is because I suffer tummy problems I'm convinced there is a bleed inside so it will come out in my stools so when I check and they are brown (not light brown but darksish) I question if there is some blood in the stools
How do you check? How long do you spend? What do you do?
Stopping cold turkey can be hard. Gradual elimination can be easier to get going. This can mean reducing time involved, some of the things you do, etc.
I check the tp and sometimes the stool itself. I'm ashamed to admit this. Here I am a 50 year old mother of 5 doing something I never imagined I would ever do. I don't take very long checking but it's highly stressful.
---------- Post added at 14:41 ---------- Previous post was at 14:40 ----------
Hey I'm going through exactly the same. Just did a new thread. I am starting to wonder what is the actual colour supposed to be. Also tmi I know but I constantly look for traces of blood. It's become an obsession x
It's awful is'nt it? It takes over your life.
Have sent you a pm. Totally understand as have been where you are. Feel free to message if you fancy a chat
Andrea
Kathryn313
29-10-16, 16:05
Nothing to be ashamed off.
unsure_about_this
29-10-16, 19:31
Even though I been checked three/four years ago because I thought I had bowel cancer, I always check my poop even time, even though not checking once will not help decreased my anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with checking as long as you dont look to long (your stools are not black) or fill the bowl with blood, also when you need to worry if you start to take photos of your poop and date them. I have admittted I have done this once or twice.
Nothing to be ashamed off.
Thank you, wish I could be normal!
---------- Post added at 20:24 ---------- Previous post was at 20:22 ----------
Even though I been checked three/four years ago because I thought I had bowel cancer, I always check my poop even time, even though not checking once will not help decreased my anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with checking as long as you dont look to long (your stools are not black) or fill the bowl with blood, also when you need to worry if you start to take photos of your poop and date them. I have admittted I have done this once or twice.
Hi the problem is that this is becoming an obsession and most people without HA would't be checking like this. I have to stop as I'm getting worse anxiety everytime.
MyNameIsTerry
30-10-16, 05:06
Please don't feel embarrassed or ashamed, we all have our anxiety issues on here. At my worst I didn't shower for weeks or shave. I wouldn't change my clothes for months.
I've had loads of checking compulsions, none HA related, and they made me feel like I was losing my mind as I didn't feel in control of my own mind & body. I had to perform the compulsions but they just made me feel more frustrated and I moved straight on to another one very quickly and the anxiety was constantly high.
Just stopping is hard. So, wipe & look at a certain number and wipe & not look beyond that. As it gets more routine so that you feel less of a need to look beyond that number, shift the number to look at less. You can eliminate it that way.
At some point you will need to look at the paper for obvious reasons towards the end of wiping. When you reach a point like this it may need to change in tactic. What I did with one of my compulsions was to take longer but really tell myself "I am doing this because I WANT to". Wanting is to do something is empowering. Breath with it too, don't hold in tension.
Because of the need to look towards the end, it might be more practical to stop the checking more at the start of a wiping routine.
Hi, thank you for being so understanding, it means a lot.
I have decided that I am going to try to not look after the first two wipes and just look at the last wipe. Even the thought of doing that causes intense anxiety to flood through me. I'm lying in my bed at the moment with tingling arms, a fast pulse and a churning stomach. The fear is overwhelming.
But......I'm going to fight this, cos I have to.
---------- Post added at 09:18 ---------- Previous post was at 06:41 ----------
Well a small victory for me today! Managed to fight the urge twice today not to check. I still feel very anxious and have a lot of "what ifs" going around in my head. We are going out for the day and I'm worried about needing to use the toilet when we're out.
MyNameIsTerry
30-10-16, 09:24
Well done! :yesyes::yahoo:
Breaking compulsions is all about repetition, the more you cut down or go without the more it starts to lose it's power over you. It's hard at first because it's more of an urge and we have become used to something saying "NOW NOW NOW!" to us. The more you learn to relax and not feel driven by your thoughts & feelings, the more you will escape these behaviours. I did.
Keep going with it. If you slip back, try not to berate yourself, it can be rocky. Just keep going until you have consistency.
One technique to fight "what ifs" is with positive versions. It needs to be multiple though, 3-5 usually.
So, what if I'm ill?
What if I'm not?
What if I feel fine?
What if I have a good day?
Learn from your experiences too. Write down how you felt when you didn't check. Rate the anxiety before & after (1-10, 1-100%, etc). Write down why there is no need to check.
Well done! :yesyes::yahoo:
Breaking compulsions is all about repetition, the more you cut down or go without the more it starts to lose it's power over you. It's hard at first because it's more of an urge and we have become used to something saying "NOW NOW NOW!" to us. The more you learn to relax and not feel driven by your thoughts & feelings, the more you will escape these behaviours. I did.
Keep going with it. If you slip back, try not to berate yourself, it can be rocky. Just keep going until you have consistency.
One technique to fight "what ifs" is with positive versions. It needs to be multiple though, 3-5 usually.
So, what if I'm ill?
What if I'm not?
What if I feel fine?
What if I have a good day?
Learn from your experiences too. Write down how you felt when you didn't check. Rate the anxiety before & after (1-10, 1-100%, etc). Write down why there is no need to check.
Thanks again for your support.
Your suggestions are very helpful and I am definitely going to implement them. I felt quite anxious on and off all day yesterday but I suppose that to be expected when I'm trying to fight the urge.
I did check today though 😔
Unfortunately, that one day of no checking was short lived. Have checked every day since and I seem more focused than ever on every little sensation in my stomach. I don't want to eat through the day and I have lost 18 pounds in eleven weeks.
Maybe I should just ask my gp for a colonoscopy, but not sure they would refer me just because of my anxiety. So so tired of this now. My son has just gone through another psychotic episode in which he has said some utterly unforgivable things to me and took over 100 paracetamol and now has some liver damage. I worry about the affect all of this is going to have on my 13 and 9 year olds. Very down today.
MyNameIsTerry
03-11-16, 22:40
Breaking compulsions is all about time & repetition. It's not the blips but the gradual improvement that shows what is going on.
Don't put pressure on yourself by making it an all-or-nothing goal. That will bring low moods when you perceive your failures.
Unfortunately, that one day of no checking was short lived. Have checked every day since and I seem more focused than ever on every little sensation in my stomach. I don't want to eat through the day and I have lost 18 pounds in eleven weeks.
Maybe I should just ask my gp for a colonoscopy, but not sure they would refer me just because of my anxiety. So so tired of this now. My son has just gone through another psychotic episode in which he has said some utterly unforgivable things to me and took over 100 paracetamol and now has some liver damage. I worry about the affect all of this is going to have on my 13 and 9 year olds. Very down today.
No wonder you're stressed. Are you getting any support for yourself dealing with your son? All that will have a massive impact on how your anxiety manifests itself! There is no time frame, no race to be won. Take the pressure off yourself because guilt and fear of failure go hand in hand. Tomorrow you may check. You know it's making you worse but the day after you may not. Or you might check one less time. Ease up. Be kind to yourself, you're going through a hellish time.
You can feel better, and be better, but this is your present way of coping, reacting to your personal anxiety. Please don't feel bad because of it. One step at a time, when you're ready, expect that you will check when you don't want to. This isn't failure, it's being aware of the patterns - and you will be able to break them, when you feel able, on your own terms - and in your own time xx
Breaking compulsions is all about time & repetition. It's not the blips but the gradual improvement that shows what is going on.
Don't put pressure on yourself by making it an all-or-nothing goal. That will bring low moods when you perceive your failures.
Hi, every evening I tell myself that tomorrow I won't give in to it and I started to feel a little stronger but the morning comes and I fail. I try to reason with myself but I always have a negative response to my reasoning.
This is all fuelled by fear, fear of seeing something, fear of missing something, fear of actually using the toilet. I'm consumed by fear. I don't want this, I want it to go away.
---------- Post added at 07:52 ---------- Previous post was at 07:42 ----------
No wonder you're stressed. Are you getting any support for yourself dealing with your son? All that will have a massive impact on how your anxiety manifests itself! There is no time frame, no race to be won. Take the pressure off yourself because guilt and fear of failure go hand in hand. Tomorrow you may check. You know it's making you worse but the day after you may not. Or you might check one less time. Ease up. Be kind to yourself, you're going through a hellish time.
You can feel better, and be better, but this is your present way of coping, reacting to your personal anxiety. Please don't feel bad because of it. One step at a time, when you're ready, expect that you will check when you don't want to. This isn't failure, it's being aware of the patterns - and you will be able to break them, when you feel able, on your own terms - and in your own time xx
Hi, I have had a carers assessment done on me because of my son. This is an on going issue with him. He has mutilated his arm and bitten the tops off 2 of his fingers amongst other distressing things. He has bpd and narcissistic traits and generally struggles with life. As a result of the carers assessment I am now getting support from a family counsellor and I've just started art therapy. I do feel the stress of my son has triggered this latest bout of HA.
I am going to try to only check every second day, if I can. It's got to the stage that I don't know if I can trust my eyes. I try to tell myself that if I was bleeding I would know, but my anxious mind has an answer for every rational thought that I have.
I feel so anxious today and my stomach feels really delicate, like I need to keep going. Why won't this anxiety leave me alone? I'm worn out with it all.
Can I ask if you've shared this issue with your counsellor? X
Can I ask if you've shared this issue with your counsellor? X
Yeah I have mentioned this to her but I'm not seeing her because of the health anxiety, it's because of the stress of my son. I asked my art therapist if the therapy would help with the anxiety, she said it would help my self esteem so not sure if that will make a difference.
I'm just locked in a battle between my rational and irrational sides. Unfortunately the irrational seems to have the upper hand.
Tried and and failed again! Why is the urge to check so strong? Why am I so weak?
Carrie8484
05-11-16, 13:52
You're not weak. You're suffering with health anxiety and are in a bad spell. Don't punish yourself for checking. Have you ever thought 'sod it, I'm sick of this , I'm not checking this time' and closed the toilet lid, flushed and walked away? Maybe just try it once every few days to begin with? nothing would change dramatically over night with any of the health issues we worry about, so skipping checking once a week won't do any harm? Then maybe, you'll programme your brain to allow yourself not to check every day. Checking isn't the issue, it's the compulsion to do it.
It's interesting that you do art therapy. Does it help you relax at all? Maybe also mention these issues more thoroughly with your counsellor too, could you email him/her in advance of your next appointment to explain you'd like to discuss it?
You're not weak. You're suffering with health anxiety and are in a bad spell. Don't punish yourself for checking. Have you ever thought 'sod it, I'm sick of this , I'm not checking this time' and closed the toilet lid, flushed and walked away? Maybe just try it once every few days to begin with? nothing would change dramatically over night with any of the health issues we worry about, so skipping checking once a week won't do any harm? Then maybe, you'll programme your brain to allow yourself not to check every day. Checking isn't the issue, it's the compulsion to do it.
It's interesting that you do art therapy. Does it help you relax at all? Maybe also mention these issues more thoroughly with your counsellor too, could you email him/her in advance of your next appointment to explain you'd like to discuss it?
I really want to be able to just walk away without checking and I tell myself each time that I won't look but the urge is overpowering. The anxiety is so high every time I go to the toilet, my pulse races and I can't breathe properly which in turn makes me need to go to the toilet a number of times, the more I worry the more I go.
I had three quarters of a bottle of wine last night and my stomach has been awful, really loose stools and have been 3 times. I used to be able to drink alcohol now and again without issue but not now. Even though I know it's the alcohol and anxiety that's causing the loose stools my mind is trying to tell me it's something sinister.
The art therapy is because of all the stress I go through because of my son who has bpd and self harms and overdoses. I'm hoping that it will help with the health anxiety.
unsure_about_this
06-11-16, 11:34
I always check my poop every time I go (I dont go every day, but my bowel habits times is normal for me) I cannot do not checking it. I have talk to my doctors in the past about the bowel cancer worry and was clear, I talk to my CBT coach a few years ago when I was going through the bowel cancer scare, he said something similar to what comment number #53 carrie8484 about I am not checking this time.
MyNameIsTerry
06-11-16, 11:43
You're not weak. You're suffering with health anxiety and are in a bad spell. Don't punish yourself for checking. Have you ever thought 'sod it, I'm sick of this , I'm not checking this time' and closed the toilet lid, flushed and walked away? Maybe just try it once every few days to begin with? nothing would change dramatically over night with any of the health issues we worry about, so skipping checking once a week won't do any harm? Then maybe, you'll programme your brain to allow yourself not to check every day. Checking isn't the issue, it's the compulsion to do it.
It's interesting that you do art therapy. Does it help you relax at all? Maybe also mention these issues more thoroughly with your counsellor too, could you email him/her in advance of your next appointment to explain you'd like to discuss it?
The compulsion is the checking (in OCD), there is an obsession driving the checking. Cutting off the compulsion will greatly reduce the obsession underpinning it but it can be very hard at first. I remember how strong my urges for things were, I literally didn't feel I could walk away. When I did finally walk away, it achieved more anxiety time & again until I got through the pain barrier with it. Sometimes it can be like this, it's a matter of doing it again & again until you brain sort of clicks and you lose the need.
Walking away without checking can be hard. Do it if you can but don't expect severe anxiety to abate, it will likely increase but try to hold off because it will rise and hopefully reduce after a period of time (30 minutes in an exposure exercise). If you can't, plan a way to reduce it like how a smoker reduces how many cigs they have each day rather than going cold turkey. This can be less stressful, although it is still very hard until you feel some progress, but it does take perseverance.
I always check my poop every time I go (I dont go every day, but my bowel habits times is normal for me) I cannot do not checking it. I have talk to my doctors in the past about the bowel cancer worry and was clear, I talk to my CBT coach a few years ago when I was going through the bowel cancer scare, he said something similar to what comment number #53 carrie8484 about I am not checking this time.
Sorry that you have this horrible compulsion too. I really don't want to have this controlling my life, it will drive me mad. When you say you check do you mean you just look in the toilet? I have been known to actually take pieces of stool from the toilet to check. I am so ashamed that I've done that.
unsure_about_this
06-11-16, 11:50
Sorry that you have this horrible compulsion too. I really don't want to have this controlling my life, it will drive me mad. When you say you check do you mean you just look in the toilet? I have been known to actually take pieces of stool from the toilet to check. I am so ashamed that I've done that.
I have never been known to take pieces of stool from the toilet to check, but I do have a good luck down to check the size, shape, colour and smell. I be more worry if I started taking photos. In the past I use to spent 30 minutes sometimes looking down, now I have a look for a minute, but also look at the toilet paper of any signs of blood, and blackness
MyNameIsTerry
06-11-16, 11:51
Try to accept what you have done. Forgive yourself.
I've been through that with mine and it only leads to low moods. Acceptance comes in many ways and one is to accept the stage you are at, even when it's really bad. It helps to keep out the negativity because it's part of the trap, but I know it is a hard thing to learn as it took me years.
HarrietVanger
06-11-16, 13:37
Some really good advice in this thread.
I've also been struggling with the compulsion to check my body for symptoms. I do it all the time. At home, work, wherever there's a mirror really. I feel you, rainbow. Trying to cut down too since I know the checking keeps my HA going strong. It's so much harder than I thought it would be. Best of luck X
Thank you everyone,
My anxiety is off the scale now! I went to work and on my break I had to go to the toilet and had more diahorreah. When I wiped I thought I saw a pinkish red tinge to the loose stools on the tp. Nothing in the toilet bowl or water, I have been a couple of times since and there is no sign of the reddish tinge. Beginning to wonder if I can trust my eyes now. Sorry for tmi but it's last night's dinner that's coming through.
I left work as I was in such a panic. Been to the toilet since and nothing concerning now, don't know what to think.
---------- Post added at 19:54 ---------- Previous post was at 17:14 ----------
How can I keep myself from having a major panic, anyone have any tips? Need some rational words right now.
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 04:48
Like you said:
I had three quarters of a bottle of wine last night and my stomach has been awful, really loose stools and have been 3 times. I used to be able to drink alcohol now and again without issue but not now. Even though I know it's the alcohol and anxiety that's causing the loose stools my mind is trying to tell me it's something sinister.
Alcohol can cause roids to flare up. Loose stools contain more acidic content and irritate roids. So, could it be as simple as that?
Kathryn313
07-11-16, 06:49
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/docs/Health%20Anxiety%20Module%206.pdf
Like you said:
Alcohol can cause roids to flare up. Loose stools contain more acidic content and irritate roids. So, could it be as simple as that?
I'm not sure to be honest, I can't even say for certain thatv it was blood . There just seemed to be a reddish tinge to the loose stool on the tp. If it was piles wouldn't I have seen it the other 2/3 times that I went after that?
My anxiety is off the scale right now, not sure how I'm going to be able to function today.
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 07:11
If you can't for sure it was blood, I think that's a good indication that it may not have been so you can put it down to the anxious mind. And if you don't keep seeing it, it won't be something to monitor anyway. When doctors talk about blood in poo, they don't mean the odd bit intermittently, they really mean blood that you can see and it keeps happening. So, if it doesn't, it's likely just one of those things that non HAers would just forget about, but for you your mind wants to use it to scare you and the more you react to it, the more the anxiety will stay high.
Roids are funny things, you can have blood on the paper one minute and not the next. It depends if they bleed and it leaves your bum. So, it may not be true to say that blood first would come again after. I'm not sure on that. But certainly if you do have roids, bleeding is something you are very likely to see from time to time.
If you can't for sure it was blood, I think that's a good indication that it may not have been so you can put it down to the anxious mind. And if you don't keep seeing it, it won't be something to monitor anyway. When doctors talk about blood in poo, they don't mean the odd bit intermittently, they really mean blood that you can see and it keeps happening. So, if it doesn't, it's likely just one of those things that non HAers would just forget about, but for you your mind wants to use it to scare you and the more you react to it, the more the anxiety will stay high.
Roids are funny things, you can have blood on the paper one minute and not the next. It depends if they bleed and it leaves your bum. So, it may not be true to say that blood first would come again after. I'm not sure on that. But certainly if you do have roids, bleeding is something you are very likely to see from time to time.
I have had piles in the past but never had bleeding with them. I worry that if it was blood then it might have come from further up than the rectum and because it was diaorreah and it was coming through my system very quickly it might have picked up blood from further up. I feel so scared and I have to deal with my kids, work etc when all I want to do is stay in bed.
---------- Post added at 07:37 ---------- Previous post was at 07:22 ----------
Have just been to the toilet and although it wasn't diaorreah it was quite soft ( so sorry for the tmi) I closely inspected it (sorry again) and I didn't see anything red/pink. Don't know what to think now.
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 07:44
If you had a problem with blood in your poo, it's about the amount, what it looks like, the fact it keeps happening, other symptoms, and other conditions you may already be diagnosed with - they look at all that. Something occasional, and rather subtle, is most likely to be something of a basic nature like roids, fissures, etc.
I only mentioned roids because it's very common in people with toilet troubles. We have a habit of going more, straining a lot, etc. So, roids can often be an easy one to spot and use in the fight to challenge thoughts about blood in that area.
No need to apologise for your checking, you are going to be doing that until you find your way out of this obsessive-compulsive cycle and I'm sure we all accept that.
I don't know about other conditions and blood, but I'm guessing blood from higher up would be more the dark, tarry stuff rather than fresh but hopefully someone with more understanding can come along to help on that.
If you had a problem with blood in your poo, it's about the amount, what it looks like, the fact it keeps happening, other symptoms, and other conditions you may already be diagnosed with - they look at all that. Something occasional, and rather subtle, is most likely to be something of a basic nature like roids, fissures, etc.
I only mentioned roids because it's very common in people with toilet troubles. We have a habit of going more, straining a lot, etc. So, roids can often be an easy one to spot and use in the fight to challenge thoughts about blood in that area.
No need to apologise for your checking, you are going to be doing that until you find your way out of this obsessive-compulsive cycle and I'm sure we all accept that.
I don't know about other conditions and blood, but I'm guessing blood from higher up would be more the dark, tarry stuff rather than fresh but hopefully someone with more understanding can come along to help on that.
Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, I feel so alone in all this. I have developed a phobia of des and medical testing and if I have to have any tests at all I really don't think I will be able to function in any way.
I don't know if I should try to stop the checking still or if I should be more vigilant than ever.
---------- Post added at 07:51 ---------- Previous post was at 07:50 ----------
Drs*
---------- Post added at 07:52 ---------- Previous post was at 07:51 ----------
Drs*
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 08:13
That's ok, it's what we are all here for, to help each other.
I don't think being more vigilant will help as it will only make you check more. Unless there is a need for that, other than make anxiety worse to resolve, it's not worth encouraging your anxiety to look for more things.
Fearing doctors is a common one. When I relapsed I was shaking like a leaf in the car on the way and my chest felt like it was going to explode sitting in the waiting room. But you will do it. It can help to have some support in going when things are so tough. I would imagine your GP will be very open to any anxiety issues given the challenges you have with your son, anyone would struggle with all that extra worry.
Beating obsessive-compulsive cycles is not all about direct action. If it's too hard right now to tackle the checking, try to undermine the overall anxiety levels with more general ways of reducing anxiety like relaxation techniques, visualisation, anything that helps you.
That's ok, it's what we are all here for, to help each other.
I don't think being more vigilant will help as it will only make you check more. Unless there is a need for that, other than make anxiety worse to resolve, it's not worth encouraging your anxiety to look for more things.
Fearing doctors is a common one. When I relapsed I was shaking like a leaf in the car on the way and my chest felt like it was going to explode sitting in the waiting room. But you will do it. It can help to have some support in going when things are so tough. I would imagine your GP will be very open to any anxiety issues given the challenges you have with your son, anyone would struggle with all that extra worry.
Beating obsessive-compulsive cycles is not all about direct action. If it's too hard right now to tackle the checking, try to undermine the overall anxiety levels with more general ways of reducing anxiety like relaxation techniques, visualisation, anything that helps you.
I know you've said you don't have health anxiety, is it general anxiety that you have? I think I've always had anxiety but it has developed into health anxiety since becoming an adult.
It's all the what ifs if I don't keep checking. I try to tell myself that I won't check and it'll be ok, and that if I was really bleeding I would know it. My mind takes over though and starts making me question my logic.
I have to go out today and its going to be so hard, I don't want to leave the house, I feel paralysed with utter fear.
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 08:35
I started off with GAD at about 30. The OCD came full pelt about 5 years later.
I'm very symptom focussed, I just know it's anxiety. If I get symptoms of something that could be something else, I can easily determine that without the fears that HA people have because I remain objective.
My OCD was heavily checking based. Hundreds of times a day, pretty much any object or my own body. A total nightmare and many months doing the same routines every day with what felt like little hope.
That must have been horrendous for you. What treatment did you have? Do you mind me asking how old you are now?
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 08:40
I'm 40 now. Still battling the obsessions but the compulsions that plagued me are gone now and have been for a while. It took me years.
I've only been on 2 meds so far. Citalopram when I had the initial breakdown, which helped, and Duloxetine when I relapsed...which was the start of the OCD :doh: Other than that, Guided Self Help, CBT and then onto joining a local charity & attending their weekly walk-in groups until I came here. Most of everything has ben addressed outside therapy.
Are you still taking meds? I've been on citalopram for 12 years now but I don't think it's working anymore. I never thought that I had ocd tendencies but I obviously do, brought on by the health anxiety.
Have you ever been housebound with your illness? When I'm like this I really hate leaving my house, I feel really shaky and vulnerable if I go out. My 25 year old daughter is having a brain scan today because of persistent headaches, I'm going with her but I'm so scared. My arms are tingling and I feel quite sick at the thought.
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 09:19
Yes, I'm still on the Duloxetine. My GP convinced me it was my anxiety and joining here meant I spoke to people who understood meds and I worked out the med had caused a lot of my issues. I'm loathed to rock the boat on it as my GP isn't very knowledgeable with these meds so I continue working on it before I get that far.
If the Cit has stopped working, it may mean upping the dose or switching to another SSRI to see if that works.
Yes, I had months of agoraphobia both times I started meds. Both have made me much worse initially and I have a lot of avoidance in my anxiety so avoiding going out was just the next stage of it.
Hospitals are scary for a lot of people, people without anxiety tend to be nervous in them. Just take it bit by bit. Take things with you to help, things to read, puzzles, anything you can to keep yourself occupied.
I hope all goes well with your daughter's scan. That must be causing your HA to intensify on top of your son's problems. It's no wonder things are so tough for you.
Maybe the med just isn't enough under this level of stress? Perhaps they can switch you or increase you so that it does help? I know that's scary, people switching have my utmost respect as I know how bad starting meds affects me, but it may be a way to reduce your overall anxiety levels?
I remember that once my GAD reduced, a fair bit of the OCD just went. The rest I felt more able to work on. Initially trying to work on my OCD achieved nothing as I just couldn't face it. Working on the GAD impacted on both, but GAD is my primary disorder.
You sound like you are doing very well in your recovery, it must have been awry for you when you were at your worst.
My gp gave me a prescription for sertraline recently but after reading the side effects I was too scared to take it. I've decided to stick with the citalopram for now as I know that starting a new med can increase anxiety to begin with and I definitely can't handle that.
I have a cancer phobia and have thought I've had many different cancers over the years but the bowel cancer fear is the one that keeps coming back. I have had cbt which really did help but I think I need a refresher.
I am so worried about my daughter's scan although she isn't at all concerned. I need to support her but I'm scared that I'll fall apart.
---------- Post added at 09:34 ---------- Previous post was at 09:34 ----------
Awful*
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 09:44
That's the thing, to her it's just another test, a doctor ruling out something. That's how I view it with not having HA. For me, find a lump and my response is, who cares.
Can you self refer into one of the IAPT providers for CBT? Most allow this (they may all be told to nowadays). There is also the HA CBT workbooks like the one Kathryn posted from CCI a page back.
Yes, I was sitting on the settee all day internal "buzzing" non stop fending off what felt like panic attacks that were forming most of the day. My anxiety never goes to panic attack level, but it stays high up for hours on end. Not washing, any movement felt like it could make the symptoms worse. Even having a bowel movement and the pushing made me feel like I would be breathless, the same with urinating. Basically, too sensitised.
I'm much better than I was. Still plenty to sort out but I'm not a quivering wreck terrified of the phone ringing or the door bell or even walking upstairs at the wrong time or changing my clothes. At the worst eating made me panic (new sensations, feeling more energy from the food, etc) and it took 3 weeks of eating staring at the on button to distract myself.
I didn't think I would get the slightest bit better but I got much better than that. And most of that was done outside of any help other than a quick chat with my GP very few weeks, support from my parents and some basic CBT materials plus the med that was doing harm as well as probably good.
So, when I see someone say they can't get any better, I remember myself saying exactly that. I said it for years, even during recovery as I hit brick walls.
Cit & Sert are no worse than each other. If you got yourself on to Cit, you can switch yourself over to Sert. The side effects are quite similar. And switching can reduce some of the side effects as you will get an overlap effect to prevent you actually feeling a full withdrawal. It's always individual, but it shouldn't be as hard as starting fresh.
What is an IAPT provider? I really want to buy the book that was mentioned, I need to do something, I can't go on like this much longer. I have a 13 and 9 year old and don't want this affecting them. I'm trying to hide it but don't think I'm doing too well.
I know what you mean about moving, I don't want to move, I just want to stay curled up, I feel safer like this. My appetite has been awful and I've lost 16 pounds in the last ten weeks cos I'm scared to eat too much incase it upsets my stomach. I'm scared I think this is reaching crisis point now.
MyNameIsTerry
07-11-16, 10:43
IAPT is Improving Access to Psychological Therapies. They are the people your GP refers you to. But you can usually self refer to them as they do their own assessments anyway.
You can find yours here:
http://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008
They also have their own local websites that tell you what they do. Once you check on there you may have their website listed or if not, just Google their name with your town in the search and they should pop up. They will also be listed on your local NHS trust website and on your local council website.
For me, everything was scary. Any little change. My brother would come over and that was pretty much as bad as any stranger coming or someone doing an assessment on me. It's just high anxiety at that point. It doesn't have to stay that way. It can take time to change but it will change.
Eat little and often as they say. Some foods may be worse than others for you at the moment. I remember when I was at these hard stages, food would have over exaggerated effects on me. I hadn't eaten fruit for ages and I had a slice of apple & rhubarb crumble after tea...and 5 minutes later I had the runs. I remember my mum also saying that can happen anyway if you don't eat fruit, the body does adapt though.
I will have a look at the link and see what I can find.
I really don't want to eat, talk, move,think. I'm having intrusive thoughts that are tormenting me, I don't know how to stop them. I don't want to leave my children without a mum. I can't stop my head from being convinced that I have cancer.
Thank you so much for your input it does help to be able to talk to someone who doesn't think I'm crazy.
You're certainly not crazy, rainbow. Just highly anxious and over-sensitised to every little feeling/symptom. Terry has given you some excellent advice and you need to work on getting your anxiety levels down. You are not in imminent danger although your mind is tricking you into thinking you are. Acknowledge your symptoms but try not to add any emotional importance to them. Easier said than done but you have to start somewhere to ease this high anxiety state.
You're certainly not crazy, rainbow. Just highly anxious and over-sensitised to every little feeling/symptom. Terry has given you some excellent advice and you need to work on getting your anxiety levels down. You are not in imminent danger although your mind is tricking you into thinking you are. Acknowledge your symptoms but try not to add any emotional importance to them. Easier said than done but you have to start somewhere to ease this high anxiety state.
Yes Terry has been very helpful and I really appreciate that.
I want so much to lower my anxiety and I really am trying but the thoughts and compulsions are so strong. I turned 50 this year and it seems that my mind has told me that now I am much more likely to get bowel cancer or any other cancer for that matter.
Part of me wants to run to the dr like I used to do and ask for all manner of tests and the other part of me is terrified to go anywhere near anything or anyone medical.
I had to go to the hospital with my 25 year old daughter today for her head scan, my anxiety was awful, felt dizzy and sick and my pulse was racing.
HarrietVanger
07-11-16, 15:46
Rainbow,
I'm also trying to stop/reduce the amount of times I check my body for symptoms. I study and work, it's making both those things very difficult. It seems you and I have to learn how to tolerate uncertainty. Whenever I start freaking out I sit down and write the evidence for/against my thoughts. My goal is to check only twice a day (after I wake up and before I go to sleep). I'm feeling the urge to check as I'm writing this but I'm telling myself I'll do it later and nothing will change until then. I want to get better really really badly so I'm not going to check just yet, I have no other choice. You do what you gotta do.
Remember to breathe and give it all you got, you can do this.
(I wish I could express myself better but english is not my mother tongue and I should probably be asleep!)
Rainbow,
I'm also trying to stop/reduce the amount of times I check my body for symptoms. I study and work, it's making both those things very difficult. It seems you and I have to learn how to tolerate uncertainty. Whenever I start freaking out I sit down and write the evidence for/against my thoughts. My goal is to check only twice a day (after I wake up and before I go to sleep). I'm feeling the urge to check as I'm writing this but I'm telling myself I'll do it later and nothing will change until then. I want to get better really really badly so I'm not going to check just yet, I have no other choice. You do what you gotta do.
Remember to breathe and give it all you got, you can do this.
(I wish I could express myself better but english is not my mother tongue and I should probably be asleep!)
Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble with checking too. It's so hard is'nt it?
I'm trying to keep my anxiety away from my kids but don't think I'm doing too good and I feel very guilty about that.
You have expressed yourself perfectly, thank you for taking the time to talk to me.
Kathryn313
08-11-16, 00:11
It's not your mind taking over, it's your threat brain being exceptional at what it is there to do, look for threats. It has become a bit hyper and your logical brain is struggling to be heard.x
It's not your mind taking over, it's your threat brain being exceptional at what it is there to do, look for threats. It has become a bit hyper and your logical brain is struggling to be heard.x
That makes sense, but this is a hard battle to win. I've not long woke up and the anxiety has hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't shake this feeling of absolute dread and terror.
Still highly anxious and been to the toilet 4 times now, the last time diaorreah, so panicking even more. I really need to lower the anxiety or this won't stop but don't know what to do. I barely ate yesterday, only 2 slices of pizza last night about 7pm. The first time I went it was formed but soft and its just got looser each time. Does this sound like anxiety causing this. Really think I'm starting to lose the plot ��
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